I'm not going to go into detail about her fears now. I'll talk more about them in a later chapter when she becomes a full member. But I'm just going to say that they show a little bit of her backstory.

Thank you all for the reviews/favorites/follows ^^

I was sitting on the stone floor waiting for Eric or whoever there was in the room to open the door and invite me in. I was so nervous about stage two. If I knew what it was I might a feel better, but since no one wanted to tell me I was a nervous wreck. It was hard for me to remember a day when I was so nervous than now.

The physical training was easy. There I knew what to expect and how to pass it. I didn't complain there. Eric was hard on me but I didn't expect any less from him, that was why I choose him. Even when I had to do this unknown stage two and we still had our morning run and as he promised he changed the route making it impossible for me to win once again.

I was starting to think that he was doing in on purpose. He knew very well that I was capable of outrunning him and the only thing that stopped me was the stupid routes. I was familiar with the streets but they had changed a lot and Eric was using it against me.

I felt sore from all of the training and I was glad when he told me that today we won't train me because of stage two. Whatever that meant. I definitely out of practice but I was confident that I would catch-up fast.

The door opened and Eric motion for me to follow him. I stood up and started walking after him. We entered a small room in which there was a chair in the middle and a computer on the side.

"Sit" Eric went past me and sat on the chair in front of the computer and started to type something. The fact that I still didn't know what I was getting myself into was making my heart race even faster. He looked up from the computer and his eyes fell on me. "Sit, don't stand there" he was getting annoyed. I made a few unsure steps to the chair and sat down.

"What is this?" I asked looking at the computer trying to figure something out. But from what I saw it was a program that I wasn't familiar with. Eric didn't say a thing and brought up a syringe with strange orange looking liquid in my line of vision.
I instinctively moved away from him, as far as I was able to go, considering the chair.

"So this is what is going to happen. This contains microchips that when I inject it in you, they will stimulate that part of your brain that causes fear. You will loose continuous and live your fear. In order to beat it, you have to calm down and make your heart rate slow or just face the fear." He explained and I was still backing out on him.

He explained it to me like I knew what he was talking, which I was grateful for. I didn't need to be explained like I was some kind of moron. But this thing was crazy, never in my wildest dreams would I have thought that someone would inject me microchips.

"Wait wait, microchips? Do they decay later on? I don't want them stuck in me forever" he let out a small chuckle

"Yes, they dissolve after the simulation."

"And everyone went through this?" I asked still a little skeptical. He nodded in return.

"I'll be able to see your fear here" he pointed at the computer. The minute he said that I was even in a more panic state. He was going to be able to see my fears and I didn't like that one bit. If someone knows this kind of personal thing he could use it against you. When you don't have trust in the person standing beside you the chances of him using this against you are high. What if he sent them to Jeanine? She was going to use them in order to give her what she wanted. I didn't know what my fears were, but sure as hell I didn't want anyone else knowing.

"You will see my fears?" he nodded still holding the syringe. "Will others see them?" I rose one brow ready to take my chances if he was the only one. He pressed his lips and looked at me straight in the eyes.

"Yes, the other leaders"

"You do know that this is way too personal and you might just see something that I don't want you to see. Never the less a fear that you might use against me" I pointed out. He sighed in frustration and ran his hand through his hair.

"I know, but believe me I've seen a lot of fears there would be nothing I haven't seen before"

"Yes, but this is personal!"

"Every fear is personal, but in order to pass initiation you have to face your fears or you become factionless. Is that what you want? Just because I'll see them you will choose to leave?" He raised his voice and his eyes were cold. I didn't speak but it was enough of an answer for him to proceed.

I made myself comfortable and didn't look away from him. I felt like it was the capsule over again. Only this time it wasn't brown eyes watching me it was silver once. He brushed off the hair on my neck, I felt the stink as well as the liquid in my system.

"Remember you just have to lower your heart rate." I nodded and I felt my eyes heavy, just when I was about to pass out I heard him say "Be brave, Val"

I was in an empty black room, there was only a one single light hanging from the ceiling. I looked around but saw nothing. It was so freaky. Suddenly I heard footsteps behind me as I turned around I was faced with a familiar face. Face that I haven't seen in a long time.

He didn't age a bit and he looked exactly as the last time I saw him. My heart started to beat faster but not out of fear more like happiness. I smiled. His hair was still sandy blond as I remembered it, as I last saw him. His eyes looking even more blue from the light above him. He smiled too with his charming smile, but his smile quickly faded away as his eyes shifted to something in my hands. I looked down shocked that I was actually holding a gun.

My gaze shifted quickly from the gun to him and I saw fear in his eyes. Something I didn't ever want to see.
Suddenly a voice came next to me taunting me.

"Do it! Kill him!" I shook my head and tears started to fill my eyes. This wasn't happening, I was not going to kill him.

"Do it!" I once again shook my head. My hands started to shake and I felt my heart was going to break from the rib cage. He looked so sad and scared. The betrayal in his eyes was so much visible that broke my heart.

"No, I can't"

"Val, do it. You can do it!" even he was taunting me with his sad eyes.

I started to panic "No…no…I can't" there was no way out of this I had to do it. But I didn't want to do it. He was standing before me, the same as I remembered him the last time we said goodbye. I knew he was dead by now. Probably died of old age, probably found someone better and married her, they probably had kids. But here he was standing at the same boy he once was and I couldn't do it.

"Do it!" the voice said it again, this time it sounded more fierce.

Tears were spilling out of my eyes so uncontrollably my vision was blurred. I buried my face with my hands still holding the gun.

"Val, do it!" he was pleading me like he was begging me to end his suffering. But he was fine, he wasn't suffering. I shook my head as I saw him through blurred eyes. Even his eyes were pleading.

I pointed the gun at him with shaking hand, making a decision but I couldn't make myself pull the trigger. More tears fell down my cheeks. Why do I care? He was dead! So many years went by, he was long gone. It didn't matter if I shoot him now. No matter how many times I told myself that he was dead, he was standing right in front of me.

I tried to steady my gun. I never once had a problem with shaking hands when I hold a gun, but this time I was barely holding it. Sobbing uncontrollably I felt like everything was falling apart.

"I can't" I kept telling myself but here I was standing in front of his pleading eyes, pointing a gun at him.

"Do it!" Said the voice once again.

I knew I had to pull the trigger, I knew I had to do it. He was dead. He was dead already it didn't matter. A sob escaped me as I pulled the safety off. He was dead. He was dead. I kept repeating like a mantra.

I tried very hard to stable my shaking arm and aimed with blurry eyes. My finger found the trigger.
"I'm so sorry," I said just before I heard the loud bang.

Eric

I heard her gasp next to me the moment she pulled the trigger. I looked up at her. The moment she understood where she was she quickly hid her face with her hands and her dark red hair fell making a protective wall between me and her.

Her shoulders were shaking and it took me a while to understand that she was actually crying. I didn't know what to do and before I know it I raised my hand and placed it on her shoulder. She flinched slightly at my touch and looked the other way.

Her fear was the most current one. Afraid that you would hurt someone that you care about. It made me want to ask who was the boy that she just killed, but I knew better than asking questions. He looked very young but I didn't dismiss that it might be her previous mentor. She wouldn't tell me something personal. She was always closed off to personal information and right now seeing her crying was something new as well. I guess she was somehow like me, hiding her emotions behind a serious face. Now she was crying her eyes out in front of me it made her look so vulnerable.

I kept quiet even when something in me just wanted to make her feel better. I knew that if I didn't acknowledge the fact that she was showing weakness in front of me it would be better.

Her hair was still in the way of me seeing her face but I could still feel her shoulders shaking. She took her time taking deep breaths and brushing off the tears from her eyes, but she didn't look up at me.

I felt awkward with my hand on her shoulder so I removed it just when she spoke.

"Can I go?" she asked with rasp voice. She quickly cleared her throat and stared at something in front of her, but her curly hair was blocking me. For some reason, I wanted to just reach out and pull her hair away so I could see her face. I knew she was hiding on purpose, she didn't want me to see her weak. And the fact that I just saw her fear it wasn't in my favor too.

I looked at the monitor and back at her. I was somehow worried. I didn't like her results.

"Not yet, do you know how long were you there?" I asked her and she shook her head still not looking at me.

"You were there for six minutes" this time she looked up and I was met with her green eyes that were still kind of glassy. She didn't know what that meant. She didn't know why was I concerned and to be honest I didn't know either. What difference did it make?

"Is that suppose to mean something?" she asked me and I pressed my lips feeling the cold metal ring on the side of my lips.

Instead of answering her I asked her a question that could probably be the answer to the question I had all along "Were you aware in there?" she looked confused but then she nodded
"Yes, why weren't I supposed to be?"

I exhaled sharply and massaged my temple. Of course, she was Divergent. She was born before the war, what was I thinking that she wouldn't be? I looked up at her she was looking at me with confusion in her eyes, desperately wanting an answer. This world was so new to her, she wasn't even aware of how dangerous this gets. If Jeanine knew…she had one more thing that could get her claws into.

My internal struggle was – why I even cared. Why did I care that she was Divergent? I was here just to mentor her, nothing more. Caring was not my kind of thing and sure I wasn't going to start now. But my confidence about it was ruined when I look how scared in this particular moment she was. How vulnerable she was, despite the fact that she always hid her emotions. She was showing them now and I knew how much that cost her. I couldn't even imagine what would it feel like if I put down my walls in front of someone. Not that I didn't do it already while I was with her a couple of times.

"Eric you scare me, please tell me what I did wrong?" she pulled me out of my thoughts.

"You didn't do anything wrong, except for the part of being aware, but that you can't control" I looked once again at the computer showing her results. Six minutes was good, she could pass as long as she kept that up.

"So why is that look on your face? Am I in trouble?" I didn't even know what face I was making but I doubted it was my serious one. Maybe I too just became vulnerable.

"Why did it took you six minutes to complete it, when you knew it wasn't real and you could have just shot him?" I asked her seriously. She looked away from me once again hiding behind her hair.

"I don't want to talk about it!" she said coldly making it known that it wasn't something I want to push, but I didn't care. I wanted answers and she had to give them to me.

"Why didn't you killed him sooner Val!" I pushed the subject slightly raising my voice. She started to nervously tap with her foot. For the short time, I knew her I could read her… very well. Her emotions not so good but the little things she does remind me so much of myself that it made her easy to read.
Right now tapping her foot like that, she was irritated I knew If I pushed her again she would lash out at me. But the thing was that I didn't care how much she argued with me, even when we both were stubborn, I wanted answers.

"Val, answer me" this time with more authority knowing that she can't pass an order. Something I figured out during our training and now wasn't any different.
She huffed and quickly turned her head to me. She was fighting tears and she was trying to hide them, but I could see them clearly – clouding her forest green eyes.

"Because, Eric, It's hard to kill someone who you haven't seen how he died in real life." She yelled at me. Her foot was still tapping nervously. She was glaring daggers at me and I for once had the taste of my medicine. I think that she was the only one, beside me, that could make that kind of look so chilling. She bit the inside of her cheek and continued "It's hard to pull the trigger and see how it was you who killed him! I knew he was dead by now. Hell, he had been dead for a long…long time…but it still sucks standing in front of someone who you cared about and ending their life." As fast as she looked at me she looked the other way.

"Can I go now or are you going to ask me more personal questions? Didn't you see enough?" she spat out. Her temper was making me frustrated. I wanted to know more, but I was sure the minute I asked her she would lash out soon after I would and it would end in an argument that won't lead to anywhere

"Go, but do me a favor and don't tell anyone that you were aware." as if there was some sort of race she quickly rose up from the chair and ran to the door slamming it behind her. I wasn't even sure if she heard me.

I sighed and stood up making my way to Max's office. Some people were right, she was like me. With her temper, the walls that she had built, the comments she makes. I never stood on the other side of conflicts. I was always that person who hid well behind mask, wall and snarky comments that piss of people. Now I was still that guy but my opponent was just the same. Four was right, I didn't see it then but now I did, when I spend more time with her. She was going to become the second Eric and some part of me couldn't be more proud.

I knocked on Max's door and I heard him answer. I opened the door and made my way inside of his office. It was bigger than the rest of the leader's offices, filled with tons of documents. I always thought how the hell he finds the thing he needed. Mine office rarely looked like that and when it did I was always quick to finish my job, so I could at least see where my desk was.

"How did her fear simulation go?" he asked me not even looking up from his file before him. I sat on the chair in front of his desk and put my ankle on my knee. I looked around but I had been so many times here that there was nothing new to see.
"The same as all initiates."

He looked up at me and there was a question lingering on his face. "Something unusual?"

"She was aware, but it took her six minutes so I don't see a problem. If she keeps it up it's just one less thing" he nodded in understanding.

"I was suspecting that she might be. Is it obvious?" he asked holding his pen above the file.

"Not in this one. We'll see how her other fears are."

He didn't ask more questions about it. I knew that if he wanted to see how she did he could read the report about it. It would give him more information that I would.

We fell into a comfortable silence. He started to write again on his file, but when he noticed me still sitting on the chair he glanced up at me.

"Do you know something about her previous mentor?" I asked him. I didn't know why I was so curious, but whoever he was she really fought well. I didn't miss the way she reacted and I definitely hit a sore spot with her as I did today with that boy in her fear. I started to wonder if I was going to see her previous mentor in her fears or if he was the boy. Even when she hides behind seriousness I could still see some strong emotions emerging.

"There is probably more information about him in the books or the children story about her" Max shrugged and his eyes were moving from the papers to me and back "You were from Erudite, don't you remember the story? I know that it's a story only Erudite kids know" No matter how hard I tried I couldn't remember the story. I wasn't even sure if I was even told.

"I wouldn't be asking you if I knew it," I said boringly.

"Well how should I know then?" asked Max kind of jokingly. "I'm sure Jeanine has a lot of books about her, not just the children one but I doubt she would give them and I won't waste my time reading them either." I knew he was right, but for some reason, I wanted to read them. She was a mystery and even if she ravel little bits of her past one in the time it wasn't enough for me. I desperately wanted to know how she worked. What made her this way, why would she hide behind walls and don't talk about her past? I knew she wouldn't tell me so the next best thing was to read the book.

"How her training with you went yesterday?" Max asked breaking me from my thoughts.

"Very well. We spared. I saw where she was lacking so I'm working on bettering it."

"I didn't understand what got Four so scared out of her?" I let out a small laugh.

"He can't handle me what makes you think he can handle her. " I replied wittily. Max let out a laugh and shook his head.

"Remind me to not sit in the same room with you two. I'm not even sure how you two are still alive. I would have guessed you would kill each other by now"

"We are not that alike" I tried to deny it but Max didn't look convinced.

"Because you haven't seen you two from another perspective. She's way too much like you already, now you're training her and I'm afraid that what Four said it will become true" he joked, but I didn't laugh.

To be honest it wasn't that hard training her. She knew what she had to do, she didn't complain when I tell her she needed to do something else, she didn't complain that she was tired even though I could clearly see that she was. Despite the small comments that she makes it was nothing I couldn't handle and I even find myself very amused by her. If there was someone else saying the same things she did I would have probably killed him by now. It all increased my curiosity about her previous mentor more.

"Sometimes she looks like a soldier," I said quietly more to myself than to Max.

"What do you mean?" he narrowed his eyes at me.

"When I order she does it without a second thought. Yesterday I was able to push her really hard so I can see on what level of training she is." I shrugged looking away from him "I don't know it seemed strange that she didn't even complain or question me"

"Didn't we establish the fact that she's nowhere near ordinary initiate. We hear those things from initiates that were not trained before, hell we even hear those complaints from Dauntless born. But we both know that we are lacking in information about her, she wouldn't tell any of us and we are left with picking up the pieces." He surged while his fingers were playing with the pen in his hands. "We all pick up something from our previous mentors and trainers but we are left guessing about him, we don't have facts. To be honest, why do we need them? Apparently whoever he was and however, he taught her it was good for her. "

I agree with him but there was still this nagging feeling that I needed to know more and even I didn't know why was that need for information.

"She picked up a lot from him,"

"And she'll pick up a lot from you too, that's why I wanted you to be the one to train her" he pressed his lips with a slight smile and I took my cue to leave.
I nodded at him and stood up, leaving his office. I didn't know why was that sudden urge to know more. I desperately wanted to see what made her click. What made her act like that. Even people that passed their initiation years ago didn't act so trained as her. My head started to hurt from all of this trying to figure things out with minimum information. I massaged my temple, leaving the previous thoughts behind with one last thought trailing behind it.

I need to find her book.