RandomHuman447: I'm so glad you like the story do far ^.^ your words really mean a lot to me. (srsly I grinned for like 5 min straight after I read your review XD). Anyways, I've been posting this story on my Tumblr so I think I'm okay, but if it helps, I can make an AO3 account and post it there.
"whoa, whoa, wait, what?"
"YOU HEARD ME, BROTHER! I'M HERE TO STAY WITH YOU TO MAKE SURE YOUR FAT BONES ACTUALLY DO SOMETHING OTHER THAN BOONDOGGLE ALL DAY AND DRINK CRUSTY OLD MUSTARD!"
"why d'you care, boss? you're always threatening to kick me out anyways!"
"YES, BUT NORMALLY YOU'RE TICKING ME OFF WHEN I SAY THAT."
"er, boss? we're brothers. we're always ticking each other off."
"THAT IS TRUE, BUT IF YOU ARE TO EVER BE EVICTED FROM MY HOUSE, IT WILL BE UNDER MY TERMS!"
"this isn't your house!"
"IS NOW! BESIDES, DO YOU HONESTLY EXPECT A MEASELY HUMAN TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE SLEEZINESS OF YOUR DAILY ROUTINE, SANS?"
"HEY!" You and Sans growled in unison. You shared a glare at each other then turned to Papyrus who was simply standing there smugly. "What?" You asked, trying to sound calm but failing.
Papyrus said nothing but smirked wider "AS I WAS THE FIRST TO ARRIVE HERE, I HAVE ALREADY MADE CLAIMS ON MY BEDROOM AND HAVE ASSIGNED BOTH OF YOU YOUR OWN ROOMS."
"Hey! What do I look like to you?" You sputtered "A 5th grader on a camp field trip?" Papyrus exchanged confused looks. "IF YOU MEAN YOU'RE A GRADE 5 ON A SCALE OF 1 TO 100, THEN YES. YES YOU ARE." Sans laughed and you glared fiercely at Papyrus.
"NOW, IF YOU'RE DONE HUMILIATING YOURSELF, HUMAN, COME INSIDE AND I CAN ASSIGN YOU YOUR SLEEPING SPACE AND SIMPLE TASKS TO KEEP YOU OCCUPIED DURING THE DAY!" Papyrus ordered, turning on his heels, he walked back inside -stopping briefly to turn off the speakers- his red scarf trailing behind him.
"Is…is he serious?" You asked, stunned and also insulted. Besides you, Sans merely shrugged, his expression unreadable. "he's serious." Having said this, he followed his brother inside. Sighing loudly, you rubbed your temples a bit before following suit, pausing to close the garage door.
Inside was every bit as pristine as the outside, with one exception. While the outside seemed homey and welcoming, the inside was…well….bare and stuffy. Not stuffy as in there was so much too process you couldn't think straight, but it had minimal furnishings and the furnishings that were there was the "touch and you might break it" kind.
Therefore the place was stuffy 'cause you weren't sure if the shiny new furniture was okay to touch….despite the fact that this was technically your house now. Well…yours and Sans'….and Papyrus'…apparently…..
The level you were on was very spacious, and vaguely resembled a large office space. You deduced that this was where you would be working once the Human-Monster Relations thing kicked off.
You wanted to look around a bit more, but Papyrus had come up to you, grabbed your wrist and began tugging you up the stairs to the second level. "Wh- Hey! Papyrus! Let go!" You protested, wincing at his hard grip.
"NOT UNTIL I SHOW YOU YOUR ROOM!" Papyrus snapped "I WILL NOT HAVE YOU RUNNING AWAY!" You blinked as you jumped up the stairs to keep up with Papyrus' ridiculously long strides. "Why would I run away!?" You asked incredulously "BECAUSE HUMANS ARE WEAK AND ARE EASILY FRIGHTENED OFF!" Papyrus reasoned.
You barely held back a comment asking if all monsters were able to go through their daily lives while experiencing the demonic horror that is PMS, but managed to refrain yourself.
"HERE!" Papyrus gestured to the living room which was connected directly to the stairway, where a couch was stationed directly in front of the TV. "THIS IS WHERE YOU'LL BE SLEEPING!" You blinked as Papyrus shoved you forward into the room, forcing you to take in your surroundings.
"I'm sleeping….in the living room?" You asked, more confused than offended. "what's the problem?" You heard Sans say "you slept perfectly fine on the couch back at the cottage."
Rolling your eyes you said "Duh. But that's because I chose the living room in a house that wasn't mine." Papyrus suddenly grinned "SO YOU ARE UNCOMFORTABLE WITH THIS SLEEPING ARANGEMENT, THEN?" You blinked at Papyrus, unsure how to respond.
"Er…not really?" You said, "I'm more just confused than anything." Papyrus' grin faltered "….WHAT?" He asked, you were unsure if he was enraged about this or as confused as you were. "I mean, if I'm sleeping here," You motioned to the couch "Where are you and Sans sleeping?"
Sans looked to Papyrus, obviously thinking the same thing as you. "I'M SLEEPING IN THE BEST ROOM WITH THE BUILT IN BATHROOM, OBVIOUSLY!" Of course he dibbed the Master Bedroom for himself, you thought dryly.
"so where the heck am i sleeping?" Sams asked, eyeing you suspiciously. You shot him a light glare back wich he responded with an eye roll. "YOU'LL BE STAYING WITH ME ON THE NEXT FLOOR BUT IN THE SPARE BEDROOM ACROSS THE HALL. OBVIOUSLY."
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold up." You said, waving your arms in a "time out" motion. "You're telling me there's only 2 bedrooms in this entire house?!" You asked, placing your hands on your hips.
Papyrus 'tch'd and rolled his eyes "OBVIOUSLY NOT," He said, a smug grin growing on his face "I'M JUST SIMPLY NOT ALLOWING YOU TO SLEEP COMFORTABLY!" He began laughing obnoxiously and pointed at you like you both were back in 3rd grade and he had just witnessed you spilling Capri-Sun on yourself.
"…." Was yours and Sans only reaction. "Well, jokes on you, skele-boy." You deadpanned. "After going through High School I gained the super power to sleep literally anywhere." Sans snorted but covered it up quickly. Papyrus looked as if he wanted to say something, something very loud, and very rude, but your phone rang and interrupted him.
Waiting for him to explode at you, you ignored your phone and stared him down. Papyrus, however, seemed to have a different idea. "WELL?" He asked impatiently. "Well, what?" You asked, still waiting for him to chew you out for sassing him.
"ain't ya gonna answer your phone?" Sans asked, shoving his hands in his pockets. "….What?" You asked, completely lost. Papyrus dramatically rolled his eyes "WE MONSTERS ARE NOT WITHOUT ETTIQUTE, STUPID HUMAN! IT'S RUDE TO KEEP TALKING TO SOMEONE IN THE ROOM WHILE A PHONE CALL AWAITS YOU!"
You stared at them, very bewildered, but pulled out your phone and answered, without checking to see who the caller was. "Hello…?" You asked, still eyeing the two skeleton brothers. "(Y/n)?" Came Queen Julie's voice over the phone.
Your face suddenly flushed red at the realization you would've let a call from the Queen go to voicemail for the sake of arguing with Papyrus and Sans. Papyrus and Sans snickered a bit, indicating they came to the same conclusion.
Glaring at the two skeletons, you pushed past them and headed downstairs for an attempt at privacy. "Hello, Your Majesty." You said into the phone "How are you doing?" The Queen let out a loud sigh "I've been better, to be honest, dear." She said tiredly.
Letting out a huff, you smiled lightly "I feel ya," You said, slipping into less formal speech. "How's your husband?" Queen Julie huffed, "The same. Possibly a bit worse, though." You frowned "I'm sorry to hear that," You said sympathetically "Is there anything I can do to help?"
You couldn't see her, but you knew the Queen was smiling a little bit. "Thank you, dear, but unless you know of a magic spell that will combine all the laws in the best way possible, then I'm afraid not." You snorted at her little joke, "How is that going, by the way? The combining the laws thing, I mean."
Taking a deep breath, the Queen filled you in on everything that's happened in the Parliament since you left. After a while of talking, it really boiled down to Parliament being very uncooperative and hostile to the Dreemurrs and the indecisiveness of which laws were important to keep and get rid of from each kingdom.
Sighing, you rubbed your temples and sank deeper onto a couch you had found on the lower floor. "Need me to come and sass Parliament into behaving?" You offered "I've got a lot of unused sass I need to let out." The Queen laughed lightly "Thank you, dear, but that won't be necessary." She sighed "As fun as that would be to see." You heard her mutter.
You snickered "Well….if there's anything I can do to help, let me know." You said, "Thanks, dearie." She said "Oh, but before I forget, your old job as head of public relations."
"Yeah, what about it?" You said, "You'll need to continue that for a while longer, at least until we get this whole law-combining thing done." You nodded out of habit, then realized she couldn't see you. "Alright, I'll head back tomorrow." You said.
Right as you closed your mouth you heard a loud THUMP followed by a distant but equally loud "SANS! THAT WASN'T THE LEAST BIT FUNNY!" You sighed loudly. "On second thought, I may end up going back later today."
"Don't rush yourself, sweetheart, I don't want you to overexert yourself-" You snorted, "Believe me, your majesty, the only way you'll make me overexert myself is if I have to stay here at home."
"Oh….is-is there something wrong?" She asked, sounding very concerned. You sighed, you knew the first thought in her head would be fear for the peace treaty marriage, so you decided to stall her fears a bit.
"Just some rough patches, y'know? Getting used to each other's presence and quirks and…such." You half lied. Truthfully, you knew things were a bit more hostile than that between you and Sans, but something told you, you were both just acting out of fear.
Fear of each other. Fear if you didn't make this work, the two species could go to war resulting in needless death…
You shook your head and pushed the thoughts out of your mind. "Well….if you're sure…" The Queen said slowly. "I…guess I'll let you go get ready for work now." You gave her a quick thanks, and you both bid each other a hasty goodbye before you hung up and ran upstairs.
"YO, PAPYRUS!" You called out, unsure where he was. "WHAT!?" The skeleton shouted from what sounded like the third level. Quickly locating the set of spiral stairs that led to the third level of the house, you began running up it while continuing your shout-conversation.
"WHERE'D YOU PUT MY CLOTHES?" You asked, you heard scrambling and some hasty thudding of cabinet doors. "WH-WHY WOULD I, THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS, EVER MESS WITH SOME MEASLEY HUMAN'S CLOTHING?"
Upon arriving at the top level, you were greeted with the sight of Papyrus, leaning oh-so-casually on Sans' head, examining the tips of his gloved fingers. Sans, you had expected to be ticked for being used as a leaning prop, but apparently looked as if he had fallen asleep.
Sighing, you placed your hands on your hips. "Really?" You asked, very unimpressed. "WHATEVER DO YOU MEAN, HUMAN?" Papyrus said smugly, you rolled your eyes "Not now, Papyrus." You said firmly "I need to know where you put my clothes."
Papyrus snickered "I'LL TELL YOU, BUT ON ONE CONDITION." You rolled your eyes, and you saw Sans 'wake up' long enough to smirk at you. You glared at them both and they simply smiled at you.
You stayed in a silent stare-off for a minute as you contemplated if it was worth it to abide by his terms or simply look for the clothes yourself. Sighing, you came to the conclusion that you were too lazy to look for them yourself, so you said: "Alright. What're your terms and license, oh glorious one?"
Papyrus' smug grin grew even wider. "WELL, I AM GLAD YOU ASKED!" You felt regret immediately claw its way into your stomach. With extreme flourish, Papyrus pulled out….
An Ahsoka Tano cosplay headgear.
"WHERE THE HECK DID YOU GET THAT!?" You shouted, face turning red as you lunged for it. Knowing you would do this, Papyrus hoisted the prop far above your head and dangled it tauntingly. You growled in frustration and tried to jump and grab it, but Sans managed to grab your shoulder and pull you down so you stayed put.
You briefly considered turning around and putting him into a choke hold, but decided that'd end badly for everyone. You growled menacingly at Papyrus who only smirked widely. "SEE SANS? I TOLD YOU THE HUMAN WOULD BE TOO EMBARRASSED TO WEAR SOMETHING SO RIDICULOUS!"
Your face flushed red in an attempt to physically restrain yourself from aggressively explaining to Papyrus how amazing and awesome Ahsoka Tano is and how much of a self-confidence boost it gave you whenever you wore it.
"hehehe, look boss!" Sans said behind you "she's turnin' red!" Yeah. Red from rage you boney pile of- "NOW, HUMAN, MY TERMS ARE SIMPLE!"
Papyrus slammed the prop onto your head and you barely refrained from shouting at him to be careful with the cosplay item. "HAHAHAHAHHAHHA!" Papyrus howled "YOU LOOK ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS, HUMAN!"
He fell to the floor in laughter and you heard Sans snickering behind you. If you weren't completely and utterly done with these, two, you might've laughed as well. Instead you just sighed and motioned to the Togruta montrals and lekku hanging lop sidedly on your head.
"Let me guess, I have to wear the headdress all day long?" You sighed exasperatedly. "HA! THAT'S WHAT YOU THINK, HUMAN!" Papyrus exclaimed jumping to his feet. "BUT NO, YOU MUST WEAR THIS RIDICULOUS HEAD GEAR FOR-" He snickered loudly, trying to contain his sadistic glee "YOU MUST WEAR THIS FOR THE REST OF THE WEEK!"
He cackled loudly and went back to rolling on the floor. You and Sans however stayed silent, with only one thing going through your mind. "Er, Papyrus?" You said "Today's Friday." Papyrus stopped laughing and for a half minute, everyone was silent. "WELL…..THEN…..YOU'LL WEAR IT UNTIL NEXT FRIDAY!" He said.
"NYEH HEH HEH HEH! YOU HAVE BEEN THOROUGHLY JAPED BY THE GREAT AND TERRIBLE PAPYRUS!" Said skeleton zoomed off and appeared in front of you with a set of clothes folded neatly in his hands.
Blinking, you felt Papyrus shove the outfit in your arms and you barely registered Papyrus throwing you in a closet so you could change. "HEY!" You protested, pounding on the door. "PAPYRUS! I can't get dressed in here, I can't see!"
You heard the strange laughter followed by Sans suggesting you to turn the lights on. You felt dread shoot up your spine. Oh dear sweet mother of Primus they hid something terrifying in here didn't they?
Grumbling to yourself, you braced for a giant plastic spider to appear behind and you flipped the switch on to see…
AKSJDHSUKLHF GIANT DEMONIC SPAWN OF SATAN'S WORST NIGHTMARES WHAT THE EVER-LOVING FRESH HECK IS THAT!?
A deafening, blood-curdling scream erupted from your lips and you slammed into the door so hard you knocked it off it's hinges and landed flat on your stomach. The fear of what you saw was still etched into your mind and the adrenaline combined with your overactive imagination tricked you into thinking the terrifying sight had gained sentience and was now chasing you.
Fueled by the determination not to die from something that looked like the love child of Arachnid from Transformers Prime, Skeletor, and Tim Burton, you jumped back up, ran downstairs with the clothes still in your hands and ran out into the garage. Starting up your car you drove straight to your work, not noticing two things.
One: You were still wearing the Ahsoka Tano headdress thing, and two: when you knocked the door off its hinges, you ended up tackling a pair of skeleton monsters who had their ear holes pressed up against the door in anticipation of your reaction…
Sans and Papyrus groaned as they shoved the wooden door off their prostate forms. "ugh, what hit us?" Sans groaned, sitting up. "SANS, I BELIEVE WE MAY HAVE UNDERSTEMATED THIS HUMAN'S STRENGTH!" Sans groaned in pain "ya don't say?"
Standing, Sans helped is brother stand up and the two brushed off their clothes before looking at the giant bone spider they created using their bone attacks. "…..maybe next time we should use sumthin' smaller."
"OR STAND BACK FARTHER NEXT TIME."
"yeah. that too."