The sunlight burned though my eyes. It made me see red, made me overheat. My back feels so stiff, from sleeping against the stupid rock. Without opening my eyes, I kick the blanket from me, yawning an stretching. I smell the scent of cooking food, and my mind whirs to life. Last night…I made a friend. He bandaged my arm, and took care of me. It wasn't a dream. It really happened.

Opening my eyes, I blink away the blurriness and rub the sand crust that gathered in the corners. I stretch out my arms, and look next to me. My friend is gone. I frown, feeling abandoned. Did he leave?

"It is early. You may sleep more, if you wish. I am in no rush to travel."

No, no he's here. He's here. His voice makes my insides jump to life, and I glance down at my wrist. Brown dried blood is stained on the bandage, and I smirk at it. I'm safe, for now. I'm still with my friend. Looking to my right, I see his back to me, he's cooking over a small fire. I can see the back of his head. Patches of red hair poke out, and I see exposed muscle, and old flesh. I'm not scared, and I don't know why.

"Did you get caught in a fire?"

It's a stupid question, but I'm tired, my filter that stops me from saying things isn't working right. Running my fingers through my hair, I remember how comforted I feel whenever I do that. My friend keeps his back to me, his arms moving and messing with meat he has on a stick.

"No."

"What's wrong with your skin? You look like you got burned badly."

He sighs loudly, but doesn't turn around. I stand up and stretch my whole body out at once. My friend stands with me, and I feel intimidated. His shadow engulfs me. I'm tall for a girl, five eight, give or take. But him, he's a whole head and shoulders tall than me. A foot taller, maybe. I stare up at his back. He's wearing old, leather armor it looks like. His gun, a drum shotgun, is strapped to his back. Standing in his shadow in the early morning sun, I've never felt safer, more secure.

I watch as he slowly turns around, his body moving, his shadow copying him. I look up at his face, and step back, my hand covering my mouth.

"Y-you're a-a ghoul!"

He is. He's a ghoul. His nose is absent, he has no ears, his lips are thin and cracked. He doesn't say anything to me, as I look him up and down, he just looks at me with those eyes. When my eyes meet his, something inside flushes. It travels all through my veins and my organs, rushes up my chest and stops in my throat. I'm not scared of him.

"Yes."

His voice matches his look. It's raspy, with a hint of something unknown. The way he says his words makes my brain click, but I can't remember. I stare at him, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Wh-what are you cooking?"

He's been kind to me. He's been nice. I wouldn't be a very nice person, a very good friend, if I ran away scared. The thing is, too, is I'm not scared. I thought I would be, if I ever met a ghoul. I thought I'd run screaming and never look back. But him…he's different. I can't describe it, but I don't want to leave him.

"Molerat. Killed it last night, the meat is still fresh if you are hungry."

I nod, stepping closer to him, showing him I'm not scared. He doesn't seem to concerned, and turns back around. He crouches over the fire, and I crouch next to him. There's something about my friend, something he's not telling me. I think in due time he'll open up, tell me what he's hiding, and why he looks at me like that. It's not my business to pry, so I'll wait for him to feel comfortable.

"You are not frightened by me. I had assumed you would be, when you expressed your aversions to ghouls last night."

"Maybe its from my ghoul-whoring days. I just don't feel scared of you."

"Perhaps you simply have just been given the wrong information about us."

He hands me a warm piece of meat, and I devour it. There's only two strips left, one for each of us. He reaches to take his piece, and tears it in half. He hands me the bigger slice. I don't even think Gunny's given me the bigger half of anything, and we were safe in the Citadel. Here in the desert, food is scarce, and he's giving me the majority of the food. That says a lot, about who people are, I think.

"Thank you."

I mutter, and eat the food in silence. He eats his half in one bite, and stands. I watch him over my shoulder, as he collects his belongings and throws them into a small bag. Standing up, I get my own things, and sling it over my back. We stare at one another, in the small rock valley we spent the night in. He's my friend, and he's a ghoul. I don't know his name, but I feel an overbearing sense of knowledge about him. I feel…I feel…

"Do you wish to begin our travels?"

His voice takes me from my thoughts, and I look up at him.

"Uh…yeah. Where are we going?"

"I have business I must attend to at Tenpenny Tower. Do you mind?"

"No, no not at all."

He steps over the large rocks easily. They come up to my chest, and I stare at them, confused. Throwing my arms over them, I try to scramble up the side. I look up and see my friend…giving me a small, silly smile. It's like he's laughing at my inability to climb.

"Here."

He says, and grabs the back of my pants with one hand, lifting me like I'm nothing. I slide down the rock on my stomach, and catch myself with my palms in the dirt. My stomach slides over the dirt, and I kick my feet against the rock to help myself stand. When I finally manage to stand up, he's standing with his arms crossed, a humorous look on his face.

"What?"

I ask, smiling before I know it.

"You are just clumsy. It amuses me."

"Yeah, I'm not great in the whole 'survival' department."

"Survival has nothing to do with climbing over a rock."

He's right, and I feel my face flush a deep red. Rubbing the back of my neck, I look down at my feet. I never felt embarrassed before, but I do now.

"So…where we heading?"

I try to divert the topic, so I can stop feeling like this. Why do I, anyways?

"South. We will head South until the tower presents itself to us."

"Right."

He begins to walk, and I jog to catch up to him. He slows his pace for me, so we can walk side by side. I don't look at him. Not that I don't want to, but because I feel shy. I've never had a friend like him before, certainly not a ghoul, but I've also never felt such a mixture of old and new emotions. I say old and new because, well, they're new now, but I think I've felt them before.

Looking up at my friend, I focused on his profile. It doesn't look odd to me, but instead, strangely familiar. I want to touch him, but I don't. He might not like that.

"You are a strange girl, Dez."

He says to me, and I smile up at him. Just me and my best ghoul friend. Sounds like that could sell a million, if I made it into a song. Me and my best ghoul friend, wandering the world till there's no end. Oh, I'm traveling the world, with my best ghoul friend. See? Kind of catchy, I think so.

"I made up a song in my head."

He looks at me, confused.

"Oh?"

I nod, feeling proud. I think this is the first time since waking up, that I haven't been obsessed with who I am, and what my past is.

"Yup. I call it 'Me and my Best Ghoul Friend'. Want to hear how it goes?"

"Not really, no."

Sourpuss. I shrug and continue walking with him. I kick up rocks and dirt, letting the wind take them away. I'm not looking over my shoulder every two minutes. I don't have to. He has a gun. He'll keep me safe.

"What do I call you, if you won't tell me your name?"

I hear myself ask. I glance over to see him reach into his pocket, pulling out two cigarettes and lighting them both. He hands one to me, and I take it.

"Whatever you feel suits me."

"I wish you'd just tell me your name."

"In due time, Dez. Be patient."

"You sound like a…a…what's it called? Phallus?"

I look at him intently, and see the corners of his mouth move up into a small, very small, smile.

"Philosopher, is what I think you mean."

"Yeah, that."

"I am not. I am just aware that things will come to you in due time."

I cock my eyebrow, curious.

"Did we ever meet? Before, I mean."

He stops walking and scans the area. I look around, too, but I don't see anything. When I turn back around to look at him, he's staring at me. I feel my heart skip a beat as his eyes drill holes in my head. He's so threatening, so intimidating, but not to me. No, not to me. His hand reaches towards me, and I don't cower. I take a closer look at his hand, and I see now it's not a burn, it's rotted. His fingers touch my face, grazing my cheek. I let his hand wander up, and feel a slight gasp of air escape my lips as I feel his fingertips gently grazing the scar above my right eye. A rush of unknown emotions engulf me, and I don't want his touch to go away. Damn. I wish I knew why.

"This is where…the injury took place?"

I want to speak, but I can't find words. It's like my entire body is frozen solid, and all I can feel is his sort-of skin on mine. Slowly, I nod my head. His eyes don't leave mine. He's looking at me like someone would look at an old friend. I see sadness in his eyes, and I want to know why it's there, but I don't ask. I bite my lip, and he takes his hand away.

"I did not mean to make you nervous."

He says, like he can read my mind. We start walking again, and I throw my cigarette away. I don't feel like smoking.

"You…you didn't."

My voice comes back to me, but it sounds different. Like it's not my own. My senses are going crazy, reacting to his touch. I can still feel his hand against my face, it tingles. He doesn't say anything back, and that's okay. I look up at him, I've never met someone like him in my life. Well, my life as far as I know it.

"You never answered my question."

I tell him, and he turns his head from me.

"You remind me of someone I once knew is all."

"Who?"

"The girl I told you about last night."

I cock an eyebrow. Since when do I look or act like a ghoul?

"How?"

"Some of your mannerisms are the same."

"I didn't know I acted like a ghoul. I mean, no offence, but I just think ghoul girls would act different than normal girls. I know I would, if I was one."

"She is not a ghoul."

He doesn't use past tense. Well, she's not dead, but she's also not with him anymore. He's quite confusing, if you ask me.

"What do you mean? She a Super Mutant?"

He shakes his head at me.

"She is a smoothskin."

Smoothskin?

"What's that?"

"A derogatory term to describe a human, since their skin is so smooth."

My jaw drops, my heart…what's it doing now?

"You mean…you mean she's a human?"

"Yes."

I can't imagine that. I can't fathom it. Wouldn't…wouldn't doing anything with a ghoul be, kind of like…doing it with a corpse? I mean, my friend here is nice and all, but I can only imagine what he feels like. His insides must be leaking out under his clothes, he must be…all rotten and disgusting. No offence to him, I'm just generalizing.

"That's…wow. I can't imagine doing that. But I guess it's possible. I was a whore for ghouls, remember?"

I notice when I say that, his hands open and close, making fists. Looking up at his face, I see his jaw clenching tightly. Did I say something to make him mad? Did I hurt his feelings? I wait for his reply, and after a few minutes of silence, I break it.

"She must have…been a great girl."

"Yes. She is. She was able to look past…my deformities, and care for me as a person. Not as a monster. I would have done anything for her, and still would."

"I still don't see why you can't go find her. We can do it together, if you want."

I figure offering my help might score me some good points, and maybe he'll cheer up. It seems he's always angry. He shakes his head at me, closing his eyes for a minute.

"One day, she will return to me. I trust in that."

I look down at my feet, thinking of Gunny. I feel angry towards him right now. He left me, abandoned me, whereas this person, this ghoul, seems like he would have sacrificed his own life for his love. Gunny…he just wanted to have sex with me, I think.

"I wish…my boyfriend would have done that."

I bite my lip, blinking away tears. I've lived a sad life, if the only person who wants to keep my company is a ghoul who looks like he can rip the heads off of Super Mutants.

"He did not care for you?"

I shrug, shoving my hands in my pockets.

"I don't think so, no. He kind of just left me out here, without anything. He never really…did anything. When you talk about your girlfriend, it's like…real. It's an emotion I wish someone felt for me. Gunny was too busy thinking with the wrong head, I guess."

"Many men do that, it seems."

"I wouldn't know. Gunny just liked to kiss me, I guess. New girl in the Citadel."

I look at my feet, watching them walking. Frowning, I wish I could…I could have someone love and care about me like he cares about this girl. I wonder who she is, if she knows me. I bet she's really nice, and she took very good care of him.

"She was nice, wasn't she?"

"Who?"

"Your girlfriend."

"In a sense, yes. She was kind to me from the beginning, but we have had our fair share of fights. Yet when we fought, if I received injury at any point in time during that argument, she dropped it. Her main priority was my well-being, even before our relationship transformed into what it had. However, she was not always kind to other people."

"What do you mean?"

"Her morals, they were off kilter. Her logic was one to question, but she was a good person. There was always something about her, that I could never piece together. A secret she never shared with me, a sadness within her. I felt sometimes, I would lose her to the tortures of her mind, and it angered me, that I could not help."

He really loved her. Or, loves. It's like his voice lifts when he talks about her, and he doesn't seem so angry. I wish someone would talk about me like that. I'd give anything to hear it.

"You two must have been close."

"Yes."

"I wish I was that close to someone. It sounds so wonderful…"

"Perhaps you were, and you just do not remember."

I look up at him, hopeful.

"Do you really think that?"

"Yes."

"I hope I remember them soon…"

Reaching into my shirt, I pull out the metal necklace and look at it in the sun. Charon. Maybe he wasn't my brother. Maybe he was my lover. People don't give other people things like this unless they're close. Maybe he was my own love out here, and he really cared about me.

"Charon…"

I said, forgetting I wasn't alone. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my friend turn to me, then quickly turn away. He's probably looking at my necklace.

"It's Charon's."

I tell him, and he nods. He doesn't look at it, and I watch as the sun glitters off of it. Aside from his picture, it's all I have of him. Staring at it, thinking, I realized something, and tucked it back into my shirt.

"Is something wrong?"

Ghoul friend asks me, and I look up at him, sighing.

"If Charon cared so much about me…why did he leave? Why did I wake up alone in the Citadel, and why didn't he come back to me? That's another reason I think he's dead. Or maybe I pissed him off, and then the accident happened, and he just thinks he's dead…either way…he's probably forgotten me by now. It's been a long time."

"Perhaps he could not reach you. You do not know what happened, there may have been incidents, events, people, that prevented him from getting to you."

"True, but then why wouldn't he try to find me now?"

"I am sure he is looking. Do not be so quick to assume the worst."

He's right. Maybe Charon is looking for me. Maybe he caught wind that I got out of the Citadel and is looking for me right now. Clutching the necklace under my shirt, I sigh, and try to remember him.

"Charon…"

I say again. His name feels…it feels right on my lips. Like I'm meant to say it, like I've said it so many times before. I don't doubt that I have, but the way it falls off of my lips…it's like something a girl would say to her lover while they romp in bed. It's filled with longing, an emotion I'm not familiar with.

"The way you speak his name is intriguing."

I smirk, staring at the ground ahead of me.

"I'm intrigued by it too. Want to know what I remember about him?"

"Yes."

Closing my eyes, I hold onto the necklace like my life depends on it.

"I remember emotions. They're strong ones, I can't describe them. It's like a fire is burning inside, and I can remember his feel. I can feel his weight on me like he's all around, like he's protecting me from something. I can see his eyes, they're milky white and blue."

Opening my eyes, I let go of the necklace, and shove my hands back into my pockets.

"Perhaps you loved him."

I didn't think of that. The way he says it, I know it's true. It just fits, another piece of the puzzle that works, but ten more pieces have been added. Yes. It works. Love. Lust. Passion. That's what fills me when I think of him. Passion and lust and security. I stop walking, and I stare at the ground, my entire body tingling.

"Dez?"

I hear his voice, it's so far away. My mind clicks, turns, the gears and knobs working. I feel the world slipping away from me, and images flash in front of my eyes. I feel something in my hair, I feel the warmth of someone else. It's him. It's Charon. I can see him, his body laying next to mine. I can see his chest, but it's dark. I feel his fingers running through my hair, his warm body against my own. I feel my hand on his flesh, my fingers trace over his muscles, he's rough. He's hard. His body is fit…but I can't see it. I can feel it. The emotions.

Closing my eyes, I block everything else out, and focus on the memory at hand. I feel his lips on mine, and it…it feels rough. Soft, but rough. Like…like…the feel of the clothes I'm wearing. I feel lust run through my body, and I feel him all around me. It's so vivid, but so foggy at the same time. I feel my body ache, but ache with pleasure, anticipation.

Opening my eyes, I look at my ghoul friend. My body is tingling all over, as if I relived the experience.

"I...did love him…"

I say, my voice filled with displaced passion and emotion. Slowly, I blink, staring up at my ghoul friend.

"Why did you stop?"

He's concerned, and I shake my head, running my fingers through my hair.

"I…remembered. I remembered him."

"Oh?"

"Not him, I can't see him, but I felt him. I felt his…chest. I felt his kiss and his hands…"

"His hands?"

I nod, and we keep walking. He's interested in what I have to say, so I keep talking.

"His fingers, he used to run them through my hair. I remember liking that, a lot. He kissed me, and his kiss felt like my shirt. I think…I think we were having sex or…or laying in bed…"

I blink and look to the distance, look to the horizon. I had loved him, and loved him a lot. My heart hurts, because I know I lost him. He's out here, somewhere. I've never felt such strong emotions before. I never thought I had felt them. A warm breeze hits my face. I can't remember, but I want to remember. I wish I could see his face. Even though I have his picture in my Pip-Boy, it's still not the same. I want to remember him, not just see some picture. I want to see him in my head. My friend doesn't say anything, and I look at him, my eyes begging him for answers. He doesn't have any, I don't think, but it doesn't hurt to try.

"Yes? What is it?"

He asks when he catches me looking at him. I let out a frustrated sigh, and look around the barren desert.

"I want to remember. It's making me so mad that I can't."

"I see."

He doesn't say anything else, but he takes his shotgun from his back. I freeze up, and look at him.

"Do you see something?"

I watch him scan the area, looking down the barrel of his gun. He doesn't say anything, and I feel my insides churn uncomfortably. I don't see anything, but he might.

"I thought I heard something…"

He says and we keep walking. He carries his gun at his side, finger on the trigger.

"Are you going to teach me how to shoot?"

"Yes. When we arrive at Tenpenny Tower."

I nod and stare at the rocks and dirt. I want to remember Charon, but it's like there's this huge, big wall stopping me from doing it. I want to remember my dad, but that same wall stops me. I hope it'll come down one day, and I can remember everything, the good and the bad. Sighing, I kick at a small rock on the ground. My friend seems like he's on watch for something, he keeps looking around.

"You're making me nervous…"

He looks at me for a minute, then goes back to scanning the area.

"I did not mean to make you nervous. I think I hear something."

I try to listen, but I don't hear anything.

"I don't hear anything."

"Maybe I was mistaken."

I shrug and put my arms behind my head. I see something up ahead, and I squint.

"What's that?"

I ask, and motion with my head. He looks, and straps his gun to his back.

"Trading caravan. They will not harm us."

"Does that mean they have things for trade?"

"Yes."

"Think they have ammo?"

"Perhaps."

I smile. It's not like I need new ammo, but I smile anyways. I have no reason to, in fact, I have every reason in the world not to smile. But I'm smiling. Looking up at my friend, I examine his features. Muscle, veins, they're exposed under bits of rotten flesh. Somehow, I think it's interesting, pretty. It's like being able to see the insides of something, and the insides of people are disgusting.

That 'inner beauty' crap is nothing more than that, crap. We are filled with blood, veins, organs, mucus and bile. No one is beautiful on the inside. But for some reason, as I stare at my friend in the sunlight, I respect him more. I respect ghouls more. They have the courage to walk around, showing their ugliness to the world, doing all and surviving. Under that ugliness, too, is kindness. My friend has no outward reason to be nice to me, but he is. He's cold, and distant, but he's kind to me. I feel safe with him. I feel like he's my best friend, and I hardly know him.

His eyes catch mine, and I stop smiling. They freeze my body, stiffening me up on the inside. My heart feels like it stopped, but then it beats again, pumping blood back into my veins.

"S-sorry."

I stammer, tearing my gaze away from him. I feel…like I can remember. Like if I stayed with him, one day, I'd remember. It's like everything is okay, when his shadow overcasts mine, when his feet hit the sand and dirt, making deep groves.

"Hey?"

I ask him, and he looks down at me. We're coming up to the caravan, but I don't want to talk to them.

"Yes?"

"What can I call you? Since you won't tell me your name."

"Whatever you wish to call me."

I look up at the sky, and smirk.

"Sunshine."

"No."

"You said I could call you whatever I wanted."

He looks at me, and I see the hidden humor in his eyes.

"Do I look like a bloody ray of Sunshine?"

I laugh, and cover my mouth with my hand. I steal a glance, and notice he's smiling a bit, too.

"No, no I guess not. I can't go around calling you 'ghoul', though."

"I suppose not."

"How about Kevin?"

He shook his head, swatting at my words with his hand.

"Don't call me anything. I prefer anonymity."

"Suit yourself."

What do I call someone, who I know nothing about? We pass the caravan, there's nothing there I need. I have all I need I guess, in my pack. I don't know myself, but I call myself Dez.

"What did your girlfriend call you?"

I ask him, staring up ahead.

"She called me…many things."