A Quiet Goodbye
Part 7
By: ioanhoratio
A/N: Not much of anything to say here just that everyone please keep in mind I'm not a doctor! ^_^ And of course to thank you all for the wonderful reviews and messages in support of this story! You guys keep me going especially: JESS25 and Dine89. And a huge thanks to those who reviewed including: xAddictedToLewis, laurzz, uscrocks, Dinny93, ryhmenocerous, kcatlin, afrozenheart412, and again Dine89. I also appreciate those who added this story to their favorites or alerts: OneTH23, danny-lindsay4e, countrygirl103, laura817, and Callygirl80.
6W 6D
Danny Messer found himself rather comfortable among the pregnant women he was sharing the waiting room with; quite the turn around for a man who use to cringe at the mention of marriage and family. He fidgeted with his cell phone as he and Lindsay waited for her name to be called. He had been to this doctor's office plenty of times, and his fidgeting had more to do with excitement than with uncertainty and fear-not like the first time, not like it had been with Lucy:
"Danny, I swear if you don't stop tapping your foot against my chair I'm going to puke all over you," Lindsay warned for the last time.
Danny froze and offered her an uncertain smile. "Sorry."
Lindsay's annoyed face softened slightly, and she reached for his hand. "Relax."
Danny resisted the urge to roll his eyes. He didn't think it was possible to be feeling a hundred different emotions at once, and to relax. He was going to hear his baby's heartbeat for the first time. He was going to get to see the baby live on the screen, not just a blurry photo. He was going to get to ask the doctor questions, and have body parts pointed out. He was going to get one step closer to getting to know his child, and all Lindsay could say was 'relax.'"
This was his first visit to the office as a patient. His actual first visit was in his capacity as an investigator and despite his protests that Lindsay needed to find a new OB/GYN clinic, here he sat looking at the same counter he had stood near when Lindsay had walked into the clinic that day-the day that changed his world completely.
"You know," he said, turning to her, and ignoring her attempts to read the latest People magazine, "you say relax, but let's not forget this clinic had a doctor who was willing to sell babies."
Lindsay huffed in frustration. "I am not finding a new office Danny. I like it here. I like the nurses and even though Dr. Hinton had her problems...
She was interrupted by Danny's snort of protest. "Problems Montana? The woman has lost her medical license, and will most likely be spending the next 5 years in prison for trying to sell a baby!"
Several heads popped up to look at him. A few heavily pregnant women stroked their bellies protectively, and gave him the evil eye.
"Shh!" Lindsay chastised quickly, and lowering her voice continued, "Fine. She had some serious problems, but they were her problems, and since you're such a great CSI we caught her, and now we're free to enjoy our new doctor, Dr. Reeser."
Danny didn't miss Lindsay's use of flattery, but chose not to comment. As much as he wished he could have more say in this pregnancy, he knew the distance between them stemmed from his actions, and that it was a slow process rebuilding the trust they had. He was grateful Lindsay had included him in this visit. It was his first, and he was a little uncertain of his role. There was a great mystery in the world, a tale told among men in locker rooms, or teenage boys who giggled about it underneath the football bleachers, stories of men who had supposedly witnessed it first hand. It was what high school biology teachers did their best to teach, while at the same time hoping to get through it as quickly as possible. It was, of course, a woman's visit with her gynecologist. Danny had never had occasion to visit a lady's doctor before; especially not one that dealt with all that womanly stuff and babies.
He swallowed hard, trying to push away the embarrassment that was forming, "Linds?" he started, his voice high, and squeaky. Mortified, he cleared his throat and tried again, "Linds?"
"Yeah Danny?"
"Is there going to be an...um...an exam?"
Flipping a page in her magazine, Lindsay answered off handedly, "Sure Danny, doctors usually examine their patients."
Her flippant attitude forced Danny to conclude she wasn't getting what he was asking. "No Linds, I mean an exam, exam." He had locked his jaw together and forced the last word through his teeth for emphasis.
Lindsay gave him a confused look, but her face soon cleared as she caught on to what he was asking her.
With a giggle she answered, "No, not today. They did all the 'fun stuff' at my first visit. The doctor's just going to check my weight, the baby size, and let us listen to the heartbeat."
Danny felt a bit of his anxiety lessen, and in a moment of relief blurted, "Thank goodness, I was worried about where to look during that kind of exam."
Surprise flashed on Lindsay's face, quickly replace by amusement. "Where to look Danny?" she asked.
Blushing harder than Danny Messer had ever blushed in his life, he scrambled to clarify, "Yeah, ya know, I mean, you on ya back, knees in the air, some person down there pokin' around."
Lindsay gave a bark of laughter, and wryly pointed out, "Sounds a lot like how I got into this mess in the first place."
Danny, caught of guard by her joke, nearly choked. Lindsay just batted her eyes at him innocently.
Once he recovered, he acquiesced, "A'right, a'right, I get ya point. I know it ain't nothin' I've never seen before, but it's different when it's about sex an' pleasure. There's jus' somethin' so wrong with another person stickin' their fingers up...hey, wait, is this Dr. Reeser a man or a woman?"
The look on her face told him she was seriously considering making him suffer, so he threw her his best pathetic, puppy dog look, and he saw her raised eyebrows lower. "It's Dr. Autumn Resser, a woman."
"Thank goodness for small blessings," he mumbled, then in his defense added, "I mean think about it. Where should I look durin' an exam like that? The doctor? You?"
"Well if it makes you uncomfortable then you don't have to come," Lindsay shrugged. He knew she was trying to keep her voice light, but the undertone of hurt was clear.
"No way," he quickly backtracked, "there's nothin' that is gonna keep me from bein' with you."
Appeased by his words, Lindsay put her magazine down then rested her head against his shoulder. "Just think Danny, we're going to hear the baby's heartbeat today."
Danny moved his hand to palm her slightly rounded stomach. "Yeah, it's pretty exciting." He felt her warmth against his body, and chose to focus on the fact that he was there with her and to ignore the feeling that the nurses were judging him for not being there with her before.
"You know," Lindsay whispered into his ear seductively, "if you're so disappointed on missing out on the exam, maybe when we get home tonight we can re-enact it."
"What are you smirking about?" Lindsay asked from her seat next to him, pulling Danny out of his memory.
"I was jus' thinkin' about our first visit to the doctor's together when you were pregnant with Luce," he explained.
"That was pretty incredible huh?" Lindsay offered with a smile.
"Absolutely. Do you think it's gonna feel as amazing this time?"
Before she could answer they were interrupted by a nurse calling Lindsay's name. They both stood, Danny taking Lindsay's hand in his, and followed the nurse.
"Mr. Messer, if you want to wait in here, I'm going to take your wife and weigh her and bring her right back," the nurse told him as she pointed to the small examination room. Danny nodded and veered off.
Lindsay continued to follow the nurse to the scale and stepped on. After notes were taken of her height and weight, Lindsay was led to a bathroom for a urine sample. Following that she found herself in the room with her husband where the nurse proceeded to draw blood.
Once the nurse had smiled, instructed Lindsay to strip from the waist down, assured them the doctor would be right in, and left the room, Lindsay turned to Danny and whined, "So the poking and prodding begins." She scratched at the bandaid the nurse had put on her arm where she had been stuck with the needle.
Sensing his wife's need for levity, Danny observed, "Ya know I think we need to find out who decorated this office an' see if they'd be willing to do our apartment." He turned to look at the drawings of a growing embryo, and the posters of a woman's reproductive system.
Lindsay's laughter brought a smile to his face. It had been difficult to see her so sick the last several days, and to be unable to help her much. She had done her best to stay positive, but it had been difficult, so it was nice to hear her so relaxed.
Still smiling, Lindsay, now stripped down to just her shirt and bra, climbed up onto the exam table, used the provided blanket to cover herself, then asked, "Could you imagine Flack's reaction if he walked in, and we have a giant uterus on the wall?"
"I'd imagine he'd walk in, and then walk right back out," Danny joked along.
The two happily continued their banter, teasing each other and enjoying each other's company as they waited for the doctor. "You know it's a bad sign when being at the doctor's is the most fun you've had in a while," Lindsay eventually observed with a cheeky grin.
"Yeah, it's nice to just sit here and talk, and not worry about bein' pulled in a hundred different directions or havin' to worry about our little girl or a boss interuptin' us," Danny agreed.
The door to the room opened, and a familiar middle aged woman with light brown hair, wearing a white medical coat and holding a file walked in.
"Hello, Danny, Lindsay," Dr. Reeser greeted them brightly, "so wonderful to see you, and with such good news. Congratulations."
Danny and Lindsay beamed at her and quickly thanked her. She asked about Lucy and again they gushed with pride and bragged about their beautiful daughter.
"So happy to hear it," she told them, her tone genuine. "Now, let's see what we can do for baby number 2. I understand you've been quite sick so far."
"Yes," Lindsay agreed, "I remember the nausea with Lucy, but this is nothing like that. I struggle with keeping anything down, odors can set me off, and I've tried a few things I found on the internet but nothing seems to help. I eat, I'm nauseated and puke; I don't eat, I'm nauseated and puke."
"She's really strugglin' ta get through the day," Danny interjected, "and normally you'd have to tie her to the bed to get her to stay home and miss work, but she's been so sick lately she didn't argue when I suggested she stay home."
"Alright, well let's get started by determining how far along you are and your due date. When was the first day of your last period?" the doctor asked, sitting down on the small, rolling chair in front of the desk and pulling out of the drawers the circular due date calculator.
"May 22nd," Lindsay said immediately, knowing she was going to have to answer that question.
"Ok," Dr. Reeser responded, turning the top wheel on the hand-held calculator, "well, that puts you at a little under 9 gestational weeks and your due date at February 26th. You may have a leap year baby."
"That should work out jus' fine Montana, we'd only have to have a birthday party every four years," Danny pointed out.
"Yeah, but if we go by that then it would take 72 years to have the kid's eighteenth birthday," Lindsay responded.
"She's got you there," Dr. Resser commented, joining the joke. She then steered the conversation to Lindsay's medical history, and then Danny's. They then reviewed Lindsay's first pregnancy and Lucy's delivery.
She moved onto the physical examination; checking blood pressure, breathing, heart rate. She continued to ask questions regarding Lindsay's health, then asked her to lean back and place her legs in the stirrups.
Lindsay threw Danny a knowing look, and he winked back. These were nothing to him now.
Dr. Resser performed the pelvic exam, checked the size of the uterus, and administered a pap smear.
Danny helped Lindsay to sit up and adjust the blanket to better cover her bottom half.
Finally, Dr. Resser leaned back in her chair, and began, "Well, right now every thing seems healthy, we'll obviously wait for the results of the blood and urine test, as well as the pap, but the type of morning sickness you are describing can be indicative of a bigger problem. I'm not ready to diagnose Hyperemesis Gravidarum; a sever form of morning sickness that can lead to dehydration and often hospitalization, but I do think we need to keep an eye on this. We don't want to get to that point, so I'm going to perform an ultrasound so we can take a look, ok?"
At hearing the words "bigger problem" Lindsay felt her stomach drop, and she could only nod in response. As the doctor stood to make the necessary preparations for the scan, Lindsay reached desperately for Danny's hand.
He immediately responded by stepping closer to her and after she had again leaned back, he stroked her hair back and whispered, "Don't worry baby. She jus' wants to get all the information so we can get ya to feelin' better."
"Alright, a bit of this cool gel on the belly, and then we'll take a look," Dr. Resser said, squirting the gel, and placing the machine's transducer over Lindsay's uterus. She moved it slightly, adjusted the screen so Danny and Lindsay could see, then pointed to the blob. "Right there is your baby."
Seeing the little life on screen helped to calm some of Lindsay's fears and her heart filled with love for the tiny being; a little brother or sister for Lucy, the next step in their family's growth, and a new, innocent person that was half Danny, half her. A glance in Danny's direction confirmed that he too was mesmerized by the image on the screen.
The doctor took some measurements, made some notes, and observed as much as she could from the image.
"Ok," she started, wiping off Lindsay's belly, "I'm going to order a transvaginal ultrasound. Have you had one before?"
Lindsay shook her head.
"It's just a better way to see what's going on. Right now, I'm showing the fetus size to be a little under average and the heartbeat to be a bit slower than what we would expect, but that can also be due to the difficulty an ordinary ultrasound has in getting through some of the layers of the body. By inserting a probe into the vagina, we don't have to deal with that interference. This is just precaution Lindsay, ok? I just want to be sure we don't miss something."
"Thank you," Lindsay forced out her clogged throat.
"I will be back in just a moment." Dr. Resser nodded, gathered up her things, and excused herself.
The click of the door closing echoed through the room, and Lindsay winced as if a gun had fired.
"J'a hear Linds? She said it's just a precaution. That doesn't mean there's a problem," Danny said moving his face directly in front of hers.
"She says it just a precaution, but we didn't have to do this with Lucy," Lindsay pointed out.
Danny knew the panic she was feeling because he felt the same emotion running through his veins, speeding up his heart. However, he had learned from his experience with Lindsay's first pregnancy that it was more important to ensure Lindsay was alright, rather than focus on himself. As the mother, Lindsay sacrificed her own wants and desires for a healthy baby, and as the father, Danny sacrificed his own wants and desires for a healthy mother. "This baby is different, a'right Linds? I jus' don't want you to get too worked up until we know for sure what's goin' on ok?"
Lindsay leaned her head back and took a few deep, calming breathes that she let out slowly. She was trying hard to keep her fears at bay. She moved their linked hands to rest protectively on her flat stomach, and willed the baby to feed off their strength.
"Lindsay?" Danny tried.
"Shh," Lindsay chided softly. She needed the quiet to gear her thoughts away from the darkness of possibilities that was threatening to invade.
Not taking offense, Danny just leaned in and placed a kiss on her forehead, their hands not moving from their resting spot over the baby. They then sat in silence as they waited for the return of their medical practitioner.
The fifteen minute wait seemed to stretch on, but finally the same nurse from before reentered the room pushing a small cart.
"Here we go," she enthused, "Dr. Resser will be back in just a moment, but I'm going to get everything set up for the scan, ok?"
She didn't wait for a response as she moved around the room. They watched as she pulled out an elongated wand with a rounded end. It was connected to the machine that had a screen. She prep-ed the wand by rolling what looked suspiciously similar to a condem over it and then adding gel.
Once she was done she turned to Lindsay. "Ok, now this shouldn't hurt, though you may feel some pressure. And just like most things try your best to relax."
"Thank you Heather," Dr. Resser's voice came from the doorway. The nurse gave Lindsay a reassuring smile then left, allowing Dr. Resser to approach. She explained the procedure again and instructed Lindsay to bring her legs back up and rest in the stirrups.
The doctor was quiet through the exam, again looking at the image on the screen and gaging what is going on. Lindsay tried to stay as relaxed as possible, considering the circumstances. Finally, Dr. Resser smiled. "Alright Mom and Dad, why don't we listen to this." She pushed a few keys and suddenly the rapid, rhythmic sound of the baby's heartbeat filled the room.
Lindsay's sudden intake of air brought Danny's face to hers. Her look of awe was mirrored by his. The emotions and overwhelming stress of this, and the last several days, manifested as the tears began streaming down her cheeks and her face split into a grin.
Danny couldn't resist the urge to kiss her, and their lips mets in an eager, happy union. "Hear that baby girl? That's our baby," he breathed against her skin.
Lindsay's tears continued in earnest, but she managed say, "It is, and it's just as amazing as the first time."
"Sure is," he agreed, remembering his question from before, "I love you so much."
"I love you." Happiness and joy moved through the couple as they heard the proof of their baby's life.
Dr. Resser finished her exam in silence as she allowed them a chance to compose themselves. She cleaned Lindsay up, then indicated for to sit up.
"Well, the T-V scan showed that the fetus is not as small as I first assumed but it still isn't quite where we'd want it to be. The heartbeat is quiet, but on target for speed. I'm going to put you on bed rest for a week, and then light duty for a week. Following that I want you to take it easy, and play it by ear. Don't wear yourself out. Rest is key right now. I'm going to give you a prescription for the nausea, but only use it as a last resort. We have a pamphlet with several natural or home remedies that I want you to try first, but again if this doesn't get any better or gets worse try the medication. If you start spotting I want you to notify my office immediately, ok? We'll set an appointment for three weeks from now, but if you have an questions or concerns between now and then do not hesitate to call ok? We're going to do everything we can to ensure you have a safe, happy pregnancy."
"Thank you Dr. Resser," Danny said offering his hand, she shook it and the smiled at Lindsay.
"I'll get a copy of the ultra sound photo and have it at the front desk for you, along with the prescription and your prenatal vitamins, then I'll see you in three weeks." With a wave she exited.
A short time later Danny and Lindsay were back in their car headed down the road.
"How ya feelin' babe?" Danny asked, glancing from the road to her face.
"Tired," she answered, still staring at the photo of her little baby, "and a little shaky. It wore me out you know?"
"Yeah, when she said there might be a problem with the baby I felt so sick inside. It was pretty scary."
Lindsay nodded.
"But then getting to hear the heartbeat...that was awesome. Our little baby's heartbeat," Danny enthused.
"It was a beautiful sound," Lindsay agreed sincerely. For the umpteenth time that day she reached for his free hand.
They were silent a moment, the Lindsay blurted, "What are we going to do Danny? A week on bed rest? Mac, our boss Mac, won't be happy about that, and what are we going to do with Lucy? I've got a baby at home who needs her mother, but at the same time I want to make sure I don't do anything to risk this baby."
"Hey," Danny interrupted, "You heard the doc. Everything looks ok right now, and to ensure that things stay ok you need rest. No one is going to have a problem with that."
"Really, so Lucy is just going to be overjoyed at the news huh?"
"Ok, so Lucy might be the only one to have a problem with it," he conceded, "but it's only for a little while and she'll live. Plus we'll have help from family and friends a'right?"
"As long as we end up with a healthy baby," Lindsay agreed quietly, holding tightly to the photo.
Thanks for reading!
So it begins...
I've use the Fetal Age at the beginning of every chapter-which is usually about two weeks different from the Gestational Age-and I'm going to continue with that. Most doctors track at the gestational age so while the doctor's office considers her to be about 9 weeks, we have her at about 7. I'm going to keep it at that age. Hope that isn't confusing!
P.S. I realized in the last chapter I spelled Louie 'Louis' Sorry, too much French in my life. LOL!