Hey guys! Um heh sorry it's been a really long time since I've updated this story…or any of my other stories. I just kind of um gave up on fanfiction for a while. Sorry about that. So I decided to be nice and finish my stories! And maybe start a few more ^_^ Anyways, that's all.

~Sarah

Chapter 7

Tommy's POV

I sat alone in my darkened apartment staring at my TV. It was playing some rerun of Family Guy, but I wasn't paying any attention to it. My mind was still lingering on the conversation I had with Adam earlier today. I couldn't believe it, Adam had found someone else. He really didn't love me anymore; all I was to him was a friend, nothing more. I felt a few warm tears run down my cheeks. I hated crying with a passion, it made me feel weak, but I couldn't help it. I just felt so horrible, I couldn't explain it. All I wanted to do was curl up into a ball in my bed and never face the world again, but somehow I knew that's not all I wanted. As much as I hated to admit it I really wanted Adam right now. I love him, sometimes it seems like he's the only person who can make me feel better even though he's the one who made me feel this way, unintentionally, of course.

Adam had no idea how much he was really hurting me. Really it's my fault, if I could just be honest with him, if I could just man up and tell him how I feel, I wouldn't have to deal with this. If I could just tell him everything would be a lot easier….or would it? Telling Adam would ruin everything. It would ruin Adam's happiness with that Ben guy. Adam finally found someone who he thinks is the one and I'm just gonna ruin that for him. I can't do that. But can I really just sit here and suffer in silence? Can I really just sit by and watch as someone takes Adam from me? Can I really do that? Is it really possible for me to spend day after day with him keeping this secret? That I'm still in love with him after ten years of being apart. That I'm still holding onto a summer romance we had when we were kids. I can't do that; I can't just hide it forever. It'll kill me, I mean can you imagine how it would feel spending day after day with the person you love and they don't even know that you're still in love with them? And you just have to sit there and watch as they go off and find someone else?

But I can't just tell Adam how I feel, not after what he told me today. He's found someone else, he doesn't need me anymore. I shouldn't have even come back, it's clear that he's happy without me. Maybe I should just leave, I mean it's not like I have any friends besides Adam, and he doesn't even want me, so why the fuck should I stay?

'Because Adam loves you, he needs you. He lost you once; do you really want to put him through that pain again? You mean everything to him. You haven't even told him how you feel. For all you know he could feel the same way, maybe he just thinks you don't feel the same way anymore. So he's going off to find someone else because he doesn't want to spend the rest of his life alone. Ever think of that?'

Well no, but if Adam actually loved me don't you think he would tell me? He's an open person.

'Think about it, you're an open person to. But you're afraid of rejection, you're afraid he won't love you. So you refuse to tell him. Maybe he has the same fears. You really need to think these things through. Why don't you just fucking tell him already? If he loves you, he loves you. Great. But if he doesn't oh well, it's not meant to be. But at least you tried; you can say you had the balls to tell Adam Fucking Lambert you were in love with him. But if you don't you'll have to go through life wondering, what if? Is that really what you want?'

I never thought about it like that. Maybe there is a chance he loves me back, I just don't know what I'm supposed to tell him. What if I tell him and it ruins everything? What if it makes everything awkward and Adam never wants to see me ever again?

'That would me he's not a real friend. A real friend stands by your side no matter what. And you know Adam better than that; you know he would never just toss you aside. You mean so much to him.'

I sighed, my conscious had a point. Okay that sounded really fucking weird. I'm having a conversation with myself. God, I'm insane. But it really didn't matter anymore. I dug my phone out of my pocket. I opened my contacts. Adam was the first name on the list, I wanted to call him. I needed to hear his voice, I needed to…god. I just needed him. I felt like I was going to start crying again, and why you ask? I have no idea. I was just so fucking emotional, it wasn't like me, but all of this fucking drama has turned me into a heartbroken teenage girl. Fuck my life.

Before I could even register what I was doing a pressed call on my phone. It was ringing, my heart was beating fast. Oh god what time is it? What if Adam's sleeping? God, this was a terrible idea. But before I could hang up, Adam answered his phone.

"Tommy?" His velvety voice rang through my ears.

"Um yeah…uh…hi." I said softly, I didn't really think this way through. I don't even know why I called him! I just….need to hear his voice.

"Is something wrong?" He asked, "Why are you calling so late?" Shit. I knew I shouldn't have called. This was such a bad idea. I'm such a fucking idea. God.

"I-I um…" I trailed off. Now I couldn't tell you why. But for some ungodly reason I started to break down. Tears were running down my face and I felt so fucking pathetic. I let out a soft sob.

"Tommy?" He sounded worried, "Tommy are you crying? What's wrong?" I didn't respond. I just kept crying. I hated myself; I hated how weak I was. I wish I could just disappear.

"Tommy, baby, please answer me." He pleaded.

"I'm sorry, Adam." I whispered. I sounded pathetic, weak. I hated that I was bothering him. I was such a waste of space.

"Tommy, why are you sorry?" He asked me. I couldn't respond, so I hung up. I still had no fucking idea as to why I was crying. Maybe it was hearing his voice. I don't know, it could have been anything. I sighed and laid on my couch, trying to calm myself down. But it wasn't working, Adam had called me several times since I hung up on him, but I ignored his calls. I didn't want him to hear me cry. I don't know how long I stayed curled up on my couch but my crying session was interrupted by someone knocking at my door. I looked at the time on my phone, 4 am. Who the fuck is knocking at my door at 4 am?

"Tommy, open your door!" It was Adam. Why was he here? Well, that was a stupid question. He was probably worried about me. I couldn't blame him, but I didn't want him to see me like this.

"Go away!" I yelled.

"No!" He responded, "Please Tommy just open the door. You won't answer any of my calls, I'm worried about you. Just please open the door." He pleaded. I sighed heavily and untangled myself from the ball I had been curled up in. I walked over to my door and opened it. Adam stood a good head taller than me. His hair was down and falling into his face. He was wearing black skinny jeans a white t-shirt and leather jacket. A worried expression was painted across his face as he looked down at me. I wrapped my arms around myself and looked at the ground. I knew I looked pathetic. Adam wrapped his arms around me bringing me into a tight hug. That was too much for me, my tears came back, and I wrapped my arms tightly around Adam sobbing into his chest. Not willing to let go of him. He rubbed my back gently, it felt nice. I don't know how long we stood in the hallway but after a while I ended up letting him into my apartment.

We sat down on the couch, Adam was looking at me but I refused to make eye contact with him. I just couldn't.

"Tommy, please look at me." He said softly, putting a hand on my leg. I reluctantly looked at him. His eyes told me he was worried and confused. He had no idea why I was acting like this and that worried him. I sighed. "Tommy, will you please tell me what's going on with you? I can help you, you know that."

"I can't tell you." I said softly.

"Why not? I'm your friend, I care about you. I'll listen." He said. I sighed again, I could feel tears sting my eyes but I refused to let them fall. I couldn't start crying again.

"It's too complicated, Adam," I said, sounding oh so pathetic, 'I have to handle it on my own."

"Why won't you let me help you?" He asked.

"Because you wouldn't understand." I said.

"How do you know that?" He asked sounding hurt. I felt horrible. I wanted to tell him, I really did, but I couldn't. Not now. Not yet. 'And why not? Now would be perfect, you could tell him and just get it off your chest. You don't have to hurt him.' I groaned softly, so Adam couldn't hear it.

"I just…Adam…I," I couldn't speak; I didn't know what to say, "I just don't want to ruin everything."

"What would you be ruining by telling me why you're so upset?" He asked. I groaned. I couldn't deal with this right now.

"I'm in love," I said without thinking, "I'm so fuckin in love with this amazing guy and he doesn't love me. I can't even tell him how I feel because I just…he can't know." Adam looked confused for a moment.

"Who are you in love with?" He asked. I stared at him for a while wanting to just come clean and tell him.

"I can't tell you!" I exclaimed becoming frustrated.

"And why not?" He asked.

"Because you can't know! No one can!" I said loudly, Adam looked hurt, I sighed, "Adam I'm really sorry, I am. But I just can't do this right now. I'm really tired and it's really late." He sighed.

"Fine, whatever," He said obviously hurt, "I'll see you tomorrow." And with that he left. I had never felt so horrible.