Episode 7: Sanic Hegehog

"Welcome, ladies and derps, to the epic Super Smash Races!" a Lakitu shouted as he floated over a race course. "Why we are bothering to do this, I have no stinking idea! Now, here's a butt load of commercials before we get started!"

"Oh, just get on with it!" a random voice yelled.

"Geez, fine!" Lakitu groaned. "Here are our competitors today! First up, we have Sonic the Hedgehog!"

"I'm way past cool!" Sonic boasted, stretching his legs.

"Captain Falcon, within his Blue Falcon!"

"Yes!" Falcon yelled with enthusiasm.

"AoStH Dr. Robotnik!"

"Wanna listen to my car horn?" Robotnik asked the audience. Despite getting a bunch of nos, he pressed his horn anyways, which was a replica of him saying Pingas.

"Lightning Larry Luciano!"

"Meow..." Lightning, the very old snail, wheezed.

"And, last but not least, Wario and Waluigi, inside their Wario Mobile!"

"Yeah baby!" Wario cheered. "I'ma gonna win!"

"Now that we have those intros out of the way, let's get on with the race!" Lakitu said. "Racers! Start your engines! On your mark, get set-"

"Hold it!" a voice shouted. The entire crowd stopped their chattering to see a poorly drawn clone of Sonic standing on top of the large rock that stood in the middle of the course.

"What's this?!" Lakitu asked in an unnecessary dramatic voice. "A second Sonic?!"

"I'm the first Sanic! That guy over there is the faker!" the drawn Sonic claimed.

"What a load of Tauros dung!" Sonic yelled.

"It's no Tauros dung! I, Sanic Hegehog, would never tell a lie!"

"This argument is stupider than that one Falco and I had over that piece of bread," Wario said.

"Wario, don't think crazy," Waluigi replied. "Both of you nearly destroyed the entire palace for that bread."

"This argument between the two Sonics is getting rather heated, folks!" Lakitu said, floating closer to Sanic.

"I've had enough of this nonsense!" Sanic shouted. "I shall free the world of this faker!" The drawn Sonic clone rushed towards the real Sonic, ran around him a few times, and somehow disappeared with the real hedgehog.

"Oh no, ladies and derps! It appears the second Sonic kidnapped the original!" Lakitu gasped.

"Quit stating the obvious!" Fred the Fish yelled, having enough of Lakitu's crap.

"Great, now the annoying hedgedog is missing!" Wario sighed, facepalming himself.

"It's hedgehog!" Amy Rose reminded the plumber.

"Well, it looks like us three have another job to do!" Falco said, walking towards the Wario Bros. Yoshi, Shadow, Crazy Hand, Duck Hunt Dog, Mega Man, Mario, and Solid Snake also approached Wario.

"Sonic owes me five bucks! I can't let him get kidnapped like that without getting my money!" Yoshi snorted rather angrily.

"I need a break from this damn mansion. Count me in," Shadow said.

"I like nuclear pickles!" Crazy Hand spazzed.

"I just want some butt to kick," Duck Hunt claimed.

"Fighting evil is my duty," Mega Man said proudly.

"Hey, Sonic and I have an Olympic game next year! I can't afford to get go there without him!" Mario said.

"Eh, I have no real reason for tagging along," Snake stated. ""LucarioFan3 was too lazy to give me an actual reason."

"Great! Now, let's get our butts in gear and find Sonic!" Waluigi shouted, before Wario started driving off without the rest of the gang.

XxXx

Sanic stood on top of a poorly drawn rock in the middle of the Gren Heel Zane, the Sanic version of the Green Hill Zone. The fake hedgehog looked off to the east, where he spotted Wario and Co.

"Hmmm... it looks like a search party to rescue the faker..." the clone hedgehog thought. "Too bad they are too slow! They will never reach their friend in time! It's time to step it up!" The blue faker then ran as far away as possible from the rock, heading towards the casino the laid on the other side of the Gren Heel Zane.

"This place looks messed up! Even my room is better than this!" Wario said, commenting on the green plains that surrounded the gang.

"I never even knew this place existed here before. It must have been formed just recently," Shadow stated.

"I wonder... what if Sanic originated from the Internet, just like Weegee? He may have been the reason why this place was ever created to begin with!" Falco suggested. Everyone gasped at the space bird's unusually smart comment.

"Falco, are you drunk or something?!" Snake wondered, seriously concerned for his ally's health.

"Six plus nine equals sixty-nine," Falco said in a rather derpish manner.

"Aw, I really wanted Falco to stay smart!" Yoshi pouted.

"Who cares? Let's just find Sonic and get the hell out of here!" Shadow said edgily. He ran off, leaving the gang behind.

"What an edgehead," Crazy said as the rest of the crew took off.

XxXx

Shadow was running through the Gren Heel Zane, homing in on Microsoft Paint enemies and spin dashing though distorted shuttle loops. He was doing rather fine until he spotted six creatures he could not tolerate. He glared at them from afar. He despised everything about them. Their happiness, their cuteness, and most of all, their overattedness.

... Ponies.

"I... hate... MY LITTLE PONY!" Shadow screeched, whipping out his machine gun. "Die, you cuddly creatures!"

"Gah! An edgy hedgehog is coming this way with some sort of new weapon!" Fluttershy told the rest of the Mane Six.

"Quick, run!" Rainbow Dash screamed. The Ponies ran in terror as Shadow began to shot at them. This didn't solve anything however, as Shadow still managed to shoot Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie, at least.

"Ugh... why must there be Ponies here of all places?" Duck Hunt Dog sighed.

"Look on the bright side," Snake started. "At least there are no crazy Bronies here."

"You mean the ones that kill anyone who doesn't love the franchise?"

"Exactly."

"I LIKE MY LITTLE PONY OMG EVERYPONY SHOULD BE FRIENDS AND LIKE MY LITTLE PONY OR ELSE THEY SHOULD DIE!" a huge hoard of insane Bronies from away from the duo screamed.

"... Oh no. Why couldn't it be the Bronies that are tolerable?! Why?!" Duck Hunt whined.

"Forget about that, just run!" Snake told his best friend. When the dog continued his sobbing, the soldier had to drag him away from the approaching danger.

"I know that the fanbase can go insane sometimes, but this is a horrible portrayal of even their rabbid part of the fanbase!" LucarioFan3 muttered, watching the episode from the safety for a nearby, green hill.

XxXx

"Woah!" Wario squeaked, admiring the bright lights of the Caseeno Knight Zane with Waluigi. Everyone else of the gang except for Shadow, who was still killing Ponies, were already off and were exploring the place, while the two idiots were still laying around at the entrance.

"Waa!" Waluigi said. "If this place is a giant casino city, why are we sitting here, when we could be earning loot? We could end up rich!"

"I think that's why," Mega Man said, pointing to Yoshi, who was getting bumped around all over the place by the bumpers.

"Ow!" Yoshi shrieked every time he hit a bumper.

"... OK, forget the loot," Waluigi said, staring at poor Yoshi. "Come on Wario, let's go." The purple pest heard no response from his just as dumb friend. "Wario?" He turned around to find his friend gone from the spot he once stood at. "Where'd he go?"

"Hey, Waluigi!" Wario shouted from behind his pal, scaring the purple dork a bit.

"Where did you wander off to?" Waluigi asked as soon as he caught his breath.

"Oh, just wandered from the other end of the casino and back," Wario claimed. "Too bad I got nothing from all those slot machines except for this dumb, blue jewel thing." He reached into his pocket and pulled out the blue Chaos Emerald.

"Waa! I found a jewel just like that in that dump we were just at!" Waluigi replied, pulling out the red Chaos Emerald. The Wario Bros. eyes changed into dollar signs as they stared at the emeralds.

"One of these things may not sell much, but two most likely will!" Wario suggested. "Let's try and find more of these jewels!"

XxXx

Wario and his gang, now also lacking Yoshi, were running through the Flywing Botterde Zane, dodging all the blasts of fire and enemies that lurked the place.

"Hmm, this looks like a perfect secondary base!" Dr. Wily grinned, admiring the place. "Even if this place looks like it was drawn in MS Paint!"

"Excuse us, dork!" Wario told the doctor. Said doctor was trampled by Wario's group, causing him to turn as flat as a pancake.

"Well..." Wily coughed. "I suppose my entire body went "flat broke"."

"Ba dum tiss," Wood Man said, not finding his master's pun to be funny.

"If feel so high right now, I could explode and turn into popcorn!" Crazy spazzed.

"Not even gonna ask," Duck Hunt Dog said. Right afterwards, an 8 Bit explosion sound was heard behind the gang, causing them to turn around, only to see a spike ball sitting there.

Just a few seconds earlier...

Mega Man was the farthest behind. He wasn't too far behind, and he was going at the same pace as the rest of the squad, but still.

"Man, you'd expect this place to be filled with traps, since it is your Eternal Engine trope and all," the Super Fighting Robot thought. "Not like I'm complaining. I'm especially grateful that this place lacks spike traps!" Of course, in a typical twist, a spike ball crushed the robot, causing the explosion that the rest of the crew heard.

XxXx

"Waa! This resort looks like it's drawing in cash!" Waluigi commented as the gang, now lacking Mega Man, were running through the Emermold Coost Zane.

"Maybe I can take over and run the joint! Waa-haa-haa!" Wario laughed.

"Oooh... look at all those hot ladies over there..." Snake drooled, staring at five, non Microsoft Paint, women in bikinis playing Volleyball.

"Snake! Keep an eye on the road!" Mario tried to warn his friend. However, the perverted soldier failed to listen and ran right into the water, sinking at an incredible rate until he fell right next to a large rock rock.

"Eggggghhhh... could things be any worse right now?" Snake wondered. Of course, things were bound to get worse.

"Spiders!" a voice yelled from beneath the rock. Said rock was lifted from underneath by none other than Patrick Star, who proceeded to smash the poor soldier with the boulder.

"Snake? Snake? SNAAAAKKKKKKKKEEEEE!" Roy Campbell shouted as the legendary soldier was flattened.

XxXx

Our heroes, now lacking Snake, were charging through Ceetee Escapah Zane, plowing through enemies and innocent people.

"You guys really seem to care about hurting all those people, huh?" Mario sarcastically asked the others.

"No way! These bums are losers!" Wario shouted. "Now, keep quiet and kick butt!"

"Mama mia..." the red plumber sighed. The ground then began to shake, causing the gang to stop and wonder what was going on.

"Uh... where's Crazy Hand?" Duck Hunt wondered. His question was answered as soon as a G.U.N. Truck being driven by the psychotic hand himself ran right past them.

"Weeeeee! Llama llama llama!" Crazy spazzed, pressing random buttons within the truck, unleashing chain saws, rockets, and GameFAQs posts onto the poor city.

"Noooooo! Not GameFAQs!" Waluigi cried out before an entire group of animals got crushed by the horrid posts.

"I'm surprised those posts are actually doing any sort of damage," Mario said, scratching the back of his head. "Is GameFAQs that bad?"

"Are Goombas useful minions?" Falco asked rhetorically.

"Obviously not!" Mario replied. "If they were, I would take Bowser more seriously!"

"There's your answer." Falco said.

"Uh, guys?!" Wario asked.

"What... oh spaghetti, run for it!" Mario screamed. The G.U.N. Truck now started to chase them, still spamming chain saws and GameFAQs posts.

"Wahoo! Hey, Wario, you should try this toy out!" Crazy told his friend, completely oblivious to how much damage he was causing.

"S-sure, but you should park that thing first, before you run us over!" Wario stammered.

"Bark at it?" Crazy asked. "Meh. I heard stupider ideas. Woof! Woof!"

"Don't tell me he's barking at that blasted thing," Duck Hunt Dog groaned.

"Hey, he might be on to something!" Wario excitedly said. "Woof woof, bark bark!" Waluigi and Falco joined in on the barking, while Mario and Duck Hunt just sweat dropped themselves.

"Remind me again why you're friends with these fools," Mario said.

"Eh, they ain't that bad... sometimes."

XxXx

"Muhahahaha!" a mysterious voice boomed as Wario and his crew, lacking Crazy Hand, landed on the first battleship of the Eeg Flit Zane. "You fools must all have a death wish! Witness this invincible battleship, built by the hands of a genius! It's power... unmatched throughout the universe!"

"I have no idea if I'm supposed to say something serious or witty, but either way, we're crashing this fleet straight to the ground!" Wario shouted. "Team, move out!"

"Wario, why in the heck did we leave Crazy Hand behind?" Mario questioned his fat rival.

"Because he was having fun with that truck!" Wario yelled while the squad began to move forward. "Besides, it's not like he can stop it now or anything."

"Yay! This is too much fun!" Crazy squealed in delight as he approached the gang. "Hmm? Oh, it's Wario again! I'll run into him to say hello!

"How did he get that thing to fly?!" Waluigi gasped.

"Who cares, move it or else he'll hit us!" Mario ordered. Everyone but Duck Hunt Dog, who was asleep, got out of the way of the vehicle.

"Zzzz... so many bargins... much value... Snake, quit doing those drugs..." the talking dog said in his sleep.

"No! Wake up, Duck Hunt!" Wario screamed as the world somehow went into slow-motion.

"Huh?" Duck Hunt Dog yawned while waking up. "What?! Oh noooooo-" The world reverted back to normal as Crazy hit DHD with the G.U.N. Truck, knocking both of them straight towards the ground. Wario, Waluigi, and Mario stared down at the endless abyss of sky that the poor heroes fell into. Our favorite yellow plumber looked like he was about to bawl when his emotions went back to normal.

"Bah, he'll live. Let's roll," Wario said, walking away from the scene. Waluigi followed him as Mario gawked at Wario's change in emotion.

"Well, that killed the depressing mood," the red plumber said.

XxXx

Wario, Waluigi, and Mario were running down the Tarmineel Veloceetee Zane, going at rather impressive speeds. Right ahead of them was Sanic, and our heroes were catching up. The MS Pain Sonic turned around, stunning that the trio had managed to catch up to him.

"What? Those faker's friends have caught up?!" Sanic gasped. "Well, let's just see if they can handle my true speed! Step it up!" Sanic's feet started moving faster until they were leaving flames behind.

"Waa! He's getting away!" Wario shouted.

"Not for long!" Waluigi claimed. After pulling out a whistle and blowing into it, Waluigi managed to summon the Wario Mobile, which the trio hopped into.

"Let's see if he can out speed this!" Wario grinned, inserting the keys into the ignition and speeding off after the blue villain. However, Sanic was still getting away.

"Blast! Now what do we do?" Mario wondered.

"I have one solution that's crazy enough to work!" the yellow idiot driving said. He pulled out the seven Chaos Emeralds he and his lanky pal managed to find in the different places the group had visited. "Chaos... YAPPLE DAPPLE WAA WAA TACO STAND SUPER SPEED!" Somehow, the emeralds reacted, causing the vehicle to go lightning fast.

"WAAAAAHHHHGGGGG!" Mario screeched, flying out of the car thanks to how fast said car was going.

"There goes Mario," Waluigi informed his friend.

"Who cares? Sanic is dead ahead!"

"Wha? No! How are they keeping up?!" Sanic questioned, turning his head back towards the duo once again. "Must... reach... magic portal!" Wario was just about to grab Sanic when the trio went inside a purple void.

XxXx

"Gee, you'd think the rope he tied me up with would keep my down for a while!" Sonic, who was at the Green Hill Zone, remarked, wiggling out of a set of ropes. "Looks like that faker was too busy being stupid to buy proper rope!"

"Waaaaaaaa!" Wario screamed as he, Waluigi, Sanic, and the Wario Mobile crashed right next to the blue hedgehog.

"Speaking of idiots, three of them stopped by to say hello," Sonic said.

"No! I refuse to go down like this!" Sanic yelled, getting up. "It's time to go Supah Sanic!"

"Wha?!" The Wario Bros. and Sonic shouted as a bright light engulfed the area. The light died off quickly, revealing Sanic, who was now gold instead of blue.

"Well, we're done for," Wario sighed in defeat.

"Not yet we're not!" Sonic replied, rushing behind the yellow dork at an insane speed. Once the hedgehog passed, the part of Wario's overalls that covered his butt was missing, revealing the ugly posterior.

"Hey, those emeralds were in my back pocket! He's trying make off with my loot!" Wario roared. "Oh well, at least I can show my sexy butt to the world."

"I won't deny, that butt is pretty hot," Sanic said, drooling at the sight of the hideous rear end.

"Ahem, Sanic?" Sonic asked from behind.

"What is it, faker?" the MS Paint Sonic replied, turning around to see Sonic in his Super form, smirking. "Oh..."

"I think you should run now," Sonic recommended.

"Please. You may be stronger now, but you're still weaker than I am, stupid fake!" Sanic yelled. "You're not even good enough to be my fake!"

"I'll make you eat those words!" Sonic taunted, flying the other way. "Catch me if you can!"

"I can outrun you any day!" the drawn Sonic yelled, following his fake on foot. He kept chasing after him, until he accidently ran over the edge of a cliff. Looking down, he noticed that the ground far beneath him was covered with spikes. "Meh, that won't hurt me." Of course, when he fell down and hit the spikes, he somehow lost a life.

"Looks like he never knew about the spike glitch in Sonic 1!" Sonic proudly said as he flew back to the Wario Bros.

"I guess we "spiked" his efforts on getting rid of you, Sonic!" Waluigi joked. Wario and Sonic laughed as they were joined by Shadow, who was carrying the severed heads of the Mane Six, Yoshi, Mega Man, Snake, Crazy Hand, who was still in the G.U.N. Truck, Duck Hunt Dog, and Mario who were also laughing at the joke.

Wario has cleared the game!

Score: Over 9000

Time: Uber Fast

Ring Bonus: Over 9000