Now Everyone knows that there are certain incontrovertable truths in our world - e=mc^2, jerkass politicians, TV and a deep human reluctance to interact any more than necessary with other humans. Anyone who reads this fic will know that there are also certain incontrovertable truths in the Naruto world - Naruto is a goofy loudmouth who somehow always pulls through, Sasuke will have fangirls, and Rock Lee will have eyebrows to rival Australia's last Prime Minister - look up 'John Howard's eyebrows' on google pics and you will see some terrifying images. However, one of the most fundamental truths in the Narutoverse is the pevery of adult male Jonin, lead by the heroic efforts of Author, Sannin and Mega-Perve; Jiraiya.

Chapter Six: Tsunade to the rescue.

Jiraiya was on thea floor, trying to work out what hit him, while Kabuto was trying to revive Orochimaru from his stupor - survival instinct, the Genjutsu was already cancelled. then there was a swirl of leaves, and the poofing sounjd that accompanies all jutsu, And, horror of horrors, for Jiraiya at least, Tsunade appeared.

"....What is going on here?" She asked after a long, deathly silent pause. It was Kabuto that answered.

"He-he- he and Orochimaru-sama..."

"Where'd Oro-chan go...?"

"O-oro-chan?" Asked Tsunade, turning to see the catatonic villain.

"He's gone blonde, and now he's gone...." Jiriaya said, slightly woozy as he sat up. "Oh, you hit me, Kabu-poo." He pouted.

"You tried to take advantage of Orochimaru-sama under the influence of Genjutsu!!"

"I did not. I can't use Genjutsu. All those freaky mind tricks."

"Your hair did it" Said Kabuto, folding his arms and pointing to he rainbow thing on Jiriaya's head. He, being a creepy unemotionless creep, was immune to the greater portion of the effects.

"Ridiculus, my hair is awesome!"

"YOur hair is awful." Muttered Tsunade, not looking straight at it.

"You take that back!" Cried Jiraiya, patting his left ponytail defensively.

"I'm in my happy place...happy place...happy place...happy place...happy place..." Orochimaru muttered, curling into a foetal position.

"WHat did you do to him?" Asked tsunade, goingto stroke Orochimaru's forehead carefully.

"And Sasuke's there, and I have his Sharingan, instead of this ridiculous blond, and I'm eviler than Itachi, and stronger...and I know all the Jutsu...and Jiraiya's...Jiraiya's AAAAAAAAAAAGHHH!! happy place...happy place...happy place...happy place...!!!"

"Blond...JIRAIYA!!!"

"What? He's over the age of consent, and I never taught him."

"Did he consent? And he's your teammate, not to mention Evil and wanting to destroy us all."

"Since when does that matter?" Jiraiya asked defensively. "You know that bad boys have always had a certain...allure..."

Tsunade decided to join Orochimaru in his happy place, and in the ensuing coma, they killed Jiraiya, got married, had a brood of snakey blondes, and then, when Jiraiya returned from the dead after their children, were forced back into reality, with twin screams of abject horror.

"J-jiraiya...You're... come with me. I have to undo that jutsu." Said Tsunade weakly. How on earth could Jiraiya have done that to Orochimaru? And why Orochimaru of all people? What did Orochimaru have....

"What Jutsu? I'm perfectly happy...Hey! Oro-chan! Get back here!!" Jiriaya yelled at Orochimaru, who was trying to crawl away inconspicuously.

"You may be happy, but no one else is." Muttered Tsunade, grabbing Jiraiaya by the pigtails. "You are coming with me."

"But Tsunade~" Jiraiya whined, following his ponytails,and the irate, busty woman dragging them.

"No buts, and be glad I'm not throwing you in jail."

"But-"

Jiraiya felt more pain.

*

When Jiraiya came to, he was in Konoha hospital, and Tsunade was swearing throught the walls.

"How am I menat to get rid of that" swearing "Jutsu!! I don't even" swearing "remember how I" swearing "did the" swearing "thing!!" and then there was much more swearing.

"But lady Tsunade, if you don't then imagine what'll happen. The effects of the Jutsu are increasing rapidly. At the moment he still acts and looks like a man, but it's been less than twto days...Imagine what would happen if you left it on for a week. He might even end up turning into a girl, and I don't know if that's reversible, even by you..." Shizune was sounding even more harrassed than usual, poor girl. Standing up, Jiriaya shook out his hair - and abrubtly realised how aesthetically hideous it was. Trying not to retch, he went over to the mirror, and with a quick lion's mane jutus to expel the rainbow dye, and some skillful work with a kunai, emerged with something a bit like Zac Efron, complete with colour and highlights. Then, after another quick jutsu that was somewhere between transformation and Tsunade's youth seal thingie, he felt ready to face the world at large.

"Hello Tsunade-sama." Jiraiya chirped to the still swearing blond, waving his hand at her. After a second he peered more closely at her hair and asked, "Hey, Tsu-chan, did you do something with your hair? Wasn't there just the one short ponytail before?"

"I haven''t worn my hair like that for thirty years you - Oh my..." Tsunade turned around to confront the pervy sage, but when confronted with hot, yet extraordinarily gay-looking young man in front of her, trailed off, Shizune peering over her shoulder and blushing slightly.

"J-jiraya?"

*

The jutsu is becoming more and more advanced, and you can substitute the name Zac Efron for anyone with gay-looking hair.

No offense intended to anyone, that's just a personal opinion, and i'm fairly sure he's well known (if I can put a face to his name, he must be) Jiraiya's face doesn't look like Zac Efron's though, it's just a generic, hot, face. Use your there's a genjutsu added to make everyone see the face they think hottest under the hair...actually, I might do that. Could be interesting to see who finds who hot. Please review. Ta!

Oh, and really sorry for being so lazy about the updates. It's the school holidays. Tata for now! ~Ratpigeon