Chapter 7 ~ Azusa Mukami
Warnings: Smut, self harm and implied child abuse
Eye of the Beholder
"To conceal you, the donkey's skin will be an admirable disguise, for when you are inside it, no one will believe that anyone so beautiful could be hidden in anything so frightful."
~ Charles Perrault
The male gaze is something all women have felt, at one point or another. It dawns on them gradually, as they grow older; The feeling, like heady smoke in the air, of eyes following, assessing, desiring.
She didn't know at what point she became aware of it. Perhaps it had been one night on her fifteenth birthday, or even when he'd tutored her on the ways of the kingdom she'd inherit. But the moment it absolutely couldn't be ignored anymore, was a mere few hours after her mother had died.
"Your Mother, and my dear, dear wife..." Her father passed a hand over his face, fingers lingering over his mouth. "She made a request, before she passed."
His daughter barely heard him as she leaned against a window, thinking of the body of the Queen lying just upstairs. A few hours ago she'd been alive, coughing dry, heaving breaths into a blood soaked handkerchief. It'd been awhile since she'd actually lain eyes on Mother, on account of her illness, but she'd heard the coughs from her room every day for months. Now, silence reigned within the halls of the somber castle.
"I gave her my word," her father continued. She looked at him, and rose a silent brow.
He stared at her blank face, masked of emotions. Her eyes were cold, glass-like. "She made me promise that; After she died, I would take another wife, but only one more beautiful than herself."
Dawn broke soft shadows across his face as the princess avoided his gaze. An uncomfortable weight pressed upon her shoulders, gradually easing down into her stomach as it had always done in his presence.
Her limbs slowly tensed, hands tightening around her bent knees as she stiffened. "So then...you'll be holding marriage interviews after the funeral?"
"Yes..." the sound of him scratching his beard filled her ears. "Yes I suppose I will."
Her breaths evened out when he turned and left the room, taking that heavy, considering look with him.
Yet the unease lingered on for two months after the Queens death. In the meantime, the princess lost herself in work, running outside the castle grounds. Volunteering at the shack tucked away on a street corner was something that always quickened her footsteps, lips curving up, just slightly.
The regulars did not comment on the royalty serving them, acknowledging her with a mere tip of the hat. No one in the castle knew of her visits, which she was grateful for. She didn't need to hear the predictable warnings about gypsies. In her experience they were a more honest people than the ones who ate caviar to demonstrate their wealth.
A large woman known simply as 'Cook', ruled over the tiny establishment with a stern eye, and had never once cast judgement on her presence there.
One particular day, however, the princess burst into the kitchen in a flurry, doubling over as she struggled to catch her breath.
"Morn'in lass, what's got you in such a tizzy?" Said Cook, her hand pausing mid-stir as she turned from the boiling pot to glance at the girl. Even those sitting on tables nearby glanced up from their meager meals.
"I-I'm sorry- I didn't know where else to go-" she panted, raising her head.
Cook started in alarm at the sight, dropping the ladle in her hand and motioning another woman to take her place. Ushering the young girl away from prying eyes, she took her around the back.
Large beefy hands then locked onto the girls shoulders. "Out with it. Now."
"M-my father...h-he...has chosen a wife."
"Well that's grand, don't see why you're sniveling over it."
She shook her head, wondering at the putrid, sweet smell clinging to her nostrils. It reminded her so much of him.
Unable to meet Cook's gaze, she raised her trembling hand.
A shiny, woven gold band caught the light in a harsh glare. It shined prettily on her ring finger. She gave a tremulous, broken smile. Hot tears ran down her cheeks as she struggled not to fall apart.
Arms suddenly wrapped around her, bringing her into warmth. She felt a large hand stoke her head gently. "It's alright lass, we'll sort this out. It'll...it'll be fine." Cook muttered in a thick voice.
For the first time since her mother had passed, the princess allowed herself to cry. "I can't- I can't go back there, don't make me, please." She begged, quivering in the woman's arms like a child.
Contrary to her wishes, and with steps laden with dread, she'd made her way back to the castle mere hours later. She went to sleep that night just as she'd always done, but not before staring at the door of her room.
With quick, hurried movements, she pushed a cabinet in front of it. Laying back down in her bed, the gold band on her finger caught her eye.
A creeping, vicious emotion welled up inside her. It cracked beneath the surface of skin, coating her insides in putrid fumes of hatred that softened into a low hum. Dormant, but not forgotten, it festered.
Her lashes fell shut, finally drifting into fretful sleep.
Cook had instructed her to properly think about what she wanted to do. Staying at the castle felt inconceivable now. Her father would not take 'no' for an answer.
But merely running away was foolhardy. As the princess of the kingdom, her face was well known. Hiding under the guise of a cloak would only get her so far before she was captured and returned back to the castle.
"Aye lass, normal clothes won't cut it. If you want to escape out of the kingdom's reach, then you'll need something else." Cook had said, a distant look flitting over her aged face. The crow's feet at the corners of her eyes tightened, an oddly perturbed look crossing her usually stern features.
"I wonder...maybe he'll be of use."
It was this mysterious person that the princess decided to meet with the next day. Cook led the way, passing through the middle class ring and into the lower district. Pushing aside the cover hanging over the entrance of a make-shift door, she beckoned the princess inside.
She tensed as soon as the cover fell back into place behind them, blocking out the sunlight and drenching the old warehouse into shadow. Cook took her arm, leading her through the cluster of gypsies. Some of them scampered inside their shelters at the sight of the stranger. The princess had never been inside the den where some of Cook's family resided before. Other homeless people had also gathered there, forming a community the higher ups would rather ignore. Seeing them living such impoverished lives made the knot tighten in her stomach. She knew her family was responsible for the situation of the slums.
Finally, they stopped before a small hut. Various clothes were hanging outside on a washing line.
"Azusa? Come out. The lass I told you about earlier is here." Cook muttered in a low but stern tone.
There came a rustle, and the sound of feet padding softly, before a pale hand reached through the cover of the hut, pushing it aside slightly.
"Mm? Oh..." murmured a gentle, quiet voice. "Please, come inside..."
Cook sneered. "No way royalty is going to sit themselves inside that grubby-"
The princess stepped forward, giving a reassuring nod to the large woman. "It's fine. I don't mind."
With that said, she followed after the pale hand that retracted behind the cover. Ducking inside the doorway, she blinked, her eyes trying to readjust to the light. A lantern flickered in the corner of the room, bathing a lean figure in orange hues.
He looked to be around her age, with a pale complexion and doleful, tired eyes. Dark hair framed his face, with noticeable mismatched stands at the back, as if he'd tried to cut it himself.
What caught her attention most however, were the scars on the bridge of his nose and lower cheek. Bandages covered his left arm, and she noticed more that had unraveled, peeking out from under his shirt.
Unsure what to make of him, she fell back on her manners for self assurance."Thank you for meeting with me. I don't want to take up too much of you're time, so-"
He cut her off with a faint chuckle, the smoke of a smile lingering on his lips. "That's funny...heh, the thought of me...being busy." Leaning down, he folded his legs underneath him, sitting on the floor. "What do you need...from someone like me?" He said, in a monotonous voice.
At his pointed look, she mimicked his movements and sat. On some level she noticed his speech impediment, but it didn't bother her as she leaned forward seriously. "I was told you're talented at making clothes. Not only that, but you've crafted cloaks made from animal skins before. Cook said they had something about them, almost like a power was woven into the material."
Azusa blinked slowly, gaze shifting to a box at his side, filled with different kinds of threads. "Mm, suppose so. Needles have become...very useful to me."
She hesitated at this, wondering at the heavy look in his eye, before shrugging it off. "Please, Sir. I implore you to make me a cloak. I can buy all the material you need for it and more."
"You're...calling me 'Sir' now? My name...please use...my name." His gaze had shifted back to her, and she tensed. Stuck by a vague realization, she noticed that the sickened feeling in her stomach was absent. She wasn't frightened in this man's presence. Lilac eyes regarded her intently, but the 'male gaze' was no where to be found.
Although it trampled on propriety to speak his name so informally, it fell from her lips easily. "Azusa."
He tilted his head, hazy interest sparking alight within his sad gaze. "There's pain...in your eyes." He trailed off thoughtfully, even as his words dug into her heart.
The princess watched with baited breath as he seemed to think to himself for a moment, before lifting his eyes once more. "I'll make you a cloak. What do you... most want it to do for you? What do...you long for, more than anything in this world?"
She didn't know why it felt important that she answer truthfully. The secret desire in her heart, that had been cradled within her for many years, had never been voiced out loud.
"To be invisible." She murmured, feeling as if a piece of her soul was being bared to him inside those simple words.
Azusa watched her almost plaintively, before he nodded. "Give the money...to Cook. I'll tell her what material I need."
The knot strung tight within her eased as she smiled. "Thank you. Thank you so much."
"Three days. It will be done by then." He stood up with her, the heaviness in the air dispelled by his timid, answering smile. "Good bye...Eve."
Uncertain for the reason of him calling her that so suddenly, she only nodded gratefully and turned, walking out of the hut. Cook met her outside, muttering about how strange the lad was, but the princess barely listened. Hope burned in her heart for the first time in years.
Three days passed slowly. The princess endured a dress fitting session, lips pressed into a thin, grim line as she stood numbly.
No one voiced their disagreement with the marriage. She wondered if the family tree would be changed, making her conveniently unrelated to the royal family. Or perhaps Father would marry her anyway, reveling in the title of incest that would no doubt mar the kingdom's image forever.
On the fateful day however, she raced to Cook's shack, stopping before the entrance with wide eyes. Azusa turned in the doorway, an incredibly large cloak in his hands that spilled down to the floor. Horror silenced her tongue as he unfolded it, showing the full length.
It was made from the pelt of a donkey.
The hide had been crudely stitched together like patchwork to make a heavy cloak. No doubt the worst part was the hood, that retained the face and shape of the donkey.
Azusa's eyes warmed as she stepped closer, feeling the material with a cold, numbed hand. It slid rough and coarse between her fingers.
"Do you...like it?" He asked softly.
Her gaze swept to his fingers, which were newly wrapped in tiny bandages. She shoved the disgust down, crushing it under her feet as she smiled.
"It's perfect."
She wasn't lying. Her wish had been granted. No man would ever lay eyes on her again so long as she wore the grotesque cloak.
Cook enveloped her in a hug a moment later. The princess smiled, a shakiness in her heart as the woman drew back to look at her.
"Don't go gettin' soft on me, lass. You'll be fine out there. There's no one who knows the lay of the land better than the princess, right?"
She nodded mutely, emotion constricting her throat. All she needed to do was head East. She'd pass through two towns before reaching the border of Father's kingdom. Once over the other side, she'd be safe.
Grabbing the cloak, she slipped it on, lowering the hood and feeling the muzzle of the donkey weigh heavily over her head, shadowing all expression. The inside felt surprisingly cool, almost like leather but breezier. Thanking Azusa and Cook once more, the princess steadied the pack on her shoulder, adjusting the cloak so that it fell down to her ankles.
Stepping onto the road which would lead her out of the city, she turned back just once. Cook gave a wave, the crows feet deepening into worried lines around her eyes. Azusa gazed after her expressionlessly, touching his bandaged arm.
Her attention shifted past them to the massive castle laying behind. Her home...had it really been her home? Weren't they usually places where you felt safe? That same sensation of disgust mingled with anger boiled in her heart, and her eyes narrowed.
"Eve..." Azusa was suddenly there, in front of her startled face.
"W-what is it?"
He stared at her, unblinking. "I want...to come with you."
"Are you soft in the head, boy? No way does she want you tagging along." Shouted Cook from behind them.
Azusa ignored her, gazing past the black pits of eyes on the donkey-skin hood and directly into hers. "Eve...I have brothers...that I would like to find again. Take me with you. I don't care...where we go, or what you need...I'll do anything."
"I can't ask you to do that, but...you can come. We'll be travelling companions, how does that sound?"
His eyes widened fractionally, before he slowly nodded. Cook shook her head, but returned the wave that the princess sent her.
Turning on her heel, the girl shut the castle from her mind, walking towards the road that would take her East.
Her first thoughts when entering the new city, was that poverty had affected it badly. Unlike in the main city, were the homeless and poor had been driven into slums, this one was crammed full of the needy. Children with gaunt faces stared up at Azusa as he passed, but didn't even seem to notice her presence.
In fact, all eyes turned away from her whenever she drew close. At first they'd hesitate, before hastily pretending she didn't exist.
"Azusa, how does the cloak work?" She murmured curiously as the crowd gave her a wide berth, but narrowed and bumped into his side.
"Mm, they think it's scary. So they look away. Some ugliness...makes others lash out...but ones like the cloak make them afraid. It bypasses...disgust...and flows right into fear."
Noticing he was being bumped into, some knocking roughly into his shoulder, she stepped close to him. Azusa glanced at her with a surprisingly sour expression. "Why did...you make them stop? They would surely have left...wonderful bruises."
Her eyes widened at the comment, but she just tugged on his arm. "C-come on, don't say such things. Lets find a hotel before dark."
They found a humble hotel tucked away from the bustle of the streets that didn't cost too much for the night. Azusa quietly murmured that she didn't need to spend her money, and that they could've found somewhere else, but she insisted. Though he didn't say anything, she noticed the thinness of his frame, and made sure to buy him a meal.
That night, when she lay down in her bed, she noticed that he seemed to hesitate beside his. It couldn't be helped that they'd had to share a room, but when he turned his eyes on her, she tensed. "What's wrong?"
"I'm...not used to sleeping like this."
Her eyes widened. Of course he probably wasn't used to a plush bed. She sat up and furrowed her brow. "We can arrange the covers onto the floor, if you'd prefer."
When he nodded, she smiled gently.
The covers were spread out onto the wooden floor beside her bed. She didn't know how he'd ended up so close, but as he lay cradling his arm, she couldn't tell him to move after seeing him so comfortable.
As she lay back once more, some time passed where she drifted into a place between sleeping and waking. Something very quiet caused her to stir, the sound of hushed words.
"Important... right, Justin?" Azusa was murmuring to himself.
Turning onto her side, she found him sitting up, legs folded beneath him. His back was turned to her, but she could clearly see him unwrapping the bandage on his left arm. He unwound it with careful motions, until it fluttered to the floor beside him.
Her eyes dropped, threatening to fall closed with tiredness, but the faint sound of metal had them flying wide.
There was a thump of bare feet landing on hard floor, before the sound of a brief scuffle.
The former princess knelt, panting over him, gripping the knife still in his hand, poised over his arm. Azusa stared into her eyes. She dimly noticed that his flesh was covered in large scars, one of them, the largest, began at the crook of his elbow, ending close to his wrist.
"Ah...Eve, did you want...to cut me yourself?" A serene smile lit up his face. "I'd like that...I'd love to...make you happy."
He pushed the knife into her hand eagerly, only to latch onto her wrist, bringing the blade further down.
"What- stop! I don't want to hurt you, Azusa!"
With the wrench of her hand, the knife was sent flying, scattering over the floor with a loud clatter. She breathed heavily, snatching her hand back and staring into sorrowful eyes.
"I see...so Eve...does hate me."
"What? No, I don't." She shook her head. "Why would you...do this though? I heard you muttering someone's name."
Thinking he would be angry for prying, she felt surprised when he smiled. "Ah, Justin." He raised his arm, and motioned to the longest scar. His voice became soft, colored with fond memories. "Justin, Christina and Melissa." He touched each scar reverently. "They were...my good friends, once. But it's alright...because I keep them with me...this way. When I reopen them, my friends stay...a little longer. But they keep healing...fading...leaving..."
Her heart lurched and squeezed at his words. For a breathless moment, they sat in silence, watching each other with an unnamed feeling in the air. When he tilted his head, looking at her soft looking flesh, she shivered. He looked considering, gaze shifting to the knife.
"Do you want...a friend too? You're lonely...aren't you, Eve?"
She raised her head, trying not to think of the pain she'd lain in night after night, fearing soft footfalls approaching her door without really knowing what she was afraid of. "No, Azusa, I'm not alone." She smiled brokenly. "I have you here with me."
Haze filled eyes widened, the expression on his face shuttering. Unbidden, something shifted within his being.
Crossing the border of her kingdom had been strangely surreal in how anti-climatic it'd felt. Since they'd been walking almost non stop, traversing her old lands had taken less than a week. News of her disappearance had yet to even reach her ears.
As Azusa dozed on a forgotten street corner, she went to buy food in the new, exciting city. She noticed less impoverished people, and more smiling faces, which only served to brighten but twist her mood. Her kingdom suffered as this one prospered.
Something on the ground caught her eye as she passed it, and the Donkey-skin girl stopped dead.
"Azusa, look at this." She said sometime later, nudging him awake. A soft noise escaped him as he yawned. Noticing he seemed lucid, she handed him the piece of paper.
When he gazed at it non uncomprehendingly, she winced, not realizing he was illiterate. Acting as if she didn't notice to spare his feelings, she carried on. "It's an invitation to this kingdom's Royal Ball. Someone must have dropped it. This is a wonderful opportunity!"
"It is?" He blinked.
"Of course. Who else would know better where your brothers are than the royal register? They'll have a list of every resident living in the kingdom. If you think they're around these parts, then all we have to do is attend, and ask to see it." She felt an old heavy warmth sharpen her next words. "I need to go there to ask the Prince something too."
"They will not...let us in."
"No, but..." her eyes strayed to his hands, the coins in her pocket weighing heavier. "Maybe there's a way."
Azusa tilted his head.
Sometime later, soft fabric was placed into his arms. He couldn't see her expression under the donkey-skin hood, but Azusa leaned forward to try and capture her gaze. "Eve...you need your money for food and lodgings, why did you..."
"Because I know you'll make a beautiful dress from this. If I make a wish to be able to attend the ball, you'll sew it into the seams, making it real. All you have to do is trust me, Azusa. I'll attend the ball, and find the registry, I promise."
Soulful eyes sharpened, fingers tightening in the fabric. He gave a solemn nod, turning to find a little hovel to work in.
Donkey-skin watched him go, following after him after a moment. Sometimes, his scars, pale complexion, and overall fragile look would melt away, unearthing a resolute, quiet strength.
He worked tirelessly for days, barely stopping to eat unless she forced him to. The Ball was to be held in two weeks time, so one dress hardly seemed difficult at first. However, when they learned that the royal gathering was supposed to take place over the course of two days, they faltered. Propriety dictated that no self respecting woman would attend such an event in the same dress. She would be mocked and scorned if she tried.
Therefore, two dresses needed to be sewn.
Azusa worked his fingers to the bone, his hands moving methodically as he threaded a needle and pulled it through lace.
When she noticed dark shadows under his eyes, she felt her fingers dig into her arm. Lingering around the castle entrance in her cloak, she tried her hand at walking past the castle guards, but they caught her shoulder.
Though her cloak made it difficult for people to look at her, it was not infallible.
After her failed attempt, she walked back to Azusa with worried steps, only to find him holding up a dress, standing on shaking legs. "Eve...I made one...for you."
She quickly ran forward, lowering him back to the floor when he weakened. "You didn't eat again." She admonished, frowning at him.
Azusa lowered his gaze, but pushed the dress into her hands. "Do you...like it? I call it 'the daylight dress.' When you look at it...you'll see a blue sky." He smiled weakly.
Donkey-skin busied herself then with fetching food, not stopping until he was sat with a hot meal. While he dug in, she swept her hand over the fabric, gazing at the stunning dress. Clear, cloudless skies flashed in her minds eye.
The question came to her suddenly. "Why do you call me Eve?"
Azusa, blinking languidly at his meal, seemed hesitant. "Eve...when people talk about her, they say...she was cast out of paradise." Melancholy eyes glanced at her. "It doesn't...occur to them that she might have left on her own."
He'd grown desperate.
They'd run low on money, too low to afford proper fabrics for a second dress.
Azusa felt that he knew how to steal. Bear had once told him, back at the orphanage, how to effectively grab and run without being caught. It helped to have larger numbers in a group, to cause a distraction, but he wouldn't involve Eve.
He wondered what his brothers were doing now, and whether he would ever see them again.After being separated running from that hellish place, and then wandering into the gypsy community, he'd longed to meet them once more.
He wasn't certain he'd get the chance to now.
Blood spilled out from the place where his arm used to be.
He'd tried to be quick, but he'd always been slow. Slow to talk, slow to move. His arm had been seized by the merchant he'd tried to steal from.
"Azusa-wh-what? NO!" Eve had cried, catching sight of him from across the courtyard. Her shrieks turned into screams when a sharp blade had swung down on his arm.
She put his good arm around her shoulders, grabbing him around the waist to take the brunt of his weight. They stumbled in a mess of tangled limbs into a back alley. Her heart thundered in her chest, drumming loudly in his ears.
Azusa's broken sobs and cries of pain cut into her like shards of glass. She fought to keep calm, breathing in labored breaths as she muttered false assurances.
"It's okay, it's alright. W-we'll find you a doctor-" there had been a sign for one. She felt certain of it- yes, right around the corne-
She turned, wide eyes searching frantically for a familiar sign, but there was nothing. Another back-alley awaited them.
D-did I take a wrong turn somewhere?
Panic shook her frame as the sound of something wet trailed onto the ground beneath them. She didn't want to look at it, but her eyes swayed down in morbid curiosity. Blood was leaking out of the stump.
Her stomach lurched.
Damp hair slicked with sweat brushed her chin. Hot, shuddering breaths puffed against her skin.
"Azusa?" She murmured, stretched thin. When he didn't respond, she shook him in alarm. "Azusa! Stay with me. W-we just have to keep going a little further." The fear in her heart leaked out into her voice. She urged him on, but his eyes had fallen shut, feet dragging across the floor as she carried him forward.
A maze of walls covered in grime passed by, blurring into one as they struggled on. When she finally lay eyes on the sign she'd been searching for, she didn't hesitate to kick the door open. A woman met her in the entrance, mouth opening to scold her before the sight of them turned her mute.
A doctor was summoned, and from then on Donkey-skin lost track of what happened. The warmth at her side was taken away, but she followed it blindly, lancing her hands in it's pale, quivering fingers. There were shouts, blood, walls of white, someone tugging at her shoulders. When the hand she'd been holding was wrenched from her grip, a scream echoed around the room, but she couldn't tell who it had come from.
The world drifted into grey, then finally, pitch black darkness swallowed her whole.
When she next lay eyes on Azusa, he was unconscious. Bandages were wrapped tightly around his injured form. She noticed that his arm had been severed slightly above where his elbow had used to be. Seeing it wrapped in bandages assured her however, even as a sickly worry and sadness rose up in her chest. She was about to reach out and touch him, when the doctor walked into the room.
After assuaging her fears about infection, and commenting on the mental side effects the trauma would inevitably awaken, the subject of payment came up.
"I don't have much." She murmured, offering the last handful of coins she had.
"I'm afraid that won't be enough to cover the cost."
Alarm flared up inside her. "W-wait! I do have something..."
She begged the doctor to wait, and with a lingering look at the unconscious man, she swept out of the room.
Later, with a steady hand, she handed over the daylight dress. The doctor gave her a strange look. His protest went unsaid however, as he rubbed the fabric between his thumb, finding the material exquisite. As he unfolded it, the image of a beautiful, cloudless sky flashed in his mind.
"My daughter, she will surely love this." He murmured, gazing at the garment with awe.
Donkey-skin nodded tensely. "Will this be enough?"
When the doctor nodded, relief flooded her. She didn't even notice the tears welling up in her eyes. Murmuring a thank you, she sat down heavily in a chair by Azusa's side. Her fingers automatically sought the spaces between his, as she clasped their hands together.
Azusa didn't wake for several days. Keeping vigilance over him, Donkey-skin girl barely ate, so consumed with worry that she barely thought of little else. At times, the Prince's gathering drifted into her mind, but she shook it away. Azusa had stayed by her side, it felt only right to stay by his.
As her mind distracted itself, one very important detail about the man in her charge slipped blissfully away. It was only when he finally cracked his eyes open did it raise it's ugly head, piercing her heart.
"Where...where is Justin?" Were the first words from his lips. He stared down at the empty space where his arm used to be. "Ne... Christina and Melissa are missing too. Eve, Eve...where did they go?"
Donkey-skin stared into his wide, trembling gaze as he turned dazedly around the room. He barely seemed to notice his missing appendage. All he cared about were the scars. Azusa leaned up quickly, swinging his legs over the side of the bed.
"A-azusa! Calm down. You need to rest more." She tried pushing his shoulders back, bidding him to lie down, but he stubbornly tried to stand on quivering legs.
"No, I need them. I need my friends...where are they?" His voice, usually in a monotone, rose higher, panic lacing his words. He stood up, stumbling as his knees threatened to give out. She caught him, trying to sit him back down, but he pushed past her with surprising strength. Sweat broke out on his forehead, breathing becoming labored with every step to the door.
"Azusa! You cant! Please, please just-"
"What's going on in here?" The collected voice of the doctor reached her ears.
A flurry of activity broke out. Pale limbs were ceased as nurses pulled him back. The doctor ushered her from the room, until all she could hear was Azusa's frantic cries from behind the door.
"No, NO! Justin! JUSTIN!"
She pressed fists against her eyes, squeezing them shut as her shoulders dropped, shaking minutely.
"Azusa..."
More days passed by. Somehow, everything felt worse with Azusa awake. He wouldn't eat unless forced to, and he barely spoke, except to ask where his friends were.
Unable to keep watching him deteriorate, Donkey-skin left the doctors once more. This time, she headed straight for the fabric stand in the middle of a bustling courtyard.
The burly man dressed in orange barely noticed when she sidled up to his stand. When she drew back her hood however, and his eyes snapped on hers, she inwardly flinched even as she remained outwardly indifferent. This was the face Azusa had stared into before losing his arm.
With a repulsed, disgusted feeling, she noticed a single arm had been nailed up behind him on a stand. To any other merchant, it was simply a warning to thieves, an example of what would happen. To her, it looked like a sick trophy.
"Sir, I have an interest in that arm. Please, would you consider giving it to me?"
"T-this arm? Are you sick in the head? This here was cut off a thief, it's a reminder not to steal from honest folk."
"Yes, I understand that, Sir." Her lips thinned into a grim line.
The man scratched his cheek, eyes racking up and down her form. "You don't look like you have much to offer, but if you give me something worth my while, I might reconsider giving it to you."
Cold, sharp rage boiled beneath her skin at the look in his eye. She calmly reached inside her cloak and retrieved something, hesitating to hand it over.
But, if it's for Azusa then...
She slowly put the invitation to the royal ball onto the counter.
"A-amazing. They stopped selling invites a week ago." He breathed.
"Give me the arm now, and you can have it." She gritted out.
He grabbed a hammer, pulling the nail free that pinned the arm to the stand. He then wrapped the limb in a brown cloth and handed it to her. She took it numbly, noticing it weighed almost nothing.
Gritting her teeth, she drew her hood back up, turning and disappearing into the crowd without another word.
Someone's elbow suddenly knocked into her roughly, and she yelped, pain flaring in her side. She fell to the ground, the arm tumbling free from her grip.
"Ha? Oi, watch where you're going next time." A gruff voice muttered.
"Wait, Yuma." Another man suddenly knelt before her, his hand frozen mid-air over Azusa's scarred arm. Blue-grey eyes narrowed, staring at it intently. "It...can't be." He muttered dazedly, gaze turning sharp as flint when they fixed on her.
"Eve..." Azusa murmured in a thin voice as he gazed at the arm she offered him. "Thank you." He took it with thin fingers, touching one of the scars gently.
Donkey-skin nodded silently, her eyes widening in horror at his next words.
"I...should find my needles. If I...stitch my friends back on then I can keep them with me."
Cold hands latched onto his only arm, drawing his attention to her. Firm, unwavering words left her lips. "No Azusa."
He didn't seem to understand as his gaze slipped back to the pale arm.
Her voice bordered on desperate. "Azusa. It'll get infected. I didn't bring your friends back to you so that you could watch them slowly rot. I brought them for you to say goodbye."
"No..." He shook his head, misted eyes faraway, unstable. "No. I can't."
"Yes you can. You can find proof of your existence in other things, Azusa." A serious voice reached their ears, the tone steady and self assured.
Azusa's head slowly raised, his eyes widening upon seeing the dark haired man in the doorway.
"I see you haven't changed." The man said, a slight warmth in his eyes.
"Ru..ki..." The broken name left Azusa's lips. "How did...why are-?"
"Oi Azusa, the fuck happened to you?" Another, taller man entered the room, his shirt stained with droplets of blood. Blood she knew to be from the merchant.
"Bear..."
"Actually it's Yuma now. Got a new name when we were taken in."
A blond young man pushed past him to wave energetically. "Me too~ You're looking at Kou now."
Donkey-skin watched them all with a faint smile, feeling the anxiousness in her heart easing little by little. A sparkle of life had entered Azusa's eyes as he gazed at his lost brothers.
"You're all here." He murmured, voice thin.
Yuma huffed. "And where were you, little idiot? We looked for ya for years."
"Y-you...did?"
Something squeezed in his chest at those words, and without realizing, his eyes strayed back to the girl beside him. She just smiled warmly, and Azusa felt his grip on the severed arm loosen.
Once he'd recovered enough, Azusa and Donkey-skin traveled with his brothers to their adoptive father's kingdom.
Donkey-skin knew of Karlheinz. Infamous for his scandalous private life, the only thing that made other rulers fear him was his penchant for randomly conquering other lands with the mere caprice of his mood.
She steeled herself for an audience with him.
They'd buried Azusa's arm in the garden at Karlheinz's castle, under a tree with twisting branches. "You have your brothers now, Azusa. You're not alone." She'd murmured, her hand on his shoulder as he'd stared mournfully at the patch of ground.
"What will...we do now, Eve?" He asked softly, once they were seated on a nearby porch overlooking the gardens.
She thought of what she intended to say to Karlheinz. "My kingdom is in shambles because of my Father's rule. It would be better for everyone if he were overthrown. Karlheinz can do that, if I tell him the right ways to infiltrate the city." It was the same thought she'd planned to share the Prince at the royal ball.
Azusa looked at her. "Will that...bring you happiness?"
"I don't know." She admitted quietly.
She jumped when soft fingers cupped her cheek, turning her face to his.
Depthless emotion stared back at her, so intense it bordered on overwhelming. "Let me...make you happy, Eve. Don't be afraid..."
He bent to capture her lips with a hungry rush. Donkey-skin inhaled sharply, before she felt Azusa's kiss soften. His mouth became a confusing sensation, yielding under hers one moment but then pressing firmly the next. When his tongue slid between her teeth, she tensed, but his hand grabbed hers, raising it to his cheek. Her fingers strayed of their own accord into feather-like hair, the soft wisps brushing her forehead as they pressed close.
She felt his arm wrap around her waist, pulling their bodies taut against each other. When his tongue swept deeper into her mouth, she shuddered all over. Azusa broke away to pant softly, desire darkening his gaze as the fingers at her waist dug in.
The wordless need inside her that sought his comforting strangeness made her muscles shift forward, until she found herself straddling him. The cool surface of the wood under her knees contrasted with the hard, warm body beneath her.
"Ne...can we... become one?" He murmured, his single hand slowly caressing the plains of her back. She gripped his shoulders, breathing out unsteadily when he bent forward to nuzzle her neck, tongue dragging across heated flesh.
The disgust wasn't there. Her heart hammered like a drum, but she didn't feel sickened. Azusa's touches were light, but betrayed a strength beneath them. Something entirely sinful blackened his gaze, completely at odds with his innocent face. And yet, she was not afraid.
"Yes," she murmured, surprising herself with the yearning in her voice.
His hips rolled, rigid length clearly in need of friction as it ground harshly, the heat of it throbbing through multiple layers of clothing. She hissed as it rubbed her sex, and found herself mimicking his movements. His teeth scraped her neck, those soft strands of his hair tickling her chin as he bit down, breaking the skin. A low, embarrassing sound slipped past her mouth. Azusa chuckled as he sucked her flesh, leaving behind a red mark which he touched reverently.
More grinding, moaning, sucking, more shame at how Azusa could make her core clench and ache. Juices slipped down between her thighs.
His hand eased down between them to touch her, rubbing with an almost bruising pressure. It was enough to set off fireworks as she trembled on his lap. Azusa glanced down and then up at her, trying and failing with something. She noticed his frustrated silence, and suddenly understood.
Shifting above him, she reached down, freeing his length with slow movements. Azusa released an unsteady breath, his eyes dark, steeped with sorrow.
She murmured that it was alright, but he leaned forward, cheek brushing hers. "I want...to hold you properly. But I...I..."
Donkey-skin shook her head, grabbing his hand and wrapping his arm around her waist. She leaned up, giving herself enough room to slide her underwear and stockings down, before lowering herself back down. She sank herself slowly onto his aching erection, and he made a noise of surprise. Gritting her teeth at the invasive feeling, her hands tightened on his shoulders.
The foreign sensation sank deeper, until he was buried inside her. They panted, breaths mingling. "You- you can hold me. The arm around me right now is all we'll ever need. I- I don't...I've never felt this good before." She assured him.
Wide, dazed eyes stared into hers, before his face became intent, serious. His hips rammed up, making her cling to his shoulders. Her mouth hung open wordlessly as he began to move, gripping her close with that one arm.
It was messy, heinous and dripping. A palpable mixture of sweet and sin that made her quiver and beg incoherently. Her fingers dug deep rivets into his shoulders.
He groaned, tongue sweeping up her neck to hiss lustily in her ear. "Harder…even…harder…"
Lost in sensation, she didn't know what he meant, but her hips began to move with his, nails sinking deeper, leaving crescent moons. They gasped and clung to each other, heedless of the sounds of their bodies moving.
When she felt something snap within her, she sought his hair, sliding her fingers between the strands. Overwhelmed, she quaked around him, squeezing her eyes shut and trying not to let dark thoughts creep inside her flesh. Azusa groaned and dropped his head to her shoulder, finishing with a quiet, shuddering moan inside her.
They stayed locked together, breathing heavily. "Will you always care for me, Azusa?" She murmured, almost to herself.
"Of course...Eve is...my most precious person."
Her throat constricted, and she squeezed her lashes shut. In the furthermost corners of her mind, she begged his words to be true.
A great, dark plume of smoke rose high, spiraling into the heavens above. The scent of ash and burning flesh infested the air.
Donkey-skin stood before the castle gates. Her old home had been set ablaze during the siege of Karlhienz's armies. With the information she'd given him, he'd made quick work of infiltrating the city and striking at the heart of the kingdom.
She looked at the thing on the ground with glass-like eyes. Her revenge was complete. The dreadful feeling within her should have been purged, but it persisted, festering like a wound.
The hate in Cook's eyes as realization had dawned came back.
"You...this is your fault, isn't it? You brought this on us." Cook had sneered, rage blackening her voice. "And for what? To 'free' us?" She'd spat at the former princess' feet. "Stop kiddin' yourself, lass. You only did this to get back at your old man. And look how many have died for it."
Donkey-skin barely noticed the damage of the city. Her mind was cast adrift somewhere buried but unforgotten.
His hand touched her hair. His hands...big, strong and familiar. The touch was so comforting it made her smile.
"Father."
The scent of his corpse filled her lungs.
"Eve." Azusa's soft voice reached her ears, just as fingers wrapped around her frozen hand.
Her hood was gently pulled back, revealing a raw, tear stained face. Lips chapped and heart shuddering with the effort it took to smile, she looked at him. "Can you...still care for me now, Azusa?" The ugliness inside her heart now had tangible form, mingling within the ashes.
He didn't hesitate, his ardent gaze not glancing once at the bodies strewn around the courtyard. His eyes reflected her, only her. He stroked the inside of her wrist adoringly, as if she were one of his scars. "Even if Eve is cast out of hell...I will always...be by her side."