Chapter 7
Der Fuehrer's Face
It had only been a few weeks since the Danger Rangers had received their powers, and Zordon already needed a vacation from them. After all, Devonte had already been arrested twice, Dirk would not stop smoking pot inside the command center, Teena kept trying to molest Alpha 5, Synthe had been suspended from school again, and she was bored, and well…
"Alpha, please! This is not funny!" Zordon pleaded, but the robot was literally on the floor laughing.
Finally composing himself, Alpha looked up at his master. "You're right, Zordon, but—" he burst into a fit of giggles Synthe had dropped by earlier and had given Zordon—well, a makeover of sorts. She had adjusted the holographic projector so that the floating head in the tube was no longer Zordon's. Instead, it was the black-and-white visage of Adolf Hitler, complete with a Nazi flag for a backdrop.
"Alpha, this is not an appropriate message to be sending. We are supposed to be the good guys!" said Zordon.
"Oh, Zordon, have a sense of humor," said Alpha.
"You would not be laughing if you were dressed like Adolf Hitler!" Zordon yelled angrily.
Alpha abruptly stopped laughing. "Synthe didn't do you any harm!" he blurted, apparently hurt by Zordon's sudden outburst.
"I think you need to recharge. Then, you can get to work restoring my proper appearance," said Zordon.
"No!" Alpha snapped.
"Synthe's bad attitude seems to be rubbing off on you," said Zordon.
"I need some time alone," the robot said dejectedly, then without any further warning, he teleported to the park, where he landed unceremoniously on his rear end. Dusting himself off, he went and sat under the nearest tree and sulked. Deep down Alpha knew something really wasn't right with him. He had been, well, ill for quite some time now. HE kept malfunctioning no matter how well he was repaired. He was beginning to have trouble restarting after he recharged. Perhaps most troublesome was the fact that his tactical sensors were now starting to malfunction, which was rather uncomfortable.
Whatever was causing Alpha to malfunction so much, he had no idea, and he most certainly didn't like it. To make matters worse, he had to deal with the Danger Rangers, and dealing with delinquents of that caliber on an almost daily basis was no easy task.
Meanwhile, Synthe sat upon a park bench, lazily watching the little boy she was babysitting. No, you didn't read that wrong. Synthe Terrvaak was actually babysitting. This was because the child's mother had a drug problem, and didn't have any qualms about leaving her kids with random strangers.
Dylan, a six-year-old boy, was doing graffiti on the slide with a magic marker (which Synthe provided), drawing dirty pictures and writing swear words (all of which Synthe taught him to do).
"How'd I do?" Dylan called out as he finished drawing a "dirty bird.
Synthe went up to him, examined the "artwork", and said, "Cool—but 'fuck' is spelled with a 'C', just so you know,"
"Wow, what's that?" Dylan said, pointing a finger.
Synthe looked in the direction that he was pointing, and saw Alpha, who was sitting under a tree. Her jaw dropped. Conveniently forgetting everything Zordon had said about keeping her Ranger identity secret (not that she ever really cared about that, anyway) Synthe shouted out, "Alpha! What the fucking hell are you doing out here where the whole freakin' world can see you?!"
The robot turned around with a start, and Saw Synthe standing not too far from him with her hands on her hips and an irritated look on her face.
"Ay yi yi yi yi! Zordon yelled at me because you gave him a makeover!" Alpha said.
"What?! Sperm-tube-Hitler-face wants to punish you for what I did?!" Synthe exclaimed.
Alpha nodded in reply.
"I'll deal with that son of a bitch!" Synthe said, fuming. Turning to Dylan, she said, "Sty with the robot. I've gotta go take care of something," at that, she teleported to the command center, right in front of not only Dylan, but several other people who were walking nearby.
"It has become more than obvious to me that you have no respect for rules of any kind. I must say that I am very disappointed in you, Synthe. Had I known our behavior was truly going to be this bad, I would have never even considered you to become a Ranger," said Zordon.
Synthe, who had been standing at attention with her hand and arm extended in a Nazi-style salute, simply rolled her eyes.
"As you have completely disregarded my instructions not to reveal your identity to anyone—" Zordon started.
"Sieg Heil! Mein Fuehrer!" Synthe yelled abruptly.
Zordon sighed. "It is not very nice to interrupt," he said.
"Whatever. Look, I got a bone to pick with you, Adolf," said Synthe.
"My name is not—" Zordon started.
"I know that, Hitler," said Synthe.
"THAT IS NOT MY NAME!" Zordon boomed.
Synthe gave him a look. "You're really not very intimidating," she said. Pausing to take a breath, she looked up at him agin. "You know, that stupid, godforsaken, annoying little rustbucket of yours is kinda down in the dumps because, from what I hear, you're frustrated with what I did, and you're taking it out on him,"
"Alpha 5's responsibility is to maintain the command center," said Zordon.
Synthe looked around. "I don't see anything broken," she said.
"I LOOK LIKE HITLER!" Zordon boomed.
"It's not causing you any pain, though," said Synthe.
"Well, no," Zordon admitted.
"Then get the hell off the robot's case. Bitch at him some more, and I'll redecorate the whole command center," said Synthe.
Right at that very moment, the Monster Alert Alarm sounded.
"Great! What now?" Synthe said sarcastically. She turned to face the viewing globe, where she saw that Alpha had been chased up a tree by a group of Daleks. Obviously, these weren't the smartest Daleks in the universe, as they seemed to have forgotten that they could simply blast the tree down with their death rays.
"Great!" Synthe exclaimed, "Alright, sperm-tube, which one of these buttons is for the communicators?"
"It is actually a rather complex series of buttons, and they must be pressed in proper sequence," said Zordon.
Synthe fumed. "You know, cell phones were invented for a reason," she muttered audibly. She rummaged in her pockets momentarily, pulled out her phone, and, "Dammit! NO service!" Letting out a growl, Synthe jammed her phone back in her pocket. Another glance at the viewing globe revealed that the Daleks were no closer to getting Alpha down from the tree he had climbed. "Fine! I'll deal with the fucking Daleks my damn self! God!" she said. Frustrated, she teleported back to the park.
At that very moment, Zordon used the computers to contact the Power Rangers, telling them that Alpha was in grave danger and to get their butts to the command center ASAP.
"We're here, Zordon. We're ready for—whoa!" Jason exclaimed upon seeing Zordon's new "look".
"What happened to your face?" said Kimberly.
"Never mind that. You must teleport to the park immediately. Behold the viewing globe," said Zordon. The Power Rangers all turned around and saw Alpha up a tree, and Synthe, trying to singlehandedly distract the group of Daleks that had chased him up there.
The Power Rangers morphed and teleported to the park.
"Oh, good!" Synthe said sarcastically, "You're here! Why don't you make yourselves useful and distract these douchebags?"
"WE ARE DALEKS, NOT DOUCHEBAGS!" one Dalek screeched, infuriated at the insult.
"Go exterminate the gay faggots in the tight, flamboyant spandex!" Synthe said, pointing at the Power Rangers. The Daleks' eye stalks followed Synthe's finger, and they all screamed "EXTERMINATE! And started shooting at the Power Rangers. As it turned out, those Daleks were not only dumb, but they were lousy shots. One of them, as it was shooting at Jason, inadvertently blew up a police car, sending it flipping up into the air and then landing on a school bus, which also blew up.
Synthe cringed. Shaking her head, she made her way over to the tree that Alpha was in. "C'mon down from there. It's time to get you back to the command center—all in one piece, without the Daleks blowing you up. Zordon would be more than pissed at me if that happened," she said.
"Ay yi yi yi yi! I can't get down!" Alpha exclaimed.
"You're ten feet up. Jump," Synthe said coldly.
"Ay yi yi yi yi!" Alpha said again, this time, his voice was shaky.
"C'mon, jump. You're not gonna break yourself, the grass is soft. Just go feet first. You want a softer landing, aim for that patch of dirty-ass dandelions," Synthe said, pointing to the weeds nearby.
Alpha simply clung to the branch he had climbed onto. He was trembling, and whimpering in a rather odd manner.
Was he crying?
For a brief moment, Synthe saw in her mind a white room with no windows. Everything was a blinding, bright shade of white, including the bed that was in the center of the room.
"EXTERMINATE!"
The Dalek's voice brought Synthe's head back down out of the clouds, along with the death ray that narrowly missed her head and hit the tree.
"You! Come stand over by this tree," Synthe told the Dalek.
"I DO NOT TKE ORDERS FROM—" the Dalek started.
"JUST DO IT!" Synthe screamed.
"I obey!" the Dalek said meekly, and did as it was instructed. Synthe climbed atop the Dalek and into the tree, retrieved alpha, and teleported him back to the command center. When she got there, she saw that the Power Rangers had their hands more than full with the group of Daleks. Said Daleks were now blowing things up left and right.
Synthe hit a couple of buttons and switches, and Zordon's face reverted back to its normal form. "Alright, sperm-tube, I brought your robot back, and I un-Hitlered your face. Your Power Rangers apparently don't know how to deal with Daleks," she said, rolling her eyes and gesturing towards the viewing globe.
Zordon sighed. HE didn't want to admit it, but Synthe was right.
"Now, can I borrow the keys to the Megazord?" said Synthe.
"Synthe, why would you want to borrow the Megazord?!" Zordon exclaimed.
"To exterminate the Daleks, of course," said Synthe.
"Fine," Zordon said with a sigh, "Alpha, go retrieve the keys to the—Alpha?" Zordon's sentence was cut short as he saw the robot sway on his feet, then catch himself on the edge of one of the consoles.
"Alpha, are you alright?" said Zordon.
"I—I don't know, Zordon," Alpha replied.
"C'mon, you need to get some rest. I'll have Billy run a diagnostic on you later," Synthe said as she went to help Alpha to his room. Turning to Zordon she said, "Keys, please,"
"Second closet on the left," Zordon replied.
Meanwhile, the Daleks seemed to be having a good ol' time taunting the Power Rangers. Every time one of them would get close enough, the Daleks would shoot at them, forcing the rangers to back off. The Daleks would then blow something else up, prompting the rangers to come closer, then drive them off again. This continued until Synthe came stomping through with the Megazord, stomping on several Daleks while she was at it.
"Synthe!" the bewildered Power Rangers all yelled.
"Get your asses up here! It ain't easy driving this thing by myself!" Synthe called down to them.
The Power Rangers somehow managed to get into the Megazord's cockpit without getting stepped on or exterminated. From there, they helped Synthe squash all the Daleks that were terrorizing the place.
Synthe and the Power Rangers were congratulated by Zordon upon their triumphant return. Synthe, however disregarded Zordon's compliments. She stared down Billy and said, "You. Go fix the goddamn robot. It's sick, again. I need to go find Dirk. I need to smoke a frickin' joint." At that, she teleported herself back home, leaving the Power Rangers to wonder what in the hell was wrong with Alpha this time.