~Captain~

~Chapter 7~

Hello! Here's another chapter! For your amusement I'm going to let you in on what goes one while I'm writing.

First of all, I live with 4 guys because i had serious roommate troubles and moved out. So I'm staying with my... not my boyfriend (fuck buddy) and his roommates. He's alternating between homework, studying for a test, and playing Mass Effect 2 before the third game comes out. He and I are smoking way too much hooka. His best friend who doesn't live here is playing on the other tv (because having one retardedly large tv in the living room isn't enough) and even better, he'd playing the SAME GAME. One of my guy's actual roommates is watching rescue me and talking about "mmmm titties. Oh! Do you know (insert sorority girl's name here)? She's smokin' hot. You should set me up with (enter my sorority sister's name). She's so hot." While all of this goes on around me I'm writing this, teaching another guy how to cook asparagus and repacking the hooka.

This is a typical night in my life.

In his mind everything was okay. He and Roxas were eight again, living at home with their mother and father before everything happened. Fresh cookies were in the oven, waiting for them to be done playing outside. He'd climbed up a tree because he had to make sure it was the right tree for he and Roxas to build a tree fort in and Roxas was too afraid of heights. Sora hadn't realized until he was up in the tree that he was also afraid of heights or at least of falling.

From the ground Roxas shouted encouragements up at him. Biting the inside of his cheek to cover up the quivering of his lip he smiled down at Roxas. "I'll be okay!" And if he could just figure out how to get down the same way he got up he would be.

But of course Roxas didn't believe him. Roxas was always looking out for Sora even if Sora was older by a few minutes. Running inside to get their mom Roxas hurried back. "She's coming Sora!"

"Sora!" his mom called. He looked up to see he come out of the house but she wasn't right. He could hear her voice so clearly but he could see her face. All he saw was her brown hair and her rushing towards him. "Sora!"

But he didn't want to get out of the tree. It was safe. He could stay up here for years, build the fort around himself. It's be his new home. When it was built Roxas could come up and stay with him. Their mom could too. But his father could keep the house. He could keep it all to himself. And the cars. And the cottage. He could keep everything. Sora just wanted Roxas and his mom. They'd be all the family he needed.

"Sora!"

Waking from his dream made reality worse. He had to find Roxas. Why he was sleeping and wasting made him stupid. Roxas needed him and he only had a little bit of time before Riku figured out his plan. He felt bad, but Riku really should've known better than to believe Sora wouldn't go looking. But his limbs felt heavy and his eyelids heavier.

His eyes opened before he could get his body to move. For a second he was afraid the light in his ceiling had blinded him. Everything was so bright! It made his head throb. Or was his head already throbbing and the light made it worse? Normally his tan walls did a better job of absorbing some of the light. But this was ridiculous. Squinting up to get his eyes adjusted he began to realize he wasn't even in his room. He tried to sit up but he body rejected his movement.

"Sora! Don't sit up!" It wasn't his mother's voice so at least he wasn't dreaming. But what was Kairi doing in his room or wherever he was?

He tried to say something but nothing came out of his throat. It was so dry he might as well have been stranded in the desert without a drop of water for weeks. Kairi must've released his struggle. A trickle of water passed through his lips. Not all made its way into his mouth. Cool drops ran down the side of his cheek. Too soon she stopped giving him water. He needed more. Wanted more. He also wanted food if his now rumbling stomach was telling the truth.

"W—why…are you… here?" Talking hurt. Even with the water he felt dehydrated. "What… happened?" He could open his eyes all the way now. He definitely wasn't in his room. Everything was white or at least pale. A pale blue curtain around his bed with white plastic railings on the side. A steady beep made him glance at a giant monitor. Hospital. But how did he get here? And when?

"Oh! I promised I'd call Riku when you woke up!" Kairi exclaimed. She was dressed in a simple summer dress. Destiny Island had been warm but never had he seen her wear a dress there. "Stay here, okay? And don't fall asleep again." Her words were lighthearted but Sora could hear worry beneath them. Again he wondered what had happened. He'd gone to sleep in his bed and woken up here.

The second she was out of sight, heels clicking against the linoleum, Sora forced his body to cooperate. Sitting up winded him. Tubes in his arms made him feel queasy. He didn't like needles. Shots at the doctor had made him cry as a kid. Now seeing them poke out of his arms was disgusting. Lifting the hospital gown away from his body to look for signs of what happened he only found scratches. Had he been mauled by a cat? He hoped if that was the case it was at least a lion or something. Being beaten in a fight by Riku was one thing; losing to a kitten was embarrassing.

But his legs felt like he'd run a marathon and even his ass hurt. His chest was tight. Breathing was a challenge in and of itself. From its spot in his chest his heart continued to beat steadily, making his head throb in time.

He could hear the clicking of heels again. Shortly after Kairi reappeared. "Good! You're still up!"

"Water?" he asked feebly. She grabbed a glass still half full and raised it to his lips. Taking it from her he felt his hand tremble. Still, he didn't want her to be burdened with taking care of him. He was sixteen! Almost seventeen actually. His birthday was in the beginning of September. "What happened?"

"Doctor said you might have PTA. Post traumatic amnesia. You've been in a coma for a few days. Don't worry though," she hurried to exclaim at his shocked face. "You shouldn't have any permanent damage. Functionality of your limbs might be iffy for a bit and talking might be a challenge but you'll be okay!" Reaching out she took the glass from him. "We were all really worried, you know. Riku had to stop spending every minute here after two days. He couldn't stand watching your eyes open and thinking you were okay before you drifted off again. It was really scary, Sora. You can't do that to us again, got it?"

Sora just nodded. He didn't even know what it was he did to get himself like this. But he could figure that out in a bit. There were other things he needed to know first. "Where am… I?"

"Riku brought you back to Radiant Garden." Sora's heart dropped. He was in so much trouble. "You're actually in the castle's medical wing." Kairi suddenly let out a small laugh. "I should actually thank you. I'm still really upset you did this but because of you I've been granted full access to the castle. Before Riku still wouldn't let me come here. Me being here makes his family think we're more serious than we are, you know?"

She said it all with a smile and a laugh but she seemed so sad underneath it all. Reaching out he touched her hand. He wanted to say something comforting but nothing came to him. He felt like a coward for it, but he was glad talking was hard for him. "Don't worry about Riku," she said with a smile. "I'm sure he's going to want to yell but he really was worried about you. I don't think he'd ever been so worried actually. And he won't want to let you out of this room for a while but I'll convince him to let you go shopping with me. The weather here is really nice. And you have to see this place! It's really beautiful. Oh! And they have the best food here. There's ice cream and fresh fish. I know you like fish. I'll see if I can get you some when Riku gets here. And when you're up we've got to go into town. There's so much going on!"

Sora just let her continue to ramble. She was trying so hard to keep him from asking any questions she probably couldn't answer. And even if he wasn't really interested in the plays and movies going on in town he could see it made her happy to just talk about it. The only thing he didn't understand from her rambling was why she was talking about doing it with him. Riku was her boyfriend, or he might as well be. Shouldn't he be doing all of those things with her?

Kairi was beginning to repeat herself when Riku finally came to see Sora. His hair was messier than it normally was and his eyes showed just how frayed he was feeling. "Thanks for calling me Kairi," he said but he couldn't stop looking at Sora.

"Of course! I'm going to get Sora something to eat. Do you want anything?" Riku shook his head and let her leave without a glance. When the door shut behind her he finally looked away from Sora.

It was an uncomfortable silence. Was this how Riku felt when Sora refused to talk to him for the first few weeks on Destiny Island? "Riku…"

"Did you even consider keeping your promise to me?" Riku said cutting of Sora.

"Well… I promised I'd come… let you… keep watch over me in… Radiant Garden... Didn't I?" Sora's attempt at humor wasn't appreciated. Whatever lease Riku had kept on his temper snapped. He stormed over to push Sora back down. From the way he was leaning over Sora, Riku might as well have climbed into the narrow bed with him. Their faces were so close Sora could feel his breath, smell leather, paper and metal on the other boy.

"You promised you wouldn't do anything stupid."

"You knew… it was a lie."

Letting go of Sora Riku began pacing around the room. "I thought you'd do something reckless. I thought you'd bribe someone for information. I thought you'd go find Hisa in Atlantica. I had people waiting there for you. Or maybe you'd just get on a computer and search for information. But that would all be too smart."

"I don't remember." And he didn't. Whatever happened was lost to his mind. If Riku wanted answers Sora couldn't give them to him.

"Then what do you remember?" Riku snapped.

"You leaving."

"And what's your plan for finding Roxas?"

Ashamed Sora sat himself up but couldn't find it in him to look at Riku. Something had happened. Something must've gone wrong with his plan. If he told Riku what he was planning maybe Riku could help him remember. "I was going to go back… to the Playground."

"Why? Hisa just started a new club in Atlantica. He wouldn't be there."

Maybe it was simple logic to Riku but Sora hadn't once considered that. Riku had overestimated Sora's intelligence and not thought to watch for him returning to the Playground. "Never thought of that."

Riku growled. "And when you got there?"

"I don't know. I'd figure out a plan when I got there."

"Then what about an addiction to drugs? Did you forget to mention that as well?"

"I don't—" He must've gotten to the Playground. That would explain any drugs found in his system. But why had he taken any of the pills? He knew his weakness to them. Hell, he had loved them while there. They made the nights bearable and during the day he could pretend everything was a nightmare. He was drawn to the hazy feeling he had. If he'd been given the choice he would've always taken them, even when they weren't needed, even if it made him sick. "Hisa used to give…them to us. To help us," he explained.

He felt ashamed. There were a million reasons he wasn't worthy of Roxas' sacrifice or Riku's help. He wasn't smart or brave, there was nothing outstanding about him, he had no skills beyond sex, he was weak and he was addicted to those little white pills that made his life easier to bear. He wasn't proud of it but knew that was how he stayed sane. Yet admitting it to Riku made him feel dirty. Some part of him cared what Riku thought of him.

"I'm sorry," Sora said in a small voice.

"Sorry? You went back to that place and were raped!" Riku's voice had risen to a shout. "You threw everything we did you and Roxas back in our faces! Why would you do that to us?"

"Roxas." That was all the answer he could give. He didn't remember what happened but he had broken his promise for Roxas. He'd do anything for his brother. He wanted to do more but it was clear that couldn't happen now. He'd blown his chance and now there was no hope.

Riku stopped pacing and was back beside Sora. His anger hadn't lessened. The look on his face scared Sora. If Riku hit him now, if he realized Sora was just a whore indebted to him and raped him now, Sora wouldn't recover. His body was too fragile. Without Roxas to keep him grounded he was too unstable. Riku had been his new rock in life but now Sora feared he'd lose him too because of his actions.

"What about how hard the rest of us have looked for him? Did you stop to consider that?" No he hadn't. He hadn't even thought about what they'd think beyond their anger at him. Yes they'd wasted money on him, but what else did they except? "Is getting raped to find Roxas more important than your friends?"

Sora couldn't say anything. Friends? He hadn't really thought of them as such. Sure they had moments where their actions could be considered friendship but Sora wasn't like them. They had normal lives. A whore for sale had no place with them. He'd never thought about actually having them in his life longer than he had to. He'd rid them of the responsibility of taking care of him as soon as possible.

"Just tell me… did I find Roxas?"

"No." Riku's voice was soft but it didn't ease the harsh reality of the word. Sora had done this to himself and had gotten nothing in return. "Zexion is still looking. He'd been by to tell you what he's found. I thought it would help you wake up." Riku leaned closer to Sora to look into his eyes. Those clear azure eyes absorbed Sora. He didn't care that he was in a hospital. He just didn't want those eyes to look at him in anger again. But it wasn't anger. There was worry and frustration there. Sora hadn't really seen Riku anything but calm and collected before.

"Don't hate me." The words were out of Sora's lips before he realized what he was saying. All he could think about was the look in those eyes. Riku considered him a friend and would really be sad if Sora hadn't come back. He wanted to be pissed at Sora but couldn't be because he was just happy Sora was okay. Knowing he was beginning to understand Riku with just a look went a long way to making Sora feel better. But if this stupid stunt had deprived him of what might become real friendship he'd hate himself.

"Sora…" The door opened. Kairi announced her return loudly but Sora didn't hear a word of it. Soft lips were on his taking his breath away with the gentleness in the gesture. Too quickly it was over. Riku was still beside him but looking at Kairi coming around the curtain surrounding his bed. Goosebumps erupted across Sora's skin. He was hot and cold at once. The shock of the surprise kiss and the briefness of it left him speechless.

Calm as ever Riku thanked Kairi for the food she brought Sora and excused himself from the room. No goodbye for Sora. Kairi didn't stay long after that. Putting the food within arm's reach she followed Riku out, promising Sora that she'd be back later.

Long after they left Sora's food remained untouched. His huger was pushed aside by the plethora of emotions running through him. Riku… Riku was undeniably attractive. He was also completely idiotic if he thought just because he'd saved Sora yet again Sora would show his gratitude with his body. But that kiss hadn't been asking for sex. It was more just a confirmation of something. Though Sora wasn't sure what. Then there was Roxas. The fact that he was so easily distracted by Riku wasn't good. He needed to focus more on finding Roxas.

Frustrated tears fell down his cheeks. He really was a failure. He couldn't find Roxas. His feeble attempt had landed him here. If that didn't make him a failure he didn't know what did.

When a doctor came in they found Sora a placate patient. When Kairi came back he was curled in a ball in bed. Instead of talking she just sat with him until the sun outside the window set. He was grateful for her silent comfort even if it didn't take his mind from any of his problems.

His sleep that night was fitful. When Sora woke he felt barely rested. The whole day he tried to make his limbs work. They were more steady than the previous day but still shaky. When he stood for the first time his legs gave way beneath him. After a few tried he was able to walk around the bed. He wanted to leave the room but that would send Riku after him to chew him out again and Sora wasn't sure he was ready for that. He was willing to trust that Zexion was doing all he could to find Roxas, seeing him wasn't important. And though giving up control of the search, not that he ever had control, left him ample time to think about another silver haired boy Sora didn't want to see him.

Riku and Kairi were together. It wasn't even right for him to want Riku. As a prince, even a fourth son, he must be expected to produce an heir. And wasn't it only proper for a man and woman to be together? Yet there was now a tempting, lingering thought that refused to be pushed from Sora's mind. Riku was only a fourth son. His older brothers could have plenty of children. Besides, it would be asking too much if Riku didn't want to be with a girl. Yet he was already sexually intimate with Kairi, wasn't he? That left Sora alone.

Sora hadn't ever contemplated seriously being with anyone by choice. Roxas had found solace in Lexaeus while in the Playground. Sora was too afraid of the pain to want to be with anyone. The few times he could recall a relatively pleasant experience with sex was when he was so drugged up pain didn't even register. What if it was only painful? And what if Riku turned out to be like all the others? Gentle and caring at first before boredom set in and he'd want something… more. Would he be a guy who wants to hit Sora? Or would he enjoy hurting him in other ways? Just imagining it made Sora sick. Nice guys couldn't do that. He couldn't.

The next day was easier on Sora. He could walk around fine. He still felt breathless if he tried talking for too long, but otherwise he was almost back to normal. The third signaled the release from the room. Kairi had worked her magic and convinced Riku, and thusly the doctors, that Sora needed to get out. He was all but chomping at the bit. So Kairi brought him a pair of real clothes and dragged him out. The fresh air was refreshing.

"So where should we go first?" Kairi asked. Sora's opinion didn't really matter. He was content to be dragged along where she wanted. Shopping for new clothes for him, getting him a haircut, even getting him a laptop. He'd used a computer as a kid and during his time at Destiny Island, but she helped him get fully caught up on all of the new technology. Then it was off to the movies. She could quote each line from each character. Apparently she wanted to be an actress like her mother. Her father had even directed a few movies. It was really fascinating listening to her talk about her normal family. No siblings but dreams big enough to keep her family busy. If it wasn't for Riku she would be back in Destiny Island trying to get an acting gig.

Long after the sun set Kairi brought him back to the castle to show him his new room. It was grand, like the rest of the castle. Nothing about the place said overstated elegance. Simple lines adorned the walls. A few paintings from well-known artists hung on the walls. In his room he had a king-sized bed as well as furniture in matching cheery wood. Kairi helped him hang his clothes in a large wardrobe but let him put away the rest in drawers, mostly because his underwear went in there.

"I'll show you around the castle tomorrow. All right?" she said as she left.

Sora pulled out the matching silk pj's Kairi had gotten him. "These are so cute! And the blue will match your eyes!" The silk fell softly against his skin. He couldn't help the sigh that passed his lips. It was so nice having real pjs. He'd slept naked in the Playground and Destiny Island. Clothes felt like protection. It was putting on another layer of skin to protect him from the world. And as embarrassing as it was he liked the feel of his member against the silk. It was so delicate against the sensitive skin.

Going into the connected bathroom he brushed his teeth and even brushed his hair. It was still long, Sora hadn't let Kairi cut that much off, but his head felt lighter. It still stuck out at odd angles though. Maybe even more without the extra weight. Glancing at himself in the mirror he had to look away. He looked just like Roxas. Their hair was different, their skin slightly different tones. But their eyes were the same deep, endless blue of the ocean. He could remember when they both had the happy eyes of children. Now there was something dark in Roxas' and Sora could see traces of it in his own eyes.

A knock at his door had him poking his head out of the bathroom. "Come in!" Still the door didn't open. Walking over Sora opened it and tried to not run and hide. There was Riku, looking like a prince in a suit that was made just for him. Hell, it probably was. Wide shoulders were emphasized, eyes were drawn to slim hips, silver hair and light azure eyes were offset by a suit darker than black. What was he doing outside Sora's room.

"Are you still angry with me?" Sora asked. Of course that's not what he really wanted to ask, but it was a good start.

"I'm furious," Riku said simply. "But I wanted to see how your day with Kairi went."

"It was great. Didn't she tell you about it?" Sora could heart his heart beating in his ears. The only reason his hand wasn't shaking was because it was against the door. But his voice was steady.

"She did but she always thinks shopping is wonderful. I wasn't sure if you found it as enjoyable." Riku shifted so he could lean against the doorframe. The suit pulled tight across his chest. Everything about him made Sora want slam the door shut and hide under the bed.

"It was fine. I've never been shopping like that before," Sora replied with a laugh. "She's showing me around the castle tomorrow. It's really wonderful by the way. And thank you for the room."

"She told me. But I thought you might like to begin training again." Riku was looking at his shoe like it had a scuff on it. "Not with me. I'm going to be busy the next few days. But different segments of the Royal Army train here during the day as well as my family's personal guard. I thought you might like to start training with them."

The idea soothed Sora. Shopping? Bah. Training sounded much better. Getting stronger and being able to protect himself was something he couldn't refuse. He wanted real training more than anything. "When and where?"

Riku laughed. His eyes lit up and his smile put Sora at ease. "Kairi can show you to the main training hall at eight. I've already let them know you'd be showing up."

"Thank you, Riku." As Sora said his name Riku looked up at him. Riku pushed himself away from the doorframe to take a step closer to Sora. Still refusing to run Sora looked away. He'd said thank you. That was never enough. Everyone always wanted more. He had nothing to give Riku but his body. It was just too much. Sora was terrified Riku wanted his body. Why else would he show up so late and give Sora something he clearly wanted? "Do you want to come in?" Just please be gentle.

"No. I just wanted to make sure you were okay after Kairi took you out today. I'll let you go to sleep now." Sora's shock must've been obvious. His heart was still beating hard in his chest. He had resigned himself to being a whore for Riku but Riku didn't want him. Was he too damaged? Too dirty? A hand cupped his cheek gently. There was a frustration in Riku's eyes. One more directed at himself than Sora. Keeping Sora still Riku leaned in to give him a kiss. There was plenty of time to turn away or slam to door shut.

Sora let lips press against his. Riku still smelled like leather and paper. A finger caressed his cheek. A shiver ran through Sora. He felt terrified and thrilled all at once. Too soon the lips left his. "Good night, Sora."

Roxas was the one with the fascinating name. People said it like it was synonymous with sex. Yet as Riku said it Sora felt… special. He didn't feel like a molested child. For the first time he felt like he could grow up, move past it all. Sora felt like Riku saw him as something different.

"Good night."

Sora didn't shut the door until Riku was so far down the hall he couldn't see him anymore. Crawling into bed Sora drew the covers up over his head. The tears were coming again. Each one was a drop of relief. Safe. He was safe. He wouldn't be hurt here. Riku wasn't going to hurt him. He was finally safe.