Silence descended on the car park. Without a word, Mikki marched over to her duel runner and started the engine. She stopped as Crow's hand landed on her wrist. "You're coming back to the garage...and you're gonna explain everything. OK?"
She nodded, shooting looks towards the group. They avoided her gaze, not quite knowing how to react. "You're right." That got their attention. "I am gonna explain everything. It's the least I owe you guys."
"What the HELL was that about?" Mikki didn't say anything. "Well? You promised you'd tell us."
"I know I know I'm just...trying to work out where to start."
"From the beginning?" Jack suggested sarcastically.
"That's the thing, I can't remember the beginning, well not all of it."
"Liar, you do remember, you just don't want to tell us."
"Jack." Trust Yusei to be the voice of reason. "Give her a break." Turning to her , he continued, "what if, we just ask you questions and...go from there?"
At her nod he cleared his throat. "So, let's start with the obvious question...who is Darius?"
"Darius is...Darius." Crow sighed exasperatedly so she explained. "Look, he's nothing to me except the guy that orders me around. He's part of a community that thrives on imprisoning the living. The more people you have, the more powerful you are. And instead of finding everyone themselves, they 'alter' people at birth and then let them grow up to go and do their dirty work for them, to gather the altered people that others have made to add to their lists. And those who lose too many, they just steal a few babies and make a couple more, just like that. But to understand, you've kinda gotta know that...technically...I'm not...human. I'm one of the altered"
"WHAT?" Similar choruses rang out. Crow stayed silent, not completely understanding.
"What do you mean by that?"
"I asked Darius the same thing when he told me, so I'll give you the same answer he gave me. It's a little long winded but it kinda works.
'We are not something just because we act like that thing. We walk among the humans, we interact with them, we play by their rules. But we are not human. For humans possess something that we do not. Emotions. Emotions and the ability to feel. We may act the way we are expected to when exposed to them but we do not have them ourselves. It a miserable, but tolerable, life when the only thing you can feel is physical pain, but through our knowledge of what that pain feels like we can infer how to react in a situation that is instead emotionally painful. It is a sad fact to know that we are lower than animals in this state. Even the stupidest creature can feel and express emotions. We cannot. Not for real anyway. It is as I have said. We act the way we are supposed to act, and pretend to feel something that we cannot feel. We are different to them, we have been for a very long time. We have no emotions, to put it bluntly, and some way or another, you're going to have to get used to that fact.' "
When she stopped talking, she was met by an awkward, unbelieving silence. "I don't get it." The statement came from Jack. "So you can only feel physical pain?"
"Yep, it kinda sucks. A simpler way to describe it is...I don't know...have you ever heard about the theory of the alien who knew no pain?"
"No, what does that have to do with anything?"
"Basically, if an alien came to the planet that had never before felt pain. Say it also couldn't feel pain. We could explain to it everything about pain; how it happens, what it feels like blah blah blah but at the end of the day it wouldn't actually be able to feel it as a raw human feeling, if ya get what I mean That's what it's like for us. We are made into what we are at a really, really young age, usually about one to six hours after being born. And, I don't know how they do it, but they take our emotions from us to make sure that we can never feel them. But, it's a painful process, a process that we can feel, and as we grow, we are taught that this thing, the only thing that brings out any sort of response in us is in fact...pain. What makes it worse is the fact that we are supposed to be able to feel, but it's ripped out of us before we get a chance. Do you have any idea how frustrating that is. We hate our 'makers' because of it, yet we have to stay loyal. The only thing that keeps us going is the promise that as soon as our debts are cleared then, apparently, we get our emotions back. That's why we do what we do. That's why we don't care about imprisoning others. That's why we're so loyal to those bast...idiots who call themselves our 'Creators'."
Silence.
"So..." Crow started. His voice sounded strained. "What we have, what I thought we had...is actually nothing. You don't feel anything around me. It's all just an act." His voice was heavy with accusation and...sadness.
Painful as it was to say it she had promised to tell the truth, "Yes, I act as if I've got a clue about what it really means when you hold my hand or call me pretty but...in the end, all I can actually feel is the physical stuff. The contact. My body just can't and won't comprehend emotion of any sort. Though, saying that, some believe that because we act like we can feel stuff, over time, we actually start to believe our own act." She stared guiltily at the floor, "and the sad part is, I don't even feel guilty right now, this is just how I expect you to want me to act in this situation." She slumped in her seat, giving up. Crow turned his head away from her.
"Well obviously you don't feel guilt." Jack's voice demanded answers. "No one who could feel guilt in any way could cut open somebody's throat or wrists while their friends were watching. What was with that anyway?"
"Again, I don't know how it works but it's the way that new people are brought into a new House. The collars work by reading an essence that they push into our bloodstreams. It's stronger than our individual essence and stands out, making it easy to read. When the collars were invented, each leader created an profile that the collars would recognise. It's based off the idea that each essence is different, so in theory, when an altered person is transferred from one House to another, the collar can tell who the new master is, and work out the debt for the new member. When the collars go back around the necks, they read the essence left behind in case of change. What happened back there is the most reliable way of making sure that the collar picks up the new essence. Their necks are cut first to allow the old essence to drain out."
"That's seriously messed up."
"Don't I know it." Sighing, Mikki sullenly continued the story behind Darius. "I was born around the time of the whole...Ener-D thing I think it's called?"
"Zero Reverse" Yusei corrected her gently.
"Yeah, now from what I remember I was pretty damn close to the blast and where I should have...died, I...didn't. Because of Darius."
Akiza butted in as Mikki stopped to think, "you keep referring to a 'debt' you've all gotta clear. What's that all about?"
"Basically, when they alter you for the first time you're apparently 'reborn'. And of course, being reborn isn't cheap, so they force you to pay them back for bringing you back to life even though they're the ones that effectively killed ya off in the first place. Each 'rebirth' costs 1,000 altered people. And, every single time you die, if your debt isn't cleared they bring ya back and add on another thousand, all bought in by duelling. I'm tellin' ya, it's a trap from which I have never seen anyone escape from. I've...died about six times. And each time, your appearance take a hit too. I mean, it's changed as soon as you're altered but the more you die, the further away your identity gets. The further away your look gets from what it should be. Over time, I've worked my way through just more than half of my debt. And as for the Son of/Daughter of, that's just our way of stating who our master is."
"Master?" That got Akiza's attention. "So he like, owns you?"
"Yeah, sucks doesn't it?"
"And the collars, they make you loyal to whoever your 'master' is?"
"No...they're just there for the duelling. The deal is that if your opponent beats you then you go to their House. I've...always been in the House of Darius."
"So you've never lost." Jack didn't sound convinced.
"Ummm, Mikki?" Luna's tentative voice made Mikki look towards her. "Umm, I'm not sure if I was just seeing things back there but...every time you touched a card there was like this little...spark. Is that real? Something to do with your gloves?"
"Yeah, that's kinda why we wear them. The most sensitive parts of our bodies, excluding the obvious, are our fingertips, and we create living connections with everything our fingertips touch. When we due, we take our gloves off so we can feel...connected to our decks. It's a real heart of the cards thing. Only thing is, once they're connected then, we experience their pain as our own, so if they get destroyed then, it hurts. Also, because the cards are made kinda real by it, you take damage from something and...yeah the damage is real."
"So, every time you duel, you get hurt?"
"Yeah."
"Can't you just refuse to duel?" Crow sounded annoyed to say the least.
"No one does."
"Why not?"
"Leave it alone Crow."
"Why?"
"Leave it."
"I just wanna know why."
"Because if you refuse then bad things happen to-" She cut off, painfully aware that she'd revealed too much. Crow gave her a look and walked several slow steps towards her.
"He gave you the scar didn't he?" His voice had gone to new degree of cold, edged with protectiveness.
"I don't wanna talk about it."
"He did, didn't he? I'm gonna kill him. I am actually gonna kill him. He is gonna wish that..."
"That he didn't have to kill you? I mean, he'll like your ferocity and the fact that you're feisty but at the end of the day, you're an obligation, a loose end. And Darius likes his ends tied up." Crow opened his mouth to speak, but then closed it again. "Sorry, I just, I've never told anyone about this before. I should go, don't really wanna give anyone nightmares."
"Before you go." Bruno spoke for the first time since they'd got back. "If you're not human then what are you? A zombie? I know you said altered but is that what we call you?"
"Something like that. And as for the zombie, kind just with less of the whole 'brains' thing. Really we don't really have a permanent name. I just call myself either an Altered or a Shell 'cause that's what I am. I gotta go now."
"You gonna be around tomorrow?"Yusei asked, "I could use a hand, given that sign up's tomorrow and I need to do final checks."
"You sure you still want me here?"
"Sure, so...see ya tomorrow."
"Umm ok. Bye." She started pushing her duel runner out of the garage.
"Wait up, I need to talk to you." Crow joined her, and they walked out in silence. Checking that no one was listening, Crow turned to her. "So, what are we gonna do now?"
"It's really up to you. You know I can't feel emotions so if you wanna be in a relationship that's deep and emotional then...I'd completely understand if you wanted me to leave." Her voice was sure. But he thought he saw something else within her eyes, he could see how much she wanted him, or wants you to think she does, his mind whispered. He ignored it, taking a risk.
"You say you create a living connection with anything your fingertips touch?" He needed clarification first.
"Yeah, why?"
"Take your gloves off."
"What?" She looked startled.
"I wanna be connected to you in any way that I can be. I don't wanna lose you Mikki. And if you make a connection with me, you'll feel what I'm feeling. you'll know what it feels like. So, take them off? Please?"
Although slightly stunned, she did as he asked, putting her helmet on the seat of the runner and pulling the gloves off, tucking them into her pocket. She slowly held out her hands to him. Hesitantly, he took them in his, entwining his fingers with hers. The rush was electric at first, as everything within her rushed eagerly to meet him. Eventually, it calmed into a warm glow that both comforted and amazed him. He looked at her, taking in everything for what felt like the first time, the way the purple in her left eye perfectly went with the blue. The way her hair shone in the light of the street lamps. The way that the scar added character to her face. He was glad that it was there, otherwise he didn't think he'd be able to look at her face. It was just too perfect, for him anyway. Her breathing. Her scent. Her pulse. Everything overwhelmed him. He never wanted to let go. She breathed hard and leaned in towards him. "I know everything that you're feeling, hell, it's amazing." She tightened her grip on his hands.
"I know." He gasped, "I never want to lose you Mikki. Not now, not ever." With that, he reluctantly lifted one of his hands away from hers. He didn't want to, but he needed a hand free for what he was planning next. Gently, he pulled her face to his and kissed her, long and deep, sliding his hand from her face to her hair, entangling it in her loose waves, his other one still holding hers. Going on instinct, she cupped his face with her own free hand. They stayed that way for what could have been moments or hours. When they eventually parted, Crow held onto her hand, unwilling to let go. Smiling softly, she slowly pulled her hand from his, allowing her fingertips to catch on his just before the connection severed.
"I'll be back tomorrow. I promise."
"OK."
"Crow?" He looked up at her, "Thank you. For everything."
He couldn't do anything else but watch as she put the gloves on, climbed onto the runner and drove away.