1887 Ever since that dreadful, drunken night, Natasha swore to accept Tolys' feelings, rather than rejecting them out of fear, or timidity, or bashfulness. Tolys himself had returned most of the way to the genial self he had been. He kept up with Feliks by letters, and a pattern had been established: Feliks wrote long stories detailing seemingly random events, while Tolys wrote mostly in reply, never mentioning his own fate, never mentioning how often unspeakable things happened to him at the hands of his master.

In addition, he had grown ill with an incurable sickness that only a nation could have. Through the censorship of his culture, the sole thing to define his existence now, he grew more weak and languid with each passing day. Clinging to shards, little pieces of traditions, inward expressions of who he was, things that no one could take from him; these things kept him standing. Everyday he still got up and worked exactly how he was expected to, and even took on more. But his pain was not invisible.

"Why do you keep going on like this?" Natasha had sat down beside him, where he had toppled into a chair.

Even through his pain, he smiled. "I'm afraid of what will happen if I quit."

"What's wrong with you anyway?" Her voice was filled with concern. "That's the third time you've fallen this morning."

He could have thought of all the ways in the world to brush off her worries, but no, he was straightforward with her. "I'm dying, Miss Natasha."

She latched onto his arm, pleading. "You can't die! You…you can't! You're too young to die."

"Age has nothing to do with such things, you know that. If I lose everything that makes me a nation, I will die. First Aras, now me, I hate to think what would happen to Raivis, slowly we are all dying out, and with us will die the remembrance of the Balts. I'm the second one left."

She started to sob, her tears soaking through his shirt. Reverting from Russian to Lithuanian, she begged, "Please, you can't die, Lietuva. You're too strong, I know you are. What was different when Poland tried to destroy your culture? You've lived through all of this, why would you just give up now?"

He was silent, thinking over her words. She's right, but… "If I stand up to your brother like I stood up to Feliks, he will retaliate…"

She sat up and looked him in the eyes with all the strength she could muster. "So you're saying you have the choice to die as a nation or die as a human. You're right, except for the fact that you cannot die as a human unless you die as a nation first. Listen to me. Rebel, it'll be the only way you can stay alive. Even if you're exiled to Siberia, or Brother beats you to death, you will not be killed. I know… They tried to kill me…but I am still here. You took them from me. You can't die, you're my hero."

"Your…hero? What-why?"

She focused her eyes in her lap shyly. "You took me from my family, I'm sure you didn't want to, but by that, you saved me, my human body. I believe my heart can never love…but if it could…it would love you."

That evening when Tolys brought dinner for them, he found a frail Eduard sitting beside a worn and sobbing Raivis. Even though the policies that were killing Tolys had strengthened the cultures of these two boys, they were taking everything else that happened badly. Never having the strength of independence, they simply couldn't handle the same things Tolys could, perhaps it was a blessing, because if they were in his shoes, they probably wouldn't even be alive anymore. The toll on those two was much more of a mental battle, but what happens to the mind affects the body, and they were losing strength in ways they should have been stabilizing, or growing stronger.

Tolys' heart sunk yet again to see them like this, and he quietly sat down beside them, without a word for several minutes, as he watched the taller blond attempting to get the little one to eat.

"Would you two listen to me for a minute?" he finally spoke up. Both looked intently at him, their faces as solemn as his. "You both know I'm facing mortality. I want to ask one thing to save myself, and also protect you two if things turn for you like this. I know you both have strong hearts, look at everything you've survived so far. Use that strength to shield yourself so you never have to end up like me." He stopped to gather his thoughts again before he explained himself. "I have to do everything I can to hold onto my identity. I know I will be punished, but push has come to shove, either I throw myself into the mouth of the bear, so to speak, or I will certainly cease to exist as a nation. No Russian can take my life unless I give up just to save myself physical pain. Do you follow?"

Raivis added, "You mean to say that you will disobey the bans and disregard the threats? That you will go on and live exactly as you always have, in spite of the laws? And on top of that, we should cling to our own cultures just exactly the same in case the Russian comes for us too?"

Tolys couldn't help but smile. The little boy wasn't the child he appeared to be, no, he was far more than he would ever appear, at first sight or hundredth. "Exactly. I couldn't stand to see either of you die, and I hope you feel the same for me. I cannot be killed by physical violence. It will take a lot of resilience, but I trust one day I, no all of us, will be free." He fell silent again, watching them closely in the dim light as the words sank in. "Estija?" The blond looked up suddenly, surprised to be addressed directly. "Just to get a head start on what may be coming for you, I want to learn your language. With all due respect, I ask that you learn mine. If you understand it enough, I can speak it between the three of us and keep it alive. If I can understand yours, the same works for you if it came to that. Raivis is covered by both of us understanding Lettish."

Eduard offered a weak smile. "When do we start?"

Knowing the question was rhetorical, he added his last suggestion. "I promise to stand up for your rights as much as I'd want for myself. Please, both of you, stand up for me. There's a Polish saying: For our freedom and yours. I have adopted it for myself here. Together, we will all survive, I'm sure of it." He held out a hand to shake a confirmation of their compact and the younger two followed suit.

Then, to Tolys' surprise, Eduard fell into his arms in an awkward hug. "Thanks…for remembering me too," he whispered.

1903 Tolys collapsed in agony as his master threw another china cup at him, the broken pieces of porcelain lodging into his back. Please…someone…save me…

Ivan was screaming too, his eyes showing no emotion as the red color of blood quickly displaced the white of the brunet's shirt. "Why are you doing this to me? Why won't you listen to me?" He threw something violently with each cold sentence. "You're a bad friend! You're a bad person! How dare you treat me like this?"

This torture had become all too frequent. This is the price of staying alive, Tolys would always silently remind himself. After all, he the illness was losing its grip on him, though the near-daily abuse kept him weakened. He suffered the most direct, physical torture, because Ivan had always thought of him fondly, it was incomprehensible to the Russian for him to go against him so apparently and belligerently. Raivis and Eduard became like playthings, Ivan carelessly toyed around with them, unaware of the anguish he caused them.

Tolys flinched as another projectile was flung at him, but it never hit… Seconds later, a body crashed into him instead. He could almost feel the glare Ivan had to have been sending. Trapped under the third person, he couldn't tell who it was, he could only see the blood dripping on the floor, until they spoke up minutes later.

"Stop…" It was Eduard. Tolys could feel him quivering as he struggled to stand back up. "Stop." His voice managed to stay steady. "Stop hurting Lithuania."

Tolys turned to witness what would happen next. Ivan stood staring at this interference, a small plate still in his hand. Eduard stood weakly, one hand balancing himself on a tabletop, the other hand on his head from where the blood was dripping. The Russian's face suddenly appeared to melt into a tremble and the plate fell from his hand, sending shattered pieces everywhere. "I…I don't want to hurt Litva…" He screamed as he noticed the red color of the side of Eduard's usually blond head. "I don't want to hurt Estoniya!"

Tolys pulled himself onto his feet and immediately went to examine the wound to Eduard's temple. This was how the three had started to love, they protected each other, they helped each other, they stood up for each other, yet each handled their own pains and weaknesses that were constantly developing. This was life as they accepted it. For whatever reason, they had become like this, and they vowed to hold each other up until they could finally see liberty.

In the coming years, complete chaos would take hold of Russia, the country, the people, the land, and the man who personified it all. January 22, 1905 had shattered his mind, any bits of sanity he had held onto before were completely gone. As revolution swept, he was pulled in two mentally. They needed change, but what was wrong with the way things were now? They had friends, right? Why didn't his friends like him? Why did they want to leave? Everything was definitely alright, right? Right?

Ivan wasn't stupid. He knew no one was happy, but he couldn't comprehend why. Everything they had worked so hard for was falling apart and everyone hated him. Again. What did he do wrong? The more time went on, the more he found himself falling to the side of his own revolutionists. Change was needed and they offered a glimpse of it. Maybe things could get better.

A/N: le casual ramble about Estonia tiemz~ The way I view Eduard is as a very lonely guy. He's considered "Baltic" but he's not a Balt, he grew up with Denmark, returned to Sweden and is related to Finland, but isn't Nordic. He doesn't really fit in anywhere, and so he feels rejected everywhere he goes. I think that shows a bit in this chapter is why I'm writing this. Since he was never close to Tolys, so it was a surprise to him for Tolys to offer to help him, and in return, he grew very fond of him for accepting him even if there's nothing in common with them. La. I hope this little whatever makes sense (I'm going to expand on it in a oneshot I'm going to eventually write when I'm not lazy).

I always thought it was funny how the policies the Russian Empire used to suppress Lithuania were the same policies that strengthened Estonian and Latvian national identities… /shot

Also, I just felt like saying that almost everything I write is influenced by Higurashi no Naku Koro ni, and it probably shows. Bl;;;