AN*this is really long, so this is really short

disclaimer-please refer to the first chapter

Chapter 7- Loud

Settle down Astoria, just relax, nothing to be nervous about. So it's your first defense against the dark arts class with 'Professor' Carrow, and you haven't seen Draco yet. It's alright, it's all okay. Professor Carrow can't possibly do a poorer job then Professor Umbridge, and Draco's here. I know he is. He has to be. But, I haven't SEEN him, which means he very well might not be and that would mean he's… I really need to stop thinking about Draco; I can't be caught crying in my first class of the year now can I?

So this year we have defense against the dark arts with the Hufflepuffs. That's probably for the better, I've always liked classes with the Hufflepuffs, and if I'm sitting alone they'll usually let me take a seat on their side of the room. Laura Madley even lets me sit beside her; we share an inkpot on those days. And although she is using up my ink with her spelling mistakes, I don't mind all so much. But I'm not so sure if it'll be like that this year. I'm not all too sure of Laura's parentage, although Madley does sound familiar.

The rooms starting to fill up, class must be starting soon. "Laura, you're still going to sit with me?"

"Well who else am I going to sit with? Were the only purebloods in this class." I never knew Laura was a pure blood, and I don't really understand why that matters all too much.

"Why should that mean we have to sit together? Oh…and I'm not actually a pureblood, I mean I'm pretty close, my great grandmother was a half-blood you see, because her father married a half blood who was one because her mother was one and she was one because her father married a muggleborn."

"Why don't you go tell all that to them then." Maybe I shouldn't have told her my entire family history, I probably just made her feel more isolated then she already is. You'd think we had the plague the way the rest of the class has been sure to leave an empty desk radius between us and them.

"If it makes you feel better, that probably won't matter much to them. My father has the mark." I never actually told anyone that before, I mean, it wasn't as though I ever had much reason too and no one's ever asked, they just already assume. But, I don't know, Laura seems to have needed to hear that.

"My uncles got it…he took it so my dad wouldn't have, back during the first war. My dad says he was trying to keep him safe, for when He won. And now it's starting to look like he will." She can't have already lost all hope.

"Don't say that, there are very talented wizards on either side."

"What? Don't you want Him to win? If he doesn't you'll lose your dad, he'll be carted off to Azkaban!"

"Of course I don't want my father to be sentenced there, but, I don't want him to become a murderer either. If your uncle and my dad win, they lose." I gesture to the rest of the class with the last sentence, allowing Laura to get a good look around.

"I know, It's awful, but…isn't family more important? Either way people are going to die. They're going to suffer, why should it have to be the people I love?"

"Laura, if Vo…You-Know-Who wins, everybody suffers. Not just the muggle borns or the half-bloods, the squibs and muggles, but the purebloods to. Everything will be just as it is now. Everyone will be afraid, and lonely and categorized." Laura looks like she's about ready to cry and I feel about ready. I mean, my dad's got the mark, and all my uncles and some of their wives and my older cousins are probably preparing to get their very own. What if Daphne has to get hers once she's graduated, or when she first comes of age, or before that? After all it's expected that at least one member of every family is to receive it. Would I get it to save Daphne, like Laura's uncle saved her father? That isn't even a question. Of course I would, even if Daphne wouldn't necessarily do it for me…but could I do what it entails? I mean Draco couldn't and he ended up not saving anybody, and now he's dead and I need to stop pretending he didn't because all of this is real and that's scary. And oh my goodness I'm going to burst like one of those toilets in Myrtle's loo.

All the murmurings stopped, Professor Carrows here. Oh, good, I was about to lose it. I could use a proper lesson about now.

"I'll be needing a few volunteers." Isn't he going to introduce himself? The class? Doesn't he have a syllabus prepared? A text book to read? A title for my notes? This is NOT a proper lesson, calm down; he just has a more, laid back teaching style. How is he supposed to know what I want from a class if I don't inform him?

"I suppose you'll do."

"Actually, I was hoping to ask you a question."

"A …question?" Oh, he doesn't seem too pleased about this, best to be real polite.

"Yes, I was wondering what the focus of this particular lesson was going to be exactly and whether or not you had an outline planned for further study."

"I'll tell you what, why don't you get on up here so I can show the class something quick, and that should answer that little question of yours for you." In front of the class? Oh no, last time I had to give an oral report I threw up all over Pax, probably why she doesn't like me all to much really. According to her Boggart, it's her biggest fear.

"I'd rather not. But I'm sure somebody else would love to if they only knew what they were volunteering for." Perhaps, I shouldn't have added in that last part.

"Girl, do you want a detention on your first day?"

"No, of course-"

"Then I suggestion you do as your told." But-ugh, well…I guess its first year potions all over again.

"Yes, I apologize."

"Kiss up." Whoever made that jeer is being far more brave then mean, seeing as our Professor, and figure of authority is in fact one of the more aggressive Death Eaters.

"Now, if you'll just stand there looking nice and pretty I'd like to demonstrate to the class a rather, interesting, spell. Curcio." OH MY GOD! Thank the good Lord I managed to get out of the way. I'm almost positive I wouldn't have managed to block it with just any old counter curse. "You are a teacher!"

"Are you raising your voice to me?" YES!

"You are a teacher, the authority figure of this classroom, and you're using unforgivables! On a student! That's against conduct! And this is your idea of a practical lesson! Your introduction to the course! This is ridiculous! If I must be here, I may very well at least learn, not run around dodging hexes!"

"Just who exactly do you think you are?"

"I am Astoria Greengrass, and yes he is my father. But who my father is or not shouldn't have anything to do with the measures of guilt and regret you ought to be feeling set in about now."

"Crucio!" That one hadn't missed.

When you grow up around the sort of people I have, you get told stories of how it feels to be under the Cruciactus. They come up with some pretty ridiculous stuff. But I now understand that it's really not all that insane. There weren't pools of blood encircling me, or splintering bones just pain. In reality all it does is hurt.

All you know is hurt. All you see is hurt; the pain can be found behind your closed lids. All you hear is pain, in the form of some foreign ringing in your ears that you only recognize as your own scream far afterwards. It's easy to see how people go crazy from such a curse. It's like the Dementors, who carry depression with them wherever they roam. This spell only leaves you with pain, and like that of the Dementors, its presence if too long, lingers.

It probably was only half a second, but it felt like a whole other life. And when the curse ended I was born into a new life. A life with light, and humming sounds that don't hurt your ears, and other feelings then hurt. But the hurts still there.

My head is pounding, my ears ringing, my throat dry and raspy and I'm shaking…whether it's from the trauma or my sobbing I don't know.

"Anyone else have something to say?" He is not a Professor! Even Professor Snape deserves more credit; he would never harm a student.

Everyone's still staring at me, sniffing and wiping at my eyes beside Laura, who every now and then hands me a tissue. She doesn't say anything though, she's afraid to. Class is over. Laura's being so nice, packing my bag for me and carrying it to.

"Come on, we should probably go see Madame Pomfrey." Did Laura just say we?

"We? As in the both of us? Me and you, you and I? Together?"

"Well, yeah. I'm taking you. What kind of friend do you think I am?"

"I don't think your a bad friend, I'm sorry if you thought that's what I was implying, but, I didn't know you were MY friend."

"For a smart girl, you can be pretty dumb sometimes." Way to go Astoria, loose your first real friend opening your big, fat, rambling mouth. "Relax, I'm only kidding, now come on let's go, or do I have to carry you to?"

Madame Pomfrey is so nice; she really didn't have to let me skip out of Herbology. I honestly would have been fine…I'd just be shaking and my eyes would be all puffy and I maybe would have cried…alright, so I really had needed to sit out, but now I'm a whole lesson behind. In a class I actually really like none the less, and on the year of my OWLS. Oh, and if I don't hurry up I'm going to miss lunch to.

"Astoria! Get over here!" Daphne sounds…different. "What the hell happened in Defense against the Dark Arts?" She sounds; no she can't actually be worried? Can she? "Astoria, oh my God she must have gone mad she hasn't started stuttering yet!"

"Daphne, I-I'm fine, honest." Ow, not so much anymore, no need to hit.

"That's for scaring me half to death! I thought I'd lost my crazy little brainiac sister! What were you doing! Yelling at a teacher! You practically asked for it!"

"He is not a teacher! He's a monster! Using the Cruciactus Curse on a student! It's against the law! ...isn't it?"

"Well not anymore stupid! Leave it to my sister to grow a spine the year it'll get her killed!"

"I'M SORRY THAT EVERYTHING I DO CAN'T BE TO YOUR CONVIENCE!" Woah, someone's moody today.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means I'm not perfect!"

"Well obviously!" Ugh, Daphne's can be such a- what am I doing? This morning I decide I'd take the mark for her and now I'm yelling at her. This is such a waste of our time, and giving the current circumstances we don't exactly have time to waste.

"…Daphne, I really don't want to fight. Can I sit with you at lunch today."

"Ugh, Astoria, lunch is almost over, " please, please, please "and nobody's left in there for me to talk to," please, please, please " and I'm full, and-…but if you're hungry."

"Okay, let's go!"

Food taste a thousand times better when you're hungry. Why don't people just wait till there near starved to eat? Then everything would taste so good! But, then you'd be malnourished and stick skinny, and possibly dying and all sickly looking. Maybe it's better not to have, this is so good cuz I'm starved, food all too often. Daphne was right, there really isn't anyone left in the Great Hall. Laura's probably already left for class seeing as the Hufflepuff tables near empty, we have Muggle Studies together to and Astronomy! There aren't too many people left at the Slytherin table either. Just a group of giggling girls on the far end, a huddle of second years more towards the middle and Pansy who, surprise, surprise, is fawning all over some-"DRACO!" oh, that was really loud wasn't it.

AN* do we hate Malfoy? yeah, somewhat, don't worry me to. sorry to leave you hanging like that, this was getting wayy to long though. guess you'll just have to wait. ahaha arn't i just bad