(A/N: Don't hesitate to correct me if I get something wrong in this chapter, or anywhere- I want to be accurate and realistic.)
Prentiss scanned Dr. Lake's small but comfortable office, holding a few chairs, a couch, and a squashy office chair. On a coffee table sat a box of tissues. Right. Like I'm going to cry here, she thought. She wouldn't let that happen.
"Have a seat if you like," Dr. Lake said, half expecting Prentiss to bolt out the door and not come back; she looked that nervous. But there was also something like determination in her eyes; she looked like someone facing the prospect of a surgery that, though necessary, would be done without anesthetic.
The dark-haired girl avoided the couch; she wasn't going to lie down and pour her heart out. Instead, she took a chair by the window; looking through the blinds, she could see Hotchner, now joined by Reid, through the window of the nearby coffee shop. Remember your friends, she ordered herself. They're so worried- if nothing else, do this for them.
"Emily, why do you think you came to talk to me today?" The doctor had sat down across from Prentiss, who felt suddenly trapped. She bit her lip, already well-chewed, and struggled to keep her hands still in her lap. How was this supposed to help? All it was doing right now was scaring her.
Prentiss looked down, addressing her shoes, the turquoise Converse Morgan had given her for her last birthday. They reminded her of her friends and gave her a quick stab of courage. "Because of my friends, really. I've been self-harming, and they found out and gave me the push I needed to get help."
"And did you want to come here? Or did they make you?"
Prentiss smiled a little, thinking of how Garcia had badgered her way into getting her this appointment; normally, the wait to get some help was about two weeks. "Some of both, I guess. I mean, I know I can't keep doing…this forever, and they convinced me that if I want to change anything, I need help."
A pause. "What do you want to change?" Dr. Lake asked.
"I don't know- I'm just tired of feeling so bad all the time."
"I'll give you some questions in a bit, to try and gauge if you're depressed or anxious, and if so, how much. But right now, let's talk about your life. What could be contributing to how you're feeling now?"
"My mother, mostly," Prentiss snorted. "It's like this- she always demands perfection. Ever since I started school, kindergarten even, she'd scream at and punish me if I ever got a B. When I'm home, she criticizes my every move, and she would call me a lot, complaining about every little aspect of my grades, my behavior, even when I was away at college here. I'm never, ever good enough for her." She paused, bit her tongue to keep back tears that were threatening to form. "And last Sunday night, she found out I'm bisexual, so she called and said "don't come back home. I don't know where to go from there. But at least the other people in my dorm have started leaving me alone about it. They used to bully me really badly; gossiping, treating me like a leper, even hurting me. Until my friends Aaron and Derek- they're huge- came up to my roommate last week and threatened to rearrange some faces if she, she's the one who started it all, and everyone else, didn't leave me alone. Now I'm just ignored."
Prentiss talked a little more, answered the questionnaires, and was beginning to feel less nervous, when the hard questions started. Having to talk about, to answer for things like how often, where on her she self-harmed, and what would set her off, what she'd use, was so hard. She started to feel that awful feeling like she was naked all over again, and having to talk about it only made her want to do it more. Finally, she suddenly found herself doing what she had sworn not to do- cry.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't be crying," Prentiss sniffled. "It's just so difficult to actually talk about this…self-harm. It feels like you've cut my chest open and you're looking at my heart, probing everywhere! This is so personal, so private…" she trailed off, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand and streaking mascara all over it.
"I'm only asking these things to assess risk. I'm not out to upset you. Okay? It is hard to talk about though, and I know that. But everything you say here is totally confidential. So if you're going to crack your heart open, this is the place," Dr. Lake said evenly, pushing the box of tissues across the table so it would be closer to Prentiss.
Twenty minutes later, Hotchner picked his friend up, studying her carefully to make sure she was all right. Prentiss had been crying, that was for sure- despite the situation, he and Reid had to fight down a laugh at the comical way her mascara had streamed down her face. "I'm dropping off Reid first, he took the bus down here to meet me. You can sit in the front," Hotchner offered. Prentiss got in automatically, and as they drove, struggled to fix her face to erase the evidence of tears.
She didn't seem in the mood to talk, but Reid still asked, "How did it go? Are you going back again?"
Prentiss shrugged. "It was okay. You'd think a boy genius would know that meetings like that are confidential," she tried to tease. "But I am going back, same time next Friday."
"The first big snowstorm of the year is supposed to start then. We'll make sure one of our friends drives you there and picks you up again," Reid said.
"Thank you," Prentiss said quietly. "And thanks for driving me today, Hotch."
Hotchner glanced over at her. "No problem. And now that we have the serious questions out of the way, are we allowed to laugh at the fact that you look like a raccoon because your eye makeup ended up on your face instead? I'm sorry, but you have to admit you do look funny."
Prentiss was annoyed for a split second, then really looked at herself in the tiny mirror. "You know, it's okay. I totally do." Although it was something stupid, they all started laughing; she hadn't laughed or even really smiled in ages. It felt good.
Meanwhile, JJ paced around her tiny room, waiting for Prentiss to get back. Her friend wouldn't know it, but she liked her, and wanted her to feel beautiful, to like herself again. So while Prentiss was gone, JJ had left and snuck back with a single long-stemmed white rose with the tips of its petals a deep red, and a bar of Prentiss's favorite chocolate. She'd then carefully written, "you're beautiful, feel better soon" on a little card, disguising her handwriting, and left the whole thing just outside Prentiss's door.
Not ten minutes later, the dark-haired girl knocked on JJ's door holding the gifts. "Thank you, JJ."
"I don't know what you're talking about," the blond lied. "You must have a secret admirer." They playfully argued a little bit, until JJ admitted that yes, it was her after all.
"You know I love you, right?" JJ then said seriously. "That's why I sent that stuff. Why I've always been there for you."
"I know," Prentiss replied. A rare smile crossed her face.
"Can I tell you something?" the blond said nervously.
"Sure, you've put up with me enough lately. Tell me anything."
JJ shifted her weight around on the bed they were both sitting on, and nervously played with a lock of her hair. "I mean, I know since you're bi it won't be a big deal to you, but I'm still nervous…Emily, I'm a lesbian."
"It's okay," Prentiss assured her. "I don't care. And if anyone gives you crap, I'll do my best to protect you, just like you did for me. You be who you are, and be proud, okay?" She hugged her friend.
"I knew you wouldn't have a problem with that. But there's something else I want to say- I haven't said anything for so long, and however you react, I hope what I'm going to tell you doesn't change our friendship."
"It won't, I swear. I'd never want to lose you as a friend, no matter what!" Prentiss said firmly. "Just spit it out. Are you into S & M? Have you slept with every girl on your floor? None of that will change how I see you."
"Actually, this just might," JJ said softly. "It's nothing like that, it's…Emily, I love you."
Prentiss sat in shock for a few seconds; they felt like hours to JJ. Finally, she said "You do? Really?"
"I've had a crush on you ever since we first met," JJ admitted. "I know now isn't the best time to be telling you this, and you probably don't want a relationship now- hell, I'm deluding myself to think that you might want me as more than a friend- but I felt like if I didn't say something right now, today, my head would explode. We can still be friends, just like always, I-"
"Wait." Prentiss cut her off. "I-I like you, at least. I've noticed you, had feelings for you, since spring semester sophomore year. We could…could, if you wanted…it just can't wreck our friendship." She took JJ's hand. "Actually, thanks for this. After I went and got my head shrunk today, I really feel on edge and want to cut. In the face of that, and my mom practically disowning me, it's the best thing ever to know that someone loves me. You do." For some reason, she started crying all over again. Odd, because she normally never did.
"I'll hold you until you feel better," JJ offered. Prentiss folded her long body into her friend's arms, and they lay down together until she finally stopped crying. And though she hadn't imagined her first kiss with a girl to happen with her eyes all red and the last tears still tracking down her cheeks, that's how it happened. One really couldn't say who had kissed who; it was more that they both slowly, hesitantly moved towards each other until they made contact. It was salty- some tears had gotten into Prentiss's mouth- but at the same time, sweet, and not at all sloppy.
That night, Prentiss didn't think about hurting herself for the longest stretch of time since she was a college freshman- four or five hours. She drifted off to sleep easily for once, rather than lying awake with nothing but the feelings to keep her company.
(A/N: Realistic? Accurate? What do you think of Prentiss and JJ as a couple?)HHHHg HHou YOTYOuYhtYOuYOYyoYosjzk