Author's Note: Some people got confused. Sorry. As has been mentioned before, the Monks of the Order of Dagon hadn't meant for Seo to be an infant. But they ran out of time.
Dawn was created as a human, to hide. The Monks spent most of the time working on her backstory, as a result. When they were interrupted, they'd still managed to piece together a passable enough backstory that Dawn could hide successfully.
Seo, by contrast, was created as a weapon, to attack and kill Glory. The Monks spent most of their time working on her biology, and probably the vast majority creating the "weapon mode" in the first place. Their memory implantation was clearly a rush job, as they didn't actually transmute that much matter or change that many memories, at least not compared to Dawn. They didn't have time to come up with a good backstory that'd let Seo be the right age, and even if they could, time for a Gallifreyan is a little different than for a human. They'd probably found manipulation of personal time for Seo too complicated to control.
The lack of an "off-switch" for the Weapon Mode was probably one of those oversights that they all thought up at the end, and realized, "Hang on..." but by then it was too late.
Hopefully, that explains that.
The rest I tried to incorporate into today's chapter. I don't want to go into the answers to all of the questions posed; I have another story planned that deals with certain aspects of this transformation, and I want to keep those aspects in that story, instead of letting it spill over into this one.
Anyone notice that Seo, when she chews out herself, seems to have picked up the tone of her self-deprecation from Twilight? I think that's true of a lot of people who were criticized as a kid. My grandma always said I was too fat as a kid (which I wasn't), but I still look in the mirror and criticize myself exactly the way she criticized me, even now. It's a very weird thing.
(For "Guest": Actually, I wrote the first draft of this story when I was posting "A Terrible Influence"; I did that on purpose, to make the stories consistent. That's about June 1st, which is roughly a half year before tDotD came out. So not only has the 11th Doctor not gotten there, yet, but... at that time... neither had I.)
Enjoy!
The second time it had happened, in Seo's childhood, was a shortly after Seo had discovered her own origins. She was still living in the Axis, still breaking into those severed timelines. But she knew where she came from. Knew what had happened to her parents. Knew who'd created her and why.
Knew what had happened with Ben and Glory.
So when her body began to act on its own, again, Seo suddenly realized what must be happening to her. With a horrible, gut-wrenching fear that paralyzed her own mind.
It was the Monks.
Their fault!
They'd been trying to plant only enough Glory into her to make her able to kill Glory, but… they'd given her too much! Glory must have grown inside of Seo, just like she had with Ben! And this was Glory taking over and coming out to the surface!
That must be what this was.
She was becoming Glory.
Look at yourself, you bitch, that little voice deep down inside her mind had said. In your own timeline, you proved yourself a worthless, murdering coward — like Ben. One who killed her own parents just to live a little longer. And now you've grown up, and you're still doing the same thing. Killing everyone. Ripping the universe to shreds. You feel proud of yourself?
Seo had felt that horrible, acrid guilt rise up inside of her, again.
Only one way to find redemption, the little voice urged her. Just die.
Die.
Kill yourself, the voice agreed. End your own life! You'll stop Glory. Save the universe. Maybe that'll be enough to make your parents' ghosts feel slightly less disgusted by you and your selfishness.
But Seo had become far too terrified to think any response to this.
As her body struck down and murdered, and the guilt and pain and horror overwhelmed her senses. Made her unable to deal with what was going on.
She wanted to stop!
She wanted to live!
You selfish, egomaniacal little bitch! the voice inside her accused. Look at what you're doing! You really think someone like you deserves to live?! Be happy?! KILL YOURSELF ALREADY!
Seo could never satisfy her conscience.
But she knew it was right. She shouldn't want to survive or be happy, but she did. She didn't want to kill herself! And that made her even more guilt-ridden and terrified than before.
Think of it as your sacrifice, the voice Seo assumed was her conscience reminded her. What your parents would want you to do. Keep living, and you'll turn into Glory. Like Ben did. You'll—
And that was when it struck Seo.
"I'm turning into Glory," Seo said, aloud. "I really am."
And it just made so much sense. Everything she was seeing, doing — it wasn't her doing it! Just some other-self inside of her, squirming around and trying to take control.
Glory was trying to take control.
So Seo let her.
After all, Seo reasoned to herself, maybe her conscience was right — and she was just like Ben. She wasn't a killer, she was just some wussy, spineless little idiot who made her parents sacrifice themselves for her, who refused to commit suicide to save the universe, and who was now letting Glory take her over.
Why fight it?
Seo could feel Glory washing across her — that power and determination. That strength. That fire.
A smile touched her lips. "Hell goddesses don't feel guilt," she said. Her guilt and horror fading away, un-petrifying her mind. "When I'm like this, I can do anything. And I don't care." Her eyes shone, as her brain began to work again. Finally thinking clearly! As she tried to figure out how to twist this murderous ability to her own advantage. "Because I am glorious."
But it's wrong, the voice — Seo thought was her conscience — argued. It sounded a little scared. Turning into this is wrong. You have to stop! You have to kill yourself!
But Seo knew.
She was an evil hell goddess.
She didn't need a conscience, anymore.
So she shut that little voice up. Shoved it aside, inside her own mind. Caging it up, so that not even its terrified writhing and pleading could break through.
Her mind. Her rules.
And if she wanted to live… screw the guilt and the self-reprimands! She was going to live!
"I'm turning into Glory," she told herself. "What do I care about a conscience?"
And it never occurred to her until much, much later that… maybe… just maybe… if this really had been a situation like Ben and Glory… Seo shouldn't have been so aware of it all happening.
Or be able to remember and feel what it was like, after she was done.
"Can Seo die at all?" Dawn asked, as they raced through the TARDIS. "When she's in this… Weapon-Mode thing? I mean, the Daleks didn't kill her, and they're—"
"Of course she can die!" the Doctor replied. He paused a moment, sticking his finger in the air, as if checking something. Then raced in another direction. "She's still mortal. Catch her off-guard enough that she can't absorb the energy from whatever you chuck at her, and she'll die. Or — in Twilight's case — get her to want to kill herself, and… same thing."
"But you said—"
"The only time she can't be killed by normal means," the Doctor explained, "is when she's being used, against her will, to open a portal. That one scenario the Monks were planning for. And even then…" He glanced back at Dawn. "…there's no telling how far the mental damage could go, leaving her in Weapon Mode for too long."
A crackle sizzled through the air.
And Dawn stumbled, in the corridors of the TARDIS. The whole world suddenly swimming around her, her body feeling suddenly sloshy and weird. She grabbed out for one of the walls, to steady herself.
Beside her, the Doctor did the same thing. Gritted his teeth.
"Oh, that's not good," the Doctor hissed.
He struggled forwards, now more purposely, as if he knew exactly where he was going. Dawn struggled to keep up, despite the swimminess inside of her.
"What…?" said Dawn.
They burst into a room with an elaborate sculpture in the middle, swirling lights at its base. And Seo, standing in the middle of it, floating in midair above the colors and swirling lights. Her visage looking demonic.
The Doctor staggered over to the control bank and flipped a lever.
The machine cut out, Seo dropping to the ground in a heap, and the swimminess inside of Dawn drained away, in an instant.
"Seo," said the Doctor. "You need help."
Seo didn't bother looking up. "I could torture and kill someone else," she said, her voice so quiet. "Drain off life energy from some other dimension. From beings who deserve it. Like the Powers that Be. Or the First! Give that energy to you and Aunt Dawn. Make you immortal. Make you gods."
Dawn's heart raced. "Seo, don't," she begged. "What I said about being Glory — I didn't—!"
"I'm going to kill you!" Seo shouted, across Dawn, her eyes staring at her aunt, dark and biting. "Don't you understand? I can't stop! I have to kill, and you're all that's here. So I'm going to kill you. Because I'm mad and I'm evil and… and…" A tear rolled down her cheek.
The Doctor moved forwards, slowly, trying to get to Seo. "And you don't want her to die," he said, in his softest, most soothing voice. "You don't want anyone to die."
Seo snapped her head around to the Doctor. "I do want it," she said. "Deep down inside… it's me, flipping myself into this. Always has been me. I was stupid, I thought it was Glory, but… it's just my own madness. Making me want to kill everyone."
"It's not you," the Doctor said. "Seo, you know it's not you controlling this. Your body is acting on its own, and you can't stop it."
Seo was quiet for a moment.
"I did once," she whispered. "I stopped myself from killing you and Mom."
The Doctor froze in place.
"It was… when I was still living in the Axis," said Seo. "Wandering around in those alternate timelines. I was killing everyone. Massacring them." Her jaw trembled. Eyes terrified. "Blood all over my hands. I… I was so scared. I didn't…" She looked up at the Doctor. "Then you and Mom came. And I… stopped myself. I don't even know how." Her hands shook. Her voice filled with bitter sorrow. "If I could stop myself, then, I must be able to stop myself always. I just don't want it enough!"
Power crackled around them, beginning to surge back through the machine, rippling energies across Seo's skin, as she floated up into the air. Her face looking almost demonic in the low light.
The Doctor staggered back, as if struck.
"Because I'm evil inside!" Seo declared. "An evil, sadistic maniac, who can't—"
The Doctor slammed down the lever, again, and cut the power to the machine. "Seo," he said. "Stop this. You're killing yourself."
Seo toppled through the air, slamming onto the ground.
"The power you're putting through this machine," the Doctor continued, "it'll burn you out long before you manage to make either Dawn or myself immortal. Probably before you drain anything from any dimension at all."
Seo gave a bitter laugh. "That was the point."
Dawn stopped breathing.
"Have to stop myself, somehow," said Seo, peeling herself up from the floor. She was bent over, gasping for breath, her face a little too pale. "If the real-me is evil, inside… this is the only way."
The Doctor rushed over to her. Bent down, in front of her, hands on her shoulders. Looking into her eyes. "It's not the only way," he said. Gave her a gentle smile. "Where there's life, there's hope."
The Doctor was slammed against the ground hard enough that he dented the floor, as Seo skittered away, plastering herself against the far wall. Her entire body shaking.
"I told you to keep away from me," Seo said. She was breathing hard. Her eyes frantic. "I'm going to kill you."
"But you said you'd stopped yourself, before," the Doctor pointed out. He managed to stagger back to his feet. Trying to brush off the injuries as if they meant nothing, because… it was clear to everyone there… that every new injury Seo gave him was killing her on some deep level.
"I never lost this much control, before," Seo whispered.
She sounded terrified.
The Doctor walked towards her. His stance unthreatening. His hands extended outwards, in invitation.
"Then kill me," he said.
Seo's eyes widened in utter terror, as her body sprang at the Doctor. As she tackled him to the ground, bashing at his head, punching at his chest, savagely beating him to death…
And screaming at herself to stop.
Dawn could see Seo struggling. Desperately trying to stop every punch she gave. Using all her strength to try to stop the kicks she delivered. She was fighting against herself, and…
She couldn't stop it.
Tears streaming down her face, desperation in her voice, clearly giving it everything she had. And Seo was still unable to stop herself from killing someone she'd do anything to save.
Dawn raced over, tried to pry Seo away, but was flung back hard enough that the world around her was fading in and out of focus.
She could hear Seo shouting at herself, through tears, "Stop! Stop it! Just stop—!"
Then there was silence.
Dawn got up. World coming back into focus. The Doctor was lying there, on the ground, beat up and injured and bloody… but Seo was gone.
Had popped out of existence.
"TARDIS," the Doctor groaned, managing to get up despite his injuries. Dawn ran over and helped him. "Must have phased Seo a half-second into the future. Trapped her there."
"Good," said Dawn.
"No, not good!" the Doctor snapped. "Haven't you been listening, Dawn? She's trying to kill herself!"
"She was trying to kill you, too!" Dawn said. She had a horrible sinking feeling inside herself, but she had to suck it up. "And the TARDIS won't let her kill herself, right? I mean, it's a living ship. And—"
"The TARDIS is terrified of Seo," the Doctor said. "And there's nothing the TARDIS can do to snap Seo out of this, anyways. It has to come from us." He hissed, as he stepped on his right foot, and felt something give. "Really thought she wouldn't be able to kill me. She must be stuck in this mode deeper than I thought."
"Because the situation she was built for and the situation that happened with the Daleks were too similar?" asked Dawn. She helped ease him off his bad foot. "Is that how it works?"
"No idea," the Doctor admitted. "Could be that. Or could be that Dalek brain-swapping machine did more damage to her than she originally thought."
Dawn hoped not.
If so… she and the Doctor might never get Seo back to herself.
The Doctor continued to stumble forwards, leaning on Dawn, as they headed out the door. "Console room. Have to try to convince the Old Girl to phase Seo back into our time. Then do something clever to—"
"Why didn't the guilt-thing work?" Dawn interrupted.
The Doctor paused. "Sorry?"
"Last time she flipped out, Alison flipped her back," said Dawn, "by taking the blame for everything Seo did while she was… you know. In Weapon-Mode. Seo figured out that the whole hell-goddess, can't-be-responsible-for-my-own-actions thing meant making her best friend take the blame, instead. And Seo turned herself back."
The Doctor thought this over. "No idea why that, either," he admitted. Sighed. "Suppose there are a lot of questions still left to answer, then." Perked up. "Still! Off to the console room, try to work out…!"
Then the TARDIS shook, wheezing and groaning.
As she launched herself into flight.