"That's what the papers said anyway."

It was like a weight had been lifted of Kai's chest, he fiddled with his fingers eyeing her expectantly, waiting for what seemed like a century for a reaction. Any reaction, despite the lightness he felt he still remained unsure. What did it mean for their relationship, had it lost her trying to not to? As the thoughts rushed in his head Jinora remained still, her eyes locked on his hands like he held something dear to hear in it.

"And what do you say..." Kai couldn't read her. She was a bundle of a range of emotions as she looked at him, half-shocked, half empathetic.

He eyes started to water as she kept her distance. He could see her breathing was a lot faster. She was scared. That was all he could deduce and it left a bitter taste in his mouth. She was scarred of him. Why shouldn't she be, of course she was?

"I can't remember Jinora, not even a little bit, I don't know if that's my guilt behind it or just a scared little boy who would rather not remember that he was responsible for his mother's death, "he closed his eyes, taking a deep breath as he did so. Whenever he opened them she was there staring at him, her eyes were still glassed over with tears, her breathing still rapid.

For Jinora, It had been a while since she had heard her name spoken by Kai in such a frightened tone, it surprised her. It was like her whole body was on fire, like she wanted to throw up, like her perfect world has just been ripped from her. She hated it, she hated doubting him, for her having a reason to doubt him.

They're eyes remained locked, and she was the first to blink, a stray tear finally escaping her eyes as she did so. Kai immediately straightened up so that he could attempt to wipe it away but she got to her own face before he could even lift his hand. It was instinct for him, to care for her, to lover her.

It was because he loved her that he wanted what was best for her even if it wasn't him. "Jinora look if you want us to bre-"he tried to continue in between the lengthy pause, before she cut him off with another question.

"How young were you?" She kept her tone stringent. Her eyes betraying the worry she felt for him.

He knew what he wanted to say and she wasn't having it, she held on to his hands, her hands warm compared to his cold ones. She wanted her boyfriend back, for things to go back to the way they were.

She wanted them to finish university together to start their adult life together. She needed to make sure he knew that even if she couldn't trust herself to speak. She had doubted Kai to long, she needed to hear everything and to hear it from him... she owed him that much.

"When she died? I was six." Kai almost whispered his response as she tenderly rubbed her thumb on his cold hands.

"So that time you said you'd been an orphan your whole life?"

"Partly true, I was put in an orphanage since I was a baby. My mother … as much as I could remember. She didn't have the money to look after me. She would come to visit me from time to time, but that's all I can remember"

"Does Korra know, Bolin, Mako?"He shook his head in response, taking his hands from her grasp to run it through his hair.

He was reliving one of the darkest moments of his life, he tried his best to not think to back to it. To have all the emotions that accompanied the memories to flood back with it.

"They wouldn't. I came from a small town. Her death was in the local newspapers but she was poor. When I was on the street, one of the guys, paid off the local newspaper to stop running it. That was that, the pretty poor women with the green eyes murdered by her own son, but they had no idea who that son was, I was in debt to him." Kai became uncomfortable, he placed his head in his hands trying to steady himself.

Jinora closed her eyes, her chest slowly rising as he continued, "He blackmailed me Jinora, and he thought I was just like them, that I was young and impressionable." Tears decorated hey eyes again, this time she made no effort to wipe the tears she blinked away.

"He was one of the first people I stole from, when he caught me and found out who I was I thought I was done for. But he helped me in return I had to help him." Kai couldn't even attempt to hide his fear, his voiced wavered as Jinora looked at him sympathetically, his fingers running though his hair.

A look of fear constantly etched on his face as he continued to speak. Jinora felt a knot form in her throat and Kai felt as if a dagger had been held to his neck, that if he didn't speak now it would be the last words he would ever say again.

"They were bad news Jinora, really bad news, even in my foster home, away from the people of the orphanage, even with the authorities off my back I couldn't stay there. So I stole from them. I took their money and fled to republic city"

"That's the real reason why you ran away?" Jinora spoke softly, holding on to his hands once again to stop him from almost ripping his hair out.

"I was seven then and scared. That's all I remember. I was given a way out so I took it. When they came looking for me I was gone. The last I heard was that she was buried back in my home town. I can't even remember her face, what she smelt like, what she sounded like." Kai's voice was softer now as he thought of her.

"All I remember is that promise. That she'd get me out of there as soon as she got the money and her eyes, her green eyes." He spoke slower now, his tone contemplative but still hoarse.

He had a lot to say and she had many questions to ask. Their exchange was almost routine like back and forth, but she could see that it almost pained him to speak. His words were so heavy his face expressive and guilt filled.

"And then?" she prompted, not letting go off his hands, tilting her head to the side so that she could see his face.

"Nothing. I just remember me running. The hushed whispers, the day she died. The faces of the men that I owe back in my home town."

"Was Skoochy at the orphanage as well?"

"No, Skoochy is from republic city, he was in my first foster home the day the authorities here found me on the streets. They're harder to run from other here "He half- joked. A small smile exchanging between the two of them before he unwillingly forced himself to continue.

"My foster family from my old town… they came looking for me. All they thought was that I was a troubled kid, they wanted to take me back, they didn't care about the money all they wanted was to do right by me they said. To love me. No one got why I wouldn't leave, why I got violent when they tried to make me leave. But I couldn't go back. I told them in ways that they didn't deserve. But I just couldn't go back Jinora. I couldn't go back there " Kai kept shaking his head, he lost control of himself for a moment, forget where he was until Jinora used her hand to steady his shaking leg.

"Kai- , why did Skoochy think you killed her?" She asked almost cautiously, bringing him to her side instead of in front of her.

She slowly rested her head on his shoulder as he took a deep breath and finally spoke as he starred at their conjoined hands.

"I was different back then, he didn't see this side of me. The one you know. We were friends and I trusted him but I was more selfish, didn't have his back as much as I should have, and I was a lot more angry back then. More confused before Korra and even Moko could get to me." He paused, looking up at her, afraid to go one but knowing that he had to.

"I lashed out... sometimes when I'm upset I let anger get the best of me and he saw the brute of it. He didn't understand why I would leave a perfectly good home, steal from them and not go back even when they forgave me for it. He couldn't understand why I would steal even when I didn't have to. Hell, I didn't know why I stole when I didn't have to. I wanted to find out what happened to her once, to prove to myself that it wasn't me I guess. That I didn't hurt her, that I couldn't hurt her" He dropped his gaze back to floor, his hand shaking beneath hers. He looked almost lost before Jinora placed her hand on his face nodding for him to continue.

"He found a printed newspaper article that I had of her murder. Put two and two together that I was the son, the paper was referring to. We had the same green eyes like what was written in the paper. When Skoocy found out, I was embarrassed … I even threatened him if he ever told anyone. That he would end up like her ... It was stupid, I wanted people to fear me back then. If people fear you they can't get to you... they wouldn't force me to go back there. I was never able to tell him that I didn't, that I couldn't remember. When he brought it up again, I guess I just snapped".

"And you've kept it a secret this long?" Jinora sat back, an unintended distance created between them as everything fell on her all at once, a glimpse into Kai's past made her see him. All of him, even the parts he tried to keep hidden and she didn't know what to make of it all.

"Only you and Skoochy know, only you know the true story, the whole story. It was easier to try and forget. To not tell anyone , to not think back to that time to not have to go through what really happened in case I remembered and I – "

"Really killed her?" she replied, her response an after fought to her own contemplation. But it came out nonetheless and they both heard what she was thinking. What they both were thinking.

They looked at each other, Jinora unsure, Kai shocked at the question before accepting it and all he could do in response was nod. Jinora's hands flew to cover her mouth in response as she shut her eyes to try and take it all in. Kai just sat there, titling his head back trying to stop his own tears, before returning his head to his hands. Underneath it all, underneath this lie remained the same broken boy.

In that second, as the sound of the door knock echoed between the spaces that lay open between the two. Sound was brought to the silence.

A/N: So it's been a while! I try and update as much as I can so thank you to everyone who is still with me and still reading it means a lot ;) Feel free to write any comments, I'm always trying to improve my writing.