Disclaimer: I don't own Four Brothers.

Memories of the Past

It's been a couple of days after the funeral of Tyiona L. (I'm not putting up her last name, it would just b L. I don't really know what nationality of Tyiona yet. (Jack hadn't told Matthew whose funeral they attended, he had put off telling Matthew that his mother is gone.))

'She's gone. It's my entire fault' thoughts were circulating in his head. Matty was sitting down on his father's lap, he didn't know what was going on.

"Daddy" Matthew called, trying to get his father's attention. "Where's mummy?"

Jack looked at him, didn't know what to say. He wasn't good at these things. What will he tell his son? Jack hugged Matty and asked uneasily, "Have you heard of Heaven?"

"Yesh" Matty replied. "Mummy sez dat's where goot peoples go when dey die."

"Oh," Jack muttered. "Uh, well… that's where mummy is…" Matty looked at him, it wasn't a funny joke. He has never ever been separated from his mother.

He panicked. "NO!" Matty yelled. "NO! I WANT MUMMY NOW!" He got off and wandered around the house, calling for his mother. "MUMMY!" He continued calling for her. "Mummy! SHTOP HIDING MUMMY!" He waited for her head to poke out. There was nothing, not even an answer back. He started crying, "Mummy! Mummy! SHTOP HIDING PLEASE! I LOVE YOU MUMMY! PLEASE COME BACK!"

Jack tried to hold back his tears, it was such a hard thing to do but he had to be strong. He had to deal with the situation in a proper manner.

"Matty," Jack called. "I miss her too. Your mum loves you very much" It had hit him. As she was dying, she had told him she loved him and Matty. Jack didn't even tell her how he felt, he didn't want to believe she was going to die.

xoxoxoxox

Jack had collected her things from the hotel and it's packed in his room. He didn't know what to do with it but he definitely didn't want to throw it away. He was rummaging through her stuff, trying to find Matthew's pajamas till he discovered quite a thick book. It was Tyiona's journal, dating back 3 years ago.

Jack read a few pages;

15th March 2002

I'm so excited! We've arrived in New York, I think I'm going to head off to sleep after this first entry! I am glad to be here, can't stand living in Australia. Us girls decided to come here, actually Poppie did, because she had a relative here or something like that. So we're going to try and make it big here, actually start somewhere first, what better place than New York. I wonder why they call it the Big Apple… Hmm…

Okay, I'm off to bed!

Xoxo

17th March 2002

Aaah, I have a hangover…

Last night/this morning was baddd! Argh! Well we got into this nightclub, I forgot the name I was out of it, trying to book a gig or find out some more about the place, the music, the crowd. Uggh, disgusting people trying to take advantage of little girls like us! I thought we were going to be dead meat, till this guy out of nowhere rescued us. Yes, rescued. Michael, that's his name. You'll never guess, he asked me out on a date, I don't know whether I should or not, Malty keeps egging me on to do it, but I'm just not interested in business type men. Besides I am too young for him. Three more years and I'll be 18! Boo-yeahh! We've got our fake ids, that's how we got in P never fails.

22nd March 2002

It's been a few days later and I had decided to go on that date with Michael. It was a nice date… Weird going out with an American man, I mean with the accent and all. I wonder if it's true about their shoe size… No! I didn't go there! Still a virgin! sings Madonna's song lol

He is a sweet man, I love sweetness… Yes, I decided to go on the second date, which he asked before giving me a kiss goodnight! Oh… I better stop writing about him, it'll get me more infatuated with him…

Argh! No luck with gigs yet, bloody sucks (

25th April 2002

Oh god, I haven't been writing here in ages. Been busy investigating pubs, clubs whatever we can get out hands on. We have our first gig ever in America! It's going to be in 2 weeks in the club, Escape, 0o0o0o I hope all goes well. I know it's ages away but it's as good as we can get, for now.

Michael and I have been seeing each other these couple of months, he's away for business probably comes back in two weeks, who knows. But he said when he's back, he'll help my band with finding proper venue and said he'll make sure we'll be spotted. Ehh, I don't know if I want that kind of help from a boyfriend. Oh, boyfriend…

1st May 2002

Where the fuck is Michael? Haven't heard from him, tried calling but he never answers. What's the point! I never know what's going on, fuck, I want to end this weird shit! I think I'm over him.

It's going to be a few more days and we get to perform! We're working on which song, and what beats fits in perfectly, what sounds good. Blah blah blah…

Going out with the girls tonight, clubbing!

10th May 2002

OMGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG! They love us! I was nervous as hell but the crowds were bloody awesome! Leeza hooked up with some guy, I hope she doesn't forget about us! The manager came up to us after we finished and asked us to come back for another show. He said that if we make the crowds act the way they did before he'll recommend us to other clubs he has connections with! This is great!

Tried calling Michael today, wanting to tell him about the good news but no answer. Wonder what he's doing? Pfft…

13th May 2002

Michael got back this arvo, I tried to break it off but he wouldn't let me. I want to get out this relationship, he just won't leave me alone… We had a huge fight, just about every little thing that annoyed me and apparently "I need him" Bullfuck!

In the end, I gave him another chance. I don't know why, there's just something about him that's comforting.

20th May 2002

OMGGG! THE CROWD WAS AWESOME ONCE AGAIN!

WE HAVE NEVER FELT THIS KIND OF VIBE BEFORE!

THE MANAGER WAS DEFINITELY IMPRESSED, WE DELIVERED WHAT HE WANTED AND HE IS GOING TO HOOK US UP!

I AM WIDE AWAKE, CAN'T SLEEP SO EXCITED PLUS I DOUBLE DROPPED. THE GIRLS WENT CLUBBING WITH SOME GUYS THEY MET, I JUST WANT TO BE AT HOME. HERE. GOING TO HAVE A NICE JOINT. SWEEEEEEET!

18th June 2002

IT"S MY BIRTHDAYYYY TODAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY! )

We, I, am definitely going to have soooooo many drugs. I wanna get fucked off my head. Yes! Everything is soOo sweet! Our band is going to get the recognition we had longed for. Can't wait.

Michael is away on another business trip, as fucking usual, sent me dozen roses and some lovey crappy stuff which is now at the dumpster. Nothing is going to change between us. I can't be with him, I don't want to be with him. He doesn't know my real age, he thinks I freaken turned 21. When he comes back, I'm breaking it off for sure.

20th June 2002

In the evening on my birthday, we went to a punk/rock club. We were just sitting around drinking, guys were flirting but not interested. The girls were going crazy and horny, to think they never seen a guy before!

Well, I don't know whether it was the drinks or not BUT I do remember the band Spares, I think that's what it's called. The singer, Jax? Jack? Jacks! He was an awesome singer, I swear to god, that tongue ring is hot!

After that we went off to a techno club, Fraktured. I was fucked for two days. Couldn't sleep, was pinging. But it was an awesome night, awesome birthday! I LOVE MY GIRLS!

16th October 2002

I thought I was a strong person, doesn't take crap from anyone. I was wrong…

Michael and I had been trying to work it out, trying to make the relationship work due to him been away all the time and the fact that I don't want to be in this relationship. I saw him last night and we just argued and argued. I had, had enough so I told him to fuck off and leave me alone because I wanted to break up and nothing he can do to change it. I haven't slept with him or with anyone, maybe he's holding on to get a piece. I don't know. Anyway, we were in a heated argument and he fucken hit me. Not once, twice, three times but more than that. I don't know I stopped counting…

My face looks like shit.

I am leaving. I need to get away from him.

Jack was shocked when he read that entry. He didn't know what had happened between Michael and Tyiona, now he understood and he should have let her explain. It's too late for what ifs but maybe that's the reason why she decided to leave suddenly when he raised his hand to her. 'Fuck!' Jack thought. He didn't know.

He continued reading, skipping a few pages ahead.

11th March 2003

The girls and I finished our gigs last night and I was just waiting for them to pack up, so I headed to the bar. (I didn't help because I am the singer! I don't use any equipment except for the microphone, yes I am a lazy arse!) I had too many to drink that night but I did meet a guy. Jack from Spares. I think mentioned him before somewhere in this journal. Well, I think I made a bad first impression, probably scared him. He has a lot of groupies, a lot of girls. I think he loves that, I mean what guy wouldn't? If I was a guy, whoa I'll be banging like there's no tomorrow!

His voice attracted me most. )

Michael is away, yet again. I hope he doesn't come back, why won't he leave me alone? I know he's out there fucking because he can't fuck me. He is not my boyfriend anymore, I don't know what he thinks / Anywhere I go, he'll find me. I really want to get away from him.

Different subject; Band is going great, we are getting more noticed.

--

Updated; We've been hanging with Spares quite a lot these days… The more I see Jack, the more I want to pounce on him. But I can't go down that road, Michael will come back… Why do I let this fucker ruin my life?

20th April 2003

Oh. My. Gosh.

Last night, I slept with----------------------------------- Jack. We were having a little argument, nothing too big outside Infuzion, he was asking me why I was immature blah blah blah and he kissed me! One thing led to another and I have no idea how we got into his apartment S but I did remember what we did. It was kinda embarrassing telling him it was my first time, but he was so gentle and ohhhh big. LOL bigggg!

When I woke up, I was just a bit freaked so I left his place. It wasn't him, it was just me. I don't want to get attached to him, I don't want to be one of those girls who loses their virginity and thinks that the person they lost it to is their soulmate blah blah blah. What I'll be to him is one of those girls he slept with.

Mmm, he came over today asking why I left… I shouldn't of opened the door because we had sex again!

We hung out afterwards, he is very sweet when he wants to be. There's a lot about him I don't know. Well, he taught me how to write songs and he was just singing softly just to show me his sample. God, his voice is so sexy. I wonder if he knows he's sexy!

We act like we want to be together but we don't. At least I don't. I'm still worried about Michael. I don't know how Jack will react to that situation. I really do like Jack, I don't want to hurt him, I don't want to fall for him hard. I'm scared… I don't know what's going with us, it's one of those unsaid things.

11th May 2003

I've been feeling sick lately, I don't know whether it's the fact that I caught him cheating. Yes, I saw this skank all over him and he was going with it. We're not even a couple so why should I bother with pretending we are. We had a huge fight when I mentioned about girls, groupies just whatever but I didn't mention about that part of what I saw. I don't know how I missed it but that fight just made me realize that he wasn't the type to be committed or have a long term relationship. I don't want to do this to him.

To make matters worse, when we made up and watched a movie at my place, Michael left a message on my answering machine, fuck I should of picked it up because Jack heard half of what Michael said before I picked it up. Jack got angry when I told him it was my boyfriend. Why the hell did I choose that word? Boyfriend. Michael wasn't even my boyfriend. But his back, what am I to do?

18th May 2003

I am pregnant. I just found out from the doctor. What do I do now? I can't tell Jack, he won't even speak to me. Besides, he wants to be a rock star, I can't stop him by telling him. I can't and I won't.

17th June 2003

My heart hurts so much. Jack still won't speak to me, I guess he's very busy with his stuff and just plain hate me. I still haven't told him. I won't have to. It's my birthday tomorrow, I'm going to settle down, can't do anything insane… sigh

I tried calling Jack today but he didn't let me explain and hung up on me. I think I'll go over his place and try to talk to him.

Michael came back a few days ago. He proposed and I said. Yes. I am trying to get away from this guy but instead I agree to marry him. He too doesn't know about the baby, but he knows about Jack. It was obvious from the start. But this time he found out what we did, he hit me, I tried to runaway but he got a hold of me…

I hope the baby is okay, going doctors soon to check up. Malty is coming with me.

18th June 2003

I spoke to Michael today with the girls behind me and called off the engagement. If I did it seeing him, I think he will kill me. I hope he doesn't come.

I am going to Jack's place to tell him.

Brb

JACK IS GONE. HE LEFT WITH SPARES. HE IS GONE. He didn't even say goodbye.

I'm all on my own now, I have to do this by myself without Jack. Argh! Even if he did knew, he wouldn't want to be with me anyway. I guess Jack really does hate me. My heart won't stop aching, I miss his voice, his kisses, his hugs. I miss him.

Uhhh I'm going to be sick.

1st September 2003

My stomach has gone bigger. I'm having a baby boy! I wish Jack was here. The girls have been great, we're still doing gigs when I can handle it. The crowds are still supportive. )

2nd January 2004

I gave birth to a beautiful baby boy, Matthew. He looks so much like his father, I love him. I love them both. I wonder what Jack is doing at the moment? I won't be writing in here as often as I like, have to take care of Matthew. I'm stressing a lot these days, money, flux, Jack, Michael, baby, baby, baby and baby! sigh

Ohh gotta go now, Matty is crying.

Jack stopped reading after that journal entry. He hated himself for leaving, otherwise things would be different. He blames himself on her death, if only he just listened to what she had to say, they would all be together a long time ago. But she's dead because of him.

He closed Tyiona's journal and an envelope peeped out from one of the pages. He pulled it out of the pages and it was addressed to Jack. To him. He ripped the envelope opened and read the letter, from Tyiona.

Dear Jack,

I'm sure you'll get this letter somehow.

I just want you to know that I love you, and I will continue to love you no matter what. It hurts me to be the one who is leaving but it's the best thing for Matty. It's the best thing for us. I hope that when everything gets sorted, I will be back. I can't tell you anything else because I don't want to put you and Matty in danger. Or your family.

Remember, Jack, all is not what it seems.

I love you all

Xoxo Tyiona

'She must of written this earlier before…' Jack thought after finishing reading the letter. 'All is not what is seems. What the hell does that mean?'

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From the writer;

What do you think about this chapter? Sorry it took ages to put up, but noone had been giving me ideas of where they want the story to turn. It sucks.