Me: So now we start Chapter 7 in the amazing adventures of-
Feyr: You writing a fanfic, not a comic book.
Shadow Clone: Yeah, my old author would never do that.
Me: Shut up, both of you! Feyr, do the disclaimer.
Feyr: (groans) Do I have to?
Me: Yes, or I'll bring out the Raid.
Feyr: (looks at author like she's schizophrenic) Um… okay. James Patterson wrote MR. James is a guy's name. That leads us to think that he is a guy. Our author is a girl. She did not get a sex change. Enough said?
Shadow Clone: You know, there is one possibility that we didn't consider.
Me: Which is?
Shadow Clone: You're a lesbian who wishes she was a guy and then you took on the pen name "James Patterson" and put a picture of a dude on the back of all the books you write so you really do own MR and you just want us to think that you're a regular teenage girl by writing fan fiction.
Me: There's one problem with that.
Little chorus of pixies in the background: What?
Me: Shut up. Most of his books were written before I knew how to read or write. Seriously. One was written in the 80's, I think.
Feyr: Darn. I was hoping that you were a lesbian.
Me: Whhyyy? I created you strait, didn't I?
Feyr: Um… about that…
Me: Oh, please no!
Feyr: I'm just kidding.
Me: Prove it.
Feyr:(grabs the guy the author likes and kisses him, long and hard) That good enough?
Me: (fumes too much to speak)
Shadow Clone: You go girl!
Me: (grabs the Raid)
Pixies: Duck and cover! Duck and cover!
Me: (puts Raid down and grabs keyboard)
Feyr: No… you wouldn't dare…
Shadow Clone: Please no! We'll do anything! I want to make out with Hunter, not Feyr! (Shadow Clone and Feyr start fixing the author's hair)
Me: Thank you. And just to clear things up, I'm not gay, I don't own MR, and gay guys are hot.
Feyr: You're so right. Just not the fruity ones.
Me: Yeah. I like the emo ones, too.
Shadow Clone: I second that thought.
Fang's Clone's Clone: You do?
Shadow Clone: Sorry, big brother.
Fang's Clone's Clone: Ha! So you do admit that I'm older!
Shadow Clone: No, it just sounds better than calling you a –
Me: Shadow Clone! Watch your language! Oh, my little virgin ears! Oh look, it's Iggy, the surprisingly hot sidekick. I mean bomb technician.
ICC: I'm hot?
Me: Fang's hotter.
Ian Snyder's Clone's Clone: What about me?
Me: Hotter than Fnick, but too old for me, unfortunately. What are you now, like thirty?
ISCC: I think I'm around 23.
Me: Whatever, still to old for me.
FCC: I'm hot?
Me: Very. Now… ON WITH THE STORY!
Pixies: Finally!
Me: (grabs the Raid)
Pixies: RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!
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"Fair?" Iggy asked.
"No, Feyr. F-e-y-r," she explained.
"Oh, and that makes so much sense," he said, his voice dripping irony.
"Hey, don't insult the girl who's been stuck in a room her whole life!" Feyr joked.
"Wait, that's right! You've been in a room your whole life!" Iggy exclaimed.
"You know, I really thought you were smarter than this…"
"No, I mean how come you know English and irony and stuff if you've been stuck in a room your whole life?"
"Ohhh!" Feyr said. "No idea. Thinking about it makes my brain hurt."
"Maybe it's a power," Iggy muttered.
"A power?" Feyr asked.
"Yeah, we all have them… 'cept Fang, now that I think about it… but Angel can read minds, I can tell who people are by the feel of their skin or fingerprints, Gazzy does that mimicking thing, Nudge senses echoes of people, Max has turbo drive, and… apparently you learn everything about a topic when you see or hear something about it once. Think of it: you only heard the song once before you were speaking perfect English, plus you sang it when you had never heard music before. And the flying thing…"
"Whoa, your right. So what's for breakfast?"
"How can you think of food at a time like this?" Iggy asked incredulously.
"How can you not?" she answered. "What's edible?"
Iggy rolled his sightless eyes. "Come on. There's some food in Fang's pack."
Nudge sat up from where she was sleeping, suddenly awake. "Food?" she called from the other side of the cave. "I want food. Food is good. What we got? Where are Max and Fang?"
"Nudge, slow down," Iggy said calmly. "Yes. We do have food. Yes. Food is good. No, I don't know where they are."
"But you have to! I mean, think of where they could be…"
"Nudge! I'm sure they just went out to fly," Iggy reassured. "Here, have some good food."
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I cracked open an eye to see –
The sun. Uh, oh.
"Fang, we over-" I trailed off when I saw that he was still sleeping. Aw! He looked peaceful, for once, and his emotions played out straight across his face. I savored the moment for a second more before I realized what I had used as a pillow: Fang. Oh, man, if anybody else were here they would so not let me forget this. Never. Like, ever! So I decided to wake him up.
"Fang!" I said urgently. His eyes shot open. "We overslept."
"Oh, and I thought it was something serious," he said. Then he remembered Drama Queen. "Oh."
"Yeah. We better get going."
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"I… I… I don't feel so cool…" Feyr groaned.
"What's wrong?" Gazzy asked. Nudge had woken everyone else up when Iggy presented her with food.
"I feel like… like…" Feyr suddenly gagged. "Oh, wow."
"I hope you mean 'wow' in a bad way," Iggy said half seriously.
"I do. I think I just tasted that Power Bar." Feyr got up clutching her stomach and headed to the edge of the cliff. Where she promptly threw up. On Max and Fang, who had been coming back to the cave at the time.
"Oh, that's nasty!" Max complained. Fang glared at Feyr before sitting against the cave wall. Feyr threw up again.
"What's her problem?" Nudge asked Iggy in a low voice.
"I don't think she's used to eating…" Iggy said.
"But she ate last night, didn't she?" Nudge pointed out.
"Well, see, at the School they would feed her every time she fell asleep. So the amount of food substitute they gave her is probably equivalent to a hot dog. Not a hot dog plus a Power Bar. Those things are practically loaded with calories."
"Well," Max spoke up. "I think we all know what this means. We have to go into town."
Feyr threw up again.
A/N: Okay, for anybody who doesn't get why they have to go into town, here's why:
Fang and Max are covered in puke.
Feyr's hair has never been washed. Wait, Feyr herself has never been washed.
Everybody looks a bit worse for wear.
They need new clothes.
Nudge wants a greater variety of food. She's tired of PowerBars (those things accually taste good).
So now... REVEIW!!!