Chapter 7

I came downstairs, I had showered and I was feeling surprisingly upbeat. I smiled when Caitlyn looked up from her coloring. "Hi Rain," She said happily. I had gotten home a little while ago and gone right upstairs and showered and changed into new clothes like I always do. Even though I wasn't drunk last night.

"Hi," I said. I sat on the couch looking at the TV. "What show is this?"

"Sesame Street." She said wrinkling her nose. "It's a little kid show."

"I love this show!" I said happily. I crossed my legs so I sat Indian-style. Looking at the TV. Jake looked at me like I was crazy. And Caitlyn looking back at the TV too.

She shrugs one shoulder. "It's okay." She says to agree with me. I knew Jake chose to watch this. I smile at Jake. And he smiles a little too, covering his mouth. He has these blue eyes. These really bright radiant blue eyes. It's almost inhuman, but they're amazing.

Caitlyn looked at me. "How was your party last night?" She asked.

I smile. All I've thought about is Paul since I woke up with a text message from him this morning. I gave him directions to my house last night. And his message said good morning. "Do you remember Paul?" I asked.

She nodded instantly smiling.

"I'm going on a date with him tonight," I said.

Once Caitlyn knew it was impossible to hide from anyone. When I was upstairs she opened the door for Jess-ee-cah and told her the moment she walked in. I was a little nervous. A little excited.

"Ready for your hot date Rain?" Jessicah asked shutting the door of my room.

"Yeah," I said. Smiling at her. I was using my computer. I turned looking at her.

She smiled goofily. "Someone's looking a little nervous." She said. When I got a message from him my hands shook a little and I got all jittery and my heart started speeding even if he said something that wasn't that big of a deal. I was getting more and more nervous.

I rolled my eyes. "I'm not that nervous," I said. "I am a little though."

She dropped onto my bed kicking off her shoes. She smiled and stayed until I forced her out. I was ready. I put on a little make-up. I had caked it on, but took it all off. I don't think he even really care what I looked like. So I didn't dress up and put on all the make-up I own. I wore what I would to any party. Today was a band t-shirt I bought when I was smaller and it fits me nicer now. And the same jeans I would wear any other day.

My dad was sitting on the couch watching me. I was sitting watching TV. My stomach going insane inside of me. And I was jittery and excited. I really like Paul. But my dad was reading the Sunday newspaper watching me like I was crazy.

"You nervous?" He asked.

I nodded. "Yeah," I said. I paused. "I'm not usually."

He sighed mumbling something under his breathe. I smiled turning away. A pair of headlights swung around the street. It was five minutes after he was supposed to pick me up. And I peeked out the window quickly.

"Bye," I said waving to my dad. I started walking to the door.

"You still have a curfew," He said loudly.

"I know," I said stopping at the door.

"Just checking." My dad is pretty average. We aren't extremely close but we don't live on different planets and despise each other. We just are never going to be the same after my mother died. I sighed smiling to myself, opening the door quickly. Catching Paul just as he was about to get out of his car.

I don't like boys I'm dating to meet my parents so soon. I've done this for as long as I remember. I never let them walk up to my front door. Ever. And they catch on sometimes and stop coming out. It's rude I guess- at least corny parents or friends of Queenie and my dad say whenever I run out of the house.

It's a habit. It's in my set of rules and guidelines for dating a boy. So I smiled hurrying to Paul's car. He shut his door awkwardly. They never know what to do the first time it ever happens. But I climbed into the front seat next to him. Smiling. I shut the door. "Hey," I said smiling.

My bar is never set high for dates. I never believe first impressions of the insides of cars or anything. I went on a date with a stoner kid once and his front seats were entirely filled with crunched beer cans. And it was an alright date actually. We dated for a couple times. But I looked around. Paul's car was sort of expensive looking. It was a big black SUV-type car. The inside though was just cloth. Nothing like all leather with cherry wood whatever it's called. And it was pretty clean. There wasn't anything like cigarettes lying around or questionable stains anywhere. In fact it was a nice car.

"Hey," He said smiling back at me. "What's up?"

He wasn't wearing a seatbelt so I didn't bother to put one on. That's another little thing. Never put on a seatbelt unless you have the exact instinct to. He pulled away from the curb outside of my house and started driving. "Nothing," I said. "You?"

"Same,"

I looked at the stereo. "What's this?" I asked.

He looked at me. "Oh-" He started quickly. "Sorry, it's the, uh, Smashing Pumpkins. I know you don't like them..." I had said that as one of the bands I disliked that he said he liked. We "discussed"- if that's the proper word for it; more of a euphemism for fought over them for about twenty minutes. But I listened as he reached for the radio. I moved his hand away with mine.

"No," I said. I smiled a little. "I like this song. What's it called?"

He paused listening to it. "'Mayonnaise'" He said.

I listened quietly. He looked at me. Then back to driving. "You said you hated everything by them," He said smiling.

I rolled my eyes shaking my head smiling back at him. My stomach settling a little. We've only talked three times in person. Texted the rest of our conversations. And it was good to realize that talking to him was the same as texting him. "You said you hated Jimmy Eat World..." I brought up again.

"Fine," And he dropped the subject.

"You know we've only found one compromise so far musically." I said smiling at him.

He looked at me, he hadn't stopped smiling and neither had I. "What?" He asked.

"Sunday Drive," I said. "I'm obsessed with them."

He paused thinking about this. "Alright," He said. "So we have one thing in common musically."

"And Alkaline Trio," I said. "That's two! We're soul mates, Paul Spinella."

He laughed shaking his head a little.

We kept talking. He kept conversation going well and we talked easily. Tonight, even driving in the dark to a party, it didn't feel like a first date. We were just two old friends. I smiled and kept talking to him. Scared I wouldn't be able to stop smiling. But he was so nice and everything. I had my hopes high after the drive there.

The party was pretty small. There were people I didn't know, and Paul went to get me a drink. Leaving me off to the side. I looked at all of these people I didn't seem to know. I saw Gina though, Paul's friend Jack's girlfriend. She came over to me smiling really sweetly. She was nice. "Hi," She said.

"Hey," I said.

"You and Paul are here together?" She asked smiling. She sipped the beer in her hand. I nodded smiling a little. Or trying to keep myself from doing so again. "You two are so cute together."

I never heard that. It's sort of nice to hear. That you look cute with someone. That you look good standing next to someone and that you fit. All expressed witch such a varied word like "cute" but I smiled and thanked her. We talked a little. She told me how Paul was getting ripped apart by his friends last night about "chickening out" but I thought it was a little cute to hear that. To know Jess-ee-cah wasn't exaggerating.

But Paul was coming back, and she said goodbye, slipping back into the crowd to Jack. I smiled at Paul when he came back over. And I started talking to him. In a weird way he seemed a little shocked to find me still where I was. And that I was still interested in continuing conversation.

Paul Spinella, who'd of thought.

There was a pool table downstairs and I was sitting on it. He was standing still talking to me. He was such an easy person to talk to. And I loved talking to him so much. I could have gone on for hours.

But there were really sweet subtle things he'd slip in. Nice comments that made my stomach fill with butterflies but he'd keep going. Like he had never even said anything to make me smile at him or feel like my heart would explode. I tried doing the same thing, but it didn't work out. I'd smile at him too much when I said them and he'd smiled back at me. And we'd usually stop talking for a few seconds. Just looking at each other.

We were talking about music. And stories about songs and that turned into talking about all different things. I smiled a lot. But when I slipped in another trying-to-be-subtle comment he stopped and just looked at me.

I got this feeling. Like my chest was singing and my stomach was shaking. I smiled a little softer and he looked at me in this different way. I swear he was this close to kissing me. I wouldn't have minded it either. I would have kissed him back.

"Paul!"

He looked in the other direction. And I slid off of the table. I felt weird being shorter than him again. The table made me a few inches higher than he was. Now I was just short again. Barely making it up to his chin. I looked over next to where I was sitting getting my beer. Almost empty.

It was Thomas. Paul looked at me. "Sorry," He said. "Do you mind?"

I shook my head. "Of course not." I said. And in a minute I was sitting next to Paul on a couch talking to Paul and his friends. Thomas was flirting with this other girl but him and Jess-ee-cah were just friends-with-benefits. No matter how awkward it was I did my best to ignore it.

My knee was almost against his. I sat more forward than him though. He sat back and talked. It was obvious we were together. We were on a date. It was comfortable and I liked being there with him. I liked Thomas looking at us funny when I said something only for Paul to hear. And Paul always smiled at me funny. And I smiled at him too.

I like talking to Gina. I feel like we would have a lot in common. Paul said if he had to pick a best friend he guessed it would be Jack but he doesn't really have one.

"Do you want me to get you another drink?" Paul asked leaning forward.

I smiled. "Sure,"

And he stood up. "I'll come with you," Jack said he took Gina's cup. And simultaneously Thomas and that girl got us and walked away holding hands.

Gina looked at me when they were gone. She finished her beer off and put the cup in the table. She ran her fingers through her hair quickly. Thinking. "Do you like Paul?" She asked suddenly.

"Yes," I said, he disappeared up the staircase. And I looked back at Gina.

She looked at me. "I don't know," She said. "It's just I've heard a lot about you and I've never seen him positive before."

I finished off my beer. Placing it on the table and nudging it forward a little. Keeping my mine busy. I clenched and unclenched my teeth. "The story about me and Bennett Williams?" I asked. She paused not knowing what to say. Her mouth opened but she never said anything. "Or stories- I should say." I pushed my bangs out of my eyes. "I'm not like that. I mean people talk a lot because he's Bennett Williams and everything and we're friends and we talk sometimes at parties. They're not true at all."

She nodded. She smiled asking her head. "The reason I'm like this is because Paul and I are just family friends. Our older sisters used to be friends and I've known him for a while." She shrugged a shoulder. "He's still my friend, and I look out for him. Those stories though, are oddly detailed."

I nodded widening my eyes. "You have no idea."

When Paul sat down next to me again, his knee was against mine. He started to move but I actually shifted too. Our legs stayed against each other's. I liked being close to him. He sat back again and I sat forward.

We talked to Jack and Gina for a little while before they had to leave. When they did I sat back. He must have had his arm there before. Not expecting me to sick back. But I felt comfortable sitting there. And I felt nice being so close to him. I smiled softly at him. And we just looked at each other.

He looked so honest right then. Nothing about him was fake or overconfident or anything. He was himself. One-hundred percent. I waited for him to kiss me. I wanted him too. My heart picking up speed as I looked at him. He smiled softly at me. "Do you want to go somewhere?" He asked.

His voice was sort of low. The type of voice every boy has. Low and sweet-ish. But we were so close his words vibrated in me. I nodded. "I'd love to." I said. My voice falling softer. I just kept looking at him though.

I slipped my hand into his when we were walking away from the party. I smiled swinging our hands. "Where are we going?" I asked.

He smiled. "I don't know."

"A surprise?" I asked stopping. He didn't let go of my hand, he stopped and looked at me. He smiles shaking his head. He wove his fingers into mine and tugged my arm gently. We walked to his car. His hand was warm and soft. My own fit within his. I smiled and kept walking next to him.

And he started driving; I played around with his radio. Putting on the Top 40. He groaned turning the volume down all the way. He stopped at a stop sign, pushing my hand away as I reached forward. "That's my favorite song," I said. He opened his glove compartment full of CDs. And turned on the light.

I put on a Sunday Drive CD. And didn't pay attention to where we drove.

He parked in this little dirt patch on the side of the road. I looked at him. "Is this where you kill me?" I asked sarcastically.

He sighed. "Yep, come on," He said opening his door. "Let's get this over with."

I slipped out of my side and met him in front of his car. He started walking to this path turning and looking at me to follow him. I slipped my hand into his again. He wove his fingers into mine.

It was a short walk and we went to this little clearing. It wasn't a making out place, it was a talking place.

We sat across form each other. The moon was really bright tonight, and I could see him. Or the outline of him. His back was more to the light of the moon. I shifted to Indian style. "Let's play Truth or Dare." I said smiling at him. He leaned back onto his hands. "You're turn: Truth or Dare?"

He looked at me like I was insane. "What?" He said.

My jaw dropped a little. "You've never played Truth or Dare before?" I asked. That was impossible. Everyone's played this game before. Even boys. It was programmed into your minds at birth along with the ability to speak and breathe.

He rolled his eyes. "I know how to play," He said. "I just don't see why we have to."

I leaned onto my hands. "Why not?"

He sighed again. I took this as a sign I had won. "Fine," He said, his voice slightly irritated. "Truth."

I smiled, straightening my shoulders. "Do you want me to coddle you?" I wagged my finger at him. "Start you out slow and ease you in." He looked at me. Not in a mean way. Just a no way. I smiled looking down at the grass in front of me. "Okay," My smile faded. I picked the grass. Plucking out the top halves of the small thin green stalks from the ground. "Do you like me?" I looked at him. He opened his mouth to answer. "I mean," My voice sounded so pathetic. So vulnerable. I hated it. I sounded so different. "Really, really, really like me."

He waited an extra second. To see if I made the question more specific. "Yes." He said with a nod.

I smiled at him. And then leaned back onto my palms too. "Truth," I said.

He paused thinking. "Same question." He said.

I smiled a little less and looked at him. Barely visible through the dark, he waited there a few short feet from me. "Yes," I said. I could see him smile though. Through the natural dimness of this clearing.

"Truth." He said again.

I narrowed my eyes at him a little. "You're one of those boys that just picks truth after truth, aren't you?" I asked.

"Is there a problem?" He asked.

I shrugged. And thought about it. Again. Taking my time. I looked at the dark ground. Then up at him again. My eyes were adjusted in the darkness so I could see the outlines of his face. "Why did you stop texting me after Wednesday?" I asked.

He was quiet for a few seconds. His eyes going towards the ground away from me. "I didn't think you liked me back." He said. His voice sounding soft and vulnerable as mine had. I stared at him though.

"Why?" I asked softly.

"You can't ask two questions." His voice back to normal.

"Follow-up," I said quickly. He sighed again. He looked down again. He didn't fight me this time.

"Look at you Rainie." He said suddenly. His voice so soft and low. It vibrated in my heart from the distance between us. "I mean, you're gorgeous. You liking me back was such a long-shot. And I heard about you and this other kid, and I didn't want to keep screwing with myself. I didn't think I stood a chance."

I looked at him so softly. "I chose you." I said softly.

He looked at me. His eyes traveling through the dark to me. Seeing me in a different way. It made my chest feel funny.

"Truth," I said leaning forward.

He thought of a question. "Why me?" He asked.

I smiled a little, looking at him. "You're really nice. And even though I despise fifty-percent of the music you listen to, I like talking to you a lot. You don't make me sit here and pull along conversation like you learned to talk yesterday. And everything I know about you so far makes me like you. And I don't know." I said I picked some more grass. "I feel like the fact that we kept running into each other must mean something."

He looked at me. "You're into that Fate crap right?" He asked.

I shrugged. "Sometimes." I said. "But other times you have to take fate into your own hands."

He scratched his arm. And let my words hang in the air. "Truth," He said.

We went back and forth. Truths going back and forth. Things you always wonder on that first date. Things you sometimes never find out. I liked having them all out of the way. I had so many more. I liked him so much. Now I liked him even more than before. He was almost a new person than I thought. He was soft right now. In not a fake way. He was more real than probably half of the guys I've ever dated. It was nice. I liked talking to him. And being with him.

Finally he paused, smiling a little. He looked at me. Locking his eyes with mine. "Dare." He said.

I smiled wider. "Oof." I said. "Are you ready Paul Spinella? Do you want me to coddle you now?"

He paused thinking. "No," He said.

"Alright." I started thinking. All of the completely ridiculous things I could make him do or do to him. As we sat in the silence he seemed to catch up on this. He shifted uneasily. Not quite sure I would throw at him. Finally I had one. I looked at him. And smiled. "Okay. Are you ready?" I didn't wait for a response. I let the moment climax. "Close your eyes."

He looked at me. "What are you going to do?" He asked sort of scared.

I laughed a little. "That's the dare." I said. "Close your eyes."

He looked at me steadily. And then closed his eyes. I sat there for a few seconds. Making sure he would keep them closed. "You're not going to do anything weird are you?" He asked.

I laughed. "Shhh." I said softly.

I waited sixty seconds. He remained unmoving. I stood up softly. Making sure he didn't cheat. I went over to him and sat on his lap facing him. My hands around his neck. He opened his eyes.

There were two reactions. One was to kiss me. The other was to hesitate. Showing that I had rushed this. Pushed him to kiss me. And forced him to do something he probably didn't want to. But he paused. Not saying anything. Just looking at me softly. In a way I never expected. H didn't do anything he just looked at me. His eyes soft and searching mine. Looking inside of me. Into my soul.

That scared me. I felt his eyes locked with mine. I tried not to blink. Tried not to ruin this. But my stomach started shaking and I lost all confidence. He broke me free of whatever confidence I had to bring me here. To make such a bold move towards him. And we just sat there looking at each other. I wondered what he was thinking.

He touched my face lightly. And leaned in. I closed my eyes. And felt his lips find mine softly. I pressed mine against his. It wasn't a movie kiss. Those aren't that rare. Or special. Or anything. It was one of those perfect kisses. When your heart starts beating really fast and you can't control your thoughts. And you're so scared. Yet you let all of this happen. It's one of those kisses when everything really is perfect. And nothing else matters. It's when all you can do is feel. You feel everything at once. In a way you can't even start to describe it. We didn't' stop kissing. And don't be mistaken, he was a great kisser.

We were lying there. I cuddled against his side. His arm around me and resting against my lower back. We lay there silently. It was getting later and later. We hadn't taken any clothes off or anything like that. I was past curfew but I didn't want to go. I wanted to stay there for as long as I could.

He kissed my forehead. His lips warm on my skin. I smiled at him. "I should take you home." He said softly.

I sat up. Leaning onto my arm and looking down at him. I pushed hair out of his face and smiled. "Okay," I sighed. "I guess."

He smiled a little. "What? Do you want to stay here and freeze to death all night?" He asked.

I smiled. "I'm not cold at all."

He sat up. He kissed me. "Come on," He said. He stood up pulled me to my feet too. I looped my arms around his neck. And his moved to my waist. I smiled at him.

"I had a great time," I said. He kissed me. Pressing his lips softly to mine. It was perfect. It really was.

"Me too," He said against my lips.

I held his hand walking out of the clearing. And he drove home. Apologizing for it being so late a thousand times. I was an hour past curfew, but whatever. He didn't even know my weekend curfew so it didn't matter. Whenever we reach a stoplight I leaned over and kissed him to shut him up. He didn't need to apologize for anything.

We had another date tomorrow too. He'd pick me up at six-thirty. We were going to IHOP. My choice. And he didn't seem to mind. We were both so happy for no real reason at all. Well I guess there was a big one to be happy about, but we pretended like that reason wasn't there at all.

He stopped in front of my house. He leaned in and kissed me shortly. "Goodnight," He said. His face a few inches from mine. I pressed my lips to his again.

"Night," I said softly. I moved my hand to the door. My fingers hanging off of the handle. He kissed me one more time. It lasted longer than the past few times. It speeded my heartbeat and made me smile when it ended. And I got out.

Walking up the walkway to my house. He didn't start driving away. I reached my front door when he started to pull away. I turned and watched him. I never usually did. In fact it was a guideline not to watch a boy drive away; it made you look clingy and strange. But I watched him. Knowing he probably didn't even notice. I smiled a little. My heart losing speed again.

First dates are few that end like this. With a perfect kiss and this weird happy feeling. Like anything could happen. I had hope. And I turned and slipped into my house. It was late. And I was out past curfew but it was a first date. And I couldn't stop smiling.

I was looking forward to tomorrow. When I'd go on another date with Paul Spinella. I was never this excited about fist dates. Maybe back then before Jayme. When I discovered first kisses instead of perfect ones. Tonight I proved to myself that I've come a far way. I was out of that dark hole I was once in. And I had just experienced my first perfect kiss.