A/N: Haha, I hoped you all liked my little interruption- I had to keep it interesting after all. Thank you to everyone for all your lovely reviews- the encouragement really is lovely:) I hope you like this chapter although I'm not completely pleased with it. I've had so many reviews, there's a few too many to reply to, so I won't reply to them unless you ask a specific question:) Thanks again for everyone reviewing- please keep doing so. Now, here we go… Love MessOfADreamer
Chapter 7
I jumped out of my skin and Draco jumps about 10 metres away from me. "Just a minute…" I call as I try and calm down. I know I'm completely crimson, I can feel the head radiating from my skin and suddenly I realise that I was holding my breath, which I let out shakily. I look around for Draco hoping he'll have got the door but he seems to have completely disappeared- evidently completely mortified about what nearly happened. Nearly, I remind myself- that means it didn't. Which surely is a good thing as it would have been completely unprofessional. So why am I so… disappointed? I take a deep breath and head towards the portrait door. I open it slowly and see Ron standing there, looking annoyed that I'd kept him waiting for so long and… something else I can't quite put my finger on. I obviously show how surprised I feel as he gives me a half smile before saying,
"I really hope I didn't bother you, I just really want to talk and I know that if I visit your dorm, you can't run away." Annoyance sparks instead me. Run away! He's the one who can't look me in the eye, bloody git. Not to mention the fact that up until a few minutes ago, he wasn't particularly interested in talking anyway, no matter what it was about! I try not to let the annoyance show, as another screaming match won't get us anywhere and I really would like to put the whole painful affair behind me and move on. "What would you like to say Ronald?" I say, trying to sound as calm and neutral as possible however I am painfully aware of how patronising I sound. I always come across as patronising when I talk to Ron. It must be something about him that makes me treat him like a child. I think it must be the fact we grew up together.
"Take a walk with me." He says. That wasn't a request, it was a demand. And even though I'm fully aware of my right to say no, I feel obligated to follow him as he begins to walk down the corridor. I have no idea what he expects to happen or even where we are going and for the first time, I feel completely vulnerable in his presence. It's almost as though I'm afraid of him.
"Please, just hear me out, okay? Because we both know you don't want to be here and we both know you'd rather take the ferret over me. But, I have to know, why him? Why couldn't you shag someone else, anyone else, in order to make me realise what I had and what I've lost. Because, knowing that Malfoy has had his slimy, Slytherin hands all over you just makes me feel terrible. Especially because I know I'm the reason that you're with him. So this is me saying that I'm sorry for everything I did. You can stop with him now- because I want you back. And let's face it; the entire school knows he's only with you because he wants to be the one who took the Gryffindor Princess's virginity."
I stopped walking and stood completely still, mouth open like a frozen goldfish. I didn't know where to start with that speech. Part of me wanted to rip it to shreds and tell him where he can stick his lame-assed, half-hearted apology because I'm not going to go back just because he's clicked his fingers, yet another part, a very small part, wanted to say yes, to stop the conflict between our friends, to be able to sit comfortably with Ginny and Harry, and to squash the feeling over rejection that have been building in my stomach since Draco did a runner. I almost feel as though Ron's right, the Malfoy does only want sex and now he's even having doubts about that. I want to be the one to end this stupid conflict. But I can't. God knows that I don't want to break his heart, because even through everything, he is still my best friend and I will always love him in some sense of the word, but I just can't deal with anything more than friends with him. It's too painful and brings out the worst in both of us. It's not his fault, or mine particularly, we're just not compatible, no matter how many times we make a go of it. I could go back one time or one hundred times and it would still end the complete same way, because we just don't fit.
Tears pool in my eyes. Not just for Ron, but for Draco and what I'll have to face if I ever dare go back to my common room. Except, Ron's looking at me concerned and tries to step forward in order to hug me. I don't want him to. I don't want anyone to touch me because I know they'll never be as reassuring as Draco was the one night I really needed someone. "No. I can't." I choke out with as much dignity as I can muster, then I turn on my heel and try to make it to the common room before the tears start to fall. All my efforts were in vain however because I'm not more than 10 steps away from Ron when I turn down a corridor that leads to a disused Muggle Studies classroom and slide onto the floor and cry. Not huge sobs, just silent tears. Tears that release all the love I've held for Ron, all the hope I held for Draco. Dammit Hermione, what happened to not needing a man? Since when did I become so ridiculous? When the tears have finished falling, I take some deep breaths and it dawns on me than Ron never followed me. I guess he gave up hoping. As I child, I always believed in fairy-tale princesses and how one day, I'd have my own prince who would love and do anything for me. Then, when I met Ron, I felt as though one day, I'd get to be the heroine. Sure, I helped with the war effort, but everyone will only ever remember be as Potter's friend and quite frankly, Weasley's bitch. I feel hollow, empty and as though I've been sitting for hours so I stand up and stretch my legs. I contemplate going back to my common room but I don't think I'm in any fit state to be told that getting close to me was a mistake. Instead I decide to walk to the girl's bathroom. I spent so much of my first term in there; I'm still drawn there whenever I feel upset. I think of the irony. I started Hogwarts, crying in a bathroom because I had no friends and that's exactly how it's going to end. How pathetic is that?
I convince myself, I'll feel better if I have a walk, and take the familiar steps to the second floor loos. As I'm passing a one of Filch's broom cupboards, I hear something rather, well, embarrassing. There's a girls breathing heavily, panting almost. I'm not an idiot and if the noises she's making are anything to go by, she's certainly not alone in there. I know as Head Girl that it's my duty to the school to stop such illicit activities going on, especially as it's after curfew for the main school students. I want to stop them, but then, I really don't want to intrude. People think I'm a prude as it is. I stand outside the door (which is really creepy as I can hear everything) as I try and come up with some sort of a plan. That's when I hear something that breaks down the last of my resolve.
"Ugh, Draco!"
Oh god. My mind makes up a million excuses in order to avoid the fact that Draco is shagging some random girl only an hour after trying to kiss me. And I thought I was special. I want to cry, bang my head against a wall, scream blue murder, as I realise I have successfully fell in love with the wrong person again, and they don't love me back. Again. The emptiness comes back as I repeat my own advice from the train. I'm completely through with men. I take a deep breath before banging my fist on the door then turning and walking back to my dorm. I hear the shriek of embarrassment from whichever delightful young lady decided to keep the young Malfoy's company and Draco's deep voice filled with panic as they scuffle around together. Good. The anger that's built up inside me due to what just happened means that I'm walking at a furious pace with the blood pounding loudly in my ears.
If I'd have kept my wits about me and not stormed off, I might've heard Draco exit and as he did so, say "It didn't work- I can't stop thinking about her."