Chapter 7

The convenient thing about raiding stores in malls is that there's really only one way an attack can come from. As long as you do a quick sweep of the store itself, check the back room, make sure nothing's hiding behind the shelves or clothes racks, you just need to station someone to watch the entrance while the others go looting. Margaret had no interest in Nirvana t-shirts and Invader Zim merchandise, so she stood at the entrance while the other three tore apart a poor, defenseless Hot Topic.

"Ooh CDs!" Bonney said, grabbing literally anything she could get her grubby hands on. She shoved them in the inner pockets of her coat. "Good thing those scanny thingies won't go off when we leave this time. Stupid mall cops always giving me shit. What, like stealing's a crime?" she muttered to herself. She did the same with the jewelry, pocketing an assortment of rings and earrings, whatever she thought looked even the slightest bit cool.

Perona was having a field day, though. When you're a Drama Kid, one of the biggest challenges is finding outfits that fit whatever theme you're going for. Gothic Punk Rock Lolita Hipster was a pretty specific fashion choice and her options were limited, so she took any chance she could to expand her wardrobe. Which is why her arms were full of clothes and the shelves were bare.

Robin looked over her shoulder and hummed in thought. "A problem arises. How are we supposed to carry everything we're going to loot?"

The pink-haired girls froze in place and looked down at the hauls they were expected to carry by hand. "Malls should have shopping carts…" Perona mumbled. They stored whatever they could in the leftover plastic shopping bags behind the store's counter and trekked back to the entrance to drop off haul number one.

"There's no way we're going to be able to fit all of this in the van," Robin said, somewhat bemused as they navigated to the next store in the mall.

"Whateveeerrrr we can come back and pick it up tomorrow or something!" Bonney groaned. "Why do you have to ruin everything, Robin?!"

She cheered up when she dragged the others to Spencer's. It was the kind of place a person like Bonney would adore. Loud, obnoxious, rude, and unapologetic. Spencer's was the kind of store that went out of its way to irritate you and Bonney loved it. In fact, she was deliberately looking for things to take back that would piss her roommate off. There wasn't really anything specific that would send Zoro into a fury, but she figured a collection of gag gifts strewn around the house would build up over time and be hilarious to see.

Margaret stood watch again, but this time Robin joined her. They stood side by side, scanning the concourse for anything that might have caught a whiff of them. Robin eventually glanced over at Margaret. "You aren't having much fun here, are you?"

"Shopping trips aren't really my thing," Margaret muttered.

"And what is your thing?"

She bit her lip. She wasn't making eye contact with Robin at all, but seemed to find the floor pretty interesting. "I dunno. Archery."

"So you came out of the womb firing arrows? Is archery the thing you live for?"

"Whatever. It doesn't matter."

"How did you know about my immunity?"

That got Margaret's attention. The floor stopped being interesting and she snapped her head to stare wide-eyed at Robin, like she was caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "Wh-what do you mean?"

"I mean, I never mentioned it to you. Because we never talk? So I was just wondering how you knew about it." Robin's tone was neutral, with just a pinch of accusatory.

Margaret's mouth hung open like she wanted to say something, but nothing came out for a few seconds. "I heard someone else mention it. Was it supposed to be a secret?"

"Not particularly, but it's probably something we could've talked about, if you bothered to speak up every once in a while. This is the longest conversation I think we've had."

"I guess."

Robin let out a frustrated sigh. "You're good at not committing, aren't you? Do you just not like me or Perona for some reason?"

"ALRIGHT! LET'S MOVE THE FUCK OUT!" Margaret was fortunately saved from answering by Bonney's shrieking announcement. She was bouncing giddily, her arms full of an assortment of props and gag gifts. She had roped Perona into picking up a few things too. They dropped those off at the entrance, along with the rest of their haul, and made tracks for the next store.

The furniture store came next on the list. It was one of those luxury places with high-end, fashionable furniture sets that cost thousands of dollars each. In total contrast, there were a few zombies lurking around that were quickly disposed of. There were telltale signs that people had been sleeping here. Blankets strewn about, a few suitcases full of supplies. Someone had tried to make a life here, and they failed. Most likely they were among the zombies that the group had just killed.

Perona found the ultimate proof of that. There was a king-sized bed set up for display with the comfiest, softest looking sheets imaginable. The bedframe had an old gothic-inspired design to it that immediately drew her attention. "This… this is a bed for a princess!" She squealed. She flung back the covers, prepared to climb in and test it out for herself, only to discover that someone had once had the same idea. And they were still there, rotted to a near skeletal state, staining the sheets and mattress with all manner of bodily filth. There was no chance anyone was sleeping in that bed ever again.

She recoiled with a terrified yelp, then immediately whined out in despair. "AWWWWW that's so not faaaaiiiirr!"

Sadly, no one would be getting furniture that day. They had brought a van with them for this trip, and there was no conceivable way for them to fit any kind of large furniture in it. They stood around awkwardly, not wanting to be the one to flat-out admit that they were just window shopping. "We'll… We'll come back later," Robin eventually said, reassuringly.

Unfortunately for Robin, their last stop was the one most thoroughly picked clean. Fashionable clothes and bong-related merchandise were not in high demand during the initial weeks after Zombie Day. Well, they were, but only to people who didn't last long. Books, though, were the most sought-after form of entertainment. They were portable, silent, and there were a ton of them available.

Not only that, but this Barnes and Noble had an exterior exit that had been compromised at some point, and thus there were more zombies than normal scattered about. "Fuck. Fuck. Sorry, Robin, that's real shitty…" Bonney said as they stood in the entrance from the concourse.

Robin just shook her head. "No, I'm not leaving just yet. I'll find something in here. They won't bother me. You two head back to the other entrance, wait for us there. Margaret, you're with me."

Margaret's head whipped towards Robin. "Excuse me?!"

"I need someone to watch my back, just in case. Not smart to go off alone, no matter what the circumstances. You all know that."

She rapidly looked between the girls and Robin. "W-well, I guess, but what about those two? Can't they cover you?"

Too late, Bonney and Perona were already walking away from the bookstore. "See ya at the van! We'll load all the stuff up!" Perona called out over her shoulder.

Robin glanced sideways at Margaret, grinning slyly. She knew that Margaret had no fear of zombies. She was nervous because Robin wanted a chance to continue the conversation from earlier. "Stick close, Margaret, and keep an eye out."

"... Fine…" She reluctantly followed behind Robin, like a kid who knew they were about to be scolded for something.

To Robin's delight, she let Margaret stew for a while. She quietly paced through the aisles, looking for anything that might catch her attention. Every so often, she'd hear the thwipping of Margaret loosing an arrow at something coming too close for comfort.

"So where were we?" Robin said, smiling when she heard Margaret's longsuffering groan. "Oh right. Did Perona or I do something to offend you? I could see her saying something, but I can't imagine what I could've done."

"Is this really the best time?" Margaret asked.

Robin didn't look up from the shelf she was crouching in front of, tracing her finger horizontally, scanning the titles. "Well, it's one of the few times we get to talk alone, so I'm taking advantage of it."

Margaret huffed. "You didn't do anything, I just… I'm not good at dealing with people, I guess."

"Join the club, we have awkward meetings every week-ooh alien romance," Robin said, pulling a book off the shelf. "I'm not good at dealing with people either. You've probably already figured out that Perona has a similar problem."

"She's pretty… abrasive, yeah."

"My point is, if I came off as hostile or dismissive of you, then I apologize. I'd like to get to know you, Margaret. You seem like a reliable person. Where did you learn all of those survival skills, anyway?"

"Oh. I just… spent a lot of time alone after Zombie Day. I lived in the woods by myself up in Canada for a few years, didn't really talk to a lot of people. Mr. Newgate's people found me while they were investigating something out there."

"You're from Canada? So am I!" Robin turned to smile at Margaret, making her tense up a little at the mere concept of friendly human interaction.

"O-oh! That's cool. How'd you end up here..?"

Robin led Margaret to another aisle. "Oh, it involves my immunity, but I think you might have already known that?" She turned around to see Margaret's shocked, confused expression.

"Wh-... What do you mean?"

"I mean, I know you've hardly talked to any of my people since you arrived. And I don't think any of them would mention my condition." She was calm, even smiling at Margaret while the blonde girl stewed in nervousness. "Oh relax, I don't really care that much. You heard it from someone I used to run with, right?"

Margaret swallowed. "Y-yeah. It was… Like, an urban legend up north…" she lied. "Sorry. I should've said something."

"Mmhm." Robin stood up, arms full of books. She led Margaret towards the sales counter area, where trendy hipster cloth tote bags had once been on sale, long ago. She dumped her haul into one of the bags. "For future reference, the key to actively starting a relationship is trust. It's probably the most important thing."

Margaret shifted nervously, not sure where the lecture was going, but sure she wasn't going to like it. "Okay…"

"You knew me, or you knew of me, but didn't mention that. You were withholding information. Now, I don't care about that, because I've long since given up on figuring out that part of my life. But in another situation, I might decide that this means I can't trust you. I would like for us to be friends, Margaret. We're living together, and we ought to get to know each other." Robin stomped the heel of her boot into the skull of a legless zombie slowly crawling in her direction behind the counter. "And your people seem nice, and I would like for my people to get along with them. But we can't do that if there's no trust between us, do you understand?"

"Y-yeah…?"

Robin nodded, smiling. "Good. Because if, for instance, you were withholding some important information, something that my people would be angry about not knowing, then that would hurt everyone, wouldn't it? Newgate's people, Bellemere's people, and Hancock's people."

"I don't… That's not… No, we're not… hiding anything," she lied "... bad…" she truthed.

"Good!" Robin seemed content to drop it at that. "Glad we could clear that up! Margaret, I think you and I should spend more time together." They started off back towards the entrance they first entered the mall through. "What do you say I join you tomorrow when you go to your… sniper nest? We wouldn't have to talk much, I could use a nice, quiet place to get started on these." She bounced the bag she was carrying.

"That would be pretty cool, yeah…" Margaret said. "I'd like to hang out and stuff."

"See? We're already getting along." She hummed while they walked back to the entrance, taking her time, it seemed. "So if you did know about me, why didn't you bring it up earlier?"

Margaret floundered for a response, "Uh, well, to be honest? You're kind of intimidating. I didn't want to say the wrong thing."

Robin looked over at her with genuine confusion. "Intimidating? Howso?"

"Well, for one thing, you tricked all of us earlier today. You let Bonney get us lost and then revealed you knew where you were going the entire time? And you managed to pull out the fact that I knew you because I didn't react to something. Were… Were you testing me?"

"Not at all. I'm just observant. And I like to have fun."

"It just feels like you're on the lookout for me to slip up and reveal something dangerous…" Margaret said.

"But you already told me you don't have anything dangerous to reveal. Here." Robin stepped forward and turned around to face Margaret dead-on. She raised her right hand like she were standing trial and placed her left hand behind her back. "I swear on my good name, that I shall never use my powers of deduction for evil."

Margaret leaned to the side to see around Robin. "Are your fingers crossed back there?"

Robin chuckled. "Now you're getting it!"

That wasn't an answer, and Margaret could tell that's exactly how Robin wanted it to be. "You're… An odd person, Nico Robin."

"No one has ever said that to me ever in my entire life."

The two of them met back up with Perona and Bonney at the corpse party entrance, who seemed bored out of their minds with waiting. "Finally! What, did you read all the books before you picked 'em up?!" Perona groaned, slumping against the wall dramatically.

"Oh hush. Did you get everything loaded up?" Robin asked.

"Yeah. Also made it less of a shitshow past the barrier thingie. Are we going?" Bonney tapped her foot impatiently.

Robin rolled her eyes as she walked past. "You were itching to get here, now you're itching to leave? Where's the consistency?"

"Fuck off, I wanna get home and set up my new shit!" Bonney yelled after her. It occurred to Margaret in that moment, that she was not being singled out by Robin. Robin bothered everyone. That was her nature.

She took solace in that fact. There was a sense of camaraderie in knowing that she was not a deliberate target, and that Robin's ability to needle people was more of an AOE attack. The drive home was far less eventful, far less arguing involved. And to Perona's surprise, Margaret didn't immediately disappear into her room when the trio finally returned home.

"What did you do? You broke our loner hunter badass," Perona said when she got Robin alone later that night.

Robin just shrugged. "We had a chat at the bookstore, that's all. It turns out, she was just shy."

"So she wasn't brooding or angsting over lost love or anything like that? She was just… an introvert?"

"Sorry, Perona," Robin said, patting the younger girl's head. "The world exists to crush your expectations."

In case you were wondering, Bonney's plan worked like a God damn charm. Zoro woke up the morning after their trip to the mall to find that the house had been transformed overnight into an unironic meme hell. Imagine, if you will, waking up and walking through what you once thought was your house, only to discover the walls mounted with singing bass fish and posters of attractive women and/or messages supporting the use of marijuana recreationally. Imagine finding your lamps were all replaced with lava lamps or plasma globes. Imagine a fog machine in your kitchen for no discernable reason.

Zoro attempted to remove most of it. Tashigi helped occasionally. However, whatever they would clear away would end up replaced with a similar product, and the swordfighting duo had no idea where the merchandise was coming from. Bonney refused to cough up answers. After three futile days of trying to get their house back to normal, Zoro and Tashigi had absolutely had enough. Something had to be done about her if they were ever going to have some semblance of control in their lives again.

Zoro and Tashigi waited until she left the house for whatever reason before enacting their plan. Well, step one of the plan was to come up with the plan, but at least they could focus. Zoro quickly locked the front door, and Tashigi the back door to make sure she couldn't come back in. "Alright, what are we going to do about all this?" Tashigi said, hastily shuffling back to the den where Zoro was pacing back and forth.

"We need to make a statement about it. Something she can't avoid."

Tashigi was lost in thought for a moment, then muttered "Y'know… I had an ex once, and after I found out they cheated on me, I dumped all their stuff on the front lawn and yelled at them from a window."

Zoro's eyebrows raised, not only at how good of an idea that was, but how surprised he was that Tashigi was capable of doing something like that. "I'm impressed, that's a good idea."

Tashigi pushed up her glasses in a smug anime character way. "Let's get started."