AN: Thanks again for reviewing! Note: This chapter takes place in the universe of my fanfic "Without a Heart." If you haven't read it, well, in that story Han survives TFA due to Snoke thinking he could be useful, but the lightsaber in the chest left him unable to breathe on his own and as such the First Order had to implant a breathing apparatus in his chest and give him an artificial heart. Han spends a good amount of time in that story imprisoned by the First Order and strapped to a bunk. For more info, read the story.

Prompt 7 - Insanity

They said insane people never questioned whether or not they were insane, and Han desperately thought that was true. It meant he hadn't lost his sanity yet.

Not yet.

He wasn't sure how long his sanity would hold up, though. How long could one's sanity hold up when they were strapped down to a bunk for weeks on end with a breathing apparatus embedded in their chest?

Especially when the reason for everything was their own son?

A chill crept through his naked body, but he couldn't even pull the blanket up to cover himself. His side itched, but he couldn't even scratch it. He ground his teeth in an attempt to distract himself, but that only seemed to make the itch expand over his skin even further and the chill penetrate deeper into his body.

And of course, there was the breathing device's sound.

In, out, in, out, in, out, forever in its cycle. Even if Han ever got out of here, which was extremely unlikely, he'd still have that sound following him for the rest of his life.

"Leia . . ." he said in that raspy whisper that was now his voice, "you still can't hear me and you still think I'm dead, but I need you to keep me sane." His mouth twisted when he realized how that sounded. "Yeah, talkin' to people who ain't there – that's usually what people who are insane do, isn't it? Shit, maybe I'm already insane."

No, no, he wasn't – insane people didn't question their sanity, right?

Right?

"It'd sure be nice if you were here. If I could see that gorgeous face with that new hairstyle of yours, it might distract me from, well, all this. Your voice would sure help too."

Maybe if he finally did go insane, his mind would create a delusion of her.

A sweet delusion of his wife . . .

Wait, what was he thinking? Was he wishing he would go insane now?

Then again, when this was the alternative, when his ugly reality was all sanity gave him, would a hallucination be so bad?

Or going even further, what if losing his sanity meant he wouldn't even know he was here anymore? If he could sink far enough into his mind and away from reality, maybe he could even forget about what happened to his son.

Could losing touch with the real world send him back to the happier days with his wife and his son, when there was no First Order, no Kylo Ren, no Snoke, and no stupid breathing apparatus. Back when he could actually breathe and move and his family was together . . . what would be so wrong about that? So what if it wasn't technically real?

Wait, what was he thinking? Of course it mattered whether or not it was real.

Didn't it?

"Leia," he whispered again, "I'm startin' to wish I were insane. If you were here you'd probably say I'm already crazy anyway, but I'm serious here. I know you ain't here, but part of me wishes I didn't."

Talking to someone who wasn't there, then wishing he was insane. Those had to be steps on the way to actual insanity.

Maybe he was already insane.

No, no he couldn't be.

Insane people didn't question their sanity.