I was talking to Margaret the other day about some of the characters from the Plum universe. She made a comment about what Tank would do if it was Lula that was thrown off the bridge. Here's the way I think it would have happened...

Anything in italics comes directly from Takedown Twenty.

All characters come from the mind of JE. Any mistakes are mine. I still don't make anything from this. Bummer.

I walked past two row houses, and a black SUV rolled down the street and parked in front of me. Two guys got out of the SUV and pulled Guns. I turned to run and saw the black Lincoln Town car idling at the curb behind me. Moe had his gun drawn. Shorty was holding a stun gun.

I didn't see any little businesses on this block. No open apartment building doors. No place to run for shelter. I could sprint across the street and start trying doors, but they'd be on me if the first door didn't open. I grabbed my cellphone, pressed the speed dial for Tank, and took off. I suppose if I wasn't wearing my genuine imitation Via Spigas, I might have gotten further, but I wasn't about to lose them. I was across the street, attempting to get into a house with my cell phone stuffed between my boobs, when I felt the stun gun charge rip through me. After that it was all mental confusion and scrambled muscle connections.

o0()0o

The fog started to clear and I found myself in total darkness. I had a vague memory of being carried. I was in a cramped position, unable to straighten my legs. My hands were cuffed behind my back. I lay perfectly still, trying to clear my head, fighting the panic that was burning in my chest. I could feel motion and bumps. I was in the trunk of a car. The Lincoln, I thought.

I could hear some muffled talking coming from the vicinity of my hot pink spandex top. They must not have seen the phone when they stunned me. I started yelling for Tank that I needed help, but I couldn't hear his response. I was pressed against something hard and scratchy, and it was preventing me from maneuvering my legs in a position to kick anything.

The car came to a stop, and I started screaming. The lid to the trunk opened, and I saw daylight and Moe looking down at me.

"That screaming's annoying," Moe said. "If you don't stop I'm going to zap you again."

"Where are we?"

"We're on the bridge. You're going swimming."

Shorty and another guy came around and helped Moe wrangle me out of the trunk. The job was made more difficult by the fact that a cinderblock was attached to my ankle by a long rope.

"You've got to be kidding," I said, looking down at the cinderblock. "Mob guys don't actually do this."

"Turns out, we do," Moe said.

Cars were zipping by, drivers gawking. Some honked their horns and waved.

I waved back. It's nice to see people admire a big, beautiful woman such as myself. "They think we're making a movie or something." Moe slammed the trunk closed. "We usually do this at night, but I got to go to an anniversary party for my in-laws."

The SUV was parked behind the Lincoln. One guy was behind the wheel and the other guy was standing next to Shorty, taking it all in.

"Okay, here we go," Moe said. "We'll alley-oop her over the guardrail." He turned to the guy standing next to Shorty. "Are you gonna help us here? She ain't exactly a featherweight."

I glared at him "Are you calling me fat?"

He looked at me. "Lady, I'm calling you fish food. Now quit struggling."

The guy from the SUV gave a grunt and hefted the cinderblock.

"No! Help!" I yelled. "Helllllllp!"

"You just can't help yourself, can you?" Moe said to me. "Always a pain in the ass."

"Help!" I screamed. "Somebody help me!"

Some cars slowed to look, but no one stopped.

"For crissake," the SUV guy said. "Move her! I'm gonna pop a hemorrhoid holding this motherfucking cinderblock."

"Moe had me by one arm, and Shorty had me by the other. I was struggling against them, kicking out with the foot not tied to the cinderblock, but I was losing ground. They got me to the guardrail, and I could see the Delaware River dark and deep, swirling away from the bridge abutments.

I was still screaming and kicking as I was lifted off my feet, and I felt the guardrail against my back.

"Shove her over," the SUV guy said.

"I'm fucking trying," Moe said. "She weighs a goddamn ton."

I connected with Shorty's crotch and heard him expel a woof of air. He released my arm and doubled over. The SUV guy dropped the cinderblock and grabbed me. There was a lot of swearing and grunting and struggling, and I went over the side. I dropped about ten feet, heard something go thunk, and I hung there, twirling around in the breeze.

"What the fuck?" Moe said.

"The goddamn block is stuck," the SUV guy said.

"Are you shitting me?"

"No. It got pulled into the guardrail when she went over, and it's caught there."

I heard more grunting and swearing and then a moment of silence.

I heard someone leaning on a horn, more swearing, and the sound of men running. There was shouting and car noise, but I couldn't sort any of it out. I had my own problems. I was hanging upside down by one foot with my heart racing and the rope biting into my ankle. My boobs had come out of my top, and anyone who looked over the bridge would be treated to a view of my hot pink leopard print thong.

I tilted my head to look up at the bridge and saw Tank and Ranger straddling the guardrail.

Ranger slapped his hand over his eyes. "Jesus," he said to Tank. "I think I'm blind."

"Try to stay still, Tank said to me. "We're going to pull you up, but you have to stop twirling. You're loosening the knot."

I instantly froze, but was still gently swaying. Tank and Ranger both grabbed the rope and pulled with all their might. I didn't feel any movement on my end. Ranger let go of the rope and fell over the guardrail, back onto the bridge. "Crap! I just tore something." He leaned back over the guardrail and looked down at me. He turned to Tank. "Do you think I have time to get back to Haywood and grab the F-150? We might be able to lift her with the winch."

I felt the knot slip. I started screaming again. Tank yelled to me, "Take a deep breath and tuck your legs in." A heartbeat later I was in free fall. Tank yelled, "Tuck!" and I splashed in.

Meanwhile, back on the bridge, Tank turned to Ranger who was holding his side and walking in circles by the Rangeman SUV. "Do you think I should go in after her?"

Ranger stopped pacing and looked at the guardrail. "Nah, she'll pop right back up." Tank looked over again and, much to his relief, saw Lula floating down river, still screaming for someone to come get her. The men climbed back into the vehicle and drove down to the riverbank to get her out of the water.

By the time they got to the riverbank, a fishing boat had pulled up to Lula, and was attempting to help her out of the water. Two of the men in the vessel each had an arm, and they were pulling with all their might. Tank removed his shoes, wallet, cell phone, car keys, guns, knives, and anything else he thought might be damaged, and waded into the water.

He swam out to the boat where the captain was now pulling out the two men who had flipped into the water while trying to help her. Tank waved to the captain. "I've got her from here. Thanks for the assist."

The captain looked at the pair in the water and yelled, "Dude, hold still! There's something swimming toward you!"

Tank and Lula froze as the other two men leaned over the railing of the vessel to look. The first guy said to the captain, "I think it's a mutant otter or something."

The captain looked at him. "What do you mean, a mutant otter? Why does it have to be a mutant?"

"This water is bad for you. Look. The poor thing has pink streaks in it from all the chemicals."

Lula slapped her head. "My Weave! Tank, we have to rescue my weave!"

Tank just kept slowly heading towards the shore. "Once we get out of here, I'll take off the cuffs and you can go back and get it yourself."

"Hunh!"

Tank got them to the shore, and Ranger gave them blankets and herded them into the SUV. The drive back to Rangeman was silent. Ranger was in his zone, Tank was thinking about his cats, and Lula was fuming about her weave, but didn't want to annoy Ranger. When they got back to Rangeman, Stephanie was standing by the elevator, wearing a trench coat. She only had eyes for Ranger as he got out of the car. "Carlos, you told me you were going to be there in five minutes, not that you were leaving the building. My motor is running and I need you."

Carlos stood in front of her and opened the coat to reveal the midnight blue Victoria's Secret bra and panties she had left on. He gave her his almost smile and said, "Babe." She took his hand and led him into the elevator.

Lula was about to say something to get her attention, but Tank put his hand over her mouth, cutting her off. He would have bet that she never even saw them and didn't want Lula spoiling their fun. As the elevator doors started to slide closed, Stephanie turned to them, winked, waved, and went back to kissing Carlos.