So sorry for the delay, everyone. I'd had this written but I wanted to review it before submitting it. Then I was on vacation. I was actually in New York last week to see Mr. Bristow's alter ego at "54 Below". Also had the privledge of meeting his lovely daughter as well. ;) It was amazing.

Once again, I own nothing other than myself.

Chapter 7: My Worst Fear

By the end of the week, my hearing had been scheduled for the end of April. It was already the middle of the month and I had been out of work for nearly 4 weeks. I was at least still getting paid which helped since the bills certainly didn't stop. I occupied myself by reading and doing research. I was able to (secretly) obtain some copies of the manuscript pages so at least I felt like I was in the loop even if I wasn't in the office. Occasionally, members of the analysis team would call and either ask questions or give me some information. I felt like we were making progress and if I could just get back to work, soon, it would make me feel so much better.

Meanwhile, my worst fear was slowly being realized. Jack was beginning to withdraw from me. He was spending more and more time at the office and when he was at home, he would lock himself in his study. At first, I didn't think anything of it. He would do work at home on occasion but not for long. He always made a point to maybe spend a half hour or so in there a night or a few nights a week but he would spend most of the evenings relaxing with me. Sometimes I would go in there and bring him a snack or something to drink if he was working long and no matter what he was doing, he would always stop and spend time with me, even for a few minutes. I would tell him that I didn't mean to distract him and he would smile, pull me onto his lap and say, "I like this distraction."

Then one night, everything just changed.

It was a Wednesday night after dinner and Jack had gone into his office to do some paperwork. I cleaned up the kitchen and did some things around the house. After an hour, I decided to cut up some cheese and crackers I knew Jack liked and pour him a glass of wine. I went to see if he wanted to come out and join me for a snack. He was so absorbed in whatever he was reading that he didn't hear me come in. I walked up behind the chair and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Jaack," I cooed, "Do you want to take a break and join me for a snack?" I nuzzled his neck.

"Geezus, Brooke. You scared the crap out of me." He jumped. "I can't right now, I need to read this report tonight." He unlocked my hands and let them fall to the ground. I was stunned.

I leaned on the desk, facing him. I looked at my watch, "It's only 8:30, you can't a break for five minutes? I have cheese and crackers."

"I can't tonight, I'm sorry." He barely even looked at me. When he finally did, his face lacked the warmth I'd been so used to over the past year and a half.

Swallowing hard, I folded my arms. "Fine, suit yourself." And I walked out of the room.

Once outside in the hall, I leaned up against the wall and closed my eyes, I knew this would happen. It wasn't just that moment; things had been getting progressively worse between us. The Jack Bristow that everyone knew for years who was guarded, keeping everyone at arm's length, was re-emerging after a hiatus. This was how he knew how to cope. Instead of talking, he would shut out the world. It was the only thing he knew for the past twenty years. We had had little arguments before this, of course, like any other couple, but this incident changed everything. He used to tell me all the time how he "came alive" when he met me and felt like he'd been in the dark for 20 years. He became the person I knew he could be: warm, funny, affectionate, loving and very open. His relationship with Sydney got better and he allowed himself to get close to people again. When I met him I knew his story, so this wasn't new to me at all. But things had been so great between us for so long that I foolishly felt that whatever crisis happened, we'd get through it. So in that split second I decided to ignore his order to get out of the building, while I knew it was wrong, I had faith in both our professional and personal relationship that if it did cause a problem, we'd be okay. He said he wasn't mad, I knew he was. He felt I had tried to leave him, that I betrayed him. Just like Irina. It didn't matter that it wasn't deliberate. It didn't matter how many times I apologized and tried to explain that it had nothing to do with him. To me, it didn't. But to him, that's exactly how it felt. I had to accept that.

As I stood out in the hallway reflecting on all of this, I realized just how wrong I was. I was heartbroken, scared and alone. I had given everything I had to the man behind that door, more than I'd given to anyone in my entire life. I thought we were a team; that we were moving towards something. We'd even talked about getting married, which was a huge step for him but something we both wanted. Now none of that mattered. He had shut down from the one person who brought him back to life. And it was killing me. Anytime I would try to talk to him, he would tell me nothing was wrong. I figured this was just a phase he was working through and that he would snap out of it. But it was going on too long and pretty soon I had to decide if I wanted to continue living like this.

I was losing the man I loved. And it was all my fault.

I had told him I would always come back for him, but for what? I was a fool.