"Scott?" Alan called through the darkness, stumbling blindly as he searched for any signs of life. However, only his own voice penetrated the never-ending darkness, and Alan felt the cold emptiness of being alone. "Scott?" He called again, his voice cracking with fear and exhaustion. He had no memory of where he was, how he got there, anything. All he knew was that the thought of seeing Scott's face was comforting, and he needed to see it again. Something told him he needed to see Scott.
Alan…Sattler's voice suddenly cut through the darkness, taunting him.
Alan's eyes widened and he let out a quick yell, stumbling backwards in fear. "No…" he muttered. Suddenly, Alan began to remember bits and pieces of what'd happened. He remembered running…then seeing Scott…then…
"Oh God…" Alan whispered. He also remembered the two shots being fired, and Scott falling to the ground with him. "Scott," Alan murmured, horrified, assuming the worst. "No…"
Alan…the voice taunted again. Scott's dead Alan…you killed him…
"No! It can't be true!" Alan screamed, covering his ears, and clenching his eyes shut. "I won't believe you! I won't-!"
But it's true, Alan…you see?
Wearily, Alan opened his eyes and looked upwards. But immediately he wished he hadn't. He could see Scott lying pale and motionless in a casket, his brothers and father standing around him, mourning.
"No…no…NO!" Alan exclaimed, covering his ears and shutting his eyes once more, backing away from the image. "No! Leave me alone!" However, the voice remained.
You killed him Alan…he died because of you!
"Please, stop…" Alan whimpered, his voice barely audible. A few stray tears fell down his face. "Please…not Scott…"
Alan…A new voice called, with a much softer tone. Alan didn't dare look up, fearful that it was just another trick. When he felt a hand touch his shoulder, he flinched. But when he reluctantly glanced upwards, he saw the soft face of his mother looking back at him, and the darkness replaced with a pure, warm light.
"M-Mom?" he whispered, completely startled.
The woman smiled warmly at the name and placed her hand onto his face, brushing away his tears with her thumb. "Hi, Allie."
Alan stared up at her, wide-eyed. Was this another trick? "Mom?" he repeated. "But…how-?"
The woman smiled even more. "Allie, do you remember when you were little, and we had that bad storm, and you wanted to sleep with your father and me?"
Thinking for a moment, Alan found that he faintly did remember that night from so many years ago. "Yeah, you sang to me 'til I fell asleep, and you made sure to keep your arm around me…"
"And do you remember what I told you that night?"
Again, Alan had to think about it for a moment, but remembered. "You said…You said you'd be there for me through the worst storms, no matter what…" Alan felt a wave of sadness at the memory.
"You don't think I'd ever go back on a promise like that, do you?" She said warmly, standing up, then extending a hand to Alan, which he gladly took and stood before her.
And for a moment that's all he could do. His mother, who he mostly remembered from pictures and old stories from his brothers, whom he dearly missed for most of his life, was standing in front of him, the same warm smile he'd seen in every one of her pictures. Finally, he broke down and collapsed into sobs in her arms. To hell with acting like an adult. For once in so many years, he had his mother to hold.
"Shh, it's ok, Alan," she soothed, rubbing circles on his back. "I've got you, it's ok…"
After a few moments, Alan calmed down and backed up, wiping his tears. Looking up at his mother, he suddenly asked, "Mom…Am I…dead?" He swallowed. Did he want to know the answer?
The smile on his mother's face lowered, and she diverted her gaze to the ground. "Well," she said unsurely. "Yes, and no…You see, you're no longer in your body, yet you are still connected. Right now…you're on the border between life and death…"
Alan's eyes widened and, startled, fell back into a sitting position on the ground. "So…what does that mean? How long will I…be like this?"
His mother's eyes rose slightly to meet his, though hers shone with sympathy. "You may choose. It depends on where you want to go. You may either choose to stay on Earth and live on…or you may choose to pass on." Her eyes seemed to droop with sadness as she said the latter choice.
Alan swallowed again. He obviously knew which way he wanted to go, but then a sudden thought stopped him.
"Alan?" Lucy asked, seeing the frown crease on his forehead. "What's wrong?"
Alan stayed quiet for a moment, obviously in deep thought. Then, lowering his eyes, he quietly said, "I can't go back."
Lucy's eyes widened considerably. "What? But Alan-,"
"I can't," he repeated a little more forcefully. "I can't…not after…not after Scott died…"
"What?" Lucy asked, confused. "Honey, Scott's not dead."
It was Alan's turn to be confused. "What? But I saw…I saw his casket, and him lying there…"
"Alan, honey, that wasn't real. Because you're body and mind are at such turmoil, one of your worst fears came out in the middle of the whole thing. None of that was true."
"So…" Alan murmured, trying to let it all sink in, "Scott's not dead? He's ok?" Alan let out a sigh, and felt new tears prick his eyes, though none fell. However, he frowned once more. "But…I still can't go back. I bet they all think I'm nothing but a nuisance, after everything I've caused…"
Lucy frowned as well, though out of pity. "Alan, that is absolutely not true, and you know that. Your brothers and father love you so much. Why do you think they came for you?"
"No, it is true! They probably came because they didn't want to have the publicity and everything smearing International Rescue's name. I bet they'd all just be better off if I went ahead and died." Alan fought back more tears.
"Well, if you don't believe me, let me show you," Lucy said determinedly. "Careful, though," she warned, taking Alan's hand and pulling him up so he stood next to her. "You only have so much time to choose before your body begins to shut down, so we must hurry."
Alan frowned in confusion as he stood next to his mother. "But, what are you-,"
"Just watch," she said somberly, closing her eyes in focus. Suddenly, everything around them changed, and they found themselves in the Tracy family room. Gordon and Virgil sat on the couch while Jeff and John sat across from them in respective chairs. All four men looked worn and tired.
"I never really liked him," Virgil commented sourly. "He was as dumb as a sack of bricks."
Alan looked shocked. Were they talking about him? He looked to his mother who said nothing, but motioned for Alan to keep listening. Reluctantly, he did.
"Me either," Gordon said distractedly. "He was nothing but useless."
Alan cringed as though he'd been slapped across the face. They were talking about him. He turned to leave- to where, he didn't know, just anywhere else- but was stopped by a warm hand on his shoulder.
"Just wait," his mother whispered. He sighed, almost deciding to keep walking. But a gentle squeeze from his mother told him he had to wait and listen. Why he had to was beyond him.
"I know what you mean," Virgil replied to Gordon, oblivious that the youngest Tracy could hear them. "He did nothing but sleep and destroy our stuff."
"Would you two please stop talking about that damn dog?" John snapped suddenly, looking as though he'd finally reached the end of his rope
Alan wasn't sure what to think. Did John just call him a dog?
"What, you actually liked Sparky?" Virgil asked sarcastically, though his voice held no amusement.
That's when Alan finally realized why his mother had asked him to stay- they weren't talking about him, but an old dachshund puppy named Sparky they had when they were all younger. Of course, they'd only kept him about a month, for even Jeff couldn't stand it after a while. More than once someone's shoe or a beloved toy would go missing, only to be found a few hours later- torn to shreds and covered in dog spit. Alan chuckled slightly at the memory, and at the fact that he'd mistaken his brothers' conversation to be about him. He turned serious, however, as he felt the tension growing in the room.
"Of course not, who did?" John said plainly. "But I'm tired of you two babbling about that stupid thing!"
"John!" Jeff said reproachfully, though none of the other three paid him any attention.
"So, what," Gordon snapped, joining in. "You just want us to sit here in silence, doing nothing?"
"No!" John yelled, frustrated. "I don't know, just-,"
"Just what?" Gordon cut him off. "John, I can't just sit here doing nothing! Then I start thinking…" He paused, taking a shaky breath, his voice calming. "I start thinking about Alan. And I just can't, John…it just hurts too bad right now…" Gordon lowered his eyes and clenched his fists. Virgil put a gentle hand on Gordon's shoulder as he shuddered, and John had a sudden look of guilt on his face. Keeping his gaze lowered, Gordon continued, "What if…what if he doesn't..."
"Don't think like that, Gordy," John suddenly said calmly, sighing as he stood and walked over, setting his hand on Gordon's other shoulder. As Gordon looked up at him, John gave a weak smile. "He'll come back. He's like a cat- has more lives than you can count."
Gordon smiled slightly back at John, but lowered his gaze again. "I know, but…what if-,"
"What if I become the queen of Switzerland and have tea with Santa and the Easter bunny," Virgil commented with a hint of amusement. "Gordy, John's right. Don't mourn what hasn't even happened. We have to stay positive if we're going to make it through this."
Gordon was silent for a moment before sighing. "Yeah, I suppose…"
"Well," Virgil offered, "How about I go make us some hot chocolate…that might help." The others nodded and Virgil walked away. John returned to his seat, and the room fell back into a thick silence. The only sound that came was a stricken Jeff's heavy sighs. It was going to take a hell of a lot to get everyone through this, even if Alan did make it.
"Come on," Lucy said quietly to Alan, holding out her hand. At first, Alan wanted to stay and tell them that he was ok, though he knew they wouldn't be able to hear him. Reluctantly, he turned and took his mother's hand. Suddenly, their surroundings changed again, and they ended up in the island infirmary.
Letting go of his mother's hand, Alan stepped forward, not believing his eyes. There, just a few feet in front of him in an infirmary bed, was his own body. "Th-that…" he stuttered, "That's me…" He shuddered at how sickly he looked, his skin pale and taut over his frame. A breathing tube protruded from his mouth, and a heart monitor beeped steadily next to him.
Next to Alan, in another infirmary cot, Scott sat looking just as pale and worn, though he was awake. He sat staring sadly at his youngest brother's form, hoping for some sort of change. Alan was startled at how emaciated and exhausted he looked.
"Scott?" he asked quietly, taking another step forward.
"He can't hear you sweetie," Lucy reminded him sadly, not walking any closer.
"Why does he look so sick?" Alan asked over his shoulder, not taking his eyes off of Scott.
"He was shot in the shoulder the same night you were…And he's been looking over you since he woke up, six days ago. He's hardly eaten or slept at all since. He's been so worried about you…"
Just then, Scott began to sit up, cringing visibly from his injury, and hardly being able to hold himself up from exhaustion. But he kept going and made his way to Alan's bedside, settling into a large chair. Taking a pale hand, he lifted it to Alan's cheek, careful not to touch Alan's breathing tube. As he did so, the Alan with Lucy could feel the gentle touch, and put his hand to where he could feel it.
"Oh God, Alan," Scott murmured, stroking his brother's cheek, then hair. "I'm so sorry…I let you down…I let you get hurt…" Scott quickly ducked his head and wiped his eyes, startling Alan. When was the last time Scott had cried? Alan couldn't even remember.
"Alan," Scott continued, his voice cracking. "Alan, please…you have to come back. We need you so much. Hell, I need you, Alan…You're my baby brother. I…I don't know what I'd do without you here…" He paused to take a shaky breath. "After Mom died, I didn't know if I'd make it…but taking care of you gave me a purpose, a reason for living. And even after you began to grow up, I've always felt like I need to take care of you…but…looking back, I wish I could've been more of a brother than a father to you..." He paused again. "Alan, give me that chance to be your brother, to actually spend time with you…Please, Allie, come back…"
"That's enough," Alan suddenly said quietly, turning to his mother. "I'm ready to go."
Lucy smiled unsurely, though she knew where Alan would probably go. Walking up to him, she embraced him in a warm hug. "Whichever way you choose, Alan, don't forget I'm always with you."
Alan nodded, letting a single tear fall from his eye. "I know…Love you, Mom."
Lucy smiled. "Love you too Allie."
Then, both of them were engulfed in a white light.
Well, Merry Christmas, or Happy Holidays everyone! Hope you liked it, it's the longest chapter I've written in a loooong time! But I also have a couple more chapters for my other stories in progress, so it shouldn't take TOO long...Anywho, show the love, leave reviews. They're always so nice...most of the time. haha jk. Luv ya all!
Megz