"I…never did tell her I loved her," murmured Crane to the cell at large. Ivy was crying silently, clinging onto Tetch and weeping into his uniform. They had also been joined by Two-Face and Edward Nygma, both of whom looked on sadly. They already knew how the story ended.

"The time never seemed right," continued Crane. "And something had changed between us…I didn't know she had fallen in love with him already, but I knew there was something different about her, and so there seemed something different about our relationship. We were still close, of course, but as the years passed she focused more and more on her studies. It just seemed natural at the time, and as much as it hurt me, I was content to wait. Because I thought that the right time would come, and I would be able to tell her all that was in my heart. Anyway, she got her internship at Arkham, and then became Dr. Harleen Quinzel. And one day she just appeared in my office…

…

"Professor Crane?" said a voice.

Crane looked up, and his jaw dropped. It had been some time since he had seen Harley and she had changed so much. She had always been effortlessly beautiful, but this time she had clearly put in some effort, which made her even more beautiful. She wore smart clothes and makeup, which she had never worn before, and she had taken to wearing contact lenses instead of her glasses. But her hair was still put up in a tight bun, and her smile was still the same. It never changed.

"H…Harley?" he stammered.

She beamed and rushed to embrace him. "Hi, Professor, it's been ages!" she cried. "Did ya miss me?"

"Very much," stammered Crane, embracing her in return. "How…are you doing?"

"Just great, Professor!" she exclaimed. "I'm loving my job at Arkham, and it's all thanks to you that I have it! I get to meet the most interesting people, and they're all so very nice! There's a man called Mr. Tetch who's absolutely adorable – he calls himself the Mad Hatter because he got this Alice in Wonderland delusion, but he's so sweet, really. And there's a lady called Pamela Isley, well, Poison Ivy is what she likes to be called because she has this plant thing, and I get to talk to the former DA, you remember Harvey Dent? He calls himself Two-Face now and has the oddest split-personality, but he's such a sweetheart..."

"And have you met the Joker yet?" asked Crane. "I can't imagine he's very sweet."

"I've…seen him," said Harley, slowly. "Joan - that's Dr. Leland, she's head doctor now - she won't let me interview him yet. She's very protective, and you can't blame her – the Joker has murdered his last ten psychiatrists. They probably just didn't understand him, or pressed his buttons, or something…"

"Those are…some buttons," muttered Crane.

"But I'm sure if I keep asking, she'll give in eventually," said Harley, smiling. "I'm optimistic."

"You're always optimistic, Harley – that's one of the things I've missed most about you," murmured Crane.

She smiled. "I've missed you too, Professor Crane," she murmured. Then she clapped her hands in excitement. "Anyway, I just came by to find out if you wanted to see it."

"See…what?" asked Crane, slowly.

"Arkham," she replied. "I can give you the whole tour – backstage and everything. And you can meet Jervis and Pam and Harvey and everyone else, as long as it's ok with Joan, of course, and assuming you wanna see where I work…"

"Oh…yes, I'd be delighted," he replied.

"Great," she said, beaming. "I just wanted to show it to someone who shares my enthusiasm for psychiatry and extreme personalities…well, we'd better get going."

"Now?" asked Crane, surprised.

"Unless you have something better to do," she said, heading for the door.

"Er…no," stammered Crane. "Just some papers to grade, but…they can wait," he said, grabbing his jacket and following her.

"Professor Crane, Dr. Joan Leland," said Harley, introducing them in the lobby of the asylum.

"We've met. How do you do, Professor Crane?" asked Dr. Leland, extending her hand.

"I'm very well, thank you," said Crane, shaking her hand. "How are you, Dr. Leland?"

"I've had three attempted breakouts in the last three weeks, and the Joker's just killed another doctor," retorted Dr. Leland. "I've been better."

"Oh…sorry," stammered Crane as she stormed off.

"She's a little tense – it's nothing personal," murmured Harley as they strolled down the hall. "It's a stressful place to work, but I enjoy the challenge."

"Hi, Harley! Hello, Harley! Afternoon, Harley!" called the inmates as she walked down the corridor.

"Hi, Harvey! Good to see you again, Eddie! How ya doing, Pam?" called Harley back, waving and smiling at all of them.

"You seem…very popular here," said Crane, slowly.

"Oh, I respect them, so they respect me," replied Harley, smiling. "Kindness counts, I've always believed that."

"Well, hello, Doc," said a voice as they stopped in front of a cell. "You're looking remarkably mentally competant today."

"Hello…Mr. Joker," stammered Harley, beaming at the figure standing behind the bars. "Professor Crane, I'd like you to meet…the Joker."

"Charmed, I'm sure," said Crane, gazing at Joker distastefully.

"How ya doing, Professor?" asked Joker, grinning at him. "What brings you to the nuthouse?"

"Professor Crane used to teach me psychology," said Harley.

"Ah, so you're the reason Harley's such a capable little shrink," said Joker, smiling. "Gotta say, I'm sure I'd feel real safe in her hands if only Doc Leland would let her handle me. Harley's so sweet and sensitive – I feel she's the only person in here who can truly understand me."

"I…feel that too, Mr. Joker," murmured Harley, reaching a hand through the bars.

"Harley!" called Dr. Leland suddenly. "I need your notes from your meeting with Isley on the 25th!"

"Oh…they're just in my office, Joan!" called Harley. "Excuse me for a moment, Professor Crane," she said, hurrying off and leaving Crane alone with Joker.

There was an awkward silence for a few minutes. "So…ya like jokes?" asked Joker.

"Not particularly, no," retorted Crane.

"Ok then," said Joker. There was silence again. "Well, that Harley's a hot little tamale, ain't she?" he asked, smiling. "Bet you've been wanting to bang that for a long time, huh?"

"I…beg your pardon?" stammered Crane.

"Hey, I don't blame you!" said Joker, grinning. "I think any red-blooded male would. Unless you're a whoopsie." His face fell. "You ain't a whoopsie, are ya?"

"No, I am not," snapped Crane.

"Just a question, Professor, no need to get offended," retorted Joker. "Nothing wrong with it if you are – I don't discriminate against people based on gender, race, religion, or sexual orientation. There's only one thing that matters to me – sense of humor."

"I'm afraid we probably won't agree on that," retorted Crane. "Considering you find it funny to kill people."

"Don't you?" said Joker, shrugging.

"No," snapped Crane.

"Then you're right," said Joker, smiling. "We ain't gonna agree on sense of humor."

"If you don't mind, I think I'll wait for Harley elsewhere," snapped Crane, turning to leave him. "Good day."

He walked to the other end of the cell block and took a seat by the door. "Your hair wants cutting," said a voice.

Crane looked at the figure in the cell opposite, who had spoken. "I'm…sorry?" he stammered.

"Oh, don't take it personally – I say it to everyone I meet the first time," explained the man in the cell. "It's the Mad Hatter's first line in Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, and I'm the Mad Hatter. You've read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland?"

"Er…yes. A long time ago," said Crane, slowly.

The man smiled. "How marvelous," he said. "I haven't met anyone else who's read it in here." He extended his hand. "Jervis Tetch. How do you do?"

"Professor Jonathan Crane," replied Crane, shaking his hand.

"Very pleased to make your acquaintance," said Tetch. "What are you in here for?"

"Just visiting," explained Crane. "Harleen Quinzel is my student…"

"Oh, Harley's a delightful child," said Tetch, smiling. "And so bright and understanding. She must have been a pleasure teaching."

"Yes, she was," agreed Crane. "Although I take very little credit for how she's turned out – it's entirely her own passion and dedication that's got her here today."

"Sorry about that, Professor Crane," said Harley, re-entering the cell block. "I see you've met Jervis Tetch. How are you today, Jervis?"

"As fit as Father William, if not nearly so old," replied Tetch, smiling.

"I'm glad to hear it," replied Harley, smiling back. "Well, we'll continue the tour of the rest of the asylum, if you'd like, Professor Crane. I can show you my office."

"That would be lovely," said Crane. "It was nice to have met you, Mr. Tetch."

"Jervis, please," replied Tetch. And then he smiled. "Now be off, or I'll push you downstairs."

…

"I didn't say that," interrupted Tetch. "I would never have misquoted Carroll. The line is 'be off, or I'll kick you downstairs.'"

"Thank you, Jervis, I'm not sure it matters in the context of this story," retorted Crane.

"Accuracy always matters, especially when one is reciting poetry," snapped Tetch.

"I'm not reciting poetry – I'm reciting my interactions with Harley before we both went mad," snapped Crane.

"It matters when one is reciting tragedy as well," retorted Tetch.

"Can we just get on the with the story?" demanded Ivy. "I vaguely remember your visit, Johnny – did anything else noteworthy happen during it?"

Crane smiled grimly. "Oh yes," he murmured. "Yes, indeed."