Sorry it took so long to update. I lost power and fell behind on writing. A few chapters til the end. If anyone's still reading, please review.

It had been a few hours since they had heard the news of Toshiko's death. Even thought Kenpachi tried to be brave, he had asked to be left alone for awhile. He was now in his office, sitting at his desk. He sat in the desk's chair and looked around his office. Pictures that Yachiru had drawn were on some of the walls and the other side of the room was her little space. It was mostly toys and coloring supplies. His desk had picture of Toshiko and Yachiru at a Sakura Festival. They were laughing and the blossoms fluttered around them. He smiled. Whenever he looked at the picture, it was as if he could hear them. It was his favorite. He leaned back in his chair and his knee hit something hard. It didn't hurt him but it surprised him. He looked to see a small drawer on his desk partway open. He sighed and tried to close it. It wouldn't go back any farther, so he checked to see what was jamming it. He pulled out the drawer and set it down. A white envelope was in it's way.

What the hell is this? Paperwork?

He pulled it out and looked at it's front. It had neat, cute writing on it. He knew this writing style. It was Toshiko's.

Kenpachi

That's what it said. He turned it over and opened it up. Inside, a crisp letter hid. He pulled it out and set down the envelope. He unfolded the paper and read it.

Kenpachi,

I may be a writer, but that doesn't mean I can always express my feelings. I've known that I was going to die from the moment that Hollow hit me. I'm terrified of dying. It's my second greatest fear. My greatest fear is holding others back. When I die, don't let my greatest fear become a reality. I don't want to hold back your movement in life.I need you to go on and make Yachiru and everybody else feel like it's going to be okay. I love you so much and hope you follow what I ask.Please don't forget about me as a person, but don't let my passed life hold you back.Tell Yachiru that I will miss her and that I love her.

I love you all,

Toshiko

A drop fell on the snowy paper and darkened it. Kenpachi had a tear roll down his cheek. He didn't cry when he first heard the new of her death. But, this was past his breaking point. He couldn't hold it in any longer. He was so happy that he received this letter. Even after she was gone, she would find a way to say that she loved him. But, he was also distraught. She was terrified this whole time. She didn't want to die and it scared her. She never once showed it and put on a brave face everyday.

I need to be like her.I need to be brave…

Kenpachi stood up. He walked to the doors and stepped past them. Ikkaku, Yumichika and Yachiru looked at him.

"Do you guys want to go see Toshiko?" Kenpachi asked. They stared at him for a few seconds, then nodded. They too, were putting on their brave face. Yachiru got up and climbed onto his back.

"I want to.." she said. Kenpachi nodded and started to leave. Ikkaku and Yumichika joined them. As they walked, Kenpachi thought about something Toshiko had said to him one night at the barracks.

"When I die, I want to wear a plain white kimono with a pink obi." she had told him. He laughed.

"Aren't you planning a little early?" he asked.

"Life is unpredictable. I could die tomorrow, next week or even in a hundred years. You never know..."

She had continued to tell him what the ceremony should be like. He couldn't help but smile inside as he thought about her. She really did know how to change people. She left her imprint on everyone. It wasn't a bad change or bad imprint. It was one that everyone was glad to have. That's who she was.

"Ken-chan we're here." Kenpachi came back to the present. They had reached the Squad 4 barracks and walked to it's gate. The two Shinigami at the gate bowed.

"H-Hello Zaraki taicho." they said. He nodded at them and walked past. As they walked inside the gate, they were met by Onahana.

"Zaraki taicho? What's wrong?" she asked. She didn't expect to see him come to the barracks.

"Nothing's wrong. I came here to see Toshiko." he told her. Onahana studied him. His face was different. He was deeply sad, that was easy to see. But, he was content with something at the same time. He was changed. She smiled.

"Come inside then." she said, starting to walk inside. They followed her down the halls and came to the room where Toshiko lay in a bed. Kenpachi walked inside and Yachiru peeked over his shoulder Her skin was pale and her cheeks had a small amount of color in them. She looked healthier, he face filled out instead of sunken. She looked like the same Toshiko that Kenpachi had met her as. A blanket covered her body and she looked peaceful, as if she were in just a light sleep. Kenpachi swept her ever existent bangs out of her face and laid a kiss on her lips. Her breath still had the vanilla and strawberry scent he loved. She was gone, but was doing everything to make it seem like she was there at the same time. He stepped back from her. Yachiru hopped down and sat on the bed. Her lip quivered and she wiped her eyes.

"I miss you Shiko-chan..." she whispered. Ikkaku and Yumichika stepped to the bed. Yumichika smiled and blinked fast, trying to kill his tears. Ikkaku smiled, then bit his lip to keep his at bay. Yachiru turned to Kenpachi.

"Ken-chan..." Kenpachi picked her up and hugged her. She buried herself in his chest and started to cry. He stroked her hair and kept her close. Yumichika's hand went up and wiped his eyes. Ikkaku turned his back and did the same. Kenpachi sighed sadly. No matter how brave he wanted to be, he couldn't be. He had to give into sadness and let it show. But, it couldn't take him over either. So, he was at crossroads with himself. He had to be brave, but, not be.

"C'mon. We should go..." he said quietly. They nodded and left the room. Kenpachi took one last look at his love. She was at peace and that's all he wanted right now.