Reflections of Love – Chapter 7
First Time
A/N: I think I should warn you that this chapter makes mention of violence. It's is not explicit. Something just like season 2 when Burke was shot. I thought I should warn you anyway.
I'm not going home today. Get a hide. He texted her.
Meredith had been in Mrs. Frost surgery the whole afternoon. It was almost 7pm when she finally stepped out the OR and got his message. She was tired and she thought he was probably still mad on her because of Lexie.
She got a cab and went home. He wasn't there and she felt alone. She missed him. She missed sitting on the couch and watching some TV or any tape of her mother' surgeries. She will have dinner alone. She ordered some Domino's pizza because it was his favorite although she preferred Pizza Hut. The jokes of her favorite shows seemed so boring, nothing could make her smirk. The house was too big and she felt lost there. She had lived alone there only a couple of weeks before George and Izzie moved in. Since then there were always people there and she hated to be alone. It was like she was left behind. She has been a friend of loneliness for almost all her life but since she got a family she didn't know how to be alone anymore. She didn't sleep well that night. She rolled on the bed over and over again. He was probably sleeping with someone else, maybe Lexie. He was right it wasn't her business who he sleeps with.
He was in any of the hospital on call rooms. He wasn't in the surgical floors because he didn't want anyone to disturb him. He couldn't sleep thinking about Derek touching her skin in that same moment. Maybe he'd should gone back home. She was probably in Derek's trailer but knowing that was a slight chance to meet them in the house makes him sick.
Early in the next morning she headed to the hospital in her car. She arrived about half hour before she should. It wasn't intentionally but she couldn't sleep and it wasn't bearable to stay there alone. She went to the residents' room and sat in the bench close to the wall. She was lost in her mind when he entered.
"Hey" he said avoiding any eye contact and heading straight to his locker
"Hi" she said
There was an awkward silence between them. None knew what to say, where to start. She wanted to apologize for her behavior in the day before and he wanted to know if she and Shepherd were back together. Neither of them could break the silence and the others residents started to enter the room.
"Are you coming back tonight?" she finally said before they leave
"I don't know. I'll let you know later" he said leaving the room and still avoiding look at her
"Is there any problem with you and Evil Spawn?" Cristina asked behind her
"He slept with Lexie" Meredith said
"This is what he does. This is his thing. Sleep with the hot chicks of the hospital. He probably slept with more nurses and interns than Sloan did" Cristina said
"Maybe" Meredith answered leaving the room also
That night he didn't come back again. He changed his shift with Izzie and he was on call. She was alone in the house again and it was harder than the night before.
The next day in the hospital she met him before everyone arrives.
"How was your shift?" she asked
"Hell" he answered
"Alex" she said unsure
He looked to her waiting her to say something.
"I missed you" she said with her head lowered. She couldn't say it and look to him
He didn't know how to react. He was sure she and Derek were back together.
"It sucks being alone at the house" she completed
She was alone. She wasn't with Shepherd. But why? They kissed. He told he loves her and she was there staring his McDreamy grin. Why was she sleeping alone in the house?
"I thought you were with Shepherd" he confessed
"No. Why? No, I don't see him since that day. I think he was off yesterday. I didn't see him since then and neither his sister" she said
"I didn't want to be in your way" he said
"Are you going home tonight?" she asked raising her head to look at him for the first time completely ignoring his remark about she and Derek
He could see she was sad and it broke his heart. How could he hurry to conclusions? She was probably feeling alone, feeling abandoned by him. I'm a jackass he thought. He looked at her and moved his fingers to her chin "Sure. I told I would take care of you, didn't I?" She nodded and embraced him
"Take it easy Grey. I know you are dying to kiss me again. I will fix your needs tonight" he said teasing her
"Cocky" she said smacking his arm and pushing herself away from him
"I know it is hard to resist to me. You should just give up" he said smirking
"Where is the chief of residency when we need her?" Meredith said "I missed you but two minutes with you already made me change my mind" she said with a smile in her face
He smirked and it was like all angst was drained of his heart.
One week has passed and they were having breakfast together
"I need to go to the bank today" she said
"I'll go with you I need to get some cash"
"I need to deposit the check I've received from my lawyer" she said
"We can go after lunch" he said
"Okay" she said sipping the orange juicy he made to her
Each other got one sandwich to eat in their way to the bank. It wasn't too far from the hospital and both had only to use the cash dispenser. It will be quick, they thought
The bank was considerable empty as it uses to be that time of the month.
Meredith decided to take the opportunity and talk to the manager. Alex was depositing the check for her and getting some cash while she talked to Mr. Abrahams
Alex finished in the cash dispenser and headed to the chairs in front of the manager desk. He didn't want to sit by her side because they were talking about her money. Meredith shook Mr. Abrahams hand and turned to Alex. They were leading to leave the bank when two hooded men entered the banking announcing a robbery.
Meredith immediately embraced Alex that held her close
"Nobody moves" one of the men yelled "If you do exactly what we say you will be safe and sound."
There were about fifteen people in the bank counting the eight employees. One of the thieves placed his gun in the head of Mr. Abrahams and took him. The other man reunited the other fourteen people in the lobby. He also had a gun and threatened to shoot on anyone that tried to make any move.
Ten minutes later the other man was back with some black bags. He threw Mr. Abrahams in the floor with the others, got more empty bags and headed back to the hallway that leaded to the bank safe.
The man that stayed with the hostages got their cell phones but Meredith and Alex completely forgot about the pages hung in their paints under their shirts.
The other man came back from the bank safe and they were organizing the bags to leave when Alex's pager biped.
Alex tried to turn it off but of the man kicked him "What are you doing?"
"I'm just turning it off" said Alex stretching his hand to turn off his pager.
"Alex" Meredith yelled with horror in her eyes
The next seconds were confused. People were yelling and the thieves were running to leave the bank
Meredith crawled until Alex's body lied in the floor.
"Call 911" she yelled as she tried to stop the bleeding in his abdomen
"Oh Alex" she said shedding tears. "It is okay. You will be okay" she said desperately
"Meredith" he whispered
"I'm right here. The ambulance is arriving, you will be okay" she said
"I love you Meredith" he said before loses consciousness.
She took her jacket off and used it to cover the hole the bulled did close to his waist. She moved his head to her lap and the tears rolled from her face to his. She did the best she could to minimize the bleeding and about 5 minutes later the ambulance was there.
They quickly moved Alex to a stretcher. Meredith ran after the paramedics and demanded to go with them in the ambulance.
"We are doctors. We work at SGH. Please take him there" she said.
Less than ten minutes later they were entering SGH's ER and Meredith was walking by his side holding his hand.
"Page Dr Bailey" she ordered one of her own interns "NOWWW!" she yelled
Bailey quickly joined them
"Back off Grey" she said "You did what you could, you controlled his bleeding from now on let us work"
Meredith took her jacket soaked with his blood and looked at his motionless body in the gurney.
She was devastated by the pain. Her whole body trembled as she held the bloody jacket against her chest staining his blood on her blouse. She couldn't be there while they were operating on him. She headed to the gallery. He was helped quickly and hopefully he would make it. None of their friends was assisting Dr Bailey. She picked two 3rd year residents to assist her and there was no intern in the OR.
Izzie was in surgery, Cristina was off and George had been paged. Some minutes later and he and Lexie joined Meredith in the gallery. George and Alex weren't best friends but he was there when George lost his father. They had some fights but they were family.
Lots of things rushed through Meredith's mind and she barely realized Lexie and George presence. She knew her friend, her current best friend, was struggling for his life and though she made silent prayers for him she couldn't take his words of her head. I love you Meredith. I love you Meredith. I love you Meredith. She knows she shouldn't think about it, she knows the most important thing in that moment was his life but she couldn't forget his words. What does it mean? Why he told it? Did he mean it? She desperately wanted to know what he meant almost as much as she wanted him to survive the surgery.
It has been less than one hour since Alex was admitted but it seemed like forever.
Lexie wrapped her arm over her sister shoulder. Meredith looked to her and Lexie nodded to her "He is… strong… he wrestles… he wrestled… he is from Iowa… people from Iowa are strong… I mean… Alex is strong… he is a wrestler. I should shut up" her young sister rambled
"Thanks Lexie." she said to her sister moving her hand over her sister's.
Two hours and a half later Alex was in the room. All his friends were around his gurney when he woke up. Cristina was sat at the chair close to his bed, reading a magazine. Izzie was holding his hand in the other side of the bed. George and Meredith were sat on the chairs across his bed
"How was the view of hell, Evil Spawn?" Cristina asked sarcastically
"I thought I was waking up there when I opened my eyes and saw your face" he said smirking
"How are you feeling?" Izzie asked
"I'm fine. I'm from Iowa. We are hardcore. It takes more than a bullet to knock us down" he said stretching his hand on his abdomen in pain
"He needs to rest. He lost a lot of blood and he needs to rest." Said Bailey
"Welcome back man" told George standing up
"Get some rest" told Izzie caressing his hair
"You will have to make up for my day off Evil Spawn" said Cristina
"I'm all call tonight" said Meredith to the group "I will keep an eye on him" standing up while her friends were leaving the room
"How are you doing?" said her in the feet of his bed
"I will survive. I survived worst things" he smirked
"Do you want some water?" she said walking in the direction of the table close to the window
He nodded and she filled a glass of water and handled it to him with a straw.
"Thanks" he said getting the glass
Meredith kept some distance. She didn't know what to do and she wouldn't address the subject. There was a disturbing silence in his room. Meredith didn't make the first move neither did Alex.
"I think… I should go… interns… they can't be alone…" she rambled
"Okay" he said
"I'll come back later" she said leaving the room
Meredith checked on her patients and gave some instructions to her interns. She couldn't think on anything else but Alex. She was relieved he was doing well. But what if he loves her? She definitely had feelings for him but she wasn't sure which kind of feelings. The two nights she spent alone in her house were painful. She missed him. After the incident in the elevator she missed his caress. She felt safe in his arms and her heart rushed with his touch. Did she have a crush on him? Was she falling for him? What will she say to him if he repeats it? Meredith was confused. She knew for sure she didn't feel anything when Derek kissed her but her body shivered with Alex's kiss. Until today she denied it the best she could. She didn't know how he felt about her and he was Evil Spawn after all, he was probably destitute of feelings. Any woman that fell from him cried in the morning. But now he aid he loves her. Maybe he thought he would die. Maybe it wasn't true. Maybe he loved her as a friend or sister.
She got back from her thoughts when someone called her. She turned away and saw Lexie
"How is he?" she asked
"He is fine. He is gonna make it just fine" Meredith answered
Lexie shyly smiled.
"Why don't you go see him?" she asked
"I don't… I'm not… you were there… you are his friends… I… I… didn't want…" she rambled
"Lexie. You are his friend also. You guys were hanging out together until the other day. He will be happy to see you" Meredith said
"Thank you Meredith"
See Meredith? You are not jealous; you just asked his very good sex to go to his room. You are a pimp she said to herself
Alex was alone in his room thinking about what he said to her. He loved her but he didn't intent to let her know. He didn't regret it but he didn't feel comfortable. He didn't want to bring the subject over again and he knew Meredith will avoid it also especially because she didn't go back to his room for the rest of the afternoon.
She missed him.
He missed her.
But none of them were daring to show their feelings.
"I just checked on him. He is fine" said Izzie approaching the nurse station where Meredith was
"Good" she merely answered
"I'm going home. If anything happens let us know" Izzie said leaving
"Okay"
Time passed and it was almost midnight and she still didn't come back to check on him. She asked the nurse of his floor and she confirmed he was stable and awake.
He didn't ask for her. He was avoiding her as well.
She was paged to check on a patient in his floor and when she was coming back to the on call room she heard a commotion. Two nurses were running to his room. Meredith heart stopped for one moment. She ran towards his room and there were three nurses and an intern around him
"What happened? Why I wasn't paged?" Meredith yelled
"He's BP is up and so his heart beat. It just happened" the intern said
Meredith got in charge and after gives him some medication his BP and HB were stabilized
"You can go. I will take care of him" said Meredith
"Seriously, don't you think you already played enough with my heart today?" she asked him as soon as everybody left his room "You scared me as hell"
"I told you. I'm hardcore"
"You better be otherwise I will kill you" she said
He smirked and both were in silence for some minutes
"Well I guess I can go now, are you feeling okay?"
"Yes"
"Okay. I will ask the nurses to check on you at each 30 minutes" she said writing down some notes on his chart
"Meredith" he called her
She turned to him but he didn't say anything
"What Alex, are you feeling anything?" she asked
"Could you stay?" he asked with sadness in his eyes "Please"
"Sure" she said half smiling
In that moment Meredith realized how selfish she was. He has been shot and she was avoiding him to don't face her feelings. When she needed him he was unconditionally by her side and now she was running away when he needed her the most
"Sorry" she said caressing his hair. The moment he felt her touch he closed his eyes. It could heal everything he might have better than any medicine.
"It hurts" he babbled
"Where?" she asked concerned
"Inside" he simply answered
"Talk to me Alex. Where does it hurt?" she asked holding his hand
"I need you" he told her
"I'm right here. I'm not going anywhere…. Sorry I didn't want… to let you alone. I don't know… what I was thinking... I was selfish. You were a great friend… for me and… when it turned to me… I was absent... I'm so sorry Alex." She said rambling and letting one tear roll down on her cheek
"I'm sorry too" he said
"Why? It wasn't your fault Alex" she said caressing his face
"I shouldn't tell you… that" he said
Meredith knew exactly what he was talking.
"Shh. You were on stress. It is okay Alex. Everything is okay between us." She said although it was a lie
There was silence again between the two residents and after a few minutes Alex finally spoke
"I meant it Meredith" he said looking in her eyes
"What… What… are you… talking… about … Alex?" said Meredith tensed
"I love you" he said sliding his hand on her neck "I'm in love with you" he said pulling her closer to him
Meredith didn't say anything but she bent her body over his and passionately kissed him. He ran his fingers in her hair and moved his other hand to her waist. She had both hands on each side of his face. She didn't know what she felt for him but she knew all she wanted in that moment was to feel the warmth of his lips
First Time is a Lifehouse song
A/N: I think I should warn you about the shot. I know I rated it to M but anyway I tried to do it less violent as I could because I don't like violence either. I hope you guys are enjoying it. I'm such a big fan of MerAlex because they are my favorite characters in the show. It has been very hard for Alex to let her know his feelings. Alex doesn't know how to handle his feelings and Meredith doesn't know hers. This is next in the story :)