"Am I supposed to be feeling like this?" David asked, rubbing his chest and looking down at the blanket covering his legs.
"Sure," Regina said disinterestedly. After she had rolled off him and put on a robe, she had pulled out her journal and started writing. She had hoped he would be the kind of guy who rolled over and fell asleep or wanted to leave right after. She was beginning to see that she wasn't going to be so lucky. He wanted to talk.
She had been exceedingly generous in her instructions and he had performed adequately enough. It wasn't in her job description to talk about feelings. He rolled onto his side to look at her. She continued writing. He moved his hand up her thigh and under the robe. She continued to ignore him, not even bothering to look over her glasses at him. He was getting annoying. "I liked it better when I was on top," he said climbing on top of her in just his boxers. He leaned over her journal and pressed his lips against Regina's. As he tried to slip his tongue into her mouth, she grabbed his bicep and gave a firm shove. It took David by surprise and he tumbled off of her and onto the floor. Regina went right back to writing.
"David." Regina said after a moment. His head peeked up from the floor. Regina finally looked up from her journal. "This is what I like to call quiet time. It's the time when we reflect on the things we've just done."
"Sorry," he said climbing back onto the bed slowly. "Something the matter?" he asked.
Regina looked up from her writing. "You think?" she asked sarcastically.
"Is it me?"
"No. You were fine," she said rather kindly giving him a soft look. She did take his virginity after all. She turned back to the journal on her lap.
"It's that Emma girl," David said, showing a remarkable amount of insight. Regina blinked and licked her lips. "You love her don't you?" Regina made a noise in her throat and pursed her lips, keeping her eyes on her book. "It's okay," he said. "I don't love you either. I love Snow." He fell back onto his back. Regina huffed and shut her book.
"I'm getting out of here," she said, sliding off the bed.
"Where are you going?"
"I'm taking a shower."
"Want any company?" he asked, taking Blue's advice to heart.
"No."
"Want me to go down on you?"
"Good night David," she said slipping out of the room.
SQSQSQ
Blue rarely made the trip to Jefferson's mansion so Regina was mildly surprised to see her come into the study. She assumed it had something to do with her Abigail scam and went back to watching Emma with her binoculars. Blue looked at her strangely.
"Who are you spying on?" she asked, snatching the binoculars from Regina. "That her?" Blue asked, focusing them on the blonde. "Under your apple tree?"
"Yeah."
Emma was leaning against the tree trunk wearing a white tank top and jeans. She was reading The Little Prince. "Well, she's trashier than I expected. I guess I was expecting cardigans and terrible hats," Blue said snobbishly as Regina glared at her. "I guess not every prude is created equally."
"Shut up," Regina snapped, grabbing the binoculars back.
"What's up your ass?" Blue demanded. Regina's mask fell back into place.
"Nothing," Regina said, blinking a few times.
"She's really getting to you isn't she?" Blue asked, leaning in to observe Regina's face. Regina looked away for a moment.
"If you must know, yes." She walked away from the window. "I don't know what to do. I can't stand her holier than thou bullshit, but I'm completely infatuated with her." She looked up at the ceiling. "She made me laugh." Blue looked worried for a moment. She marched over to Regina.
"So, that's why you are losing my bet?" she asked from Regina's shoulder.
Regina turned toward her and moved into her space. "I'm not losing our bet. It's just taking a little longer than I expected," she said, looking at Blue's lips before moving back up to her eyes.
Blue looked down before speaking directly into Regina's lips. "Do you mind if I take my new car for a ride?" she asked, before giving Regina's lips a quick swipe with her tongue.
"Blue," Regina said firmly. "The only thing you are going to be riding is me." Regina gave her a confident smirk. "Now, if you'll excuse me. I have some work to do."
SQSQSQ
As she walked across the lawn, she felt her confidence returning. She unbuttoned the third button down. The trip to the youth center had thrown her, but Blue's visit had returned her focus. She wanted something and she would get it one way or another. There was no room for confusion or emotions in this. She stroked the tree trunk as she made her way around. Emma looked up at her with a grin. She closed the book and set it down.
"Am I bothering you?" Regina asked.
"No, no. You're fine. Sit please. I've read this a hundred times."
Regina smiled and sat down on the blanket Emma had laid out. "Me too."
"Why did you buy it then? I mean I left my copy back in Florida, but well you live here…" Emma scooted away from the tree and closer to Regina on the blanket.
"I like to buy any new editions I find. I have around 50 copies of it in numerous languages and formats."
"Oh wow. I'd love to see them sometime."
"I can show you. They are at my house though."
"Trying to lure me back to your sex dungeon with promises of books?"
"Why? Do you need to be punished, Emma?" Regina asked seductively, leaning closer to her. Emma blinked a few times.
"Tell me you don't have a sex dungeon."
"I don't have a sex dungeon," Regina said deadpan. She gave Emma a wicked smile. "I've noticed your mind tends to run toward the gutter when you are around me. Is it just your ghastly letter writer or am I actually your type?" Emma blushed pleasantly, but pulled away from Regina. Her eyes fell to Regina's deep red silk blouse. With the top 3 buttons undone, the top of her lacy black bra was exposed. Her eyes lingered on the exposed curves.
"Well, your shirt being unbuttoned so much isn't helping me not think about sex."
"I'm sorry. I didn't think you were the kind of person who would blame their own lack of self control on a woman's clothes."
"That's not what I… Jesus. Why do you always have to jump down my throat?"
"What do you mean?"
"You always make me feel like an asshole," Emma said, looking away. Her mouth was set in a petulant frown.
"I can't help that you put your foot in your mouth every five minutes around me." Regina said softly. This wasn't going quite how she wanted it to, but she could fix it. She reached out and turned Emma's face back toward her. "I'm sorry." Emma looked up at the apology and met Regina's eyes. She looked sincere. "I wasn't trying to make you feel like an asshole." Regina's fingers lingered for a moment before dropping to the blanket. She looked away. "As you know, people like to judge me. Just because I've grown accustomed to it doesn't mean I like it."
"I wasn't trying to judge you," Emma said, tilting her head, hunting for Regina's eyes.
"I know that," Regina said, looking up at Emma from under her eyelashes. Emma blinked slowly. Regina moved onto her knees and reached out for her face again. She stroked Emma's cheek with the back of her hand. "I do."
"Good." Emma leaned in to the touch and closed her eyes. Regina inched forward. Emma could feel her getting closer, but didn't stop her. "Regina," she said softly. Regina pressed her lips gently against Emma's. She kissed her slowly, just moving her lips softly against hers. Emma responded after a moment. Feeling Emma give in, Regina deepened the kiss. She grazed Emma's lips with her tongue. They fell open slightly and Regina took advantage, slipping her tongue into Emma's mouth. Regina shifted over Emma, pushing her toward the blanket. Emma caught herself with one hand and pushed Regina back with the other. Regina sighed, but fell back.
"I'm sorry about that," Regina said, standing. She turned her back to the blonde still sitting on the blanket. She felt like they moved a step forward only to move two steps backwards.
"Me too," Emma said meekly. Regina paced on the grass lost in thought. Finally she whipped around and glared at Emma.
"You know what I'm not sorry. I take it back," Regina said.
"I thought we were just going to be friends."
"I can't handle it. I can't keep my feelings all bottled up like you. Can you honestly tell me you feel nothing for me?" Regina said.
"I… I do have feelings for you, Regina."
"Then what's wrong? It's not like I can marry you to prove my sincerity."
"That's not fair."
"Why can't we be together?" Regina asked.
"You really want to know why?" Emma asked, staring up at her.
"Yes. I want to know why."
Emma stood up and got directly in Regina's face. Her eyes were wide and watery. "It's because I don't trust myself with you." Regina's lips parted and Emma looked at her for a moment before turning and leaving her behind. Regina sat heavily on the blanket Emma had left behind and absently picked up the book. She opened the book and traced the snake that had eaten an elephant with her finger.
SQSQSQ
Night fell and Emma was brushing out her curls and preparing for bed when she heard a light knock on her door. She called for the visitor to enter. She already knew who it would be. It made her nervous having Regina in her bedroom after dark or at all, but they needed to talk. Regina opened the door. She was wearing a black turtleneck and tight black jeans. She closed the door quietly behind her.
"Hi," Emma said sadly. Regina remained by the door.
"I just came to say goodbye."
"Where're you going?" Emma asked confused.
"I don't know. My friend Mal has a villa in the south of France. It might be nice for the end of the summer," she said looking away. "I just can't take your games anymore."
"What games?" Emma asked standing and facing Regina head on.
"Oh, come off it. You like me one minute. You're judging me the next. You make me feel inadequate."
"Well, I guess if that's how I'm making you feel then it's good that you are leaving." Emma folded her arms across her chest.
"It's all good for you," Regina said turning to leave.
Emma shook her head. "Regina. I don't want us to part on bad terms."
Regina stopped at the door and turned around as she spoke, "Well, I'm afraid you don't have a choice in the matter. You're a hypocrite and I don't associate with hypocrites."
"How am I a hypocrite?"
Regina rolled her head to the side. "Oh please, Emma. You spend all your time preaching about waiting for love. Well, here it is right in front of you and you're just going to turn your back on it. So I guess you're fucking us both." Regina paused. "No. I'll move on, but you are going to have to spend the rest of your life knowing you turned your back on love and THAT makes you a hypocrite," Regina said. Emma blinked and looked down. Regina watched her face before saying quietly, "Have a nice life." She turned toward the door again.
Just as she reached for the handle, Emma made her decision. "Wait," she said. Regina turned around, her eyebrows set stubbornly. She shrugged her shoulders as Emma looked at her for a moment before surging toward her. Regina stood her ground as Emma neared her. She leaned in as if to hug her, but reached past her and turned the lock on the door. Regina's heart seemed to skip a beat. She didn't move an inch.
Emma turned her head and kissed Regina. When Regina responded, Emma grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her against her. Regina allowed Emma to lead for a moment before she pressed into the kiss. Her fingers grasped at Emma's waist, pushing her toward the large four-poster bed on the other side of the room. She had been waiting for this moment for what seemed like ages. Her hands could barely choose where to start as they moved up and down Emma's sides before sliding down to her ass. She led them across the room, never breaking the kiss. Emma moaned into her mouth, grasping her shoulder so tight Regina was sure she would have bruises.
When the back of her legs hit the bed, Emma slipped her hand down to Regina's waistband. Regina broke the kiss when she felt Emma fumble with the buttons on her jeans. She let both arms drop to her sides and leaned back to watch. Emma opened the top button and slid the zipper down. Emma let go of Regina's pants and scooted onto the bed never breaking eye contact. She began undoing the buttons on her bed shirt while Regina stared into her eyes. Regina glanced down at what Emma had revealed. The shirt was still protecting Emma's modesty but she wasn't wearing a bra. Her eyes traced from Emma's bellybutton up her sternum before meeting Emma's now vulnerable eyes again. She pursed her lips and glanced away. Everything suddenly felt very wrong.
"I'm sorry. I can't," she said. She spun on her heel and left. Emma sat on the bed exposed and alone. She buttoned her shirt quickly, hiding her shame. She stared at the door, wiping the occasional tear away.
Regina burst into her room and slammed the door behind her. She fell back against it and let out a deep breath. She took several deep breaths before catching her appearance in the mirror. Her hand was fisted in the material over her heart. "Get it together, you pussy," she said to herself with a sneer.
a/n: thanks for all the reviews, favs, follows