Chapter 7: An annoying teacher
"When was the last time you showered, Hermione?" Draco asked her with a smug grin.
"I have yet to do that…" She answered while applying toothpaste on her toothbrush.
It was the morning after the horrible prefects meeting and the two head students were getting ready for a new day of school. Draco facepalmed and glared at her with Hermione's chocolate brown eyes.
"Idiot! You need to shower. I refuse to smell like shit."
"And I refuse being naked while in your body!" Hermione exclaimed and stuck the toothbrush into her mouth.
"Pff, don't pretend you wouldn't like to." Draco waggled his eyebrows at her.
"I'm not like you!" Hermione said with the toothbrush in her mouth. "You're all about sex aren't you?"
"Uh… yeah? So?" He said simply and reached for his own toothbrush.
"So! It's really annoying that the only thing you make people think about me has to do with sex. I mean seriously-" Hermione spat and washed her mouth. "You made them think I collect dildos! Why can't you be a bit more creative?" Draco laughed at that.
"Because you're the prude know-it-all mudblood Granger of course! I am after all trying to embarrass you as much as possible." He said and started brushing his teeth as well. Hermione rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. She really should shower though…
"Well I'm going to take a shower now then, since you told me to. So get out of here." Draco waggled his eyebrows and finished brushing his teeth before hurrying out of the bathroom.
"Good luck and have fun! Just not too fun, if you can contain yourself." He laughed before Hermione shut the door and locked it. Damn it all… The only thing she had to do was get in the shower, close her eyes and make it as quick as possible. No biggie! …Except she'd have to touch herself all over… Oh god… Hermione did not want this!
She quickly undressed and walked into the shower without looking down upon herself. She turned the shower head on and sighed in relief as the warm water came streaming down her body. It felt so nice! After a few moments soaking she reached for the shampoo. Draco's shampoo…. She rubbed it into her hair and swallowed hard as it was time to scrub the rest of her body clean. She grabbed the shower cream and poured some into her palm before slowly starting to rub her chest with the soap. She could feel Draco's muscles and his hard chest made her heart race. Why did he have to be so well toned and… and sexy? It was hardly fair! After soaping her torso she started working on her legs. She had gone to the bathroom twice since they swapped bodies so she had kind of touched his…. Thing… before but she'd only looked at it once in the mirror. And she had definitely not been rubbing it with soap… Until now that is. She blushed furiously when she was done and it was time to wash the soap off. Why did god hate her?
She washed her hair out and made sure she was completely clean before she turned the water off and emerged from the shower. She quickly grabbed a towel and dried herself as best she could. She then wrapped it around her waist and walked out of the bathroom. Her pulse was throbbing in her ears and she was shaking but she had made it!
"How'd it go?" Draco asked her when he saw her. He was sitting in the sofa and if Hermione hadn't known better it felt as if he was waiting for her. What the hell?
"G-good. I am clean now." She said, her voice cracking a bit, making Draco laugh, again. At least someone was in a god mood today…
"I can see that. Go get dressed before you get an erection!" He laughed even more as Hermione's face turned pink at those words. She had panicked a bit yesterday when she woke up with the traditional morning erection and she really didn't want to deal with that again. She really despised being stuck in Draco's body…
Five minutes later Hermione had gotten dressed and was ready to take on a new day… starting with breakfast in the great hall. When she got out of her room Draco still sat in the sofa doing nothing in particular.
"Finally… You're so god damn slow. Let's go." He hissed and got up. Hermione hesitated and stared at him like she'd seen a ghost.
"Uh… you mean together?" She asked.
"Yeah so? Just shut up and come with me…" He mumbled and walked first out of the portrait hole. Hermione had NO idea why the Slytherin prince suddenly decided to act… niceISH.
She followed him slowly and together they made their way down to the great hall. People turned their heads to get a better view of them as they walked by. Apparently word had traveled fast and when Hermione finally got down to the Slytherin table, Pansy attacked her with the fury of a thousand angry pugs.
"DRACO MALFOY! Like, what the FUCK is the meaning of this? You and Blaise are together with two Gryffindor sluts? And WORSE! It's a blood traitor and a MUDBLOOD." She shot Blaise a killing glare which he returned with a sheepish smile. Hermione really didn't know what to say to that. She just stared at the furious little girl for a while before opening her mouth.
"Uh… yes?" She just said, plainly. Pansy fanned herself like some kind of hysterical highborn woman before yelling again.
"What are you THINKING? Your families will MURDER you. Draco! I mean I know your parents have said you can marry whoever you want and all but I thought you had better taaaaaste." She whined and started clinging to her like a desperate lover. Hermione shot Blaise a glance as to say Oh man, help?
"For once, I will have to agree with Pans you guys." Nott said after clearing his throat as to make his existence noticed. "What the fuck? And you never told me? And I thought Granger was Draco's chick, not Blaise's. You never seemed very interested in the Weasley girl, Draco." He looked confused and a bit annoyed.
"I never seemed very interested in Granger EITHER, Nott." Hermione hissed and sighed. "It's hard to explain. Family stuff… kind of… and Blaise is just being annoying." She explained and gave Nott a look that said "Just try to understand and do not question me." Nott sighed back at her.
"I'll trust you on that one but I must say good going there Blaise! Seems like Hermione really DID want you." He grinned at the Italian who smirked back.
"Oh yes, she does. She's crazy about me." Hermione almost started screaming and swearing but managed to stay calm. He's JUST trying to annoy me. She thought over and over again. She glanced over at the Gryffindor table. Draco and Ginny seemed to be having the same problem there. Hermione laughed a bit when she saw Ron's obvious fury.
X-x-X
"Ginny! Do NOT make me tell mom and dad what the fuck you are doing! It's OUTRAGEOUS! Draco MALFOY, Ginny. You're dating a MALFOY. Are you trying to tell us something?" Ron Weasley was being his usual loud and furious self as Draco arrived at the Gryffindor table. Ginny saw him coming and waved at him from behind her brother's back.
"Hello there, 'Mione!" She cheered.
"And YOU!" Weasley turned around and immediately and faced Draco. "What the hell is up with YOU dating ZABINI! I just can't believe it!" He shrieked. Potter just sat there and looked depressed. Draco knew he'd had a thing going on with the Weasley girl. He must be devastated.
"What can I say? Blaise's hot and a very nice guy once you get to know him." He just said and sat down next to Ginny.
"If Blaise's a nice guy then I'm the god damn sorting hat!" Weasley growled furiously.
"I don't know Ron. If Hermione wants to date Blaise there must be something good in him… or she's under the Imperius curse…" Potter said slowly as he sipped on his tea. Draco noted how he didn't say anything about Ginny. He looked at her and saw a dark shadow sweep across the girl's face. This hurt her just as much as it hurt Potter apparently. Draco couldn't put his finger on it but he thought he felt a tiny flicker of compassion for the two of them.
Wait, what? That's odd… Why the hell would he feel anything except disgust and hatred towards these people? What if he was really turning into Hermione for real?
"What's up 'Mione? You look pale all of a sudden." Ginny said and tilted her head slightly. Draco just shrugged and started eating his breakfast.
First lesson of the day was Defense against the dark arts with Professor Turpin. Draco grinned at the memory of what he'd done the last lesson. It was not together with the Slytherins today though so Hermione wouldn't be there this time. Draco had made sure to read up a bit on the subject earlier so that he'd be able to answer some of the questions.
"Good morning everyone." Turpin greeted them as he once again strode into the classroom in a Snape-ish manner. He was probably trying to looks like Snape… wannabe.
"Good morning" Some of the students greeted while a few of them just grunted or mumbled.
"Today we will continue with wandless magic." He said and a few of the students grunted a little. "However this time we're actually going to perform some magic." John Turpin grinned as his students suddenly seemed more interested. Some even cheered or gave little noises of approval and excitement. Even Draco perked up as he said that. He liked practical lessons, kind of.
"You will work in couples together with whomever you like. We'll start with simple stunning and protection spells this time. One of you will try to attack and the other will try to block. Oh, and try not to harm each other…" He said and gestured for them to make groups of two. Harry and Ron was a given and Draco couldn't really imagine anyone else who'd like to work with him. Besides, the number of students was uneven.
"Ah, Granger. Why don't you pair with me?" Turpin said and Draco mentally facepalmed. Oh maan…
"Ah okay professor." Draco said, trying to sound as happy and nice as possible… kind of failing. The two of them attained their positions a bit away from the other students.
"I'll start attacking you then, Miss Granger. Remember what we've learned and try to concentrate your magic as much as possible. We can start out with verbal magic as nonverbal wandless magic would be very difficult for beginners." He explained, again much to Draco's irritation.
"Yeah, yeah I'll see what I can do." He mumbled and pulled up his sleeves. He'd kept the new fitting look for Hermione and he must admit he quite enjoyed looking down at himself. Something made him feel like Turpin quite enjoyed looking at him as well though, and it annoyed him.
He concentrated on the spell and stretched out his arm, focusing his magic into it. Suddenly though, Turpin stretched his arm out quicker than a snake and without uttering a single word the spell shot Draco in his stomach and paralyzed him completely. Damn it, nonverbal bitch!
Laughing, Turpin removed the spell and helped Draco up from the floor. "You died."
"Nonverbal… How incredibly annoying of you." Draco muttered and wiped the dust from his skirt in angry movements.
"On the battlefield dirty tricks can save lives. Now you're a dead girl and I am still alive." John Turpin's eyes gleamed with mischief.
"But you said we were going to start out with actually saying the spells out loud to make it easier." Draco said in an annoyed tone.
"Do you think a real battle would be easy, dead girl?" Turpin answered, making Draco grit his teeth.
"No but this is not a real battle now is it?" He hissed.
"Does it matter? The problem is you do not see. You're watching, but you do not actually see. I lied to you but my body told the truth. Try one more time, dead girl." He said and attained his position again.
"What do you mean your body told the truth?" Draco hissed but when Turpin didn't answer he just sighed and tried again to concentrate his magic. Draco caught himself thinking of how he looked right now standing in a battle stance, his legs wide apart… Granger surely looked amazing right now. No! He couldn't think of her like that! Granger was nothing to him, nothing at all. Not even a girl you could desire at all! What if Draco was turning into Hermione forever?
This time Turpin raised his arm slower, Draco watched him carefully trying to decipher whether or not he was going to stun him anytime soon. The man's eyes widened slightly and Draco shouted his "Protego" as fast as he could. The shield flashed before him but the stunner never came and Draco's spell faded.
"Stupefy." Turpin said and before Draco could concentrate his magic again he was lying on the floor, paralyzed and angry.
Turpin removed the new stunner and helped him up with a smirk.
"Yeah, yeah I know. Dead girl fell for another trick." Draco said before the annoying bitch of a professor could mock him.
"Dead girl is learning fast. That was a decent protego spell." He said and nodded. "But dead girl is still dead. Something is troubling you Miss Granger." This teacher seemed to notice everything. Yes professor, I am worrying about my mental health and I can't seem to forget that I have a great body right now. Nope, he could not say that. Turpin could not figure out what was actually troubling him, right?
"Nothing is troubling me, Professor." He simply answered and tried to not sound as angry and worried as he was.
"You lie. You're with your problems rather than with me, here on the battlefield. You think your problems are your greatest enemies but how can that be so? Who is really your greatest enemy right now, standing in a battlefield?" The former Hufflepuff annoying idiot excuse of a professor asked.
"Right here you're my greatest enemy and my only problem." Draco hissed.
"Death is your only problem, dead girl. And there is only one thing you say to death." He said, trying to sound wise no doubt.
"Expelliarmus? Evanesco?" Draco asked as to ruin Turpin's moment. The professor only snickered and shook his head.
"We say 'Not today'"
The lesson ended two lifetimes later and Draco felt like a tiny bit of him had died at the time he got out of the classroom. He felt blissful leaving Professor Turpin behind him. Like a huge weight had lifted from his shoulders. Fucking Professor… He thought as Potter and Weasley joined him.
"So, how'd it go 'Mione?" Potter asked her cheerily but when Draco shot him a killing death glare of doom and despair the scarfaced moron suddenly seemed less interested in knowing.
X-x-X
Hermione Granger was walking down a corridor in long strides. She had just been having the worst history of magic lesson ever in her life. And that was saying something… because Hermione Granger had had quite a few bad History of magic lessons over the years.
"Draaaco, wait uup!" And it seemed the rest of the day would not be any better… This was the reason her lesson had been so bad. Pansy Parkinson had been nagging her about her choice of girlfriend ever since breakfast and Hermione had just about had enough of it.
"Pansy. Listen very carefully because I am going to tell you something VERY important right now." Hermione snapped. "I date whomever I want and I will not hear you complaining about it, get it? It's my business!" She was almost yelling as she finished speaking. "And no matter what you do I will not change my mind and I am not interested in you, so piss off would you?" She was seething with anger and irritation. Pansy just stared back at her, mouth agape.
"Ouch!" Nott Laughed.
At that, Pansy just turned around and stormed away from them without another word. Hermione felt a pang of guilt but decided she didn't care that much.
"Yep, Ouch indeed Drake." Blaise said after a while. "But at least she needed to know you're not interested right? The girl would only be hurting herself if she kept drooling all over you."
"Uhm… right. Yeah. Exactly." Hermione said and tried to forget about what had just happened. Instead her thoughts went back to earlier this morning in the shower and she could feel her face getting hot. She shook her head violently at that, trying to make the unholy thought go away. Suddenly a little 4th year girl ran up to them, giggling slightly.
"Hello Draco. Is it true that you collect muggle items?" She asked and giggled even more. Hermione stared at her for a while, trying to come up with something to say. Somehow this little girl annoyed her incredibly much…
"Well yes, it is, but I am also fond of collecting bones from all the small insolent witches I have killed over the years. You look strikingly much like the last one I murdered." She just said coldly and felt the contentment wash over her as the girl's giggles stopped and her face turned pale. Hermione smirked and the girl quickly turned around and hurried back to where she came from. What was that though? Hermione didn't usually loose her temper like that…
"Looks like girls like running away from me." She said and turned to face Draco's friends. That's when she saw Draco standing next to them with crossed arms. "Oh… hello there… How long have you been here?" She asked awkwardly
"Oh I just got here. I saw Pansy and figured something great must have happened so I hurried over." He seemed annoyed. "What's your next lesson?" He asked.
"DaDa." The three of them answered simultaneously.
"You're going to die. Make sure not to end up having to practice with the useless trolling piece of shit Professor Turpin. He's a freak and I will enjoy fantasizing about how I maim him for the rest of the day." Draco seemed uncharacteristically gloomy today.
"AAAAW, Poor baby!" Blaise exclaimed and hugged Draco tightly. Draco hissed and spat and seemed to be choking in the tight grasp.
"I think I am going to be sick…" Hermione said and looked away.
"So, 'Mione, " Blaise emphazised the nickname, caressing the word. "-want to go find ourselves a broom closet so that I can cheer you up a little?" He then asked and wiggled his eyebrows. Draco laughed, LAUGHED.
"I was hoping that I wasn't going to have to kill you guys today… however as it happens…" Hermione said and glared at them. They laughed at her, obviously not taking her seriously. They are just making fun of me… she thought with a sigh.
"How about the 4 of us hang out later today in the head's dorm?" Blaise suggested with a grin.
"Yeah, that sounds great; I have been thinking of that place a lot lately" Nott said and grinned at Draco.
"Great! Then I can bring Gin-"
"-No!" The three Slytherin guys interrupted her.
"Aw come OON!" She whined. God damn Slytherins…
A while later Hermione and the two Slytherins entered the DaDa classroom together after having said good bye to Draco. Hermione felt relieved that Blaise was finally separated from Draco, since the Italian had gotten a bit too intrusive in the end. It really disturbed her to see herself together with Blaise Zabini. Or worse, together with three Slytherin guys for one entire break.
Professor John Turpin greeted them with a warm smile as they entered and Hermione once again noticed how handsome he was. Why couldn't Draco smile at her like that? Wait, what? Not that she CARED, right?
They were going to be continuing on the wandless magic today just as Draco had told them before they separated and Turpin wanted them to split into couples. The number of students seemed uneven in this class as well and Hermione figured this was her chance to see what Draco had meant with Turpin being a "Useless trolling piece of shit" as he'd put it.
"Professor, may I pair with you? It seems like the number of students is uneven." She asked him.
"I wouldn't have it any other way Mr Malfoy. Let us see what you have to offer." He challenged and the two of them found a place to train together.
"I will start attacking then. Try to protect yourself from my spell without using your wand. We'll start off with the common verbal spells as to not make it too complicated for ourselves." The Professor said and attained a battle position. It was a trap; he was trying to fool her.
"Sure." She said, grinning and concentrated on the spell she was going to perform. Suddenly she saw the muscles in Turpin's arms flex slightly and his eyes flashed. That's when Hermione quickly raised her hand and though "Protego"
Turpin's Stupefy spell crashed into her shield and vanished. It had been perfect timing.
"Very impressive Mr Malfoy!" Turpin cheered. "Have you been talking to Miss Granger?" He lowered his voice as he asked. Hermione laughed at him.
"Technically I guess I have. However she didn't tell me exactly what you had done to irritate her." She answered with a smirk.
"I really don't understand what has happened to this world since I've been gone." Turpin said then. "Last time I saw you two you were clawing at each other's throats and hating on each other."
"I see you've been studying mine and Granger's relationship for a long time then?" She asked him, curiosity taking over her body. "I didn't know you cared about her existence at all."
"Krum's dashing date for the Yule ball, Harry Potter's best friend, brightest witch of our age. Oh I noticed her all right and the Granger I knew would never mingle with a Slytherin like you." His voice seemed a little threatening now. What the hell was going on?
"I am sure you know that the chance of me mingling with… people like her usually is not very likely either." She said, trying to sound carefree.
"Then why would you? Listen, I don't know what is going on, but something smells fishy and I am not going to let you harm her."
"Is that a threat?" Hermione asked, a bit amused.
"Oh no, it's a promise." He smiled his mood suddenly changing completely. "Good job today Mr Malfoy. Not many students would be able to protect themselves that easily on the first try. With a nonverbal on top of that. Actually I only know one person who'd be able to pull it off." He said and made a gesture that looked like he was tipping his hat slightly.
Now what was that all about?
X-x-X
"Aaaaaaaaaaaaand we're FREE!" An overly happy Finnigan cheered as he pressed passed them and ran out of the classroom. Draco rolled his eyes at the idiocy he was witnessing and hurried away from the Gryffindors as quickly as possible. He was going back to the safety of the head's dorms… Or yeah, safety probably wasn't the right word. Blaise, Theodore and Granger would be there this afternoon after all.
When he reached the portrait hole he mumbled the stupid "lioness" password and entered with a sigh. Granger, Blaise and Theodore was already there, sitting in the sofa and being over all in the way.
"Mooooove." He hissed and prodded Granger's shoulder. She just looked up at him with a raised eyebrow.
"Give me one reason…" She challenged with crossed arms whereupon Draco sat down in Blaise's lap instead. Blaise put his hands around Draco's waist and Hermione's eyes widened in horror. "Okay fine! I'll move. I was just about to go get a letter for you anyways." She grunted and hurried up to Draco's room.
"A letter?" Draco called after her as he sat down in the sofa properly but she didn't seem to be listening.
"This." Hermione said when she got out again, holding up the letter with two fingers. "I got it yesterday but forgot to give it to you since I was busy wanting to slaughter you." She said cheerily and handed it to him. "Don't worry, I haven't read it."
"It looks like the letters your mom sends." Blaise noted and Draco opened it quickly to read the neat scribble of Narcissa Malfoy.
"So, what's up?" Nott asked after a few moments' silence. Draco looked up at the three of them slowly, unable to speak. He cleared his throat, looked down at the letter again and met Hermione's eyes.
"My dad's in prison." He said with a hoarse voice.
X-x-X
A/N: Hardcore! Looks like the ex-death eater got some problems. Okay so another chapter down and I have a few confessions to make.
Hell YES I totally just quoted Syrio Forel from Game of Thrones (John Turpin vs Draco) Why? Because I fucking LOVE him!
I am fully aware of the boredom you must have suffered from reading this chapter.
BUT LET US PRETEND THAT NEVER HAPPENED SHALL WE? –runs around room like a ladybug on crack-
Kay, so you know the drill REVIEW!
Every comment, confession and flame is appreciated (However if you say something mean I will probably have to kill you in my mind and then I will cry like a baby and never want to write ever again) … Nah, just kidding.
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