A/N: Hello guys! :)

So before you guys proceed to reading this chapter, I just wanna warn you that the first part may or may not be triggering.

Also when I use italics it could mean several things,

1. A flashback

2. Emphasis

3. Thoughts that are being heard by Alucard(Like when Alucard was telling you what Arthur was thinking in an earlier episode.)

4. Lyrics to a song(Which means either music is being played, or someone is singing)

This chapter will be told in Alucard's point of view. Happy reading.

DISCLAIMER: The lyrics posted in this chapter is from the song "She" by Tyler The Creator(OFWGKTA). All credit goes to the owner of these lyrics!

The freedom to dream is the greatest gift I could ever have. I don't need nor do I expect to be given anything

else. I could do without drugs, sex, friends, and even Walter and Integra. But not my dreams. If I was religious

enough, I would have thanked God that my mind is mine alone.

Even if another vampire tried to invade my innermost thoughts, I could tuck them away at any time. It's easy.

My big brother taught me how.

Just think of a brick wall.

But right now I am thinking of him. I am dreaming of my big brother. His name is Vlad and he is one year older

than me.

I am seventeen, but seven years ago I used to be ten and he used to be eleven.

In the mornings, when my mother and father and little sister were asleep in their coffins, he'd sneak into mine and he would wrap his arms around me tightly and he would touch me.

I would just lay there under him, guilty and confused, but I loved him so much that I didn't want to stop what was going on. I would close my eyes, but he'd tell me not to and I would do whatever he told me to do.

When on top of me, he was like a tower, I was defenseless and little. He would lean into my ear and whisper in our native tongue.

"Frate, frate, nu doare?"

He was asking me if I was hurting because I would let out little whimpers all the time, but I'd always shake my head. It didn't hurt at all.

I would answer back sometimes when I felt courageous enough,

"Lasă-mă să simt mai mult!"

And he would smile at me and ask me to beg and he would make me say naughty things and make me dirty my tongue with curse words.

When we were spent, he'd kiss me, call me a 'bun băiat', a 'good boy', put my underwear back on, and then leave...

I woke up crying.

I miss my big brother, I miss him, but it hurts so much now to miss him, because reality hits me so hard.

For five years, my big brother sexually abused me...and for five years I let it happen. I never told anyone and if

my mother and father tried to read my mind to see if I was hiding anything, I would just think of a brick wall

like my big brother told me.

He made me do a lot of stuff so that mother and father wouldn't find out, he'd fuck my mind up and fill it with

the sickest little fantasies of how he'd love me forever and ever and how he'd always protect me.

When I cried he was there, and when I smiled, he was there too.

But on the day after my 14th birthday, all of that had changed like a black out.

Abraham Van Hellsing made an alliance with my father and took me away from my family, Vlad just watched.

Abraham and his son, Arthur, and a bunch of old fucks took me to their headquarters in England and strapped

me down to a table with blessed chains(of course I struggled!). They blind folded me and gagged me with a

rag.

They took my hands and carved into them with what felt like a needle, then they poured some icy liquid on

them that made my skin bubble(or at least that's what it felt like). All I heard were utters of prayer after that.

I screamed in terror. The searing sensation lasted for hours.

When they were done with me they dragged my weak body down a dark staircase. They put me in a straight

jacket and left me on the damp floor. Alone.

That is why I hate Arthur. I will never be able to forget that. He says that they did it because I struggled, but

wouldn't he do the same thing? Wouldn't you?

I glanced at my alarm clock.

7:00 P.M.

I've been laying in my bed in the dark for about an hour now. I take a moment to look at my hands. I look at

both sides and stretch out my fingers so that I could aggravate the seal a little bit, just to see it.

The star of David, the pentacle, the five-pointed star, or whatever you call it.

It glows red on my skin, threatening to burn me alive...but what did I ever do wrong?

In the end wasn't I the victim? Why does being a vampire automatically make me hell bound? Why does God

hate me so much? What did I do?

What the fuck did I do?

I fondle with my fingers and intertwine them with each other on my chest, then I turn on my side. I want to

die, but then I realize that I forgot what my mother told me a long time ago.

When I was eight years old I walked into a Catholic church out of curiosity, but was turned away almost immediately by a priest.

He and my father got into a confrontation over it, because what he did wasn't fair and what he said was far from Christ-like.

I was crying during the time,my feelings were hurt bad. I was such a sensitive little kid back then, and I remember turning to my mother on the way home in our car and asking her if what the priest said was true.

She took my hands in hers and she told me,

"Son, whether or not your soul is sent to heaven or hell is God's choice and God's alone. Do not ever, for as long as you live on this earth, let anyone tell you otherwise. No matter what. Promise your mother, do you promise?"

I smiled and shook my head.

I cracked a small smile.

I feel a little bit better now, but even now, as powerful as my mother's words are, I hurt still. It's hard for me

to believe that God has ounce of compassion for me.

I doubt the gospel entirely as a whole.

So, I just do what I want. It's not like I'm dying anytime soon. I can't die. But if it just so happens that I can

and I do, I hope I never get to meet God, and if that means being sent to hell than so fucking be it.

One, two, you're the girl that I want
Three, four, five, six, seven, shit
Eight is the bullets if you say no after all this
And I just couldn't take it, you're so motherfuckin' gorgeous
Gorgeous, baby you're gorgeous
I just wanna drag you're lifeless body to the forest
And fornicate with it but that's because I'm in love with
You... cunt

I sat up and reached for my cellphone(it's a smartphone actually). When I looked at the screen, I saw Riley's

picture and smiled. It was one of her flashing a toothy grin as if she was growling at me.

I pressed the red button and hung up on her by mistake though.

"Oh damn!" I laughed and quickly called her back.

"Bitch, did you just hang up on me?" She laughed.

I face palmed.

"Sorry, I just woke up," I said.

"Meh, mmkay,"

"How was your Christmas?"

"I dunno I didn't bother to check the tree yet,"

"Oh,"

"What about yours?"

I sighed and laid back down on my bed.

Riley smacked her teeth.

"Sighin all in my ear and shit,"

I chuckled.

"What about you? Smackin your teeth all in my ear and shit?"

"Answer me, you whore," Riley demanded playfully.

I pressed the speaker of my phone to my lips.

"Well, if you'd give me a goddamn second to answer to answer the question...," -Riley started laughing, which made me laugh too. "Bitch stop laughing I'm not fucking playing, haha!"

We stopped laughing for one moment.

"Well? Did you check the tree?" Riley asked.

"No, I didn't check the tree and I'm not checking the tree," I answered.

"Ah, why not?"

"Because I know I didn't get anything so why bother?"

"How do you know that?"

I rubbed my eyes a little.

"Because I never get anything on Christmas, babe. You know that,"

"But this Christmas might be different. You never know,"

I rolled my eyes.

"I doubt it,"

A moment of static replaced our voices for about a minute or two, though I heard rustling and shifting on

Riley's line. I wonder if she's in bed...I smirked.

"So, what are you wearing?" I asked.

Riley giggled.

"Don't start none,"

My mouth dropped.

"Awwww, why?"

"You should check your tree,"

"Oh my God, why should I check my tree?"

"Because I'm about to check my tree...which means I'll be hanging up soon, haha,"

I pursed my lips.

"Mean...,"

"Aw don't be like that, look, I kiss you through phone. Muah. Muah. I wuv you,"

"...Muah,"

"Ok, baby, I gotta go now,"

"Nooooo,"

"Ughhhh, haha. Ok, I'll tell you what, if you check your tree and don't find anything, you can call me back,"

My face lit up.

"And then we can have phone sex?" I asked as if I was child asking his mother for candy.

"Yes, and then we can have phone sex," Riley replied.

"All day?"

Riley burst out laughing.

"What the fuck? N-no! I-I don't know! Oh my God, go check the fucking tree already!"

I hung up the phone quickly and rushed out of my room. The hallway was empty and all of the doors were

closed which usually means that everyone was asleep.

How odd. Isn't it a little early for humans to be asleep at this hour, especially on this day?

I made my way past the rooms towards the staircase, then slid down its handrail until I reached the bottom

and jumped down, landing on the floor.

The smell of pine in the living room was so potent it made my nose wrinkle. I ambled towards the tree. Back at

home I would be so excited to see what was under the Christmas tree, but not anymore.

Here at Hellsing, I never got anything for Christmas and my enthusiasm for the holiday had dulled a great

deal.

But, right now it seems that my enthusiasm isn't the only thing that had dulled...my senses too.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of arms wrap around my neck and then a quick kiss on my cheek.

"Merry Christmas, jerk,"

I didn't even know who sneaked up on me until I heard her voice. She let me go, allowing me to turn around

and face her with a raised eyebrow.

"Integra, what the fuck?"

She looked away and put one hand on her hip while her other hand held out a red box to me.

Wait, don't tell me that that's...for me?

"This is from Walter, put it to good use. He worked really hard on it," Integra said plainly.

With hesitance, I took the box from her with the both of my hands and sat down on the couch to open it. But

first, I took a moment to process exactly what was going on.

I stared at the box, fidgeting, and ran my hands across it a little. The red Christmas lights on the tree

illuminated the gift wrap brilliantly, making it look like it was something from heaven.

"W-what is it?" I asked Integra.

She smiled.

"If you don't open it you'll never find out,"

I flushed.

"Right...,"

Slowly, I stripped the box of it's gift wrap and when I opened it I flipped the fuck out!

"Oh my God! Are you serious, man?" I guffawed, pulling out the hand gun.

Integra chuckled then took my hand and pulled up from the couch.

"Come on. You've got a lot of unwrapping to do," she said

My eyes went wide as she led me into the kitchen. Arthur, Walter, and a few other soldiers who had stayed

back for Christmas were sitting at the table which was stacked with gift boxes, both big and small.

"WHOA!"

I haven't seen so many gifts in so long, I didn't know how to act.

"Merry Christmas!" everyone said to me.

"Wh-what? Where did all these gifts come from?"

Arthur stood up from his chair.

"Well...apparently, your little fans at school are more dedicated to you than you think...we've been getting visitors since this afternoon," he said.

"Damn! Well, why didn't anybody-?...Uh never mind...,"

Obviously, they wanted to surprise me.

Walter then walked up to me. I grabbed him with one arm and hugged him tight.

"You motherfucker!"

"Gah, Alucard! Choking not breathing! Crushing spine! Ah, crushing SPINE!"

I let him go quickly.

"Oh dang, sorry, man. You know how I get when I'm all excited and shit,"

"Then I guess that means you really like Casull, eh?" Walter said after catching is breath.

He was referring to the gun in my hand.

"Uhhhh, yeah! I didn't know you could make guns,"

Walter turned to the soldiers and Arthur as well.

"Well, with the help of my fellow troops and master, I was able to,"

I glanced towards the smug looks of the five soldiers standing near the sink with short glasses of vodka in

their hands. Then I felt Arthur put his hand on my right shoulder. He looked at me and for the first time in my

life I felt accepted by him.

"Merry Christmas, Alucard," he told me.

The tenderness in his voice was not forced for once.

Then Integra came up and wrapped her arms around my neck again, hugging me. I didn't move an inch

"Thank you, Alucard," she said in my ear.

I was completely taken back, I never expected Integra to act like this towards me even after receiving my gift.

Could this be a dream?

"Sir Arthur, we've got another one,"

A soldier said with struggle as he walked into the kitchen from the living room to set a huge box gift wrapped

in blue and white polka dots.

My eyes became like bubbles.

" Aw, daaaaaaaamn!" I laughed.

"Well, there's no time to waste, why don't you let us help you unwrap your gifts before another one comes?" Arthur asked.

Of course, I agreed. There was no way in hell I was doing all this shit by myself! Me, Walter, Integra, the

troops, and Arthur stayed up all night unwrapping the gifts on the table and the rest that were still coming in

the mail,(note that a few more than a thousands students attend Hellsing High, so yeah, we were up for a

while).

But it was okay though because we had fun together.

Most of the gifts I got were ridiculous though, like a bunch of flowers and clothes and love poems and

mixtapes with love songs on it and I think the biggest gift in the house was a fucking boom box, I'm guessing

it was sent so I could play the mix tapes.

After we were done unwrapping the gifts we took a separate garbage bag and stuffed as much paper as we

could into it. Then we rushed into the living room with the boom box and brought in all of the poems and the

mix tapes and read each poem and then played each mix tape.

We laughed our asses off the entire time, mainly because most of the poems were fucking originals and most

of them were like

I looooooove yooooooooooou,ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

And yes, they were boys, some of them were girls though. So we all got a good laugh in before bed. Everyone

helped me move all of my gifts into my room. I hung all of my new clothes into my closet which were mostly

leather jackets and shoes and...skinny jeans.

I really thought the clothes thing was weird because it kinda made me feel like a doll and these crazy kids

were trying to...dress me. Like can you imagine them being like "Oh my God, Alucard is going to look so fucking

hot in that leather jacket I bought for him! I can't wait to seem him in it!"

...No...just...no.

After my stuff was put up, Walter and I went back downstairs and went outside near the same tree we used

to smoke weed behind when we were younger to...well, smoke weed behind it.

I'm glad he saved me some.

Everyone was asleep by now, so me and him went all out and smoked the whole bag, and all I remember is

looking up at the full moon and aiming at it with my new gun with Walter at my side thinking that this was the

best Christmas I have ever had.