Ch. 7
"Jess what are you talking about?"
She forcefully blew her last breath out staring at the wall across from her. She rubbed her hand trying to ease the pain that flowed through it.
"I'm responsible for my best friend's death. If I hadn't been there he would still be alive. My mistake cost him his life."
Mike reached out to hold her, but she shoved him away and turned her back to him.
"Jess let me help or if not me then someone else."
Jess sat gazing at the brick wall that lined the driveway. If he only knew what she did he wouldn't be so eager to help her. She turned around, looking into his eyes she replied, "Michael, let it go. I'm beyond any help. Just let me go."
She stood up and left leaving Mike in a state of shock. He replayed her last words in his mind. 'I'm beyond any help. Let me go." Fear and panic began to set in his mind. He realized the gravity of her situation.
E!
Jess quickly entered the locker room to retrieve her duffel and found John getting ready to head home. She rolled her eyes. He was one of the last people she wanted to talk too. His concern for her was almost as bad as Mike's. He buttoned his shirt up over a stark white t-shirt. He gave a famous Gage grin hoping it would brighten her somber mood.
"Hey Jesse! Look I'm sorry about that whole paramedic thing. I didn't mean to upset you. I just thought it was cool that you are one. We now have something in common that we can talk about. I was kind of hoping you could help me study. I heard the test is a bitch."
Jess roughly threw her toiletries and medication in her bag. Slinging the bag over her shoulder she closed her locker. She tried hard to cover up that she was upset he'd even brought the subject up.
"It's ok Gage. You just reminded me of an old friend. I'll see what I can do about helping you study. I have some books that may help."
John smiled as he closed his locker. He leaned his back against the set of lockers.
"Far out! Thanks Jess!"
She started out the door before turning around to address him.
"No problem John, just give me a few days to gather some study materials. I have to unpack them."
She left the locker room and ran to her truck. She wanted to go home, be away from Mike, away from everyone, to just be alone in her apartment. Mike watched her leave and worry flooded him as her last words rang loud and clear. 'I'm beyond any help.'
No! She can't be! Not Jesse!
He quickly made his way back inside where Captain Stanley was waiting for him. He gave his engineer a troubled look as he held up a file folder.
"Hey pal what happened? Jesse just left out of here like a bat out of hell. I wanted to ask her something about her personnel file."
Mike gave his captain a panicked look. He was in a hurry and didn't want to answer his captain, but he knew he had to. He worried that every minute he wasted here was one fewer minute he had to stop her from doing something permanent.
"I just may have caused her to shut down completely."
"Oh?" Cap replied with his eyebrows knit tightly.
"I got her to open up a little last night and a little more just now. Something's wrong, she's really struggling Cap. She needs help, but won't admit it. I suggested she gets some and she exploded on me." Mike replied. His words were hurried and panicked.
"Mike, do I need to contact headquarters to get a chaplain or someone out here? Do you think she is a threat to herself, is it that bad?"
Mike placed his hands on his hips and hung his head; he did feel she was a threat. He didn't want to divulge that information to his captain, not yet.
"No, I don't think so. Please just give me a little more time before we call anyone. I may be able to reach her. Can I have her address?"
Cap nodded and retrieved the address from her file. He handed the information to Mike. He hoped that Jesse trusted Mike enough to let him help.
"Good luck pal. Call me at home if you need anything."
Worried he watched as Mike ran to his truck. Jess was in crisis. Cap prayed Mike would be able to reach her before it was too late.
E!
Upon arriving at home Jesse roughly threw her duffel on the floor and headed for the bathroom. She wanted more than anything to take a hot shower. She let her emotions come forth as she stood under the water. She just couldn't contain them any longer. She wept loudly as her tears mixed with the water and flowed down the drain. Jesse beat her fist repeatedly against the wall and debated on whether to stay at 51's or to run again.
How can he trust me after I told him what I did? How can anyone trust me?
She leaned with her back against the wall letting the water run on her head and down her body. Sinking to the floor of the tub she stayed with her head on her knees till the water ran cold.
E!
Mike pulled into the parking lot of Jesse's apartment complex. He stared in surprise at what he saw. Saying the complex is run down is an understatement. Trash littered the parking lot; the buildings looked as though they needed condemning and people loitered across the parking lot and stairways.
They are high, probably tripping acid or smoking weed. Cap must have written the address down wrong. There's no way Jess lives here.
Mike leaned forward in his seat and scanned the parking lot. He let his last breath out slowly as he saw her navy blue Chevrolet parked backwards against the tall privacy fence. He backed his truck next the truck he believed to be hers. He got out, locked his door, and looked over the Chevy in front of him. On the seat lay a navy blue fire department issued jacket. J. Johnson, Firefighter showed on the bright silver name tag attached to it. One the floor board he noticed an empty prescription bottle. Mike's pulse quickened as he tried to open the driver's door. Frustration filled him when he realized it was locked.
Well here's her truck. Guess I do have the right place.
A voiced yelled down to him from the upstairs railing. "Hey Man! That's Jesse's truck! You better be a friend of hers!"
He made his way up the narrow metal stairway to apartment. He was stopped at the top of the stairs by a long haired man wearing a bright tie dye shirt and cut off shorts. He was obviously high on something. He pointed at Mike's department shirt.
"Hey man, you're not a cop are you?" he asked slowly.
Mike shook his head. He almost felt sorry for the middle-aged man standing in front of him.
Holding out a joint the man asked, "That's great man! Welcome to Shady Grove. Can I interest you in a hit?"
Mike shook his head in disbelief.
"No, I'm good."
The man nodded then shouted," Hey everyone all clear this dude's not a cop. He's some other kind of dude who wears a badge!"
Shaking his head sadly Mike knocked on the well-worn door. The edge near the door knob looked as if it'd been pried against many times. He was surprised that it even stayed shut.
Really Jess? Of all the apartment complexes in LA County you picked this one?
There wasn't any response so he knocked again. His heart raced as he knocked harder and more frantically.
"Jesse! Jesse, its Mike Stoker. Please open the door!"
Hearing the door to his left open he turned toward it. An elderly woman stuck her head out.
"Young man what on earth are you doing making all that racket?"
He turned to face her ashamed he had disturbed her.
"Ma'am I'm sorry to disturb you, but I'm checking on Jesse. Have you seen her?"
The woman opened her door wider and stepped out on her cane. She adjusted her glasses as she moved closer to him slowly. Her kind and wrinkled face looked up at him. She liked Jesse and worried this man came to cause her trouble.
"Are you a friend of hers?"
"Yes ma'am. I work with her at the fire station."
Seeing his badge caused her to relax. He was telling the truth.
"Well I'm glad to see that she has someone to check up on her. I worry about that child. She seems so alone and sad. She carries so much weight. Oh! Sorry dear, I haven't introduced myself. I'm Mrs. Dunlap."
"I'm pleased to meet you Mrs. Dunlap. I'm Michael Stoker." He said as he gently took her hand.
"Michael. That's a lovely name for such a handsome fellow. Jesse got home not too long ago. The sweet dear always brings my mail up. She normally stays for a cup of coffee, but today she said she wasn't feeling well and went straight home. I'd better get back inside I have a pie in the oven. If you need anything just knock on the door."
"Thank you ma'am."
Mike beat on the door again with no response. Uneasiness flooded him as her last words came to mind. 'I'm beyond any help. Just let me go.'
NO! She couldn't have. Did I miss the signs? Why did I wait so long to try to help? Am I too late? I didn't stay at the station long.
He pounded harder on the door as fear and panic set in. He was afraid he'd waited too late to accelerate his efforts to save her. His eyes misted as he thought about her. He hoped she was ok.
"Jesse, please for the love of God open the door!"