finally these two boys get some happiness

also thanks word limit for not letting me write the full chapter title. it's supposed to be: sunlight in the windows, sunlight in his heart. I liked that title a lot and then this website is like haha nope so now I wanna fight it (งಠ_ಠ)ง

Kaneki paced anxiously back and forth, continuously cracking his fingers. It had become more of a nervous habit by now rather than a signal that a major shitstorm was about to blow in and that everybody should hide in their shelters until it passed. He wanted to stop doing it, but it felt as if it had become a part of him.

His pacing was halted when the doorbell rang. Taking a deep breath, he crossed the room to answer it. As expected, Hide's smiling face was on the other side of the door.

"Yo, Kaneki!" he exclaimed. Kaneki looked questioningly at the oddly shaped…thing in his hands. It appeared to be a poorly wrapped not-so-cylindrical cylinder. Actually, it was more like a two-sided cone that jutted out in the middle and synched near the bottom. He had no idea what to make of it.

"Err, what's that?" he asked, his previous nervousness giving way to confusion and curiosity.

"This, my friend, is your present!"

Hide presented whatever it was he'd gotten him with pride, holding it out in front of him and eagerly waiting for Kaneki to accept it. After a few seconds, he did. "Go ahead, open it," Hide ushered him.

Kaneki carefully undid the wrapping, trying his best not to rip it. This was strange. How was Hide acting like nothing had happened?

Once all of the wrapping paper was off, he set the thing down on the table, which was still lacking a replacement chair. It was…interesting, to say the least. Nothing like he had ever seen before. He looked to Hide for an answer.

"It's a lava lamp!" he stated with a happy expression. "All you have to do is plug it in, and…"

Taking the cord, he plugged it into a nearby outlet. The lava lamp began to glow a soft mixture of blue and purple, and the strange blue substance at the bottom of it shifted before bulbous blobs gradually started to ascend to the top. They bounced off the edges, moving almost in slow motion. As they disconnected and reconnected to each other, Kaneki found himself mesmerized.

"This is…really cool," he said. "Where did you find this?"

"At some store that sells stuff from the Western countries. It was a pretty good find, if you ask me. I think it's a great first step to making this place less dreary. Do you like it?"

Kaneki smiled. "Yeah, I do." The smile slowly dropped as he remembered what he had invited Hide over for in the first place. Unplugging the lava lamp—he knew it would distract him while they spoke—he bit the insides of his cheek nervously. "Can we talk now?"

Hide nodded, his expression turning more serious as he allowed Kaneki to lead him to the sitting area. Hide took the couch, while Kaneki took a nearby chair. He waited patiently for Kaneki to gather his thoughts and arrange them into a cohesive order. And then finally, Kaneki was ready to begin.

"Hide, I'm not the best of people to…be with," he stated, eyes looking anywhere but his friend before him. "I have problems, problems I don't know how to handle on my own, and I don't want to burden you with them. I've been distancing myself from people my whole life, but when you came into it, I couldn't help but get close. You—you made me feel comfortable. Like I was at home," he whispered.

Hide watched him with intense eyes as he spoke, giving him a small nod to continue.

Kaneki inhaled a shaky breath. "I'm scared of what you'll think of me when you realize who I am, Hide. What I am. I'm a monster, and someone like you deserves so much better than m—"

"Stop right there."

Kaneki looked up and met those acute brown eyes with his own skittish, anxious gray ones. "You are not a monster, Kaneki," Hide stated. "It doesn't matter that you're a ghoul. You were a ghoul when I first met you, and you were a ghoul when I fell for you. That doesn't change anything for me. I want to make you happy. I want to help you shoulder your burdens. I want to pick you up when you're sad. I want to make the pain go away because I see it in your eyes and I hate it. I hate it, Kaneki, and I've never hated anything in my life. I couldn't even bring myself to hate the dog that landed me in the hospital and gave me six stitches on my leg when I was a kid. But I can't stand seeing you hurting."

Kaneki's breath hitched. "You mean you…you already knew?"

This threw his whole plan out the window. He'd rehearsed this conversation many times before it actually happened, but this was definitely not the way he expected it to turn.

Hide smiled. "Yeah, I already knew. And I also know that you're struggling. I know that gentle smile of yours hides how you really feel inside. You're afraid of who you really are, right? You've convinced yourself that you're a monster who deserves nothing."

Flinching at the words, Kaneki's head dropped, and he stared at the floor. Suddenly, Hide was kneeling before him. He felt a hand come to rest lightly on his cheek. "I don't think I've ever met anyone so wrong before, Kaneki," he said. "You deserve the whole damn world, and I wish I could give that to you, but all I have to offer is myself."

"How could you even want me if you've figured all of this out?" Kaneki mumbled.

Hide's smile turned soft. "Because I didn't just fall for your façade. I fell for all of you."

Kaneki looked up, but before he could do or say anything, Hide was leaning in. Their lips brushed against each other's slowly, carefully. Hide's were slightly chapped but still felt nice against his own. They were warm, too. Every feeling he'd ever felt for Hide bubbled to the surface, and he wondered how in the hell he managed to deny him.

They both stood to better the angle as the kiss deepened, molding against each other. Hide cupped Kaneki's face with both hands, while Kaneki's arms wrapped around the other's waist and pulled him closer. His heart was racing, he couldn't believe this was actually happening. This close, Hide's smell was almost overpowering, and Kaneki couldn't get enough of it. It was hard to say exactly what it smelled like, but it was almost as good as the kiss itself.

They slowly moved closer and closer to the wall until Hide was pinned by Kaneki, who kept him steadfast with one arm behind his back and the other around his neck. Hide's arms were now exploring his back, clutching at his shirt. They were kissing feverishly by now, drowning in each other. But this kind of drowning wasn't bad, Kaneki noted as Hide sucked on his bottom lip. Hide moved his hands to intertwine them in Kaneki's hair and ran his tongue along his lip. Kaneki eagerly obliged, and Hide's tongue began exploring his mouth.

God, this felt good. It felt so, so good, and so right, too. This was meant to be happening. He was meant to give himself up to Hide and in return receive love and comfort and reassurance that everything was going to be okay, that he wasn't a bad person or a monster. Kaneki could slowly feel the walls that trapped him in inky darkness crumbling, sunlight streaming in through the cracks. It was warm and golden and pure and everything that he wasn't, everything that he needed. And that sunlight was here before him in the form of one person.

Hideyoshi Nagachika.

Their lips pressed together in desperation, as if they would never get to do this again. Over and over they kissed, clutching each other tightly so neither one could escape. Finally, they began to slow, the kisses becoming longer and deeper. Hide's lips lingered on his own for a short time before they pulled apart, and he then began to trail light kisses down Kaneki's jaw to his neck and to his collarbone. It was so gentle that if Kaneki hadn't known better, he would have believed it was the kiss of a breeze and not a person.

Hide came back up and pressed a final soft, chaste kiss to his mouth before bringing their foreheads together. "I'll always be here, Kaneki. I'll never leave," he said, the gentleness in his voice almost tangible. "I won't let you suffer alone anymore."

"You mean…you're really okay with all of this?"

Hide chuckled. "If I weren't, I would have left a while back, don't you think? And I wouldn't have gotten you that amazing lava lamp."

"You're right. The lava lamp is pretty amazing."

"Dude, I know, right?"

"Maybe I should just date it instead of you. Its coolness levels are probably tenfold yours."

He gasped. "How could you, Kaneki?! Lies and slander!"

They broke into a fit of laughter. Kaneki looped his arms around Hide's neck to steady himself, smiling as he watched how the light danced back and forth in his vibrant eyes. Hide's eyes met his own, and they softened and filled with something Kaneki could only describe as pure love and bliss. It made his heart pound in his chest. That love was for him. He'd never had something like this to himself before.

He brought their lips together again. Kaneki found it amazing how perfectly they seemed to fit together, how they moved against each other in the same rhythm. He inhaled Hide's scent and sighed contentedly into the kiss, feeling the ends of Hide's mouth quirk up in a smile. It was slow and lazy and lingering and perfect in every way, shape, and form. This was perfect. Hide was perfect.

If this were the universe's way of apologizing for all the shit it had done to him, Kaneki gladly accepted it. All the hardships seemed worth it just for this moment, this little slice of infinity they had created together because it felt never-ending, and he never wanted it to end, either.

Ultimately, it did, because people needed a certain thing called air to survive. But that was okay. Standing with his head buried in the crook of Hide's neck, sighing fondly against it, was nice. Hide's arms surrounding him and holding him close was nice, too.

Everything would be okay.

"Thank you," Kaneki whispered.

Hide smiled and held him tighter. "Thank you, too, Kaneki."

Touka sat with her legs crisscrossed on her bed, watching Yoriko, who was lying supine with a book held over her head reading, with fondness. Lightly, she poked her in the arm with her toe. "Are you finished yet?"

"Mm…" Yoriko flipped a few pages over and then flipped back. "Nope. Four more to go."

Touka groaned in dissatisfaction. "You and Kaneki need to lay off the books. Him more than you, though. It's like they're drugs to him or something."

Yoriko chuckled. "I think he just finds comfort in them. Speaking of Kaneki, do you think it's been enough time to call?"

Touka sighed and glanced at her phone on the nightstand beside her. "I really won't know how to handle him if he's been rejected," she mumbled.

Yoriko smiled. "Just handle it how you always do. There's been times when he's been depressed before, right? How did you help pull him out of it?"

"I…I didn't." Touka cast her eyes downwards. "I didn't know how to help him. Everything that happened to him—I had no idea how to help him cope. I couldn't even cope with it. When he needed a home most, I told him to never return to it. I yelled at him and beat him up. I was probably one of the biggest assholes in the world to him until I finally tried to understand, and yet he never got mad at me. He kept coming back for help, kept looking to me for answers as if I actually knew them. But my answers were always shit."

"I don't think that's true, Touka."

Touka, confused, met Yoriko's eyes, which were stern but loving at the same time. "You were the one who pushed him to pursue Hide, right? If it all works out, you'll have kept him from giving up on one of the most important people in his life," she explained. "And I think that'll be worth a lot to him. Don't you think?"

She sighed. "Yeah…I guess so."

Yoriko got up, went over to the nightstand, and placed the phone gently in Touka's hand. "You should call," she said softly, her expression warm and kind.

"…Alright. I'll do it."

Touka unlocked her phone and pulled up Kaneki's contact information, pressing the call button. She didn't know why she was so reluctant to do this—he wouldn't be answering if it didn't go well. He would isolate himself yet again, and it would take insistent pressing for him to actually hold a conversation and discuss what went wrong. One series of rings, two, three, four. Just as it was about to cut to voicemail, the other line picked up.

"Hey, Touka," Kaneki's voice said on the other end.

Touka breathed a sigh of relief. He sounded normal; that was a good sign. "How'd it go?"

"It went…really well, actually. You and Yoriko were right, and I'm glad I listened to you. We're—wait, Hide!"

She furrowed her brows as there was the sound of struggle and static and then another voice, this one peppy and excited.

"Hi, Touka! I just wanted to ask, does Kaneki have any weird fetishes? Specifically concerning lava lamps? He said that maybe he should date the lava lamp I gave him instead of me, and I was like whoa, hold up there. So, do you know?"

Kaneki's muffled "Hide!" in the background made Touka snicker, and she grinned. "Yeah, he definitely has more than a few fetishes. But you'll have to find those out on your own, and I'm sure you will."

"Ohhh, okay. Hold up, Kaneki! I'm not d—"

More static. Then, Kaneki: "Gotta go, Touka. I'll talk to you later!"

Touka chuckled. "Okay, talk to you later." Then she hung up.

"Does that mean it meant well?" Yoriko asked with a happy expression.

"Considering Hide asked if Kaneki had any fetishes specifically concerning lava lamps, I'd say it went pretty well," she answered. "I wonder how intense their make out session was."

"Touka! You shouldn't wonder about stuff like that…"

"When I told you, on a scale of one to ten, ours was like, what, an eight? No, maybe a nine. Yeah, definitely a nine."

"Tooouukaaa," Yoriko groaned, covering her face with her hands in embarrassment.

Touka grinned, but it slowly turned into a soft smile as her eyes stayed on the other. She had gotten really lucky. She had hope that Hide would be to Kaneki as Yoriko was to her.

If anyone in the world deserved happiness, it was Kaneki Ken.

Kaneki's eyelids were heavy. He and Hide were currently on his couch watching a movie—well, Hide was watching it. Kaneki was more staring at the screen and trying to process what was happening. He was mentally exhausted. Sure, it had been a great day, but overwhelming emotions were sure to tire him out. Especially if there were lots of them back to back, like earlier.

"Do you want to go to sleep, Kaneki?" Hide asked softly as his eyes closed and snapped back open for the umpteenth time.

"No, I…I want to stay here with you," he said. He still couldn't believe this was real. He almost felt as though this were all a dream, and if he left Hide's side, he would wake up and realize the day's events had all been in his head. Even though he knew it was illogical, he couldn't help but worry a little. It just seemed too good.

"One sec."

Hide shifted until he was at the right angle for Kaneki to lay his head on his chest. Smiling, Kaneki did just that before closing his eyes, feeling arms encircle him and Hide resting his own head on his.

It wasn't hard for him to tune out the movie. All Kaneki heard was Hide's heartbeat and his soft breaths, and all he felt was warmth and the steady rise and fall of his boyfriend's chest. Boyfriend. The word felt foreign on his tongue as he silently pronounced it, but he liked it. It was new, comforting. He hoped he would be saying that word a lot in the future.

As his breathing evened and his mind drifted away, Kaneki finally found the right word to describe what Hide smelled like.

Home.

to those wondering, I've decided to go with the kakugan eye symbol that they'll have to pin on their clothing. everyone's ideas were fantastic, and I loved reading each and every one of you guys' takes on it! for those of you who suggested spider lilies, I'll definitely put that on their ID card, as well as an identification number instead of their name so it kinda dehumanizes them even more. the symbol will be a black circle with a smaller red circle within it bc I'm a slut for simplicity. thanks so much again to everyone who made suggestions, you guys are awesome!

thanks for reading!