Chapter 7
AN: Second chapter of the day! Whoo! I believe this one will be sort of short. I am working on getting to the part where they eventually get back to Konoha. Don't worry, I plan on adding some more scenes soon about Konohamaru, Naruto's old class, and the Hokage. Don't worry though they won't take over in importance to Naruto, but they do help give the idea of a complete story. Also, when they do get back to Konoha… Naruto, Ren, and Sai will not be genin. I mean, I HATE it when fanfiction stories have a Naruto who is jonin (or higher) level still be on "Team 7" as the "dobe" simply because he didn't complete the academy. I don't know WHAT rank or role they will be at yet, but know I won't make you guys suffer through the cannon story in the same capacity as the actual cannon story. You want to see Naruto be a lowly genin after years of training? Fine then, go read other fanfictions (not to rant, I do enjoy the occasional fanfiction like that. However, I just don't like Naruto being given the short end of the stick."
Anyway, please understand I don't own Naruto. If I did…then TonTon would have wings…or at least be able to talk.
With Danzo-
Danzo was unnerved. Never have his ROOT failed so terribly.
"Report," he said tiredly.
"Danzo-sama, we have been unable to pick up any actual trail of the container. Squad 12 is currently searching through the Land of Bears and squad 4 is joining them soon. We have heard of two children, one of whom was confirmed to have the container's hair color and age range, are heading there after saving a group of civilians from the missing-nin Kensuke Matsumoto. If our sources are correct then the container's next destination is Lady Doku."
"The she-devil that sells those demonic cats," Danzo muses. He knew it was a long shot that it was his…er Konoha's wayward weapon. Once he captured the boy he would ensure his loyalty, even if he needed to wipe his mind. Oh yes, he would have his weapon…all in the name of Konoha.
"Dismissed," he says, and the emotionless agent quickly leaves, finding himself feeling something he hadn't in a long time when he looked at his master's manically smiling face. Was it fear? No, more like absolute terror.
With Naruto and Ren…
I watch in slight fear as Ren passes through the cages of cats, ignoring all the sane looking ones, until she comes across a black haired kitten with white paws and red eyes. The kitten looked barely ten weeks old but it had on it chakra suppression seals and manicals six inches thick. By the look of adoration from Ren she found her soul mate. What terrified him more though, was that the look was mirrored on the kitten.
Kit, you have to stop her. We can't survive with two of them and that kitten there is part of the dark neko clan. They can expand themselves to the size of me full grown and are crazier than Ren is in battle.
"Eh, Ren," I start, coming up with a way to stop her new obsession. "I know you want a partner, but a cat in the fox clan? Isn't that…against the rules or something? I mean you are a lieutenant. Maybe we could have somebody from your squad join us. Plus it's just a stupid cat, foxes are-" I'm cut off by a dark aura surrounding Ren and the devil incarnate. Tears in her eyes Ren grinds out,
"Naruto. I may be your famialiar but you will not deny me Angel. She and I were meant to be together. If anyone in the clan has a problem with it they can answer to me. AM. I. CLEAR." I nod, brain completely ignoring her name for the little monster.
Naruto. Oh boy, it was serious when KURAMA called me by name. Summon Ryu. He's the only one to talk any sense into her. He's the oldest fox besides the two elders and I.
Whipping through the hand signs I call out "Summoning Jutsu" and Ryu pops out, looking like he had just woken from a nap.
"Hey Ryu," I say, snapping him from his stupor.
"I second!" He calls, wide eyed and whipping his head around, his captain's scarf showing signs of drool. Noticing me he relaxes. "Naruto, thank nacho rabbits, that meeting was so dreadful. Where's the battle? Or perhaps a spar?" I shake my head, amused.
"No Ryu, I didn't call you for battle." At this Ryu's head drops. "I called you here about your lieutenant. See… she found a…kindered spirit." At this Ryu whips his head around, spotting Ren and… "Angel" snuggling together while looking through the poison book on the "or worse" section.
"This isn't good. That's the third cat in as many months." He mutters. At my expression he elaborates. "See, Ren is obsessed with cats. Like, Uchiha obsessed. Problem is whenever she finds a cat she ends up killing it accidentally because it can't keep up with her. At least it will be dead in a couple of days. Only one of Lady Doku's demonic cats could survive and nobody would ever be stupid enough to take her to Lady Doku." I start sweating, backing away from Ryu. He notices this and stiffens. "You didn't…right, Naruto? Tell me you didn't!" At my nod he groans. "As long as it isn't a dark neko I can have it quietly disposed of. Dark nekos are immortal and even Lady Doku wouldn't be crazy enough to let her create a covenant bond with one of them." I sweat even more and point to Ren, who had just finished signing such covenant with the cat, Lady Doku patting them both on the ears.
"We're screwed, aren't we?"
On so many levels Fleshbag.
"If you'll excuse me, I need to go cry in the captain's den."
"Wait! Can't you just order her to not take the cat," I say with hope. At Ryu's horrified expression my hope dies.
"Kit, telling a weak woman to do something is stupid. Telling a strong woman to do something is suicide. Telling an Uzumaki woman to do ANYTHING…well let's just say reviving the Jubi is less suicidal." And with that Ryu ditches me.
"Narutoooo! Look at the new member of the guardians! Naruto, meet Angel, the most sweetest, kindest, most bloodthirsty cuddly killer ever!" Ren holds up…the definition of an oxymoron and I could swear the cat was smirking at me! "Don't you loooove her?" The way she said it though sounded ominously like it echoed back "you will love her or die."
So I do what any man would do. I nod and say "Yes of course. Angel is perfect."
Ren's beaming and the cat's smirk made even Kurama pale.
Two hours later…
"Oh my sweet protégé! Be safe and have fun on the "or worse" section of the book! But don't forget to branch out in your poisons. Somebody might want to help you test out your "maim" or "death" sections and even though those poisons are not as fun, remember that the-"
"Victim is always right!" Ren shouts in unison with Lady Doku as Angel purrs in agreement. I nervously take the poison for Shisui and back away.
"Oh Naru-chan! Don't run off without a kiss from Auntie Doku! And I can send you with some beginner poisons to become immune to!" At this I grab Ren and teleport us to a clearing ten minutes away. Ren plops down with her poison and seals books while start writing a letter. Wait, both books?!
"Ren, why do you have both books at the same time?" At her bright smile I feel ignorance would have been bliss.
"Oh nothing, Angel just had a great idea about combining poisons and seals to create torture seals, battle traps, and pranks." May ramen have mercy on the poor bastards.
"Wait, Angel can't talk," I point out.
"Yes, she can," Ren huffs, "She can talk into my mind since we're bonded. She has great ideas on the skinning technique that I had never heard of! Now you aren't the only one with a voice in your head!"
Why do I feel like life on Earth has just been threatended by these two meeting?
Odd because I feel it too.
With Sai…
There he was, Sai's target. He had failed the search and capture mission many times since it began almost two years ago but today would be different. Today Sai and his squad would take the kyubi vessel in and make Danzo proud. Maybe then Sai wouldn't feel so conflicted with his emotions he wasn't supposed to have. Dark emotions. Sai wanted nothing more than to end Danzo's life but he was a tool. A mindless drone who wasn't supposed to feel anything.
But he did. Sai was mad at Danzo, wanted him dead for Shin. And he was…jealous, he supposed… of the kyubi container, down there in the clearing so free and…emotional.
But those thoughts had to be pushed away. Nothing but the mission mattered. The captains of his squad and squad 4 gave the signal. In position. Move quick with the suppression seals and sedatives. Sai nodded like a good drone and jumped towards his target with nine others, heart strangely remorseful for what he was about to do. But with a blank mask on his fellow drones never noticed. Nor did they notice when he suddenly grabbed a branch. Sai didn't know why but he observed rather than fought.
It probably saved his life.
With Naruto…
I jump away just as a blank masked ANBU-most likely ROOT- tries to slap a high grade chakra suppression seal on me, my hands already going through seals.
"Fire style: Phoenix Flower Jutsu!" I call out and two of the drones fall, dead. Looking for more enemies I sweat drop as Ren has decapitated five and Angel has turned in the size of a horse, eating two at the same time. Both look so nonchalant about it.
"You always take my fun," I whine. Ren just rolls her eyes and ignores me.
"Come out, I know you're there," Ren calls to the trees, and a kid barely older than us lands a few paces from me, a paintbrush and scroll in his hand.
"I am sorry but Danzo-sama needs you. Please come peacefully and we won't have any trouble." I notice the way he says Danzo's name. It's filled with unhidden hatred and venom. Ren notices it too and frowns.
"Hey…I may be wrong pasty but you don't seem to like this Danzo guy. Why follow him?" Ren asks, and looks at me meaningfully. I get it then.
She wants to help him.
At least we know she isn't a complete psycho.
"Yeah," I say, picking up the hint, "Why not join us instead? Being a drone isn't fun, and you won't have to follow a maniac anymore," Until Ren reaches Puberty, that is, I add mentally.
The kid seems to hesitate, like he really wants to. But then his resolve hardens.
"I am sorry but I cannot. Danzo has us on tight leashes. It is my fate to serve him until death, as it is yours to hold the kyubi." At this I frown. A tight leash? Unless… crap he has the curse seal! Before I can inform him that I can take it off the guy lunges with a tanto.
We exchange blades, mere flashes in the fading sun. Each time we broke apart my clones would send out jutsu, while he sent ink creatures that bypassed the fakes and headed straight towards me. An upper slice followed by a parry. A lunge and then propelling back towards the trees. Ten minutes of our dance and I find my self enjoying the challenge.
But it needed to end. Both of us trying to maim, not kill, held us back, and the final clash of blades here would prove who was better. The guy's tanto pushes me down, and ink critters scurry over my limbs before dispersing into vines.
"A little help here Ren would be nice!" Ren snorts from her place, perched on Angel.
"But I thought that I "ruined your fun?" She replies, clearly amused.
"I take it back! You can have fun, okay? Now please. HELP!" I scream the last part as the guy pulls out another suppression seal. Before he can stick it on he falls forward, Ren looking smug over him.
"Now," Ren says, perching over my still bound form, "How about we take off Pasty's seal?"
Several hours later, with Sai…
Sai slowly stirs, his head and tounge on fire. Blinking awake he finds himself in a cave with his target and the…she-devil… grinning at him.
"Welcome back, Pasty," the she-devil says. "We removed your seal for you! No more mind subjugation or emotionless tool for you!" Sai's eyes widen and begin to tear up for the first time in over two years.
"And," his target-no former target, for he no longer cared for Danzo- says "We have a proposition for you: Want to join us?"
"But I…I tried to capture you," Sai struggles out, not understanding the blonde one's words.
"Psh, that's all in the past," He says. "You can't go back home because of Danzo-teme, and going at it alone would be suicide. Beside, if you come with us you can help protect the leaf from the outside. So, what do you say?"
Sai, in a moment of boldness, nods. "I will join you…Naruto-sama."
"Drop the sama stuff. I'm not your master. My name's Naruto, and this is Angel," He points to the now tiny black kitten he could swear was smirking "and the psycho-midget over there is Ren." Said 'psycho-midget' glared and then smiled.
"Nice to meet you, Pasty." At this Sai is confused. He had read that friends often give nicknames to each other to show endearment. Was he a friend? If so, he must give an appropriate nickname to match. Putting on his best (fake) smile, Sai replies,
"I am Sai. It is nice to meet you, Dickless, Pacifist, and…Beautiful." At this Naruto rages, Angel grows in size to accommodate her new meal, and Ren blushes.
"I think we will be best of friends," Ren proclaims. "Though we have to work on your insults! I mean, Dickless and Pacifist? Try to be more origional!" Poor Sai was so confused. He thought nicknames were supposed to be the opposite of a character trait the one giving them saw. Sai was about to correct his new friend but something stopped him. A latent instinct for survival prevented him from correcting her and just nodded along. He would figure this instinct out later, he vowed.
Danzo…
Danzo couldn't believe it. Every single one of his agent's curse marks disappeared from his scroll signifying death. The last one to go, the defiant child Sai, flickered out long after the others. That one he had been planning to exterminate after the mission anyway.
Well, at least there aren't any loose ends. He muses.
Konoha…
Shisui and Itachi were pleased with the speed Naruto and Ren got the poison. Naruto's letter had a string of curses and empty threats they ignored, and Itachi sat blissfully with his pocky. That is until Shisui showed him his new little sister's letter.
Dear soon to be dead Nii-sans,
Hn 46. Hn 24-45. Hn 12. Hn 19-o3.
With Love,
Ren Uzumaki,
Angel
p.s. Smirk 32
Both paled. The picture attached of Ren and Angel sporting perfect Uchiha smirk number 4's only made things worse.
"Itachi…I'm never making those two mad. Ever. Little sister-sama is scary."
"Hn. Agreed. Sister-sama should not be messed with."
OMAKE: Wrath of the Pocky Pt. 2!
Naruto ran. The crazy kid with the spinning red eyes was worse than the snake-lady with her Dango! He even had a pin saying "Pocky is life" and another saying "death to the non-believers!"
No, Naruto was not making it out alive. Jumping over carts and people in the market place and ducking into an alley seemed smart…until the kid locates him, muttering about how "pocky haters emit a disgusting odor." Preparing for the worst he closes his eyes, and after a quick chop the world goes black.
Two hours later…
Blinking awake, Naruto sighs in relief as he finds himself in Jiji's office on the couch.
That is until he sees the crazy kid staring at him from the other couch.
"It seems you're both awake. Care to explain why you were terrorizing young Naruto, Itachi?" Naruto relaxes at his Jiji's voice. At least he wasn't alone with the psycho.
"Hn. This one mocked my obsession. By clan guidelines I am obligated to end him," the newly names Itachi says in monotone. Naruto pales slightly at that.
"Wh-what do you mean by obsession? There's no way your whole clan is obsessed with pocky!" Naruto shouts.
"That is true," he concedes, and Naruto smirks. "But every Uchiha has an obsession they develop. There's usually a celebration for its emergence. For example my foolish little brother just had his. His obsession is avenging. Father is so proud because is fits with his obsession of revenging." At this Naruto was shocked but his Jiji just smiled.
"Itachi, I cannot let you end Naruto's existence. He is rather important to me," at this Itachi's face falls. His first obsession cleansing and he would fail. "However, if you were to, say, teach Naruto some of your skills you could discuss the meaning of pocky, how pocky is better than anything. You know, defend your obsession and maybe get a follower?" Itachi thinks for a moment before deciding.
"Yes, Lord Hokage. I shall teach Naruto-kun to be the best pocky praising ninja of the elemental nations." Itachi's gleam would haunt Naruto for years to come.
Ignoring Naruto's protests Hiruzen Sarutobi smirks at his successful plan. Naruto gets a teacher/older brother, Itachi gets to preach to someone about his "pocky-sama" and Hiruzen…well if it all worked out then Naruto would have a less expensive food obsession.
If only he knew how futile that last one was.
END!
AN: I had a LOT of fun writing this one! The obsession thing started out as a small-time gag but now it's become my…obsession, along with trademarks. Gosh at least my obsession isn't avenging, eh? Have a wonderful day guys!