"What do you mean you think you know who Tyler's father is and that I know him?" I ask my mom. She is concentrating on the large blue and gray specked roasting pan she just took out of the oven and refuses to turn and look at me. "Mom!" She finally puts down the large carving knife and fork set and turns my way. She leans up against the counter. I see conflict in her pale green eyes.
"I shouldn't speculate, Beatrice," she quietly says. "That would be incredibly selfish of me. What if I'm wrong? Just speaking his name could destroy a very happy marriage ... from what I've seen over the past 10 years." I look over my shoulder and note we are still alone.
"You know about her affair, don't you?" I whisper. The look on her face tells me she knows exactly what I'm talking about. "You do. Just so you know, Evelyn told Four and me that the same man is all three children's father. Do you know who it is? Can you help us? Without him, the adoption can't go through." She is silent for a long time.
"I was at a council meeting dinner with your father at a neighbor's house when I walked in on them having sex in the upstairs bathroom about a year before Evelyn died ... um, left. I've never been as mortified in my life as I was in that moment," my mom says, blushing slightly. "She was with Ethan Black." Mr. Black ... Susan and Robert's father? Yes ... I can see why my mom would think he could be Tyler's father. They have similar colored eyes, and Tyler also has wavy hair just like his, although Mr. Black has dark blonde hair similar to Robert and Susan's color. "Shortly after Evelyn passed away, Ethan came to me and begged me never to say anything about what I had walked in on. I didn't want to be selfish and disrupt his marriage, especially with her gone, so I never said a word to Ellie about what I witnessed. Now I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do."
I find it so hard to believe I lived in a neighborhood for 16 years full of such scandal, and I never knew anything about it. Even though Abnegation members are supposed to be selfless, I guess others have as hard of a time with it as I did. I shouldn't judge though. Evelyn's home life was pure hell, but what I can remember of Robert and Susan's parents, they seemed genuinely happy. Marcus knew how to fool people. I wonder if Ethan is the same way. No ... he can't be. There is no way that Evelyn would have an affair for one minute let alone more than 10 years with a man who is anything at all like Marcus Eaton.
"I don't know what to do with this information, Mom," I say with a sigh. "If he is in fact the baby's father, Four and I need him to sign his parental rights away so there's absolutely no possibility of the baby being taken away from us but if he's not, I would hate to knock on his door and accuse him. No, I couldn't do that." Mom turns her attention back to lunch and, after some pleading, she relents and lets me help her. I get the plates, silverware, and napkins out for each of us and routinely set the table remembering the thousands of times I did the exact same thing while growing up in this house.
"Four mentioned fears," Mom softly says, pulling me back to the present. "Is that your fear, someone will take the child away from you?"
"Yes," I say. "I didn't even know I had that fear before I went into my fear landscape. It was agonizing having to hand my little girl back to Evelyn and the faceless father after I had been her mother for more than six months. I've had horrible nightmares about it ever since." I don't know why I'm sharing this extremely private information with my mom. I have a hard time thinking about what happened in my fear landscape let alone talking about it.
"I think every parent has a little of that fear instilled in them," Mom says. "I was scared to death that something bad would happen to you or Caleb for months after each of you were born. I can't tell you where the fear came from, and I don't know if I just learned to live with it or if it in fact went away but it got better with time. Being a mother isn't easy, Beatrice." I meet her eyes and give her a hard look.
"You promised you weren't going to try to talk us out of anything anymore," I say.
"I'm not," she says, much more pleasantly than I deserve.
"I'm sorry," I say, regretting my tone.
"I'm just telling you the truth. Raising you and your brother is the hardest thing I ever did in my entire life but it's also the most rewarding," she says gliding her hand down my cheek. "I love you and Caleb, along with your father, more than anything else on this planet."
"I've gotten a small taste of motherhood having Tyler these past few weeks," I say. My mom narrows her eyes at me.
"You love him like he's yours," she says. There's no question in her statement. She knows me so well. "Try not to get too attached to him."
"I know," I say. "I've been trying not to but ... it's so hard. He is just so easy to love." I hear his little feet running our way, and I turn just as he launches himself at me. I easily catch him and pull him close. "Tyler, remember what I said about running in Andrew and Natalie's house." He sticks out his bottom lip and pouts. My mom chuckles under her breath, being careful not to undermine my authority with him.
"I sowwy, Twis," Tyler says, then he gives me a big hug and of course I hug him back.
"You used to make that exact same face when I would scold you for running in the house," Mom says with a grin. I return her warm smile.
"Are you hungry, Tyler," I say, releasing him from the hug. He eagerly bobs his head up and down. "Will you slowly go and get Four and Andrew and tell them lunch is ready." I put him down, and he carefully walks toward the living room. I decide to follow behind him to make sure he delivers the message and that it's comprehensible.
"Fo, lunch weady," he says to his older brother. Tobias looks my direction and I nod.
"Thank you, Tyler," he says. He then scoops up the giggling boy into his arms and carries him into the kitchen. Tobias gives me a quick kiss on his way by and stands off to the side while Mom and I bring the serving bowls and platters to the table. My parents take their normal seats and Tobias sits Tyler on Caleb's old booster seat right next to him, and I sit down on the other side of him across from my mother. My father says grace like he does at every meal then picks up each bowl, serves himself, then passes the food to the left for others to serve themselves just like every day for the past 20 years. The meal and routine are comforting and reminds me of growing up in this loving home. There isn't anything I don't like about it. We slowly eat, savoring the delicious, comforting home cooked meal, chatting about this and that, catching up with one another. I wish we could do this more often. I tend to forget how much I miss my parents until I'm with them.
"I'm sorry, but we're going to have to leave pretty soon," I say to Mom and Dad while we're all in the kitchen cleaning up after the scrumptious, familiar lunch. "Tyler is going to need a nap soon, and I find it easier to get him to sleep in his own bed." My father puts the dishes he's holding in the cupboard then turns to me.
"You already are a mother, aren't you, Beatrice?" he says. My heart constricts at his words. I so want to keep the little boy who is quietly sitting in the corner of the cozy kitchen playing with his fire truck and dump truck.
"It feels like I am," is all I can say. I plunge my hands into the hot dish water and let the routine action move my mind to another subject. I continue with the dishes, meticulously scrubbing away any leftover particles of food until the simple kitchenware my parents have had as long as I can remember is spotless. I feel Tobias' gaze on me, and I glance up at him. I see worry in his dark blue eyes. I've never told him I would love to keep Tyler but something tells me he knows what I'm thinking.
Once we finish in the kitchen, my mom goes to the small coat closet in the corner of the hallway by the front door and takes out each of our coats. Tobias puts his spring leather jacket on while I'm helping Tyler into his then he holds mine out, and I shrug into it. I give a long lingering hug to my mom then kiss her cheek. I give my dad a quick hug and kiss while Tobias kisses my mom's cheek then he shakes my dad's hand. Tyler wants in on the goodbyes and gives each of my parents a hug as well as a sloppy kiss on the cheek. They seem to be just as taken with him as everyone we've introduced him to. He is a very special child.
We walk out into the chilly February afternoon, the wind billowing around us causing the remnants of last fall's dead leaves to swirl dramatically around our feet. We aren't two steps out of my parent's house when I notice the familiar form casually leaning up against the body of our sleek, black car. Automatically my spirits fall and my heart starts pounding in my chest. This is the first time I've seen him since our altercation in my father's office, which led to his warranted dismissal from the council.
"Marcus," Tobias says, no inflection in his voice at all. "What are you doing here?" I know he would rather scale the outside of the 100-story Hancock building then go ziplining without being buckled into the safety harness than be here right now talking to the man who treated him so abysmally growing up.
"Tobias, it's nice to see you," Marcus says, oozing fake charm. What is he up to now? "When I saw this car, I figured you must be visiting my old friends, the Priors. I hope everything is okay. I thought I would wait for you and see if we could talk." I narrow my eyes at him but he doesn't look my way. I decide to heed Tobias' warnings for once and let him take care of this unwanted situation with his father, so I let my face smooth out.
"Tris and I really have to be going. We need to get Tyler home for his nap." When Marcus examines the small boy who has himself wrapped tightly around my left leg, his eyes nearly pop out of his head. He looks from Tobias to me and back to Tyler. He obviously sees the strong family resemblance. "Wondering who this is? Why don't you ask Evelyn?" At the mention of his supposedly dead wife, Marcus pales radically. "Yeah, I know she's alive. I know she left us. I know the baby didn't die, she gave her up for adoption." He runs his fingers through his curls and sighs. "Why didn't you just tell me the truth? Why did you have to tell me she died? You let me mourn for years someone who is still alive. I thought the beatings I suffered at your hands were the worst thing you could have put me through but they were nothing compared to the betrayal of finding out you lied. I shouldn't be surprised though. It isn't much of a stretch to think that anyone who would treat their family the way you treated yours would tell a bold faced lie just to gain sympathy from those around them. Like I said, Tris and I have to be going." Tobias takes my hand and leads me down the walkway. I reach down and take Tyler's hand in mine after extracting him from my leg, and we all move down the sidewalk toward our car. I for one am hoping that Marcus will just go home but he doesn't budge. When I look his direction, he's finally moved his eyes to meet mine, and I see a burning hatred radiating directly toward me. I hold my head up high, don't shrink back, and try not to show any emotion whatsoever. He doesn't deserve my reaction. Hell, he doesn't even deserve my thoughts. For some reason, he blames me for all his problems and, remarkably, he also blames me for how Tobias feels about him.
"Don't you dare look at her like that," Tobias says in a deceptively calm voice.
"Why shouldn't I," Marcus says, raising his voice. He pushes himself away from the car and stares, pointing directly at me. "You took away my one and only son. One day, I'm going to make you pay. You won't see it coming but you will know I'm responsible. Remember that." He thankfully tears his eyes away from mine and looks at Tobias. "You had a chance today to reconcile with me but you chose her. Anything that happens to this little ... whore is on your head." My father storms down the sidewalk but Tobias reaches out and stops him.
"He isn't worth it, Andrew," Tobias says, stopping him. "Marcus, I would appreciate it if you would stop calling the woman I love vile names. You don't know her, and you are so off base. Why would you think she took me away from you? Even though we grew up houses apart, it took us both leaving Abnegation to find each other. She has nothing to do with why I don't love you. Also, if you as much as touch one hair on Tris' head, I will kill you. There isn't a person who could or would stop me, and I won't hesitate, and I won't feel a thing except maybe justice. You best remember that." His father shakes his head at him then stalks off in the direction of his house. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and pick Tyler up so I have something comforting in my arms. Even though he is entirely too young to understand the exchange he just witnessed, he can feel the tension. He clings to me, comforting me, and I hold him just as tight. We turn to my parents.
"I am so sorry about my father, Andrew and Natalie, and the terrible things he says. I'm sorry I made a scene. I really wish you didn't have to witness that. I wish he didn't garner such a reaction from me but he always seems to," Tobias quietly says. "Tris, Tyler, and I had a very nice time this afternoon but we really do have to get back to Dauntless."
"We hope to be able to stop by again before the wedding," I say. "April 6. It's a Wednesday. Don't forget. Christina and I will be making the final plans this week so expect an invitation in the next week or so. I love you."
"It isn't your fault about that man," my mom says, putting her hand on Tobias' shoulder. "You don't ever need to apologize for his behavior. Hopefully, one day, he will do that for himself but I won't hold my breath. You take care of yourself and you take care of my girl. Beatrice, honey, we love you very much. We love you, too, Four. It was very nice to meet you Tyler. I hope we get to see each other again soon."
After another round of hugs and kisses, we turn and walk to our car. I manage to get Tyler into his car seat then get into the passenger seat and buckle up. We all wave to my parents, who are standing side-by-side in the doorway of their comfortable home waving as the car pulls away from the curb. Before I know it, we are heading out of the Abnegation sector.
"I am so sorry for how my father treats you, Tris," Tobias says nearly inaudibly. "You don't deserve it. I don't know why he insists on blaming you for everything that goes wrong in his life."
"I'm the one who's sorry," I say but he quickly cuts me off. I let out a loud sigh.
"None of this is your fault," he stubbornly says. "It's his. 100%. He shouldn't blame you, and I never should have blamed you either. I was wrong."
"You didn't blame me, Tobias, you warned me about him, and I didn't listen. I understand now why you did it and why you got angry when I didn't listen," I say. "I egged him on until he apparently lost his grip on reality. It is partially my fault. I didn't know when to stop and now he wants revenge against me." It's a good thing my hormones were in check when Marcus turned his verbal assault my way today or I might have scratched his eyes out or broke down in tears. It's a tossup how I react to a situation these days.
I stare absent-mindedly out the tinted window of the car as Tobias tries to argue with me but I just tune him out and think about how I could have made the situation better today. I could have encouraged him to take the time to talk to his father. I know how Tobias feels about Marcus but I can't help but wonder if there will ever come a day when they can be in the same room with each other without another full-fledged war starting. We come around a bend in the road, and I see a very familiar-looking older gentleman dressed in Abnegation gray on the side of the road standing next to a stalled light gray sedan.
"That's Ethan Black," I say, not believing my eyes. "Please pull over." Tobias gives me a suspicious look but pulls over to the side of the road behind the stalled car. I turn around and see that Tyler has already fallen asleep even though we've only been in the car for about three minutes so I think it's safe to leave him. Tobias and I get out and approach Mr. Black, who is bending over the engine. I make sure Tyler and his car seat is within my line of sight at all times.
"I was wondering if you two would stop," Mr. Black says as we approach, taking us both by surprise. "I didn't know how else to approach you, especially here in Abnegation. I need to talk to you about the baby."