A/N:
This has got to be one of the hardest chapters I've worked on yet. Especially with trying to find the right balance. But anyway! Here it is!
Big thanks to everyone! And my lovely Beta.
Also, there is a trailer made for BBC and BBB which is just fantastic. So if you get a chance, check it out on my Tumblr somewhere or Youtube.
Enjoy!
Jack looks miserable while leaning back in the armchair and propped up. His sparse eyebrows are wrinkled and he sits still, concentrating in front of him. Slowly Sarah rises from the floor into view and pulls a puffy-cheeked face. One side of his mouth lifts, so she disappears again and reappears quicker than last time startling him, but he smiles fully.
"Yay!" Sarah exclaims, tickling his feet. His smile doesn't last long till he frowns again. "Will you stop doing that!" She reaches out picking him up and pulls him into her shoulder, smelling that innocent smell of the small boy and savoring it.
The sound of the door opening makes her turn and get up to her feet. "Eric?" she calls, hurrying to greet him.
He stands in the doorway for a moment, his jacket collar shrouded around his neck, looking at her before walking in and placing his laptop on the counter. He'd been at work for two days straight and Sarah couldn't remember him ever joining her in bed. She hadn't asked him what he was doing nor where he was, it was none of her business at the moment and she didn't want to battle Eric in another verbal brawl. So, she had let it be.
She couldn't say much for Eric, but her anger she had felt towards him was hard to maintain as the days passed. And she didn't want to maintain it either - it was tiring.
Eric walks back out without a word and Sarah's shoulders sag, thinking he's not coming back. But he grabs at something down by the door, a medium sized box, and walks to a certain, wary distance in front of her and places it on the floor.
She waits for him to say something but he doesn't. And his posture is stoically reserved. "What's…" she breathes, looking around the room to anything but him a little nervously. "...in the box?"
He clears his throat, brushing a hand over his mouth and Sarah waits patiently. "Open it," he says simply.
"Okay… do you want to…" Eric takes Jack, catching onto her hint. Picking at the sellotape, she scoffs, trying to lighten the awkwardness between them. "It's sellotaped pretty good."
"Use my knife." He twists his body and she can't help but blush while unclipping it from his leg.
Balancing the box on the arm of the chair, she carefully slices through the sellotape and pulls back the flaps, peering inside. "What is this? Is that…" She pulls out a plastic baby blue bar with three dangling cartoon animals while looking at a padded seat folded inside. "...a bouncer? You bought a bouncer?"
"I asked you what you needed days ago. You only gave me two things and I'm not stupid." Sarah squints at him questioningly. "I know babies are apparently supposed to take over. It's looking bland in here anyway." Jack begins trying to eat his jacket, so Eric distracts him, turning him around to face her.
Looking up at him, she smiles. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me, you're not the one that's going to be sitting in it."
Sarah peers to the bouncer still in the box and shrugs. "I could try but I'd probably break it." Eric doesn't appear amused at her joke. Gyrating on the spot, she opts to change the subject. "You look tired."
"I am," he admits and is distant as he bounces Jack a few times, not even looking at her.
"Have you been sleeping here?"
"You missed me?" He smirks and Sarah blushes over his words. When she doesn't respond, the corners of his mouth drop and he passes Jack back to her, straightening out his jacket. "I've had a lot of work. But I have been sleeping here. It is my home after all."
"Oh."
"But on the couch."
"That couch is tiny." She snorts, her eyes flicking to the couch for a moment before looking back at him.
"It makes do for the few hours here and there." She watches Eric unzip his jacket and he throws it over the back of the chair. "I'm working from home this afternoon. The four walls of the office were beginning to close in."
Sarah peers to the window at the bright and sunny day outside, then to Eric who is setting himself up on the table. "I was thinking that perhaps I could take Jack outside. It's not good for him to be cooped up in here all day."
"No."
"Eric, I can't stay in this apartment. I don't do anything apart from watching Jack." Sarah tries to keep her voice from sounding like she is whining.
"That's a good thing, isn't it?" He taps away on the keys, leaning an elbow next to him as he waits. "You don't need to do anything."
"I want to go outside!"
"No!"
She takes the few steps between them to stand next to him. "Why?"
Eric sighs through his nose and peers up agitatedly at her. "Because I don't trust you if we are going to be honest here."
"It's a walk, not a spy meeting. I'll have Jack with me."
"And that makes it even more futile that you don't go outside."
"Well, then at least around Dauntless."
"No, Sarah." He uses his hand to express the words in finality, but she keeps pushing.
"What about down the hall and back? Is that allowed?"
"No."
"Is that really your decision to make? You can't keep us locked up in this tower."
"Yes, it is."
"This is all beginning to span out just like it did in the past. This is what you did before-"
"I said no and I mean it!" He shuts the laptop in his agitation and stands. "I'm not saying it for the fucking fun of it! I'm saying it because it's dangerous. And you will not leave this apartment till I say so. Do you understand?"
Sarah fights the surge of tears that rise from being spoken to in such a way. "I don't understand, Eric. I don't." She hushes Jack who begins squirming agitatedly. "I'm not a soldier you can command."
"No. But you are the Mother of my child and we are at a crucial time right now. You being out there is dangerous." He clicks his tongue at his loud tone and strokes the back of Jack's head as the small boy begins whimpering into Sarah's shoulder. "Jeanine knows I've found you. There are too many people around us not to know. If I allow you out there and something happens, that's on me."
"Not even in Dauntless?"
"I don't trust any of the people around me. Not at the moment." Eric makes a point of tucking the hair behind her ear as he talks, softening his expression. "As soon as this is over, you'll be safe." He watches Sarah bite at her lip, the whites of her eyes slightly tinged pink while she looks away from him. "Do you trust me to keep you safe?" She nods and he wipes a stray tear away. "Okay, so let's get this straight. You are not going outside without my say-so. And I'm going to ask you again, one last time. Is there anything you need?"
Sarah shakes her head. "Just… please don't leave me alone for so long. I need someone to talk to."
His nostrils flare and he exhales sharply. "Last time we spoke you said you didn't want to talk with me. Look at it as me giving you exactly what you asked for."
"I was angry," she mumbles when he steps impossibly closer.
His face begins to form a sneer and she knows whatever is about to come out of his mouth next isn't good. "Sometimes when we are angry, we say what we truly mean." His sight lingers on her bottom lip when he runs a thumb across it. "Maybe not in the most educated way, but there is honesty behind it." He places a hand on the small of her back, ushering her towards the bedroom. "Now go put Jack to bed and be quiet, I'm busy."
Eric shakes his head as he watches her walk away. Maybe he was a little harsh. But he can't help it. His trust was extremely limited and she'd broken it. And he wondered if that was ever going to return…
Whether it was from the lack of physical and mental activity or a play on her thoughts in general, Sarah can't sleep, staring at the bars of Jack's cot next to her in the darkened room. Long ago her eyes had adjusted, and she began to see the shifting of shapes and shadows the more she stared around her.
She huffs, rolling onto her back, wondering whether Eric bothered to stick around. Peering at the outline of the door, she realizes it's awfully quiet. Curiosity gets the best of her and she had barely thought it through when her body moves, seemingly with a life of its own.
Quietly she tip-toes to the door which is open ajar from when Eric had last checked on them and she had pretended to be asleep. He didn't realize she was awake at the time. She'd watched him tuck Jack's blankets in, shutting her eyes as he turned towards her. Lying frozen, she had tried to keep her breathing steady as she felt him hovering over her. Eric had brushed his fingers over her hand, moving further into the covers before retreating quickly.
For a while, her mind had spun and she was convinced she had dreamt it. It was just another added reason to why she couldn't sleep.
The small hallway is dark, and the only light comes from the kitchen, illuminating the table, but Eric was nowhere to be seen. She frowns, not because he isn't there but because his laptop is, and still opened with folders scattered beside it.
She looks back at Jack one last time before walking into the open living space and heads straight for the laptop. Touching the plastic casing, she admires how spotless it is and smiles, thinking of a peculiar image of Eric cleaning it himself. There's a map beside it, marked with different highlighters, times and weird area names scribbled next to certain places. She lingers on the information written next to what she knew as Abnegation's train tracks that run parallel at one point next to their faction - the same place close to where Lizzie had died.
A soft noise brings her out of her thoughts. Flat on his back Eric looks extremely cramped on the couch, his legs dangling over the armrest. He appears troubled and not in the slightest graced with a restful sleep. The soft noise she had heard was none other than the twitching of an arm that was hanging over the edge of the couch. She notices the hand resting on his chest is balled, and when stepping closer, the flickering of his features in his sleep.
She didn't have to guess that he was having a nightmare, that he was apparently still plagued by them even now. Yet, he had slept soundly on the first night when she had arrived - that or he was good at hiding it.
Sarah looks to the bedroom, contemplating going back to bed and leaving Eric be, perhaps speak to him in the morning when he had calmed down. She gnaws her bottom lip, looking back to his restless form - if she woke him now, she feared she would have to face his grumpy fury. But then again, maybe he wouldn't be...
She makes up her mind eventually; knowing she couldn't sleep with him like this on the cramped couch and walks up to his side. Kneeling down, she prepares herself for that intense, questioning expression he had mastered and that was so uniquely him.
Tilting her head, her loose hair hangs in waves and she sighs before reaching out with a shy hand towards his dangling arm.
"Eri-" Her fingertips barely press against his skin when his other hand instinctively flies out and latches around her wrist painfully. She's yanked off-balance to her side and lands on her ass. He twists her around effortlessly, his forearm resting under her chin as he pulls her back towards him between his knees and she just about yelps when he applies pressure to her throat with his forearm. "Eric!"
The tensed muscles that were ready to wipe her from existence, slowly relax and he pants behind her, lowering his face to the side of her head.
She can feel his hot breath and the clammy sweat on his skin. "It's me." He doesn't let go, and she tries to gently stroke the threatening hold he has on her even if she felt shaken herself from the whole experience. "It's me. It's Sarah." He takes a deep breath and eventually releases her.
For a moment she rubs at the friction of her nightwear and his arm that was slung around her neck before peering over her shoulder at him. He wipes at his head, which is dipped low, then leans back to strip off the damp black shirt he'd been wearing. Sarah looks away.
It's a minute before she manages to get to her feet and Eric watches her, still appearing to be vying on the edge of caution. She holds out a small hand towards him and whispers, "Come to bed with me?" She smiles sheepishly as if it would somehow help convince him. There was no intention behind her words, merely the fact that she hoped he would sleep better.
Eric takes her hand after a brief moment of hesitation and she leads him slowly to the bedroom. In the doorway she releases him and clambers quietly into bed, checking on Jack momentarily. Eric takes off his pants, then rounds the bed to his side. Sarah follows his movement, in fact, they barely lose eye contact the entire time.
Rolling to face him as he flips the covers over and lies on his back with a sigh, through the sheets she fumbles to lay a calming hand on his bicep. He frowns down at her innocent gesture for a moment before closing his eyes and relaxes.
When Sarah feels him shift on the bed, she thinks he is about to reciprocate her actions. But when he doesn't, she tells herself she is content with the fact that she was allowed to touch him. One small step at a time.
Mark knocks confidently on Mary's door with a pleasant smile planted on his face. He clears his throat and stands taller while waiting patiently. Today he was going to ask Mary to have dinner outside with him.
The door opens to some woman he has never seen before. He would be an idiot if he couldn't see the snarl already lifting at her lips when giving him the once over. But he could truly say her graying, frizzy hair was horrendous regardless. No wonder she looked bitter.
"What do you want?" she snaps and now Mark is thrown off and he gapes at her. He hadn't prepared for this. "Well? Cat got your tongue? Are you mute?"
"Uh...no. No, no. Is Mary there?"
Meredith eyes him with suspicion. "What do you want with her?"
Mark tries to keep his voice light, though he was beginning to get annoyed. "We're friends."
The woman snorts and laughing she says, "Not anymore!" As she tries to close the door.
"Mother!" Mary catches it before it can close on Mark. "I'm here. Sorry, I was just getting ready for school." Her eyes slide across to the irritating woman beside her. "A little privacy?"
"Sarah told me to keep my eye on you," she retorts, folding her arms.
"Sarah also knew Mark and he had dinner with us plenty of times." She raises her eyebrows at Meredith before stepping outside and pulling the door to. "I'm sorry you had to come face to face with that. She is-"
"Something else?"
Mary smiles. "Yeah, you could say that."
"Where's Sarah?"
"I needed to speak with you over that. There is something you don't know." She plays with her fingers nervously. "You won't freak out?"
"Over what?" There's a slight etching of a suspicious frown on his forehead and he adjusts his cap in distraction. "I'm not the freaking out type, Mary."
"Well. Erm. To put this all rather simply. Sarah is Eric's ...I don't even know what to class their relationship. But anyway, Jack is his."
"Fuck." Mark's eyes widen and he wipes the sweat beginning to form down his temple. "Shit."
"Language!" Meredith shouts from inside the door and Mary slams it shut.
"Eric took them back to Dauntless," Mary finishes, scowling at the door.
Mark nods a few times. "I heard about a baby and a girl. I didn't know it was Sarah, though. I just thought it was someone in Dauntless." He wets his lips and shifts into a more relaxed pose. "You know, I knew there was something not right…"
Mary laughs. "Oh really, Mark?"
"No, I'm bluffing, I actually didn't have a clue." When the laughter dies down, and Mary scratches at her neck, looking like she was just about to leave, Mark steps forwards to stop her. "Listen, after school, do you maybe wanna hang out?"
"Hang out?"
"Er, like, we could have dinner outside? Then go for a walk or-"
"You want to have a picnic with me?" She smiles but her eyebrows are drawn together in her question. "Are you asking me on a date?"
"If you want to call it that?" His face shifts and he becomes unsure when she doesn't reply. "But… it doesn't have to be if you don't want it to be. I don't want to make you feel-"
"Okay."
"-uncomfortable or anything. I know that it seems kinda awkward to use the word 'date' because it seems so official, right?"
"Okay, Mark."
"Some girls don't even like to date these days, it's like base three first thing-"
"Mark, I said okay!" Mary grabs his arm. "Stop. Stop talking. Relax." Mark exhales his anxiety. "I want to go on a date with you. So... I'll see you after school?" She turns back to open the front door and knocks it straight into Meredith's inquisitive face.
"Oh...yeah. Yeah, I'll be there as soon as you finish." Mark walks away with a fat grin, listening to Meredith complain that Mary had broken her nose.
Eric watches Sarah picking at her breakfast, barely eating any of it. He finishes his mouthful and clears his throat. "I'm going to the training room this morning. Do you want to come or not?"
Sarah frowns at first and tries to keep her words passive, "Is that really a good place to take Jack?"
"Barely anyone will be there. Heavy schedules at the moment. Up to you." He shrugs and forks some more food, shoving it in his mouth and watches her contemplate, much to his annoyance.
"Will we be there long? Jack has a nap around half nine, ten."
Eric checks the time. "It's eight now, we'll be there an hour max." Jack coos from his bouncer Sarah had put together first thing that morning. The small boy is placed on the floor directly between them, facing the table as they eat.
Getting up, she places her fork to the side and still avoids his eye. "I'll just go tie my hair back."
When she walks away, Jack stops fidgeting, tracking her movements and sporting the same particular glare as his father when his wobbling head rests back lazily to gaze up at him. "Yeah, I hate her hair tied back too," Eric says, shoving his last piece of food in his mouth and chews quickly. Jack begins mouthing his fist ferociously and Eric snorts, for a second it looked like he was copying him.
Eric works on the bags, his movements are fast and completely lethal to the point Sarah winces a few times, imagining the outcome of being his opponent or somebody he disliked. However, she smiles when he turns to her, giving her just a brief flicker of consideration. He didn't smile back and she struggles to figure out what he was thinking. But it was obvious he was lost in his thoughts because she began to interpret the bag as an outlet.
Sitting on a mat to one side, Sarah watches from afar, entertaining Jack on her lap who is becoming more agitated and grumpier as the minute's pass. The noise of the doors opening has her peer over, her heart almost stopping when she spots Wayne, his one good eye noticing her instantly. She gathers herself and Jack and moves over to Eric, standing on the other side of him while he questions her with a frown.
Eric's expression doesn't change when Wayne comes to stand next to him and leans in to whisper something in his ear. Sarah can feel the color drain from her face and she's stuck on the spot when Wayne casually strolls up to her. He reaches out to pat Jack's head, "Ah, so here's the little lad everyone's talking about…" Despite his good-natured demeanor, Sarah turns Jack away protectively. "I won't hurt him, I promise."
Sarah looks at Eric briefly, then back at Wayne again as he plays with Jack's hand. "Hey there, little guy," Wayne talks sweetly. "How you doing?" His beady good eye snaps to Sarah who is still intensely staring at him as if she had seen a ghost. "You alright?" A part of his mouth twitches, knowing exactly what he was doing.
She's still stuck on the spot, although suddenly her senses come to. "Don't touch him!" she hisses and pulls Jack away, hugging him close to her. "I want to go. I'm- I wasn't ready to leave the apartment. You were right," she mumbles, touching Eric's arm.
It wasn't so much trying to protect Wayne, it was the thought of violence around Jack. She also didn't want Eric to get hurt or ruin anything else between them with more details of their past. In all reality, if something happened to Eric, she would be left with Jack unprotected. And at the moment with their relationship still very much unstable, Wayne had the upper hand in any arguments, because at least Eric remembered him.
Wayne takes advantage of the situation and plants the seed quickly in Eric's head. "So, you're scared of Dauntless soldiers, but you're in Dauntless, love. You gotta get used to it."
"Can we go?" She tugs on Eric, ignoring the one-eyed idiot's comments. "Please." She slips her free hand down into his, but Eric is quick to pull away and she looks to the floor, embarrassed at his rejection.
Wayne scoffs. "Ain't that sweet?" His face the utter depiction of glory.
"Fuck off, Wayne." Eric turns back to the bag.
Wayne smirks at Sarah before she watches him leave.
"This is nice." Mary leans back to enjoy the sun on her face. Mark had provided a sandwich dinner which was hardly enough but it was the thought that counted. He'd driven them out to a plain land with old streets below and sat them upon a grassy hill to enjoy the view. "You come here a lot?"
"This is my thinking space," he admits. "I come here when I need a moment."
"We won't get in trouble for being here?"
"I won't…" He looks at her through squinted eyes from the sun. "But you would." He smiles when her eyes widen.
"What? Why didn't you say anything?" She wasn't really angry, in fact, her voice was unbothered entirely.
"I can sense your inner rebel."
"You are a major geek, you know that?" Mary laughs. "No piercings, no tattoos...what faction did you say you were born in again?"
"Dauntless, you little turd." He throws a piece of grass at her. "And I can't really say much about you because... well, you're perfect."
Flattered by his words, Mary blushes and sits up to cross her legs, letting her fingers skim the grass in front of her. She thinks back to her times with Wayne for some reason. He took something from her she would never get back and it shames her, wondering that if Mark ever knew then would he lose interest in her? "I'm not perfect," she mumbles shyly.
"Everyone has a different type of perfection. In my eyes, you are it." Mary watches him, relaxing on his elbows, eyes closed, not having noticed her become uncomfortable.
"I should really be getting back." She stands suddenly, grabbing at their rubbish and blanket they were sitting on, pulling it out from underneath him to which he startles.
"Hey!" Mark gets up to face her. "Did I say something wrong? What's the rush?"
"Nothing. It's just getting on. I should be getting home. My mother will be pulling her hair out." The thought wasn't unpleasant.
"Okay," Mark says while watching her frantic movements. "Do you want to do this again? Another time?" He adjusts his cap, unsure of her behavior.
"Maybe." Mary stumbles trying to fold the blanket and Mark catches her, his expression twisted in concern. "I'm fine, really. And yes, we can do this again." He seems satisfied for now and smiles, helping her pick up their remaining items. He walks out ahead and turns back with a goofy grin she can't help but snort too.
"What?"
"It's just you." He waits for her to catch up to him and elbows her lightly. "How did you even pass at Dauntless?"
"Hey now! I thought being rude was beyond Abnegation." Mark studies her intensely and she feels shy beside him. "I'm a pretty good soldier. Apparently."
"Do you take a lot of girls on dates?"
Mark shakes his head. "I have never asked a girl out on a date in my life. You were the first. That's permission to now feel special."
"I'm looking at someone special right now." Before she has time, Mark knocks her hair out of her bun and jogs off ahead of her with the hair band in hand.
"Mark! Give it back!" She felt kind of stupid running after him, but he didn't seem to care.
Mary catches up to him at the truck and he holds the door open, resting his arm above him. "I'll give it back on one condition," he says, grinning mischievously.
"I'm not selling you my soul. Plus, your Dauntless is really starting to show now."
Mark ignores her statement completely and admires her cute wrinkled nose as she tries to appear firmer than what she was. "You have to kiss me."
Mary's world begins to spin and her cheeks burn. "A kiss is earned."
"I showed you my thinking place…" he mumbles, watching her clamber inside the cab. He rushes round to his side and once in his seat, he turns to her and smiles. "I don't show anyone my thinking place. And I still have your hair band which won't be returned until you fulfill my condition." He holds it up in front of him triumphantly and laughs when she tries to snatch it from him. She falls into him and the air changes between them. Something more serious washes upon both their faces and Mary leans in closer, watching as he can't help but look to her lips. "Only if you wanted to, that-"
"Mark, shut up," she barely breathes, and he gulps, nodding in acknowledgment.
The only other person she had kissed was Wayne who had taken control and took her first kiss quickly, without much regard for what she was feeling. Mark, however, relaxes and lets her take her time. Her kiss is light and slow, only placing her lips upon his. He responds ever so slightly, brushing a hand down her arm before allowing her to move back. She smiles at the blush on his cheeks before she moves away and holds her hand out. "Hair band, please!"
Sarah lies on her back, waiting for Eric to join her in bed. She smiles through the darkness at him as he appears in the doorway, starkers from his shower and uncaring for being so exposed in front of her. He doesn't say a word nor returns her smile.
She remembers in the past that Eric wouldn't allow her in bed clothed. She didn't like it back then, but with time it made her feel wanted, loving how he appreciated her body.
Now he doesn't seem to care, and as he lies down, pays her no attention at all. Maybe what he said back at the house was true. That she was just a babysitter and her only duty being here was to look after Jack. It seemed with a clean memory, he didn't like her at all. Things were different since he had found about what she had done.
Eric was distant with her and as she watches him turn his back, she can feel the hurt rise from her chest; especially as her eyes drift down to the nightdress with the bow he once admired so much.
She felt stupid, interpreting that he cared the night before when he allowed her to touch his arm until he fell asleep. That there was still some hope...
Hope.
That was all she ever relied on lately.
The pain of his disinterest squeezes in her chest and she rolls to face Jack, someone who she knew appreciated her.
As the days pass, the routine begins to grind on every single one of Sarah's nerves and with that her attitude and patience dwindles. Not only had she done what she did for a reason, she was now being punished for a situation she had never helped to create and even denied it several times. But all Eric seems to focus on is how hurt he is, and how betrayed he felt.
He'd done exactly what she had imagined and hidden her away. During the trips to the training room, everybody they passed knew who Jack was, but no one ever paid any attention to who she was, barely acknowledging her existence at all. She knew no one, spoke to no one. Even Eric had stopped talking to her apart from anything to do with Jack.
At least Jack and Eric had bonded. He felt confident taking his son into his arms, picking him up as soon as he walked through the door. Their one moment she thought he may speak to her as a human being was when he commented on how tiny his feet were, inspecting each toe, before leaving for work without so much as a goodbye.
Sarah couldn't figure out how to break the vicious cycle they were falling into. However, she was determined to do just that.
Brushing her hair down and fluffing the waves, she applies lip balm, rubbing her cheeks for blush and wearing just a thin dress. The times when Eric came home were varied, all she had to do was wait. And tonight she is lucky.
She busies herself with cleaning when he enters. Eric kicks off his boots in the hallway, his head snapping up to the unusual sight at such a late hour. She smiles and his frown only etches deeper. Reluctance suddenly sweeps through her, he seems pissed. But it was too late now to back out.
When he makes a move towards the bathroom, she steps in front of him. The expression on his face is comical, disbelieving in what she was doing. "Is there a problem?"
"No…" she breathes, hesitant on her next steps.
"Then move," he growls.
Sarah grabs his jacket as he tries to pass her when she doesn't move. "Eric wait. Can we just talk?"
"I have nothing to say," he grumbles and shrugs, but his eyes deceive him as they dance down to her chest. "What would we talk about anyway? We have nothing in common." His voice is biting, goading for her reaction but she tries to keep calm.
"About anything? About your work? Why are you so busy? You've been stressed-"
Eric grabs her jaw, pushing her back as he walks forward, snapping from his passive demeanor in an instant. "Of course I'm fucking stressed! Did you miss the part where I have to share my home with a lying gray? That I have to watch you every day and wonder what I ever said or did to you?" He scoffs, tilting his head and possessively drops his hand between her neck and shoulder. "Some days I even wonder what it was like to fuck you. Maybe we should talk about that?"
Sarah's lip trembles from the shock of his outburst. But she knew it was coming, he'd been brooding for days. "Anything is better than nothing," she says, her voice pointedly firm and holding his intense gaze.
"Do you want to fuck me now?" He pouts. "I'm all for it. Be interesting to see if my speculations are correct. I'm not all into that tender shit. But, you probably know that, don't you?"
"If speaking to me this way makes you feel any better, then go ahead. Let it all out, Eric." She yelps when he spins her, pushing her into the counter and she tries to steady herself against it. His chest is heavily weighed onto her back and one hand curls around the top of her shoulder, the grip painful.
"Get it into your thick skull, I don't trust you! And I never will... Some pretty clothes and chapstick aren't going to change that."
She pushes back against him, her voice tight, "I still love you, Eric. I know you know that it's true."
"You didn't love me enough!" His voice bellows beside her ear and he releases her. "Just like my whore of a mother. I have no respect for people who fucking bail when times get tough." Now he grabs her face to implant his words, and she stares up at him wide-eyed. "If you loved me, you would've known I don't trust easily. You wouldn't have left..." He shakes her in an attempt to keep her attention, although with his face flush in anger he had it fully. "And my mom was lucky that illness killed her first. Because if I got my hands on her..."
"I'm not afraid of you! You can try to scare me all you want, degrade me, but I know it's just a front-"
"You know nothing!" He takes a deep breath and his hands shake when he brings it up to the bridge of his nose. "Get out of my sight," he mumbles at first, then quickly snaps his head up to her and grabs her shoulders, pushing her to the bedroom hurriedly. "Go! Get away from me!"
A sob escapes Sarah and she rushes to close the door. Jack begins whimpering, then yells when a smash and multiple bangs erupt from the kitchen.
"Shh," Sarah comforts him, drawing him to her chest and sniffs. "I'm going to fix this. I promise."
The next morning, he joins her in the bathroom while she showers. Sarah knows he's there from the sound of him entering, and she can see his looming figure out of the corner of her eye behind the glazed shower door. Just the splatter of the water hitting the tiles drowns them in this moment, and she begins to feel hot knowing he was watching her; though just her outline, within such a short space between them
She's just finished her hair when he pulls the shower door open. His eyes flicker up and down, then he holds her gaze.
"Get out the shower." With his voice stern, she rushes to get out, quickly drying and walking into the messy living space from last night in just her towel, stepping over a rogue broken plate. With Eric in his full uniform, looking every part professional in his role, she fears the worst.
"I'll be gone most of the day," he eventually says, barely looking at her. So she copies him, dropping her sight to the floor as the feeling of her damp hair begins to drip down her back. "It's something I've been working on and I don't know how long I'll be."
Sarah briefly lifts her head to see the gun holstered to his leg, which begs her to ask, "Is it dangerous?"
"Dauntless is on lockdown. Nobody is getting in or out until I get back." Ignoring her question completely, he points to the table. "Feel free to take Jack for a walk anywhere but outside. You can't get out, so don't try. And you are being watched... The code to the door is written down on the side, along with contact details if you need anything and a temporary phone. Use it if you have to."
"You're scaring me."
"You should be. Everything rides on today."
"What's today?"
"The day we accidently stumble upon the factionless." He smirks to himself.
Sarah frowns at him, not really understanding. "What does that mean, Eric?"
"It means keep your mouth shut. It's taken me days to come up with this plan by myself without releasing the order to anyone else. If they know that we are about to intercept them and predict our movement, I know then that the only other person aware of my accidental route is you."
"You know I have nothing to do with the factionless, or Jeanine. It was a one-time thing and it was personal. Absolutely none of it was involved with the factions."
"Do I?" He raises his eyebrows questioningly. "It's convenient though, isn't it?"
"Is this why you won't touch me?" The words are out before she can stop them. "You think I'm a spy or... rebel?"
"Touch you?" He exclaims in exasperation, his composure switching to condescending as he throws a hand up and down her body. "This whole time all you have thought about is me touching you?"
She wrings her hands and stutters. "Before, even when we didn't get along we still-"
"Stop it, Sarah! Listen to what you're saying. You wiped the man you used to know for better or worse and you have to live with that. Maybe once there was a time we fucked... but that's gone, because of you."
Sarah's voice is caught in her throat at his hateful, disgusting misuse of what she meant. "Why are you saying this? Why are you trying to hurt me?" She sniffs, wiping at her face as her inner anger begins to build and she clamps her eyes shut. "Don't you think I've been punished enough already? All the crap I've had to deal with over the months!"
"I'm trying to make you see sense in that fucking small world you live in. It's obvious that I wasn't an important part in your life otherwise you wouldn't have done what you did. I have a faction to run, and at the moment that comes before you."
"The factions always came before me!" She pants and he looks to the floor. "What did Wayne say to you?" she demands, knowing the only person Eric listens to is that weasel and the dramatic decline between them had started when Wayne had been there, smirking and gloating in front of her.
"Nothing that I don't already know." Sarah loses her composure when he steps forward, running the knuckles of his fingers down the side of her cheek and changes the tone of his voice to something unusually smooth. "But don't worry, sweetheart. I'll be doing what I have to, to take care of you and Jack." He simpers, "Though, I hope you have a good memory of a time where you were loved."
She can't bear to stand in front of him any longer, she turns quickly and runs down the hall to lock herself in the bathroom.
Eric hurries after her but the door slams just in his face, so he rests a hand high on the frame, listening to her sliding down the inside of the door, sobbing. His jaw twitches and he gnaws the inside of his cheek as he leans further into his arm.
What was he going to say to her anyway? What was the point? He shuts his eyes and exhales, filled with an inkling of regret.
He knows she's just beyond the treated wood, and he puts a hand to the level of where her head would be, sighing as he does.
Before he leaves, he makes a quick stop to peer down at Jack, memorizing his tiny features and the way his arms were thrown up over his head while he slept unknowingly to the chaos around him. Then he cuts ties with his emotional attachment as he marches through the front door, squaring his shoulders and acting as if a gray girl and a small child never stole his heart.