I really enjoyed writing his chapter and I hope you enjoy reading it.

Disclaimer (since I haven't done one yet): I don't own Merlin, I only own my OCs.

The title was inspired by a conversation I had with readernurse.

Enjoy!

If things had been different

It was dark. Dark like the night he left, dark like the shadows, the ones that swallowed him up forever. It has been two years but still, as Aida drags me down the empty street, I think back. Aida keeps telling me not to I know, but I can't get the images out of my head and the sickly feeling that soon they will be all I have.

I know I should be happy. We are going to a party after all. Party where old friends come together again. I don't get out as much as I used to. But in the near future I would be thrust back into the spotlight and I wouldn't be ready for my final performance.

I stumbled through the dark after Aida until we came to a very familiar looking house. Two years ago three new lodgers came to stay here and as far as I knew they were still here. I knocked on the door several times, hoping to get the attention of the man on the other side. I am sad to say he was slowing loosing his hearing. No response. I knocked again. Still nothing. I was afraid to knock any louder for fear of waking anyone else in the vicinity.

I tried one last time. Finally there was movement on the other side of the door. Someone slowly turned the handle and opened it. The middle aged man stared out at us quizzically. We stood there in silence for a long moment. He squinted trying to see under our hoods.

I wanted to smack myself, our hoods of course. I removed my hood but stopped Aida from doing the same. Once the hood had fallen over my shoulders the man smiled, his eyes crinkling.

"Well it's about time." He laughed. "We were almost about to start without you."

I knew he didn't mean it but I laughed all the same. He waved us inside. The house was almost pitch black but that wasn't where we were going. He guided us to the back room and removed the carpet covering the floor. Underneath was a familiar trap door. I knelt down, grabbing the ring, and pulled it open. Light burst from the room hidden underneath the floorboards.

I helped Aida down and gestured for the man to go ahead of me. I could hear shouts of joy coming from down there. It lifted my heart. I jumped down, closing the trap door above me.

"Joone!" A girl cried, throwing herself into my arms. She was short and her feet hung just inches above the ground.

"Olwen!" I cried with joy, slowly setting her down. She had grown that was for sure. Her hay-coloured hair had gotten longer and she now wore it in a braid that fell half way down her back.

As soon as she had stepped away Narendra picked me up in a great big bear hug. Even though he had been living down here for two years he hadn't lost any of his strength.

"Nice to see you too." I wheezed. He set me down. A large grin stuck to his face.

"Your just in time for the party. Narayan was right to wait up there for you." His voice was gruff but soothing in a way.

"The birthday girl was starting to get impatient." Olwen commented.

"I was not." Fionn stepped forward, arms crossed. Olwen and Narendra laughed. I couldn't help but join in and I could see Aida shaking with laughter.

Aida had met them over a year ago when Narayan's basement flooded and they had to come and stay up in my attic. I told them that they were welcome to stay there but they had grown fond of the weaver's basement.

"Happy birthday!" Aida shouted, giving her friend a hug.

"What is that, 16 now?" I rapped my arms around both of them.

"Yep." She said proudly, pulling away.

"Well this does call for a celebration." I pulled a small package from a pouch tied at my waste and handed it to her. Aida watched over her shoulder expectantly.

We didn't have enough money to all get her a gift so we pitched in and got her one from all of us. We all waited for her reaction as she shook the package lightly, trying to figure out what it was. Eventually she gave up and undid the strings that held together the wrapping at the top. The cloth I had wrapped it in fell away to reveal a small brown box. Fionn opened it gingerly; peering inside, then shut it quickly. Her cheeks flushed and a wide grin spread across her face.

"You shouldn't have." Small tears came to her eyes. She opened the box again and pulled out what was inside. It hung loosely on a bronze chain, the locket swinging back and forth.

Aida gently took the locket from her hands and made a circular movement with her finger, motioning for Fionn to turn around. She did, lifting up her hair. Aida placed the thin chain around her neck, securing it at the back. Fionn let her hair drop over the chain at the back and turned to face us.

"How do I look?" She asked.

"You look beautiful." Narendra confirmed. The rest of us nodded in agreement.

"Open it." I urged her.

Carefully, she opened the locket. The smile on her face grew wider and a tear fell from her left eye, rolling joyfully down her rosy cheek.

"Oh wow." She murmured.

"Keep that close to your heart and we will always be with you." I explained. Fionn had been stuck down here for two years after saving her sister from soldiers. She gave up everything for Olwen and she has never complained. A far as we were concerned she was worth every penny that locket cost and more.

At first the locket would appear empty but at a closer look you can make out seven tiny initials engraved on the inside, including Fionn's. There was Narendra, Olwen, Narayan, Aida, me and…

A knocking came from the trap door above my head. Everyone froze, falling into utter silence. It was so quiet for a second I thought I could hear all of our hearts beating with fear. Fionn clutched the locket close to her heart in hopes to muffle the sound.

Narendra picked up a piece of steal propped up in the corner, ready for anyone who dared to come down. The knocking came again. My heart almost stopped beating. I looked to Aida who was staring wide eyed at the closed trap door. Everyone down in the basement understood the meaning of fear all too well. We felt it everyday and there was no getting used to it. We had lived on edge for the past two years.

The knocking came one more time but this time it was different. The rhythm was irregular and unmistakable. I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding. I took the piece of steal from Narendra and climbed up to the door in the floor. Slowly I creaked it open.

As quick as a flash I grabbed whoever it was and pulled him in. He would have fallen to the floor quite painfully if I hadn't still been holding onto his sleeve. He wasn't wearing any hood or disguise. His scruffy russet hair stood out in the candlelight.

"Hello." He waved nervously.

"Holt!" Fionn yelled. Olwen looked like she was about to pass out. Narayan clutched his heart as if he might be having a heart attack.

Aida of course was the first to make a move towards the unexpected teenager. She grabbed him from my grasp and pushed him into a chair. He began to sweat under the heat of our glares. He tried to laugh it off but we didn't budge. I swear I wanted to kill him.

"I thought you weren't supposed to arrive back in town for another few days." Fionn stepped forward, beginning the interrogation. "What are you doing here?"

"I wanted to surprise you." He explained.

"Well you certainly did." Aida joked.

"You couldn't at least of told one of us that you were coming so you don't scare us all half to death." I pulled him up from the chair and rapped him in a hug, breaking the tension in the room. I felt him relax into my embrace. None of us had seen him for a week because he was away doing some work for the organization. To be honest I missed him.

I let him go and was soon replaced by Fionn when she threw her arms around his neck. "I'm glad you came." She whispered into his shoulder. Holt looked rather surprised at her display of emotions but returned her hug. From where I was standing I could tell no one had noticed but I had. I noticed when Holt's cheeks took on a bright pink. It faded before anyone else could see.

The others welcomed Holt to the party. Aida greeted him by punching him in the arm. He rubbed it and glared at her. She only smiled back.

Aida had known Holt for a little less then a year now. He was taking on more and more responsibilities in the organization after Magnus left. I guess that was the point when I first saw the leader in him. If he was going to be leader then he needed to know.

I introduced him to Aida and they have gotten to know each other. Holt now considers Aida to be like his little sister even though she's only a year younger and tries to act older. I see her sometimes slip back into the way she used to be two years ago. She had been so frail and innocent. She has held onto her innocence as much as she could but she is stronger now. It makes me proud.

Then Narayan brought out the hot stew. It was filled with meat and vegetables. It was a real feast, warming us all physically and emotionally. We laughed and told stories around the table.

Some of the candles were going out so I went to replace them. When I looked back I couldn't help but stop and stare. They looked so happy. I wished I could freeze this moment and make it last forever. If Uther had never passed that law then we wouldn't be here in this moment. We might have passed each other in the streets but we would not draw each other's gaze. We would pass like shadows, shadows of a future that never should have been.

If that one fact about the past were changed our whole lives would be different. Right now, as I stood here watching them almost die of laughter, I couldn't imagine not recognizing one of their faces. I couldn't dream of a world where I had never come to know these wonderful people.

When moments like these happen I become stuck. Usually I would give anything to turn back time and stop this purge before it had begun but then today would have never happened. We would not be able to cherish these moments, as we do know. We would no understand how short and fleeting they are.

If it had never happened then Aida wouldn't have just fallen off her chair from laughter. If it had never happened then Holt wouldn't be choking on his stew because Olwen made him laugh. If it had never happened then I would not be standing here, watching.

The laughter died down a bit and Narendra brought out a lute he had found down here when he first moved in. He didn't know how to play then but he has had a lot of time to practice. His fingers brush across the strings and a beautiful melody echoes around the small space. Then he begins to hum. It is low and rhythmic. Holt joins in, harmonizing, and then Narayan.

The song is familiar to all of us. Then Fionn adds her voice to the mix, singing of days gone by and what tomorrow will bring. It was a perfect song for the moment. Then Olwen joins in. She sings about past loves and present joys. The way the two sisters sang together, it was like they were having a conversation.

Then we came to the chorus and the three girls sitting at the table harmonized as they sang the recurring lyrics about never forgetting. As they came to the end of the chorus the three of them looked to me. It was their silent way of telling me that it was my turn and to come and join them.

I sat down in between Aida and Olwen and began to sing. The other three fell silent as I sung my verse. The music floated off my tongue and into the air. It curled around us. I didn't notice but the humming had stopped as well and it was just the sound of the lute and me.

Aida cuddled into me as one of the candles went out. I held her in my arms as I sang. I saw Fionn place her head on Holts shoulder and he placed his head on hers. Olwen grinned at the sight of them together.

I sang the last few lines. I sang about family, our family and how I would never let it go, never forget. My voice vibrated as I sang the last note, letting it fade away.

Narendra, being as skilled as he is, made a smooth transition from the end of that song to a lullaby we had all heard as children. It was the one our mothers sang to us to stop us crying and lull us to sleep. Everyone looked at me expectantly and I did not disappoint. I sang to them.

Narayan was the first to drift off. I saw his head bob forward, snapping back a few times as he tried to stay awake, but then he gave up and let sleep take him. Olwen placed her head on my shoulder and I took her soft hand in mine, slowly caressing it. Fionn and Holt were the next ones to go. They slept with smiles on their faces, their hands locked together.

I sang them all to sleep, one by one. The lullaby was about a mother saying goodbye to her child, telling them to be safe and that someday they might meet again. My arm tightened around Aida protectively as I sang. Her breathing became rhythmic and I knew she was dreaming. Was the world of her dreams better then this one? Part of me hoped not or else she wouldn't be able to come back.

On the nights I spent up in the attic with Aida when she would be woken by terrible nightmares I became closer and closer to her. She would wake up screaming and I would hold her, telling her that it was only a dream and everything would be all right. On those nights I would sing her back to sleep. She once told me that I sounded like her mother. She always slept easier after that.

"Aida?" I asked one night to see if she was still awake.

"Yes?" She yawned.

"If you travel the world will you always come back to me?" I asked.

"Always." She smiled up at me. "You are the home I would come back to. You would be the one I missed while I was away."

I always asked her that question when I dreamed of the day she would be able to leave. I wanted her to be free of course, but I would miss her all the same.

I felt Olwen's body relax next to me and I knew she had fallen asleep as well. I squeezed her hand lightly as a way of saying "sweet dreams". The lute disappeared at some point. I looked up to see Narendra's head bent forward and soft snoring came from his lips. He still held onto the instrument, his strumming hand resting on his lap where it fell after he finished his last note.

One by one they had all fallen asleep. I was alone in the room but I didn't stop singing. Another candle went out but I didn't care, my song rung out through the air. I sang to the children Narendra and Narayan had once been. I sang to the children the others still were and I sang to the child I used to be but never would see again.

The heart of a child never really leaves us though. There are those moments when you let yourself slip willingly back into the reckless youth you had been and the best part about it is you enjoy it.

I look around at the sleeping people at the table. They were my family. Some of them were like my children or nieces and nephews. Others were more of my favorite uncle types. I would sing forever if they asked me to.

There are those moments where I think back to the past, when I can't seem to let it go, and miss the way things used to be. Not now. The sorrow I felt when I thought of Magnus leaving was not here tonight. I was happy. For this brief moment I felt pure joy and I wouldn't give it up for anything.

I did wish that Magnus were there, to hear me sing. I could imagine him sitting across the table from me, smiling and listening.

If things had been different, if the law had never come to exist, then I know things would not be this way. I would like to think that I would still be here singing but I know that it would be unlikely. I wouldn't have gotten to know these people like I have.

I get stuck when thinking: if I had the chance would I change the past, and along with it the future?

I feel the cool tears run down my cheeks and I kiss Aida's soft hair as the lullaby finishes and is swept away. This family surrounds me and yet I am alone. They sleep peacefully and yet I am still awake. A few of my tears soak into Aida's hair but she does not wake. Are these tears of sorrow or of joy? I cannot tell and I don't want to know.

I love these people more then anything. I would do anything for them. For the first time in my life I have something that I would even be willing to die for. I hoped that it would never come to that. I hoped, beyond hope, that when the day came that we would all be free we would be able to sit down at this table again together.

But it was a foolish dream. By the end of this story a few of these seats will be empty forever.

Will mine be one of them?

Thank you for reading and please REVIEW!

I accept all comments but please don't be rude.

If there is something you want to see happen I will see if I can fit that into my story.

The next chapter will be up within the next week (I hope).