I become aware of my surroundings slowly. Like a dream. So much has happened since this time yesterday. My life has totally changed. Yesterday morning the best I could hope for was a painless death by drowning. Today, thanks to my two warriors, there is hope, love and a new life.
I feel Jamie's warm breath on the back of my neck, his arm holding me tightly around the waist, pressing me to his large, warm, loving body. I wiggle my ass so that it nestles snugly against him. I want as much of my body pressed against his. The more we touch the stronger I feel...like I am using our connection to heal. I sigh. Contentment is the word that comes to mind. Contentment like I have never felt, never known before. Bliss. There is another word that pops into my head. I am beyond happy...
"Sassenach," he whispers to me. "What is on your mind?"
I shift, roll over onto my back and open my eyes. I look into that face, that beautiful face, with the bluest eyes I have ever seen and that tousled mop of red hair everywhere and I realize this is how I want to wake up every morning for the rest of my life. I let out an extremely audible sigh of contentment. This man, that has complete control over my heart, one ups contentment to euphoria by placing his lips on my and pulls me in even closer. Like he is trying to do the same thing I am...become one. This kiss, it is not a demanding kiss but one I will remember forever. It will lay on my lips for a lifetime.
"Frank Sinatra ain't got nuth'n on you, Jamie" I tell him and lift my head enough so our lips meet again. This one has a little more heat to it and I open my mouth for him to explore. My hand goes to the nape of his neck and I start running my fingers through his hair and gently scratching his scalp. I somehow know he likes me doing that. That he wants me to do that. Jamie responds. He gives me a throaty growl and deepens the kiss. This is the man for me, this is...
"Sassenach," Jamie says, slightly perturbed as he breaks off the kiss, lifts his head up and looks into my eyes. "Stop thinking so loud. I am trying to work here, aye?" and continues right were he left off. This time he slips his hand down and gives my ass a gentle squeeze. I grabbed his cock yesterday, I guess he can grab my ass today. I smile and...
"Sassenach..."
Light is just breaking; it's not quite dawn yet. I stop thinking.
Dawn. Something's wrong. I cannot quite put my finger on it until Jamie comes into view on the other side of the campfire. "Well, no wonder you couldn't put your finger on it Beauchamp," I say out loud to myself and I sit up. "When did you get up? " I ask as I rub my eyes.
"First light," he replies waving two good sized fish in the air. "Caught us breakfast and maybe lunch if Murtagh does not come back soon. I want to put some road between us and Dougal today. Are you up for a long ride, Sassenach?"
"Huh?, yes, sure. I can out ride you any day of the week," waving my hand at him. "Where is Murtagh did you say?" as I scan the campsite for him.
"He left last night right after you started snoring. Took his horse, so my guess is he went in search of a Kittle Hoose."
I turn and look at him. "I do not snore!" and pick up a small stone and throw it at him. He easily catches it and goes right back to preparing the fish. "Sassenach, I promised ya truth, always. Ya snore. No question about it. I still love ya though," he says with a smile on his face.
I stand up and go over to the bushes. My dress is still wet. I turn around and look at Jamie. "That's another thing I am hoping Murtagh brings with back with him. If not, you'll have to wear it, wet, I suppose, until I can work out another solution, aye?"
Right on queue, just as Jamie is pulling the cooked fish from the fire, Murtagh returns. He must have food radar. He looks fairly pleased with himself. He ties his horse with the other two and walks over to the fire. He pulls out a wrapped paper containing hot, buttery bannocks. "One has blueberries, for you Claire," he says with a smile. "Oh and this is for you too." He hands me the other larger, wrapped package.
"Christmas!" I say as I rip open the paper and find it's a skirt and bodice. A lovely red with little white flowers all over. It has a pretty bit of white lace around the neck and the sleeves. And a new shift. I look up with tears in my eyes. "It's lovely, Murtagh. I think it is the prettiest dress I have ever seen. Thank you." I clutch it to my chest, stand up, walk over to Murtagh and give him a kiss on each cheek. "Thank you so much. It must have cost you. Where did you get the money?"
"Jamie's always been good at cards and he has always shared his wealth," he replies and winks at Jamie. "And speaking of sharing, lets eat, aye?" It is a feast to be sure.
I come out from behind the bushes. Jamie and Murtagh are saddling the two other horses and breaking down camp. They both stop and look at me. Murtagh's face immediately breaks into a smile as he stands with most of his weight on one leg, one arm folded across his chest and the other gently stroking and pulling at his beard. "That'll do," he said. "That'll do nicely."
Jamie, without taking his eyes off me, reached out and backhanded his godfather in the chest. "A whore's dress? That's what you bring her? A whore's dress?" and he turns to look at Murtagh in disbelief.
I thought I looked nice in it. I look down. It fits me like a glove, as my hands smooth the bodice fabric. It is almost like it was made for me. Though it is a little shorter than most of the skirts I have worn since coming here; my ankle are showing. And where I do not mind, clearly others, i.e. Jamie, does. And the neckline, well perhaps a little more of my decolletage is visible, but I thought Jamie might like that. I now grab at the neckline and try to pull it up. I realize that no amount of my tugging at it is going to make it cover any more of my cleavage that it currently does.
When Jamie turns back to look at me, his mouth is still open in shock. My confidence is shattered. I crumb. I had been so proud when I walked out from behind the bush but one look at Jamie's face and I start to cry.
"Oh,,,no, no, no, no, Claire. You look lovely. Beautiful. The dress is perfect on you. Truly. Remember, I swore the truth," he rambles, frantically waving his arms, trying to stop the imminent flood of tears. "You look bonnie, Sassenach. Never more lovely. It's just, well,..." and his hand sort of waves about his chest and then points at mine. "perhaps a piece of lace or something...maybe that would help," he offers. He quickly comes to me, placing his hands on both sides of my face and kisses me. Twice. He then rests his forehead against mine and sighs. "It's just, well, we are trying not to be noticed. And you ARE going to be noticed in this dress, Sassenach," and he sighs again. "Of course I can now see the advantages this dress allows," he says as his finger traces the edge of the neckline. "And you do look verra bonnie in it. It becomes ya," and he lifts his head, kisses my forehead and smiles.
"You cannot have it both ways James...Oh fuck, I'll never remember them all...," I say. "Your choice, Jamie. Do I wear this one or do I go back behind the bush and put the wet one on?" I stand there with my hands on my hips, tapping my foot in the dirt.
"The pretty one you're in, Sassenach. I think it's best that you are dry. We can hang the other one out again tonight when we stop. Eventually it will dry. In the mean time, thanks to Murtagh, you have something clean and dry to wear," Jamie states matter of fact. "Murtagh, are there no underskirts, shoes or leggings?"
"No, it was a new dress, never been worn and the whore, I mean, lady had not had time to purchase any, and did not wish to part with what she had," he finishes with a flourish.
Jamie takes the stock from the bush just behind me and ties my hair back from my face with it. "Ya ken I like your hair down but I think for riding we need to keep it out of your face." He takes the rest of the wet clothes and rolls it altogether in the skirt and walks back to the gray horse and ties it to the back of the saddle. "Come then Claire, lets get you up and see how you do. Dougal's horse is gentle enough for you I think." He bends down, laces he's fingers together and readies himself to help me onto the horse.
Up I go, landing firmly in the saddle. He quickly adjusts the stirrups and tightens the girth then Jamie is up on Donas quick as a flash. Donas looks up at me on the gray and then snaps at the horse with his teeth, making the gray jump sideways. I somehow manage to remain in the saddle. I turn to Jamie and ask, "Does the horse have a name?"
Murtagh and I exchange looks. Murtagh shrugs his shoulders. "Never heard Dougal use one, if it does," Jamie says. You give it a new one. It is your horse now, after all. Just remember it's a lad so don't go name'n him something silly like Soot or Ink. Pick the lad a manly name." I look the campsite over one last time. We've put the fire out, kicked the stones into the stream and brushed the area with a branch to cover our tracks. It is the best we can do. I just hope Dougal's men are not following. I turn Donas to the road, ease him into a canter and we continue to make our way South.
We ride for two days. I have found it is best for Claire to ride in the mornings on 'Blue', as Murtagh and I refer to him; I can not bring myself to call the horse 'Blue Cheese' which is the name Claire has given the poor beast. As Murtagh tried to point out, "It is a Scottish horse, who the hell would name it after a Stink'n French Cheese?" But there is no arguing with Claire. In the afternoon she rides with me on Donas; she is not strong enough to ride alone all day yet, and quite honestly, I think Donas is happier when she rides with me as well.. This woman of mine has every man, horses included, within scent of her, ready to do her bidding. I smile. She loves me. She does not have to tell me, I see it in her face and she will be mine.
We stop later than usual on the third day and make camp. We are close to where I want us to be but I don't want Claire to ken. I need to give her a final choice and then, if all goes the way I want, I will take her home to meet my sister Jenny. I have wanted her since that first night at Leoch and have bested each competitor that has come along to steal her from me. I have had help. Auld Alex, Mistress FitzGibbons and Murtagh have all been there for me whenever I have needed them. Tomorrow morning she will decide; it is down to Frank or Me. And Craig na Dun is the last step to making Claire mine. The Dougal business had buggered things up a bit but in the end it has helped Claire focus on what she wants. She says it is me. She does not want to go back to Frank. I believe her but I must put it to one final trial. Then we will be one. I will take her back to Lallybroch, introduce her to Jenny and Ian, and we will be wed. Properly, in a kirk, before a priest. Then I will bed her and she will not be able to walk for days. I will have her totally and completely. Mine.
Claire takes the horses down to the stream to water them and have a quick wash. Murtagh goes off in search of supper and I start the fire and set up camp. We will have stew tonight if Murtagh catches a rabbit. Claire helped a cotter we passed along the road today. He had a festering cut and Claire cleaned, stitched and bandaged it. In payment the man's wife had given us three medium red potatoes, a turnip, one lovely onion, a dozen carrots and six apples. I had teased Claire and told her I could be a man of leisure if she were my wife; her skills as a healer were more profitable than I realized. I made her blush. I must say though, I was none to pleased at the lecherous looks the man was given her; can'na say his wife was na to pleased either. I saw her cuff him on the head as we rode away.
I swear I hear Claire talking. Probably to herself but I decide to check on her anyway. I sent her down there with all three horses and even though Donas likes her, he does seem a bit jealous of Blue, that is if one horse can be jealous of another. As I come to the edge of the gully, I definitely hear 2 different voices; Claire is speaking to someone. The rise is a small one and so Claire sees me immediately and her glass face tells me she is relieved to have me there. I jump down the lip and cross to her in half a dozen steps.
"I thought I'd come down and help you with the horses," I state as I put my right arm protectively around her waist so that I can pull her quickly behind me if I need to. "I see you have made a new friend." I look the man over. He is nothing I need to be too worried about. He is not much in size, but I keep my left hand on my dirk just in case. He is small, hardly five feet tall and a face only his mother could love. Old, like Ned Gowan, older than Christ, older maybe. Certainly older than he appears. And he smells – musty.
"Jamie, this is Master Raymond. Master Raymond this is James MacTavish, one of my two traveling companions. Master Raymond says he is looking for a Claire Fraser. I told him I am Claire but that my last name is Beauchamp." Claire states very calmly and distinctly. "Jamie, Mister MacTavish, she corrects herself, is from around these parts perhaps he might know of a Claire Fraser." She looks me straight in the eye.
"I am afraid I do not know anyone by that name at present," I reply and ask "Is she kin?"
"Why yes, she is like a daughter to me. A long lost daughter. A acquaintance saw her quite recently and said Claire was in desperate need of my help. She is hurt, you see, like you Madonna. Her face has been hit by a man intent on doing her harm. It will not heal well without my attention I fear."
"You are French, sir? A long way from home and yet you travel alone? And on foot?" I question.
"One does the impossible for friends, N'est-ce pas? He replies and raises an eyebrow to Jamie. "You, Madonna, look like you could use my help. I offer a trade. As I am a healer, I offer to help you with your injuries, if you in turn, offer to share your supper and the protection offered by your fire and companions. Your friend here is a warrior, no? As is his companion, I am willing to wager. Do we have an arrangement?"
"We would be honored to share our meager supper and our fire with a friend, if that is who you say you are," Jamie said and made a courtly bow to the man.
"Mais oui, mon ami," Master Raymond said smiling and returning the bow Jamie had proffered.
Jamie took Donas and Murtagh's horse and I led Blue and we all walked back to the campfire. Murtagh was back and had already skinned and gutted the rabbit and I had brought the cooking pot back filled with water. I placed the pot in the fire and took the vegetables back down to the stream to clean them. Master Raymond offered to help me. I could see by the look on Jamie's face he did not like the idea but we were only going to clean the vegetables. We would only be gone a few minutes.
Master Raymond pointed out a few herbs growing near the water that I did not recognize. He told me one I used the root, ground up would make a salve that would numb. And he took a stick, dug it up and handed it to me. The other he picked the leaf and said to look for it in the spring and pick the blue flowers. If I dried them and seeped them like a tea it would help a headache. He was easy to talk to and had a gentle soothing sort of voice. I liked him very much.
"Are you sure your name is not Claire Fraser?" he asked me again as I washed the carrots.
I sat back on my heals and looked at him. "Yes," I said, "I am quite sure my name is not Fraser. Why do you ask?"
"Because Madonna, it should be. Something is terribly wrong. The big red man, his name is Fraser, not MacTavish, no?" and he raised his eyebrow at me in question. "His companion is Fraser as well, yes?"
"Yes, Fraser is my correct last name," Jamie answered and jumped down the bank, leaving Murtagh stand there alone. "Why do you ask?"
"And you have not yet married this woman then?" He states almost rather than asks. "Why? The bones said something was amiss. Something has happened. What?"
He looks from me to Jamie and back to me. "Give me your hands Madonna" and he holds out his own for me to place my hands in his. When I do our hands glow blue and warm to the touch. I jerk my hands back out of his grasp and hold them in front of my face flipping them from palm to the back of my hand and then back. Jamie is immediately at my side.
"What Sassenach? What has happened?" He asks. I look up at Jamie and his forehead is scrunched in confusion.
"Did you see it?" I ask. "Did you see our hands glow blue?" I grab his hand and I can see he feels my hand is warm to the touch, like I have been warming them by the fire and not just cleaning vegetables in the cold water. He turns and looks at Master Raymond.
"Who the hell are you?" Jamie growls threateningly and pulls me behind him, placing himself between me and Master Raymond. I turn and look. Murtagh had drawn his dirk.
Master Raymond quickly stands up and looks like he is ready to run. Jamie clearly scares him. I step around and put myself between Jamie and Master Raymond and place my hand on Jamie's chest. "No, no Jamie. I don't think he is here to hurt us. I think.." and I turn to look at Master Raymond, "I think he is here to help. Geillis said she wished 'Raymond' were here. That he could help me. Is that you? Do you know Geillis Duncan?" I ask.
Master Raymond's eyes open wide, and then he smiles. "Madonna. Everything will be alright. Look" and he nods at my hand on Jamie's chest. The glow is purple. "The Red Man Fraser will Marry the Blue Madonna and Make Purple...The Last of the Lovet Frasers will sit on the throne. Purple. Royalty. It is written. It is a prophesy. Come, let us go back to the fire, start the supper and I will answer all your questions." And Master Raymond turns and walks up the slope and back to the fire with Jamie, Murtagh and I all in tow.
The dinner conversation was not lacking, I will say that. The stew was lovely. Although I could really only drink the broth and eat the over cooked carrots. I had talked too much and my jaw was painful. I did not want to keep taking laudanum. I needed to just stop talking but could not seem to make that work for me. I did know a little sign language but was sure that would be no help as Jamie and Murtagh would not know what I was signing.
Master Raymond, once again offers to go with me to the stream to rinse the dishes off. Jamie, once again, is not pleased. We go anyway and I am sure Jamie will follow. While I am cleaning the dishes Master Raymond starts. "All healers have a blue aura," he starts. "And you Madonna are an old healer. For reasons I can not explain, you have not come into your full 'power' yet. Your hair will have gray when you do." He then says, "Great warriors have a red aura. Your Jamie's is blood red, one of the brightest I have ever seen. Your child will have a purple aura – the red aura combined with the blue. Not all of your children, Madonna, just one will have the purple aura."
He rubs his hands together and says, "Let me help you with your jaw. You are in pain. It does not look like it is healing well." He then places his hand on my injured jaw. I can feel the warmth spread over the side of my face down my neck and into my lymph nodes. I close my eyes and I can picture my body's anatomy and the blue spreading and healing as it moves. "Thats right Madonna. Picture where you are hurt. Guide me to the spots to heal," he says to help me understand what I need to do. To my eye, my nose, my jaw and to my head where the rapist had hit me so many. My neck, where the rapist has tried to break me, like a horse, by strangling the life out of me. I start to sway and then there is Jamie, behind me, lifting me into his lap. Holding me, supporting me as I lean back into his arms and groan. I picture my arm that I was sure he had broken then down to the wrist that was bound and to the fingers that were broken as well. Back up and across my chest and he hovered over a collarbone and then down the other arm stopping at the elbow that had been twisted when the rapist had grabbed me to pull me back. Down my chest pausing at all the scars the rapist carved to the cracked ribs from the times he had punched and kicked me. We check my internal organs and look for bleeding. There I have been lucky. I have escaped damage. He hovers over my cervix. I hear Master Raymond gasp. We see the burns on my inner thighs. I moan. Some injuries will be permanent, I know. My battle scars. He does not linger but moves down each leg stopping at the knee on one and both ankles.
I hear him ask Jamie to roll me on my side so he can access my back. I am like melted butter but he lifts me and somehow I am sitting in his lap facing him with my arms draped over his shoulders. I whisper "I love you" in his ear. "As I do you," he returns. Besides my cervix, I know this is were the rapists has done the most damage. I have never seen what he had done until now. I start to cry because I see the scars, all the damage from the beatings. I bury my head in Jamie's neck. I feel Master Raymond's hand start at my head and the torn scalp from that first night in my surgery in Castle Leoch and pauses at my neck where the rapist found joy in throttling it when he took me from behind. Down my spine and over my ribs again pausing over the scars on my lower back. Again an audible gasp from my healer. My kidneys are good, thank God.
"I need you to turn her one last time Red Man, then I will have done all I can for tonight," my healer says to this man I love. Jamie lifts me and turns me to face my healer and we focus on my cervix. Master Raymond takes my hands in his and we spend several minutes there. Together. Healing. There is a great deal of damage, from anger, from hatred. And then I feel his exhaustion. He is spend.
My love picks me up and carries me back to the fire. I fall asleep in his arms feeling his tears on my face as he holds me, rocking me gentle and telling me his heart in a language I do not understand.