Summertime Sadness

Chapter 7

...I stood there, cradling my bump, 'Everythings going to be ok, my precious little girl, Mummy and Daddy are going to protect you... Daddy is going to make everything ok!' I whispered as I held my tiny bump, Jonny then returned with the hot chocolate, and we made our way to the car. As we got to the car, Jonny opened the boot and placed our bags and belongings in before he walked round to open the door for me, 'Thank you!' I said as I climbed in to the car, he then shut the door and walked around to the other side before getting in, he then started the engine, as soon as he did that, 'Just give me a reason' came on the radio loudly, we both jumped as it took us by surprise...

"Gosh are you deaf or something Maconie? I think the whole of holby can hear that!" I said as I smiled at him, little did he know I love that song, It kinda reminds me of mine and Jonny's relationship over the past year, but that's gonna change, it has changed, we have a beautiful little girl on the way, we are moving in together and Maconie wants to marry me, I can't understand why, especially because I treated him so badly and he stuck by me through my highs and lows, he was commited and caring, and very loving.

Jonny then released the hand brake and we were soon on our way. As we left the hospital grounds, the reality of our baby's condition hit me, the thought of long term care and possibilities of surgery and premature birth, come crashing in to my mind all at once.

Jonny had noticed how quiet I was, but dared not to say anything, which made me think, was I that bad to talk to? Do I really snap back that much? How do I stop doing that? Putting the Naylor defence mechanism up and just let people in, let him in, when he could see that things were eating away at me, all he wanted was for me to open up to him and talk about them with him, when he could see that the news from today was eating away at me, our daughter, our flesh and blood, he knew I blamed myself for this condition, the pulmonary valve stenosis, that was hurting our little girl, maybe if I had actually cared that I was pregnant in the first place and took things easy for the first few weeks, listened to peoples advice then our little girl wouldn't have this condition.

"Are you ok sweetheart?" Jonny asked, breaking the thoughts that were circling around in my mind as we approached a set of traffic lights that had just turned red, I turned my head to face his, as our eyes met, I knew everything was going to be ok, we will most definitely get through this, we will be strong for our daughter,

"I'm fine, just thinking!" I replied, quietly, before looking back to my hands, as I twiddled my thumbs waiting for us to continue our journey home.

A few moments later we started to move again, "What were you thinking about Jac? If you don't mind me asking?" Jonny said cautiously, not knowing whether I was in the mood to talk about it or not, knowing that I don't like to talk about situations like this and keep all my thoughts bottled up. I took my time to answer, I wasn't sure, I didn't know if Jonny would like to discuss this whilst we were driving.

Finally I plucked up the courage to say what I needed to say to him, what I wanted to say to him,

"I think we need to talk about the baby and the future, we need to talk about our baby's name... I mean our daughter's name!" I said, still twiddling my thumbs, as though I was nervous about something, Jonny turned to look at me briefly before turning his attention back to the road,

"Are you sure you want to talk about this after what happened today Naylor?" Jonny replied looking a little startled,

"Yeah, we cant call her bump for much longer, she will be here with us before we know it, causing havoc and making us panic!" I replied, now looking at Jonny and placing my hand on his thigh,

"I like the name Niamh!" Jonny said, with a huge smile on his face, his eyes were glowing with pride as he spoke about our baby, I Loved to see him happy, it made me happy when I saw him smile and talk with pride when he spoke about me or our little girl, it's as if all troubles and worries were wiped away by his charming looks and way.

I smiled back at him, "I love that name, How about Niamh Evelyn...!" I said before pausing, Jonny turned face me, as we had just stopped at another set of traffic lights, I sat there resting my hands gently on my small bump,
"...Niamh Evelyn Maconie, Has a nice ring to it! How about that name Niamh?" I said, looking down at my bump, a few seconds later I felt a weird sensation hit one part of my stomach, I placed my hand over the sensation, it went as quickly as it had happened,

"Is everything ok Jac? Your not in pain are you?" Jonny said, looking worried,

"No, i'm fine, Niamh must like her name because she's just kicked , here place you hand here..." I said, grabbing Jonny's free hand and placing it where my hand was,

"Come on Niamb, do another kick for Daddy!" I said, praying that our daughter would let out another little kick, we both sat there patiently waiting for our baby to let out another kick, suddenly a few seconds later she kicked again, just as the traffic lights turned green, it felt amazing, we both felt reassured, reassure that our daughter was ok, a strong little person, despite all that was happening to her, she is a fighter, our little fighter.

Jonny turned to look at me, with a huge smile on his face as he felt Niamh kick for the first time,

"Oh my gosh, that was amazing, she's got a good kick on her already!" Jonny said giggling as we felt another kick...

HI

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