It was a futile attempt to walk in the snow without shoes.

Integra's fiery temper cooled as her feet began to freeze. Her marching came to a halt and she stood still in the snow, her arms crossed and her chin tucked against her chest. She shivered quietly and waited for Alucard to catch up to her. Her breath hung in the air.

A moment later, Alucard was behind her. He saw that she was standing still and waited.

"I can't feel my feet," Integra said simply, not looking at him.

"May I?" Alucard suggested.

"Yes, please."

Alucard took his master into his arms easily. "It's not much farther," he said.

Integra didn't say anything. She placed her hands lightly around Alucard's neck.

Small flakes of snow began to dot the gray sky. After a few minutes, the air was thick with them. But neither the woman nor the vampire made any suggestion to turn around. The coast was in view, the dull crashing of waves audible, and the little fishing boat was a tiny dot against the craggy beach. England, the Hellsing mansion and all its comforts were just a few miles away. Hot tea. Cigars. A bathroom. She'd settle for a bathroom.

"Ilona," the young knight said.

Alucard didn't react.

"Did I butcher it?" Integra asked. She had never said the name out loud, but she had read it many times.

"No, that was it."

"Ah." Integra stared blankly at the darting snow flakes. So much misery caused by tiny little snow flakes. "You do remember."

The trees and the forest vanished at last. Alucard and Integra were before the rocky beach, thick with snow, gray jagged rocks peeking out of the snow drifts. The ocean lapped against the snow, the sand completely buried. The black, churning water was such a sharp contrast against the white, it was like the earth had ripped open and was bleeding.

The boat bobbed and rolled peacefully in the natural harbor, like a toy.

Alucard lowered Integra down until her feet touched the snow. "Allow me," he said, stepping into the lip of the boat. The fishing boat was very heavy and didn't rock very much in reaction to his weight, so he reached out his hand to Integra. "Master."

Integra ignored his hand and reached for the hand railing and helped herself onto the boat. She walked past the vampire and examined the deck carefully. Everything was deeply buried in snow. She couldn't make out any visible equipment, just shapeless lumps. "It floats," she said, "but will it make it back to England?"

Alucard looked around. His hand was still awkwardly lifted.

He saw that Integra was staring, looking back at his empty hand and put it in his pocket. "I don't sense any danger."

"We didn't anticipate a problem with the helicopter." Integra slid her hand over the banister railing and watched the snow cascade down behind it. "This is decidedly more risky."

"Do you want to go back?" Alucard asked. "Wait it out a few more days and see if anyone comes?"

Integra thought a moment. She looked at the pile of disturbed snow by her feet. "No. We'll conduct a thorough examination of the boat and make certain it's sea-worthy. We have to return as soon as possible. Who knows what's gone wrong at Hellsing with us absent for a whole week. They can't even get their act together enough to conduct a proper search and rescue." Integra looked over her shoulder at Alucard. "For all I know, the Round Table has declared me dead and already divided my assets. If we hurry back now, I might have time to save the silverware."

Snowflakes swirled around Alucard and caught in his black hair. He nodded his head back in the direction they had come. "Maybe we should go back."

Integra blinked at Alucard, surprised. She thought of his coffin and how long he had been away from it. She thought of her own duties, how they'd been neglected. But then, she thought of spending one more night alone with Alucard in the cabin, shoulder to shoulder, slumbering in the same bed and how…acceptable it had all been. "Do you really want to?"

"I don't know. Maybe we should."

She rubbed her cold arms. She didn't like how uneasy Alucard sounded. She wasn't sure if he was nervous about the boat or just…nervous. "I didn't mean anything," she said. "About the helicopter. I mean, I didn't mean it as a slight."

"I know you didn't. But if we sink, I can't help you."

Integra hugged herself tightly as she studied Alucard's tense face. "We'll be okay," she assured him.

Alucard said, "I'll do whatever you decide."

"I think we should get moving as soon as possible."

"I'll do whatever you decide," Alucard said again.

Integra gestured towards the cabin doors. "I'm going inside. It's cold."

They parted and Integra went inside the cabin. The doors were stiff when she opened them, and inside the air was stale. A thick film of dust coated the controls and the windshield. The vampires had long abandoned their craft, probably living on the island for months before being discovered. Integra had no nautical know-how and she didn't know what any of the instruments were for. She briefly wondered if they needed keys to start the engine, but she dismissed the concern immediately. She had once seen Alucard jump start a car engine with his powers alone.

In front of her, a set of stairs descended into the lower cabins. There was no light, and the stairs were swallowed by darkness. She gingerly climbed down. When her feet touched the floor, she waited, staring into the dark until her eyes adjusted. After a minute, she could make out the faint glowing outline of the port-hole windows covered in snow. She could see the narrow dining table, and the sleeping bunks built into the hull. It was a modest little boat. There were no luxuries here. But where there were bunks, there were blankets, and her feet were frozen. She edged forward, mindful of her limited vision, and found the edge of a bunk. She smoothed her hands over it and finding it solid and sturdy, she climbed onto it and snuggled down on her belly. She bunched a blanket around her feet and lay in contentment. In no time, she was an insulated cocoon of covers.

Alucard sank through the ceiling and landed delicately in the cabin. "Do you know anything about engines?" he asked.

"I know everything about engines," Integra replied dryly. "I studied advanced engineering between raising myself and being schooled in obscure vampire lore."

Alucard gestured in the direction of the stern."I know enough about engines to know the one in this boat doesn't work."

Integra sighed and rolled over. She couldn't see Alucard, but she could hear him and feel him. "That won't delay us will it?"

She wasn't being sarcastic, and Alucard didn't take it as sarcasm. "No. It will be a drain on my power." Alucard shifted uncomfortably. "I honestly don't know how long I can propel a boat this heavy," he said.

Integra sat up. "You're senses are all dull. Your power is languishing..."

"I should have fed before we left, I know," Alucard conceded. "I thought we could return home without causing you further discomfort."

Integra rolled up her sleeve. "Feed now and let's get under way. I'll recover on the way home." She lifted her hand up to him in offering.

Alucard sat next to Integra and took her wrist in his hand but didn't bring it to his lips. He let both their hands rest on his thigh. He stared down at them.

Integra asked, "What is it? What are you waiting for?"

Alucard stared at his hand holding hers. His hand was covered in a white glove, but Integra's glove was gone, lost in the ocean. He ran his thumb over her bare knuckles.

Integra continued to study his face. "You don't want to go back to England, do you? You want to stay here."

Alucard said, "What if we're dead?"

"What?"

"What if we're still in the helicopter at the bottom of the ocean? What if we can't leave-because we're in purgatory?"

Integra thought on that for a moment. Then she leaned towards her servant and whispered, "You're stupid."

Alucard gestured to the stairs leading to the deck. "I can't sense anything out there. I don't know where England is. I don't know what direction to steer in."

"When we're back at Hellsing, I'm going to tell everyone how you got cabin fever and fell apart on me. I'm going to make sure Seras teases you mercilessly."

Alucard said, "My senses can't penetrate the fog and snow."

Integra counter, "You can turn into fog and snow."

"That's what I'm saying," Alucard replied. "It doesn't make any sense. I should be able to see the entire island in my mind's eye. I should be able to sense life, death. Birds. Carcasses freezing in the snow. But I don't sense anything. My senses tell me we're alone. We're the only people in the whole world."

Integra lifted her wrist at Alucard. "Because you're not feeding. That's why you feel weak. Your power is ebbing."

Alucard shook his head. "No. No. I feel it. If we leave, we'll be sailing into a black expanse of limitless nothing."

"Is that why you're irrational?" Integra asked curtly. "Because your powers are compromised and you're not invincible? Every day is a black expanse of limitless nothing when you're a human. You can't be scared to move forward. Take a risk."

The vampire hung his head. "I'll do whatever you decide."

Integra folded her arms, thinking curiously to herself. After a moment of silence she said, "No. We'll do whatever you decide. I'm leaving it up to you."

Alucard's head jerked back up. "No."

"If you're convinced we're going to sail off the edge of the earth, or that we're going to sink and die, I trust your judgment," Integra said, "But if you're just dithering because you're scared, because you're at a disadvantage, then either take a few days and gather your courage or plunge into the unknown today. I know you'll find the heart eventually." Integra turned from him and crawled back into the bunk. "I'm on vacation, starting now. As the next senior member of Hellsing, you're in charge." She laid down on her stomach and rested her head in a pillow.

Alucard followed Integra and crawled beside her. "This isn't funny."

"Can't hear you, delegating."

Alucard growled, "You're being immature..."

"'You're being immature'," Integra echoed.

"I don't make decisions."

"Then don't make a decision," Integra said, rolling over and looking at him. "That's a decision, too. Do whatever you want."

As Integra began to roll back over to face the wall, Alucard reached out to grab her shoulder. "There is no enemy I fear to face," he said. "There is no foe I can't conquer. I will meet Mars head-on without hesitation." Alucard's voice lowered. "But don't play this game with me. I know I cannot do it. I don't have…whatever you have…"

Integra replied, "What is it that you think I have that you don't have? Have you ever lost your nerve before a mission? Balked at an impossible task? Backed down from any enemy? Not once that I've ever seen. What's so intimidating about taking command? I've never known you to give up before you even tried."

Alucard held his hands palm-up. "For you? For my master? I will never give up. I know your cause it righteous and true. But for myself…? I know I am a lost cause. I was once a leader of men. Those men are no more. I will never again lead an army or a people. Mine is the way of war. Endless war. Victory and defeat, again and again…"

Integra sat up and put her hands on either side of Alucard's face. "Calm down."

Alucard realized he was panting. All at once, he stilled.

"You're thinking too big," Integra said. "It's not the end of the world if you make a decision and things don't turn out the way you want."

In Alucard's mind, he saw the hillsides of Wallachia littered with corpses. "Poor decisions have real consequences."

"It's good that you understand that," Integra said, "But you can let the possibility of unwanted outcomes paralyze you. I've led men who are dead, too. I've lost everyone but for a handful before, suffered certain defeats, and I can't let that stop me. Don't let doubt plague you. You have nothing to fear."

Alucard's hands found Integra's hands, which were still gently touching his face. His eyes slid shut and he savored her. "Master."

"My foolish pet," Integra mocked with a smile. "You look so human when you're flustered."

"I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered." Alucard's tired eyes opened again. "I want to be your pet forever."

Integra's smile grew warmer. "I'd much prefer it if you were my man forever, but I'll settle for a vampire, I guess."

"Would you settle for a vampire?"

Integra's expression grew somber. She turned over one wrist and stroked Alucard's jaw softly with her knuckle.

"I can't give you anything," Alucard said. "I'm already you're slave. I don't have anything."

Integra became very fixated on some invisible spot on Alucard's skin, instead of looking him in the eye. She said, "I would give my name, my title, my home and everything in it-in exchange for nothing but your best. I don't expect anything else."

"What if my best isn't any good…?"

"Just your best, nothing else."

Alucard's eyes closed again, this time in bliss. "In my time, when a man and woman committed to share names and property, it was a marriage. It was very different from how humans think of it today."

"I know," Integra said. "It wasn't very different in England even a few generations ago."

Alucard said, "Marriages were typically arranged for political reasons and generally loveless, sometimes even sexless. But they were still considered sacred. Husbands and wives swore vows before God during their wedding ceremony, then kiss, sometimes for the first time. All that, and no love between them Odd, isn't it?"

"Yes, very odd," Integra agreed, watching Alucard closely.

"Odd," Alucard said absently, his head tilting, his mouth finding Integra's palm.

Integra tensed as she felt Alucard plant kisses in her hand for the second time. As the kisses grew moist and more insistent, she shivered, but didn't pull her hand away. She offered him no other place to plant his mouth, and he obediently stayed where he was. However, she felt herself grow light-headed as she heard him start to moan and felt his cold, wet tongue slither hungrily between her fingers, heard his voice hitch once, then twice. His whole body trembled with the effort of staying put. He was like an animal on the verge of breaking his chain.

Integra leaned forward and murmured, "Just bite. It's okay."

Alucard couldn't unlatch from her hand to respond. His eyes were squeezed shut, his lungs heaving, his lips and tongue swirling against her palm and fingers.

"Bite," Integra urged.

It came all at once. It wasn't controlled, as it had been last time. His fangs gnashed deeply into her hand and the blood welled up like an erupting oil well. Without removing his fangs, Alucard sealed his mouth over her wound and sucked deeply, swallowing rhythmically with gleeful grunts and sighs.

Integra bit down on her own yelp, balling her other hand into a tight fist and pounding it into the mattress. She doubled over in pain, shivering, trying to keep her wounded hand still for fear Alucard might accidentally bite it off should she yank it back.

She did not regret telling him to bite. She did not fault him for his ravenousness. But she was very aware that he had not yet removed his sharp fangs from his flesh, and every passing second meant more and more oxytocin in her brain.

"Alucard, your fangs..." Integra whimpered.

The sharp, agonizing pain grew more and more intense. So intense. Her heart pounded, her blood pressure sky rocketing to accommodate the vacuum of blood. Suddenly, her extremities went numb.

"Oh..."

Then the pleasure began.

"Oh. Oh my."

The intense pain wasn't pain anymore. Or maybe it was...

"Alucard, let go," Integra whimpered drowsily, her head drooping and resting against his shoulder. She felt like she was sinking into his body somehow, that his body was warm and she was being absorbed into him, and all his little demon familiars were slithering under her clothes and…stimulating her in places rarely touched. It felt so real. She absently wondered if Alucard's fingers really were where she was imagining. No. No, he wouldn't.

Slowly, Alucard's fangs slid from their snug sheath of her flesh. Warm blood pumped out freely. "I want you to feel good," Alucard groaned, licking her hand hungrily then turning to lick her cheek. He left a trail of smeared blood on her contented face. Seeing blood on her face excited him more.

"I do feel good," Integra assured him with a weak, embarrassed smile. She felt her body completely collapse into him, her arms limp like noodles. "I feel good."

Alucard licked her cheek again and again. He caressed her face and neck with his mouth, planting kisses over any skin not covered in blood already. "I want you to feel as good as I feel right now," he whispered. He lifted her limp wrist and feverishly licked her palm until no new blood was pumping out. As he did, he looked hungrily into Integra's drowsy eyes. "I can pleasure you. I know how."

With a sense of shame, she knew he probably could. He had probably made thousands, maybe millions of human victims, feel the same way as they were dying. That knowledge dulled her euphoria. Then she thought of Seras, and her hurt expression as Alucard ignored her again and again, two puncture wounds marring her throat, making her as his property forever. She thought of Mina, dead almost one hundred years now, rotting in a grave, alone. Alone after being promised the world.

"No, no," Alucard begged, kissing her chin, her jaw. "No, don't think like that. Please. I can be good."

But his kisses became cold as Integra's titillation vanished. Now her hand just ached and there was no pleasure. Alucard's mouth felt foreign. As her strength slowly returned, she began to lean away from his touch.

Alucard's kisses slowed and came to a stop.

He bowed his head and gently released her hands, leaning away from his master.

Integra wrapped her arms around herself and rocked back and forth. Now she felt cold, dizzy and a little sick. She smelled blood on herself.

There was an awkward silence.

"How do you feel now?" Alucard asked.

"Tired. I need to lay down and sleep. How do you feel?"

Alucard swung his legs over the side of the mattress and stood up on uneasy legs. "Fine. I feel fine. Why don't you go to sleep and I'll think about whether or not we should leave."

Integra settled on her back, pressing her aching hand against her chest. The wounds were closed, but black bruises had bloomed under the pressure of his jaw. "You'll make a decision then?"

"I'll make a decision," Alucard confirmed sadly.

to be continued…

AU: Sorry for the delay. I think I literally wrote 30 different versions of this chapter, all with different outcomes. Better to get it right then to write yourself into a corner.