CHAPTER SEVEN: MISSING YOU

Meredith searched through her cupboards for a clean sweater. She hastily threw clothes around her new bedroom. She had decided that she couldn't live with her parents forever; she and Matilda needed their own space while they settled into their new life. She had been surprised when Ellis had told her that the she still owned the old house in which Meredith grew up in. They had planned to put in on the market years ago but Ellis wasn't willing to let go of something that had been a huge part of her life even though it was a part of her life that hadn't been the greatest.

"Mommy what are you doing?" Matilda's small voice asked from the door way of Meredith's bedroom. Meredith had already dressed her ready to go. They were having dinner with Derek and Addison.

"Gah, I can't find my sweater, well a clean one" Meredith explained to her small daughter.

"You could always find your clothes in New York" Matilda said smartly.

"Yeah we aren't in New York anymore Matilda" Meredith snapped. She instantly regretted it when Matilda began to cry.

"I'm sorry sweetie" Meredith said moving to her and crouching at her level hugging her small body. "Mommy didn't mean it" she soothed her picking her up and placing her on the bed. Meredith picked up a green sweater throwing it on not caring whether it was clean or not.

"We going now?" Matilda asked hopefully. She had been looking forward to seeing her aunt and uncle since Meredith had mentioned it to her.

"Yes we are" Meredith replied grabbing her bag and ushering Matilda down the stairs.

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"Derek honey you are all tense" Addison noted as her husband paced and jittered waiting for Meredith to arrive. "It's only Meredith and Matilda. Something is going on Derek and you better tell me what it is right now" Addison snapped at him becoming concerned to what had happened.

"Mark called me yesterday" Derek confessed looking over at Addison where she was stirring something on the stove.

"Oh and I'm guessing you want to tell Meredith" Addison said realising what the tension was all about. She could read her husband like a book.

Derek nodded. "It's either I tell her about the phone call or just have him show up here in 3 weeks and completely blind sight her" Derek groaned.

"He is coming here, in 3 weeks" Addison clarified continuing to stir the sauce on the stove.

"Yeah he's flying out for Matilda's birthday, I tried to warn him that Meredith needs time but he made it clear he wasn't missing his daughter's birthday."

"You can't not tell her but at the same time if you tell her she is going to be on edge and she may not even stick around" Addison reasoned with him. She knew Meredith reasonably well, and she definitely knew she was a strong woman. She wasn't the type to stick around to cause herself more pain.

"I know but she won't be happy if she finds out that we knew" Derek said trying to come to a resolution of his new problem.

"Derek our main concern is making sure she is okay now, her and Tilly. If she knows he is coming she will stress and that isn't good for the baby. She is already losing weight instead of gaining it" Addison warned.

"I know, hopefully I can talk her into calling him, just talking to him herself" Derek said placing his head in his hands. He was at a loss to what to do. Mark was his brother and he could see where he was coming from but at the same time he had hurt Meredith and it was clear she wasn't dealing with it as well as she was saying.

"Just do what you think is best" Addison reassured her husband kissing him on the lips. "Meredith is here" she whispered as she heard a car pull up.

Meredith walked into the lavish Shepherd house, Matilda in her arms as she followed Derek into the kitchen where Addison was.

"Hey Mer, how are you?" Addison said greeting her with a kiss on the cheek.

"Exhausted" Meredith breathed as she moved Matilda to sit on her hip better.

"Yeah I can imagine pregnancy isn't thrilling" Addison joked. "Should you be lifting her" Addison asked referring to Matilda.

"Probably not" Meredith groaned trying to put her down but she clung on not wanting to be away from her mother.

"Is she okay?" Derek asked concerned as he watched the little girl cling to her mother. Derek moved towards them and took Matilda into his own arms and hugged her.

"Hey Tilly, why the long face?" he asked kissing her forehead.

"I kind of lost my temper with her" Meredith admitted watching as she cuddled Derek and glared at her mother. "She said something about New York and I just couldn't deal with it."

"Have you thought about calling Mark?" Derek asked hesitantly. "At least for Tilly's sake, just to let her talk to him. It might help" Derek suggested.

"I will think about it" Meredith said not making eye contact.

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Meredith settled down onto her bed sitting cross legged as she nursed her cell phone in her hand. Staring at the number she had dialled on it contemplating whether to call it. Dinner with Derek and Addison had been great until they had urged her to call Mark. She knew they were right, she had to talk to him at least for the sake of Tilly but the pain was still so fresh.

She took a long deep breath and hit dial. She waited and waited as it rang and rang. She figured he must have been in surgery or worse. She was about to hang up when she heard his voice answer. She sat frozen her breath caught in her throat.

"Hello, are you there?" she heard his voice ask over and over.

"Meredith" he breathed. "Mer I know it's you talk to me" he begged. "I'm so sorry, I never meant to hurt you but I know I did. Please say something."

All that could be heard from his end was heavy breathing as tears slipped down Meredith's cheeks.

"Meredith please, I love you and I miss you."

Meredith had heard enough as she flipped her phone closed. "I miss you too" she whispered as she lay down on her big empty bed, hugging a pillow tightly she let herself cry freely.