Chapter 7:
Sharon's first week back to work was shit. She spent every day stuck at her desk filing paperwork. Every time she got close to being done, someone would set a new stack of files on her desk. She glared at everyone that passed her desk and spat single word answers to anyone that asked how she was doing. To top off her day, she had to go to physical therapy after which left her wiped by the time she got home.
It was finally Friday. Sharon finished her last file and headed to physical therapy. If she passed this evaluation she would be cleared for field work. She had changed quickly into her workout clothes and made it to the gym in record time. Her evaluation had been going great up until her hand-to-hand combat evaluation. She had been holding her own until her partner turned her wrist too roughly.
"What the fuck?!" She turned to her partner as she held her wrist to her chest. "Have you never sparred with anyone before? You don't break their fucking bones!"
"I'm sorry Agent Carter." He said apologetically. She stepped away and took a few deep breaths.
"It's fine." She sighed and stepped toward her physical therapist. "I'm on desk duty until this heals, aren't I?"
Sharon left with a freshly bandaged wrist and a sour mood. She threw her stuff down when she got home and beat up a few pillows before finally collapsing on the couch. She felt so helpless. Her life had been a mess since the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D. and her closest friend was a world-class spy that she saw maybe once every four months. Her only family were her parents who visited a new country every month and Aunt Peggy who could wake up tomorrow and not remember her at all.
Sharon choked back a sob. She reached for her phone to call Natasha. She dialed her personal phone she kept for only a handful of people. She hesitated over the call button before finally tossing the phone away from her.
She rubbed her eyes. "Get it together Sharon. You're a Carter. This is just a rough patch. You are stronger than this." She whispered to herself. She tried to imagine what Natasha would do in this situation. "Well she would have punched the shit out of her opponent… and so would have Aunt Peggy." She laughed to herself, picturing both women in her situation.
Sharon finally pulled herself together only to find herself in the same situation Sunday night. Aunt Peggy had a rough weekend. She mistook Sharon for her mother, never once recognizing her for who she was. And to top it off, Steve called Mary Sunday afternoon to check on Peggy. Sharon waited anxiously all afternoon for him to call and check in with her. It was 9pm and still no call. She was starting to think everything he said to her in the hospital was a lie.
A knock startled Sharon out of her thoughts. She silently set down her mug of tea and grabbed her gun. She tiptoed to her door and listened. Silence. She peeked quickly through the peephole and sighed at the familiar dark glasses.
"I hope I'm not interrupting." Nicolas Fury stepped past her into the apartment.
"No sir. How can I help you?" She clicked the safety on and tucked the gun back into it's hiding place.
"The CIA is getting curious about The Winter Soldier."
"Sergeant Barnes?" Sharon asked. She had grown up on stories of Captain America and the Howling Commandos. She spent countless hours researching the 'ghost story' since she first about him from Peggy as a teenager. She had been just as shocked as everyone to find out that The Winter Soldier was Bucky Barnes.
"They believe he's a loose canon."
"And what do you believe?" Sharon asked.
Fury paused a moment. "Well he did 'kill' me."
"Yes, and for someone who is dead, you sure like to have a hand in things when you should be relaxing on a beach somewhere."
Fury eyed her in response. "Captain Rogers doesn't agree, but I believe Barnes is a risk until he can be detained and psychologically evaluated. Right now, we don't know the extent of his memory or capabilities. S.H.I.E.L.D. doesn't have unlimited resources to spend on finding him at the moment so the CIA has offered to gather intel."
"Just intel?"
He smirked. "They'll ask you what you know outside of the S.H.I.E.L.D. leak. They'll want you to lead the team."
"What do you want me to tell them?"
Fury smiled at her. "I want you to say yes and I want you to make sure they are only gaining intel. Barnes will not come easy if taken by force and Captain Rogers won't make it easy for you to take him by force."
"Steve's been tracking him." It didn't surprise her that he would. It surprised her that she didn't think of it before.
"Since he first disappeared after the Triskilion fell. He'll get close and then the trail will go cold and he'll work on other projects until a new lead comes up." Fury stepped toward the door. "I never did thank you for standing up to Rumlow that day."
"I never thanked you for taking care of Aunt Peggy." Sharon replied as Fury stepped into the hallway. Fury nodded at her before disappearing down the stairs.
—
Before Sharon could even settle into her desk Monday morning, her boss was calling her into his office. She sat down silently and waited. He slapped down a file in front of her. She didn't even have to open it to know what it was about. He opened the file to show an old picture of Bucky Barnes.
"What do you know of the Winter Soldier?"
Sharon's face was neutral. "Same as you, sir. Everything I know was released in the fall of S.H.I.E.L.D." She lied.
He watched her closely. "There have been a string of attacks on known Hydra agents. When looking deeper into them, they all seem to be connected to the Winter Soldier. We believe they are people who hired him or worked to control him."
"If he's going after Hydra, isn't he doing you a favor?"
Her boss narrowed his eyes at her. "And when he's taken all of them out, who's next? Civilians?" He paused. "I'm clearing you for active duty. I want you to take lead on this. You know his file. I have a list of presumed Hydra agents that had contact with him. I want you to check them out and gain intel."
"And Barnes?"
"Find out what these agents know. I doubt you will have to deal with Barnes. He knows how to stay off the grid."
Sharon nodded and picked up the file. She moved to step out of his office. "And Carter?" She turned back toward him.
"Sir?"
"If you do intercept Barnes, I expect you to do what is necessary to bring him in." She nodded before stalking back to her desk. He was out of his mind if he thought they could take on the Winter Soldier and live to tell the tale. Steve barely survived and Natasha got a bullet through her abdomen the first time she encountered him. Looks like she's in for another crappy week.
—
Sharon came home Friday evening to a postcard slipped under her door. The iconic Christ the Redeemer was pictured with Rio De Janeiro scrawled below it. She flipped it over to find an address and time with Natasha's familiar signature below. She dumped her work bag on the couch before heading to her room to change.
Sharon arrived precisely on time. She entered the small dive bar and bee-lined for the side of the bar where the familiar red-head sat. It was a little darker in the corner and was positioned so someone could survey the entire bar and entrance. Sharon slipped into the chair next to Natasha. Natasha motioned to the bartender who immediately set a beer in front of Sharon.
"Tabs on me tonight, I owe you." Nat turned to her. "Feeling better?"
Sharon sighed, held up a finger to give her a moment, and took a long swig of her beer. Nat arched an eyebrow.
"A little." She finally answered. "I just… I've never felt so lonely in my life. I knew spy life would be lonely, but shit Nat. I've never felt it like this before."
"Wait until you are stranded in a foreign country on the run, then you will really feel alone and helpless." Natasha took a sip.
Sharon shook her head. "I know, I know you know the feeling better than anyone. I know you've been in it way worse than me, but…" She trailed off.
"But it still hits you like a ton of bricks and hurts like hell. And I don't think I've had it worse than you." Nat answered. "I've never been held hostage for over a month and nearly killed. You, Sharon, are my hero. I don't blame you for feeling like you've hit rock bottom emotionally. When is your next psych eval?"
Sharon nodded at her words, afraid to speak and let her emotions take hold. She took a shaky sip. "Thank you and in two days." She took another sip to ease herself. "How are you?"
Natasha sighed. "I'm tired." Sharon gave a small smile and put her hand on top of Nat's. She loved that Natasha was rawly honest with her. "Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to leave this all behind. To be normal. But then I realize I will never be normal. And what the fuck would I do with all my free time?" She laughed. "I don't know how Clint does it. I spend more than a week there and I get restless."
"Barton loves that stuff. He loves that farm."
"He really does! As much as he loves the fight, he absolutely loves that farm and his family. I don't think I could ever do it."
"Have a farm? Can you imagine you raising chickens?" Sharon laughed along with Nat.
"Fucking chickens." Her laughed died down. "No, I'm talking about having a family. I know I physically can't, but I can't imagine even living a quiet life." Sharon squeezed her hand.
"You would have to take up teaching self-defense or kickboxing to prevent yourself from beating up civilians that piss you off, but you could do it." Sharon assured her. "You more than anyone deserves a quiet life. You went through hell for years training to be an assassin, you got beat down over and over again." She squeezed her hand again, making Nat look her in the eye. "You have spent enough time fighting and being lonely to earn a peaceful life. Your covers are blown, the Avengers can take care of themselves, if you wanted to walk away no one would judge you. You deserve it."
Natasha's eyes filled with tears, Sharon could see she was trying to hold them from spilling down her cheeks. "You really think I could walk away?"
"I think when you are ready, you will. And when that happens, you better call me because I am dying to watch Thor carry an entire couch up three flights of stairs by himself." They both laughed, the mood suddenly lighter.
"Those boys do owe me." She laughed. "Speaking of the boys, have you heard from your boyfriend yet?"
"He's not my boyfriend."
"But you want him to be." Nat smiled and took a sip of beer.
Sharon rolled her eyes, "It doesn't matter what I want. It's never going to work."
"Steve likes you, I know he does."
"But it'll never work. We talked at the hospital and I want to believe him when he says that he has forgiven me for not telling him who I was and lying to him while undercover, but… I don't know if it's enough." She wiped the sweat from her glass. "There's so much baggage between us and we barely know each other. And there's Aunt Peggy…"
"You know I'm not the most… sentimental person," Nat smiled, "But if anyone deserves to find someone it's you and Rogers. Why do you think I've been pushing you two so hard?"
"Because you think it's funny to push him to ask me out when you know I'm on assignment and can't." She quipped.
"At least I was nice and warned you that I was going to do it! Besides, you could have said yes. It wouldn't have raised any flags with your cover. You're just too damn nice and noble to say yes." She motioned to the bartender for another round.
"It would have been wrong."
"Yeah, but the good kind of wrong." Nat elbowed her and raised her eyebrows.
Sharon sighed. "And Aunt Peggy?"
Nat paused. "She holds a special place in his heart and had things been different, he would probably would have married her." Sharon's stomach gave a lurch. "But things are different and he's finally come to terms that things aren't going to go back to how they were. That Peggy lived a full life and it's time for him to do the same."
"Is that why he asked me out the day I left the hospital and hasn't called since?"
"I said he liked you, not that he was the best with women." Nat snorted. "Want me to kick his ass?"
Sharon laughed. "No…maybe." The rest of the evening was spent laughing and downing numerous beers. Natasha paid the tab like promised and stumbled back to Sharon's apartment to crash on the couch.
Thanks for reading and please review.