Since Savannah's funeral, Ariene has not seen or heard from Derek and if Hank has a doctor's appointment he is always gone before she hears about it. She has not been able to get her mind off of Derek and it's like a nagging feeling in her chest, so today on her day off she decided to go for a run in the park to get her mind off of it. She is only wearing a Calvin Klein sports bra and black joggers with white sneakers, her hand in a ponytail with her earphones in her ears as she listens to her music.
She runs down some stone stairs and coming onto a rocky path leading to a gazebo, sitting down on the steps she drops her head down as she waits for her breathing to become normal again. Wiping the sweat off her brow, she stands up only to come face to face with Derek after almost four months.
"Hey" he says scratching the back of his neck.
"Hey Morgan" she replies curtly before reaching her left out and stretching her calf, once she is done she stands up and starts jogging in place slightly.
"Hey Ariene. About that kiss" he says, she shakes her hand up and puts her hand out to stop him.
"Don't bother Morgan. It was a mistake just like trying to rebuild some type of relationship between us again" she says and walking around him not giving him a glance back.
Derek turns around looking at her retreating backside as she crosses the street, he turns back at the stroller where Hank is sitting in his car seat. At nearly six months old, he has dark curly hair like Derek had but light, pure eyes that are clearly from Savannah. He looks at his hand resting on the bar, his good wedding band shining brightly from the sun. The team informed him that he can not contact Hotch but he is the only person who actually lost the love of their life to death and move on to find someone else, pulling out his phone he walks over to a nearby tree so Hank is out of the shade. On the second ring, he hears the phone connect.
"Hey man. Can you meet me at Oak Park" Morgan asks?
"Yeah. Is every alright" the person replies?
"I just really need to talk to you" Morgan replies before they hang up the phone.
-X-
Morgan is trying to shush a fussing Hank, but his little man won't stop the water works. He looks up to see Spencer walking towards him, he stands up off the bench and as soon as Hank sees Spencer he quiets down and smiles brightly at his 'big brother'.
"Hey Hank. What's wrong" Spencer coos gently taking Hank into his arms.
"I don't know man. He just wouldn't stop crying and then you got here and he's all smiles" Morgan says running his hands over his head.
"I'm sure it's nothing. But what's going on" Spencer asks sitting down on the bench?
"Remember Ariene. The woman I sat with at Savannah's funeral and the club" Morgan says sitting beside Spencer.
"Yeah what about her" Reid asks?
"I lied when I told you guys she's just an old friend. Ariene and I were dating when I was working in Chicago, we were engaged. The wedding ten months away, I came home one day from work and all her clothes and any traces of her were gone. Only a damn note that said I'm sorry" Morgan says.
"I didn't know you were engaged before Savannah" Reid says.
"Because I completely changed after that. I became a womanizer and didn't care about women that I hurt" Morgan says.
"So what's wrong" Spencer asks?
"She came back into my life after I got kidnapped and taken to the cabin. I don't know it was like after seeing her feelings of anger, resentment came up and then so did love" Morgan says.
"You didn't cheat on Savannah did you" Reid asks?
"God no! Savannah was the perfect woman, she understood my job. Loved me, gave me my little man. I just can't shake this feeling, I still married Savannah when I was still in love with Ariene. Maybe if I told her the truth then she would still be alive but I wouldn't have Hank" Morgan says.
"You're feeling guilty because you think loving Ariene killed Savannah" Reid states and Morgan drops his head as tears fill his eyes, Hank now asleep in his arms. He gently lies him in his car seat before placing a hand on Morgan's shoulder.
"Morgan you didn't kill Savannah. That man did. You can't help who you love. Derek everything happens for a reason. You have to believe that. You can't let the guilt and pain consume you like I did with Maeve. It's ok to love someone else" Reid says.
"I got my own wife killed. How is it possibly ok to still love the woman who ruined me" Morgan says as his voice breaks, Spencer knows that talking isn't helping Morgan so he just squeezes his shoulder gently to say that he is right here with him.
After a few seconds of silence, Morgan says something that completely catches Reid off guard.
"I'm sorry what did you say" Reid asks even though he heard him clearly.
"I said I kissed Ariene a few weeks before Savannah's funeral and then ignored her like it never happened" Morgan says.
"Maybe you should go and tell her how you feel" Spencer suggests?
"I can't. I just saw her and she completely hates me right now" Morgan says.
-X-
Ariene is at home lounging around in some pajama shorts and a black tank top as Nathan Sykes Famous plays throughout her radio, sitting on her couch with a cup of red wine in her hand. She doesn't understand why her heart still hurts, it has been almost ten years since she left Derek. Exhaling she raises her second glass of wine to her lips as the words flow from the speakers straight into her heart, there is a knock at her door and it is nearly twelve in the morning. Setting her glass down she walks up the step that leads to the door, stepping on her tiptoes she looks through the peephole to see Derek standing at her door in his normal dark clothing with a leather jacket.
Opening her door she leans her shoulder against it looking at him with an eyebrow raised.
"What's up" she asks?
"We need to talk" Derek says.
"I think we said enough" she replies, Derek steps up to his full size so he towers over her.
"Come on Ari just five minutes" he says, she exhales before stepping aside and letting him in the house. He steps around her as she closes the door before making him way in the living room and sitting down on the couch, walking past him she goes to her surround system and pauses the song before leaning against the fireplace and crossing her arms.
"Well you wanted to talk" she says.
"Why" he asks and she tilts her head?
"Why, what" she asks?
"Why did you leave for ten years and then all of sudden come back and shake me entire world up. My life was fine before you came back, I was happy and in love" he says.
"I didn't come back to ruin your life Derek" she says.
"No you ruined my life ten years ago when you left, with that damn note" he snarls at her and she shifts her eyes away from his gaze.
"No! No. You don't get to run away from this topic and discussion anymore! Tell me why you left. Were you unhappy" he asks?
"No" she says shaking her head.
"Were you cheating on me" he asks with a deep bass in his voice?
"No. I would never do that" she asks placing her hand on her chest as tears fill her eyes.
"Then why? What could I have possibly done that was so bad, so horrible that you left without a goodbye or an explanation. I demand you tell me" Derek yells at her slamming his fist on the table, Ariene shakes her head and goes to walk out of the living room.
"You should leave" she says when her elbow is grabbed firmly and she is pulled back until she is standing in front of Derek. His jaw tight and his eyes dark and full of anger and hatred, all aimed at her.
"I was pregnant Derek" she shouts at him, Derek eyes flood with confusion before he loosens his grip on her arm and steps away.
"What did you just say" he asks?
"You were undercover and I found out that I was three months pregnant. The day before you were supposed to come back I got into a car accident, it was serious but I lost the baby. I lost our baby" she says softly.
"You held this secret from me for ten years. I spent ten years hating myself because I thought I made you leave me, using women to feel masculine and to fix me. Relationship after relationship trying to find some fulfillment, when all this time it wasn't me" Derek says as his voice shakes with tears.
"Derek please. I just didn't want you to blame me or hate me, so I ran because I was scared" she says as tears fill her eyes and stroll down her cheeks.
"It was my baby to Ariene. It was my baby too! And you hid this from me" he says shaking his head before walking around her towards the door; Arlene doesn't want him to leave when he is upset and grabs his wrist stopping him.
"Derek please. Don't walk from me, from this. Just let's talk about this. Let me explain" she begs.
"Ariene let go of me" he growls through clenched teeth, she flinches and releases his jacket.
"Derek please don't leave me" she whimpers, he places his hand on the doorknob and opens it walking out and slamming it shut behind him. Ariene drops to her knees and breaks down crying, the pain in her heart leaving her weak and paralyzed.
-X-
Derek knocks on the door rapidly until his knuckles is bruised and red, hearing footsteps he waits until the apartment door opens and he is met with the blonde hair and brown eyes of his best friend.
"Derek you better have a good reason for waking me up-Garcia starts but stops when she sees his eyes are red and puffy.
"Penelope" he starts before she wraps him into her arms hugging him as he cries into her shoulder and holding her tight against him.
Sunlight comes creeping in
Illuminates our skin
We watched the day go by
Stories of what we did
It made me think of you
It made me think of you
Ariene pulls herself to her feet after nearly five minutes of sitting on the ground, exhaling as she tries to even out her breathing. She makes her way upstairs and into the bathroom as she slowly cuts on the shower and slips out of her clothes, stepping in the water she curls up with her knees up to her chest and her arms around them. The hot water stinging her skin but she barely feels it as her entire body feels cold and numb.
Under a trillion stars
We danced on top of cars
Took pictures of the stage
So far from where we are
They made me think of you
They made me think of you
Derek is lying on Penelope's couch with his head on her lap and a cup of scotch in front of him on the table. Her hand gently stroking his neck and squeezing his shoulder.
"Sweetness, do you want to talk about it" she asks after minutes of silence.
"She was pregnant Penelope" he whispers.
"What" Garcia asks?
"She was pregnant and lost the baby and then she left me. She never told me until tonight" he says and grabs the glass of scotch and takes a long chug from it.
"Derek. You have the complete right to be angry and hurt, what she did was wrong. But also it may have affected her differently and she felt like a failure" Garcia says.
"So you're taking her side" he asks moving to sit up but she places her hand on his chest and pushes him back down.
"No I am not taking anyone's side. What she did was wrong Derek. Alright it was wrong and the situation was handled badly but, for a woman losing a baby is never an easy thing especially through the miscarriage process. It's physical, mental and social pain; it's a pain that is worse than death" Garcia says.
"Baby girl you sound like you have gone through this" he asks tilting his head to look at her.
"I did when I was seventeen. I lost my child at eight weeks" she says.
"I'm sorry baby girl" he says taking his hand and presses a kiss to it.
"Baby boy you will get through this" she says.
"I am still mourning Savannah and now I'm mourning a child that I didn't even know about and even though I just found out. I already fell in love with him or her" Derek says before breaking down harder and Garcia tightens her grip on him.
Oh lights go down
In the moment, we're lost and found
I just wanna be by your side
If these wings could fly
For the rest of our lives
A/N
The lyrics are from Wings by Birdy. It's a wonderful song.