Doc Martin belongs to Buffalo Pictures. This is a work of fiction and is for entertainment only. No copyright infringement is intended.

For those who have reviewed - thank you! More please :)

Chapter 7

Martin felt somewhat ashamed for this outburst but it did not seem that he was able to hold it back. All of the scenes he had been reliving went through his mind in an absolute blur. Aunt Ruth's words came into his mind as if she were right beside him. "You must change Martin," she had said. "If you're not willing to do that, then leave the poor girl alone." "...leave the poor girl alone." Could he change? Where would he start? He had tried to change already and it hadn't been enough. Never enough.

"Martin," Louisa finally spoke. "Martin,..." Louisa could not think what to do. She had never seen Martin like this. He seemed broken somehow. She wondered what she should say. A part of her wanted to reach out and draw him toward her, but she was so emotionally worn down from being with him she just couldn't bring herself to do it. Should she ask him to get a taxi for them and then he could get his car tomorrow? She felt the need to help him in some way but had no idea how. Perhaps something else had happened while she had been here in Truro?

"Martin," she began again, "has something happened while I have been in hospital? Is James really okay? Is there something you need to tell me?"

In answer she heard more crying, sometimes with a few whispered words which she could not figure out. She was beginning to get fearful when he finally lifted his head, and with tears streaming down his face he said quietly, "James is fine Louisa." Here he pulled out his ever-present handkerchief to wipe his eyes. "And yes, there is something I need to tell you. A lot I need to tell you, in fact, but I don't know where to start and I don't know where it will end. But I think I will be fine to drive now," he said. "I apologize if I frightened you." He sat still for a moment and then began to back out of the car park carefully and exited.

As they began to travel the road back to Portwenn, Louisa decided that she should bring up her plans. "Martin, I know that you said I wouldn't be flying anywhere for a while, and the doctor and nurse went over all of the release instructions before you arrived this morning and they concurred. Obviously it is not a good idea for me to be alone with James and so I am planning to call my mother and ask her to come and get me, and then she, James and I can go to Spain by the ferry and train. I don't particularly look forward to that ferry and then a long train trip through France, but I think it is the best way. I have to have a break Martin."

"Well, Louisa that is certainly one solution, I suppose, and I will, of course, support you in that if it is what you think best. I had thought of another possible solution that might be a bit easier for you and for James Henry."

"Oh, and what is that then?" Louisa asked quietly.

"I have asked Chris to have a locum for two weeks. I've had no time off to speak of since I came here and he was glad to do it. The locum will be here on Monday I hope and until then, Morwenna has rescheduled my appointments. I would like to offer you our room at the surgery. James and I can stay in his room and I will take care of you for a week or so until you are comfortable on your own. Then I will move out to the farm for a while to give you the break that you need. This way you and James can stay in familiar surroundings but I will promise to stay out of your way. Of course, if you would rather, we can hire a nurse to stay with you and I can go ahead out to the farm as soon as he or she arrives."

Louisa sat quietly. "I don't know Martin. I know that you mean well, but I have to have a break. We discussed this. After your performance at the sports day, I had to face the facts. I can't live like we have been living Martin. Neither of us is happy. I can't quite figure out why but I am hoping that if I have some time on my own I can. Figure it out I mean."

"Louisa I realize that my actions at sports day were appalling and the guilt I feel over your accident is...well, it will never leave me but..." Martin said.

Louisa interrupted, "Martin, the accident was my own fault. How many times have I told children to always, always look before crossing a street? And I have realized that my level of anger was heightened that day because things had been building up between us. It doesn't excuse what you have done but we are both to blame for this mess in our lives. But I alone am to blame for running out in front of that car."

"Mm," Martin said.

"You know Martin," Louisa said with a touch of exasperation, "what does that damn 'mm' mean?"

Martin sat still and concentrated on his driving. At last he spoke, "Louisa, that 'mm' means different things at different times I guess. That last one meant that I still feel that I share more blame for your accident than you are willing to see."

Louisa sat still and felt, once more, at a complete loss. There was nowhere to go with this man. Why was it that she felt so much love for him but could not seem to communicate even the smallest idea with him? Well, she couldn't answer those questions right now but she could make plans for the next few weeks of her life. "Martin, it is very sweet of you to want to take care of me and to try to let James stay in familiar surroundings, but I don't think it will work. I need to think and I can't do it with you around me right now. And I am sorry for that but it's just the way it is."

"Fine. I beg you, though, to stay in Portwenn for the next week at least. I will move out to the farm tonight. I am sure Ruth will come and stay with you if we can't get a nurse by the end of the day. The trip to Spain will be very hard on you Louisa and, even though I have confidence in my surgical skills, things can still happen and I will feel better if you are at least within a reasonable distance from a hospital. If you were to start to bleed on that ferry..." Martin trailed off.

"Okay Martin you win. I can see that it might not be so smart for me to be on a ferry within a few days of a brain operation. I had mentioned it to my mother but I will tell her that I want to wait a week. That will probably be better for her anyway. But I do want a nurse with me Martin, not you. I'm sorry, but not you," Louisa finished.

"Fine. Let me telephone Morwenna now and she can begin to see to it," he answered. He placed the call, explained what was needed to Morwenna, and then sat silently for the rest of the drive, his mind a blank; a blessing from being too tired to think, he supposed.