Chapter7

Disclaimer: Thank you for the reviews, alerts, both signed and anonymous. I treasure them all Don't know how this chapter came out. I tried my best. Hope you like it. Love to hear your comments. Mentions of abuse and language. Thanks as always!

Do not own NCIS

Gibbs let go of Abby's clinging arms and grabbed hold of her gently.

"Go wait outside…" She began to protest, but Gibbs continued vehemently shaking his head. "Listen to me. Go wait outside…better yet, get Ducky in here. Go now!"

His quiet and confirmed whisper urged her on allowing her one last look at her friend withering on the floor as she went to find Ducky.

Gibbs turned his attention back to Tony and swore quietly under his breath. With a resigned sigh and for once in a long time a trepid heart, he inched closer to his agent with an outstretched hand.

"Tony, it's OK."

Tony's wild eyes shot up in Gibbs direction. His brown hair laid slicked back with perspiration. His ragged breathing, along with the hollow blank stare almost left Gibbs wondering if this was really Tony at all anymore.

"Stay away from me you son of a bitch!"

He threw profanities in his boss's direction along with a steady shove enough to knock Gibbs to the floor. Gibbs could felt the anger boiling below the surface, but suppressed it enough as to not aim it unintentionally to the man seething next to him.

Not DiNozzo's fault….he repeated the mantra. Something else is wrong….

"Hey, DiNozzo!"

Tony stopped moving at Gibbs rough bark echoing throughout the lab. He turned to the man before him and took him in as if seeing him for the first time.

"Boss?"

God, he sounded like a little kid, Gibbs thought. For a moment he had the urge to wrap him in his arms and protect him, but both of them knew it wasn't the way either of them was. Instead he choose to inch himself close enough to sit by his friend's side.

"Yeah… yeah it's me."

Tony tried to smile as he swept the back of his hand over his brow. With a heavy breath he shut his eyes so tightly Gibbs feared he would never open them again.

"What's going on, Tony? "

Tony opened his eyes and turned to his mentor. "I don't know."

The earnestly in which the words were spoken caused Gibbs to wince inwardly. He tried again when he noticed his field agent's intent stare in the corner of the lab. .

"What do you see?"

Tony licked his dry lips, reaching out to take a swig of his water bottle and pointed a single finger.

"Her."

Gibbs looked to the corner of course seeing nothing but deciding to play along.

"What does she want?"

Tony swallowed and turned to Gibbs remorse written on his face.

"I am so sorry…so, so sorry…I never should have….should have said….. …I mean it's not so bad what happened…. Maybe I got mixed up….I just thought…I don't know…"

Gibbs tried to keep up with the rambling and mea culpa but after a few moments was losing what Tony was trying to say but decided to go on his gut on what the gist was.

"It's not your fault. Anything that happened…."

Tony held up a hand and began to hit himself on the side of the head as if to inflict pain upon the demons raging in his head. "Hear me out, OK? I messed up. I thought things were inappropriate but I'm sure it wasn't meant that way…"

Gibbs reached out and held Tony by the wrist trying to stop the internal conflict the only way he knew how.

"Listen to me….I don't know all the details…"

Tony wrapped his remaining hand around his head.

"I won't do it anymore. I can take care of myself. I …I don't need her to hold a jar for me to piss in….doctors my ass….Stupid son of a bitch followed me around, touching me…I can still remember his breathing you know? Always the breathing…. She couldn't save me from a stranger…set me up to be a victim….always a victim….."

Gibbs sat motionless and listened to the ramblings. Tony was making little sense but Gibbs was smart enough to place the puzzle pieces together. He was trying to hold himself together as well.

"The first girl I fucked right? I was 15….the bitch lied to me. Told me she loved me…God I was so desperate…I did things with her…..She was almost 20." His eyes shot a look to Gibbs and began to plead. " IF she were alive , she would have said I was tainted. Not tainted....jsut messed up....I am not a whore; tell me please…I'm not right? I just …I just wanted someone…."

Gibbs looked into Tony's eyes which suddenly couldn't look into his anymore. Tony? Gibbs thought Tony prided himself on female conquests, but usually when he was the one in control…the one who called the shots. Intimacy could never be for him because he couldn't trust anyone long enough. He trusted once before and never again.

"No, you're not." Tony didn't look too sure, but his reassurance was interrupted by something else he heard.

Stop telling lies about your mother, Anthony. She would never hurt you. You love telling lies don't you? The sympathy act was always your strong suit.

"Stop it."

Gibbs watched his agent try to make himself as small as possible.

"What is it? "Better yet, he thought, who is it.

"Shut up, Father!"

Gibbs had his questioned answered as he witnessed a fit of rage as Tony threw several chemicals in the direction of the phantom he saw.

Worthless bastard! We're done. You're done. You're going to Rhode Island, far away form me. You'll amount to nothing, a common gutter rat.

Tony's breathing quickened and Gibbs knew he was losing him fast.

He decided to take a stab at what Tony was hearing.

"Tell him, you're not worthless. Tell him."

Gibbs allowed a commanding tone to escape his lips needing it to work.

Tony's eyes softened as he fought back tears.

"I deserve it. Everything…mom, that man… …Melanie….all of it. My father was right. He's always right."

Gibbs instincts told him to slap DiNozzo across the back of the head for the wake up call he desperately needed, but something stopped him. Tony believed every word he was saying.

"You were a kid. You didn't deserve any of it." He paused hoping his words would sink in. "You still don't."

Tony was at his breaking point. Hearing Gibbs speak to him like that and trying to block out the shouts from his father was too much to take.

He was shaking uncontrollably. Gibbs reached for his water bottle and offered it to the young man who took it gratefully.

When Tony was done Gibbs knew what he had to do. He held the younger man's shoulders and squeezed them ever so gently.

"Listen to me. I knew a man once…in a situation similar to yours. We were trapped in a fox hole in the Gulf." He paused trying not to let the memories of his own past overwhelm him too much. "He was shot badly, might not make it. He had been like that for hours till he became feverish and delusional Started screaming about what a bastard his father was…used to hit him ". Gibbs broke from his reverie only to see Tony's face intently hanging on his every word with a tears streaming down his face.

Gibbs froze. He had never seen Tony in such despair and he forgot what he wanted to say until he felt a warm hand touch his as it rested on the young man's shoulder.

"What did you do?"

Gibbs blue eyes grew light at the memory of the words he empowered the soldier to say while trapped …trapped like an animal waiting to die. He would not be alone and neither was Tony.

"I told him to say that his father was a son of a bitch."

Tony almost laughed at that information until he realized that Gibbs was quite serious. He shook his head in denial and tried to pull away as he saw in his mind's eye his father getting closer to him.

"I can't, please, don't make me, Gibbs…"

Gibbs tightened his grip moving it from Tony's shoulders to cup his face in his calloused hands.

"Trust me."

Tony's green eyes were clear as he ignored his father' s hands on his body pulling him away from his only link to sanity at the time.

"Leave me alone you sons of bitches!"

The scream tore from his throat and resounded along the halls. He nearly collapsed form the effort of saying what he had felt for so many years and now accepted as truth.

His forehead rested against Gibbs chest as Gibbs kept one hand on his back rubbing it gently.

"What did you do after he said it?"

The words floated in the air hanging, dancing, begging to be answered. Gibbs bit his lower lip grateful that Tony still had his forehead pressed into his chest as the memories of that day and the situation at hand became too much for him to bear.

"I held him like I'm holding you and said," he hesitated as he felt his cheeks grow wet and breathed a broken ,

"Atta boy."

Was it Ok? Next up can Ducky help Tony? Reviews greatly appreciated. Thanks!