Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2 does not belong to me. It´s Takahashi-sama's

Warning: This is a yaoi fic, thus has rather explicit content and situations, strong language and male/male interaction. Also, this is a rather angsty fic, so don't expect much of the usual comedy from the canon.
If you feel offended, you can always hit the "back" button.

A tale of how Ryoga Hibiki always got lost to the lies he told to himself.

OOO

This fic is a prequel and a sidestory to Where I end and you begin (The Midnight Cowboy).

The title comes from "Where I end and you begin" from Radiohead.

Then, on with the show.

Where I end and you begin

(The Day Tripper)

Awareness

"The sour taste of your body lingered in my mouth a little longer
From sour, the salty got so sweet;
As soon as your scent, strong and dull,
made a home in my arms, and yet light
strong, bling and terse, it made me know
It was too much, and still not enough"
Daniel na Cova dos leões – Legião Urbana (free translation from portuguese to english - see footnotes for original lyrics)

…

He was dead. He knew he should be, though. Then, why was he still there? Why could he still feel? Maybe all this thing about afterlife was is true, anyway.

He could remember the cold. The cold and the horrible sensation of drowning, of not having arms and legs to detangle himself from his own clothes while the stream dragged him along. The pain in his chest gave way to an odd sensation of numbness, and then… Nothing.

Now he felt warm. Cocooned in a familiar sensation of comfort he couldn't quite place, even though he couldn't move a finger. Not comfortably numb, not dulled to everything else. At peace. If this is death, it's not so bad, after all.

Then he felt what could be arms stirring, embracing him. A tickle of a close breath, a faint yet familiar scent he couldn't recognize. But it felt good – Oh, so good. Something nuzzled at his neck, going up to his cheek, and the warmth grew better. He felt sheltered, for maybe the first time in his life. Funny thing, feeling like that in death. He would have smiled, if he could move.

But he felt so sore, so tired and weary… He basked in the sensation, in the delicate warmth of this embrace. And he drifted away to sleep, or lose consciousness, whatever.

Thus, he would never be able to tell how much time it took him to move again, when he found himself on his friend's arms.

"Ranma?"

"Hyia, P-chan… you gave me a scare, you know."

He felt the arms of Ranma's arms, now a girl, retreat from his body. Naked body.

He felt a sudden rush on his heart, almost painful. And it felt good. It felt great. Greater than any time he had Akari on his arms… Suddenly, he was aware. Aware of Ranma, her big blue eyes, her red hair, her warmth all over his body. It struck him like a lightning bolt. His heart was pounding inside his chest like it never did to Akari, to Akane, to no one. And he could tell what it was; he only couldn't admit it.

"He's actually a guy, stop this." He commanded his brain, to no use. "C'mon, dude, this is Ranma, the one who kept fooling you in a drag, remember?"He did. Each and every time. In the girls' locker room in Furinkan High, with Shampoo as Furinkan students trying to set him up with Akane to get the jusenkyo soap from him, posing as his 'fiancée' on his date with Akane, as a volleyball player to get him rid of the Mark of Gods, as his 'sister Yoiko' when he made it home, as his housekeeper when Akane and Akari were there. He recalled those times, all of them. Nothing changed. Actually, it got worse.

"Uh… Am I naked?" The thought of being on birthday suit in a sleeping bag with Ranma Saotome in his female form startled him to no ends. And he never even gave a thought about it before, never! Why now?

""What did you expect? You managed to soak your clothes entirely and no way they could've dried in this storm."

"And you're still a girl?"

"Yeah, used the whole warm water to turn you back into a guy and maybe warm ya a little."

"Shit."

"Yeah, shit, shit, shit. Holy fucking shit, Ryoga! STOP THIS!" His conscious mind chided, fuming. With good reason: What was that, he attracted to Ranma Saotome? After the guy turned into a girl to save him from drowning in a fucking frozen river and then from sheer hypothermia? He knew he didn't sport a hard-on by the time because he was, like, almost dead.

But the attraction was there.

"He's a guy, picture him as the guy he is! The jerk, the inconsiderate douchebag who can't see a thing aside his bellybutton! Yeah, yeah, he saved your sorry ass, but still! He. Is. A. GUY! You're NOT into guys, c'mon."

"Do you have a spare inside your backpack? P-chan?"

"Okay, stupid, at least act natural, will ya?" He took a deep breath. "Guess so, at least a pair of trousers and a clean shirt"

"It's too cold for only that, you know."

"Why, genius, do YOU have a spare with you?"

"Uh, as much as you do… guess you'll have to wait until your clothes dry up"

"Yah. Besides I'm too sore to stand up now"

"I´ll put them out to dry, then." Ranma left the sleeping bag, and if he listened carefully he'd hear his shaky sigh of relief.

"Uh… Ranma…"

"What?"

"Thanks."

"No problem."

"Uh… could you turn to your back? I´ll put some clothes on" He never, ever bothered to dress up while Ranma was watching, male or female. Why this now, for God's sake? "Maybe I got some brain damage from lack of oxygen, because there isn't a logical explanation for it, other than that."

"Uh… Okay."

But getting dressed was good, after all. Helped to cut out some of this, because picturing Ranma in his head as a boy wasn't doing its trick this time.

"You decent?"

"Yup" He nods, to then pay attention on the redhead shivering.

"Oh no, not her- him inside the sleeping bag again. I'd kill myself right here and right now if I get a boner on Ranma Saotome." His fear was frighteningly real, but he knew he couldn't let the other shiver outside. Not after what she- he did for him. "Come inside here, it´s really cold."

"Yup"

As Ranma was getting into the sleeping bag, he stammered.

"Won't you change back to a guy?

"Er, too much trouble to boil water without a fire, don'tcha think?"

"Oh, I see." He sighed. "Just great."

To his luck, however, it seemed he was too sore to get hard anytime this year. But as Ranma got inside the bag, he recoiled a little in a try to avoid body contact as much as possible. His body might be spent; but his head, however, was reeling. No, he never –ever- felt attracted to Ranma. Then, what the hell was that?

"Never? Pah. He always got you straight up every time he pulled his drags off. And you always thought he made a pretty girl, didn't you, Hibiki?" Well, yes, but Ranma was a guy, and he always knew that! It used to work wonders before: especially when Ranma played his fiancée and made a pass on him. Everytime he saw him as a guy, bam! He'd shut off. There was also that dreaded episode of the fishing rod of love, and he clearly remembered of feeling disgusted of the idea of being with a lovey-dovey Ranma; male or female. And when the soul from the mirror who copied Ranma's image as a girl cornered him while he was waiting Akari for a date and stole from him what was supposed to be his first kiss. He didn't feel anything but sheer outrage. Outrage!

"But it wasn't really Ranma kissing you…"

No, he didn't like Ranma like that, it was him being lonely, lying to himself again. It must be! It…

"So" She continued talking. "How do you feel?"

"Like hell."

"Still cold?"

"Yeah…" He was shivering, his mouth was dry. And it wasn't cold, wasn't the soreness all over his body. But what it was… No, it couldn't be, just couldn't. He damn well knew he didn't want to lie to himself and make a fool of him like he'd been doing all this time, but no, NO, he wasn't… he wasn't… "Okay, think about it later. Later… You're tired, sore, not thinking straight. Of course not, you almost died! It's your body projecting on Ranma your well known tendency to cling to any scrape of affection…" He looked up, not really focusing on anything.

"Uh, we should go, dude…"

He tried to get up as the other did, but soon he learned he wasn't in any condition to walk home. Then Ranma said something about turning him into little P-chan and carrying him home. On other circumstances, he'd refuse; but now he even felt relieved. That it was: Ranma turned him into a piglet, gathered their packs and carried him on her arms – still a she. And in her arms… Ryoga could smell things a lot better when he was a pig, and definitely her smell was doing things to his brain.

"Don't think about it. Don't think about it." He kept repeating to himself mentally, like a mantra. But he was still processing things: He could faintly tell, in his cursed form, that Ranma smelled the same in both of his forms. It didn't change, and he knew that because if it did, he'd be able to tell the difference right away and that would get his attention. Now it did, but not because he smelled different or anything – he was just paying attention to something he never did before.

But right now, he couldn't even think about it; let alone entertain the whole concept on his head. Later. He'd deal with it later. Now, he was being carried by Ranma to see Dr. Tofu.

OOO

To the footnotes and author rambled reports:

Hi there,

So, here both stories collide for the first time. Hope you enjoy seeing such a small happening from different points of view. Also, the yaoi undertones will now turn into HUGE overtones, really. Then beware, folks.

The song you see at the beginning of this fic is "Daniel na Cova dos Leões" from Legião Urbana - an iconic brazilian 80's rock band whose vocalist, Renato Russo, wrote one of the most poignant pieces about the sensation of forbiddance, desire and temptation in the attraction between two people of the same sex. This music is, IMHO, one of his most understated masterpieces - and we're talking about someone who had the status of a iconic pop songwriter even back then.

Well, to whom may interest it, here comes the original lyrics from portuguese:
"Aquele gosto amargo do teu corpo
Ficou na minha boca por mais tempo.
De amargo, então salgado ficou doce,
Assim que o teu cheiro forte e lento
Fez casa nos meus braços e ainda leve,
Forte, cego e tenso, fez saber
Que ainda era muito e muito pouco."

Anyway, enjoy it.

Human Being, 01/29/2014