Author's note: I'm just going to try to explain this again because people keeping asking me that question lol, sorry if I wasn't clear before: I would say this is both an Addek and a Maddison story, since my main goal is to explore Maddek throughout the years. That's why this story has chapters exploring Derek and Mark's friendship, as well as Addek and Maddison.
Anyway, here's another chapter :)
New York, 1991
Their first break up happens in the third year of Medical School. Second year was hard – a lot of stress and sleep deprivation – but they managed to go through it and stay together. It helped that Derek moved in with Addison at the beginning of second year – her parents had bought her an apartment near the campus when dorm rooms had proven to be an awful place to study. But third year has been even worse. The stress and the fights became more often.
She wakes up that morning and Derek is not in the bed, so her eyes turn immediately to the desk in the room; she knows he woke up earlier than usual to study. He's been doing it quite frequently these days.
"Hey", she wraps her arms around him.
"Hey", he responds.
She kisses him. "You're tense", she notices, and then she realizes how hypocrite that sounds because she is stressed out too and she had a crappy night's sleep.
"Yeah", he admits. "I am".
"We could work on that", she smirks and kisses him again.
"I can't", he breaks them apart, as gently as he can. "Not right now, I'm sorry".
"Okay", she tries not to sound upset. "Then I guess I'm going to go get a coffee". She heads to the door.
"Addie", he calls her and she stops, "I'm sorry", he sighs. "I'm not doing anything right these days".
"What do you mean?"
He shakes his head. "I'm failing. I failed with Amelia, I'm failing at tests, I'm failing with you".
She frowns. "Derek, you're not failing, what are you talking about?", she sighs. "Actually I know. It's your hero complex again".
"My hero complex?", he raises his eyebrows.
"Yes! You think you have to be perfect at everything and you're always trying to save everyone like you're some sort of god and… You can't, Derek. I know it sucks because I'm a perfectionist myself, but at some point you're going to have to accept that you can't handle so many responsibilities and still expect to be perfect at all of them".
He sighs, thinking for minute. "You're right, I can't handle all of this. Maybe we should… have a break. For now, I mean. Until things calm down".
She frowns. "Are you breaking up with me?"
He sighs again. "Yes. I think we should both focus on our careers now. We're not doing a good job trying to handle both our careers and our relationship".
She knows he's right, they're not doing a good job, but still there's a little bit of hope in her, a voice in her head begging them to try harder. "Fine", she gives in, biting her lip to prevent the tears from falling.
"I'm sorry", he looks very sad too. "It's not forever. And we're still going to be friends, right?"
"Right", she sighs.
After a few months though, Addison thinks the whole "friends" speech is becoming ridiculous because you're not supposed to have sex with someone if you're trying to be just friends with them, but it keeps happening. Derek has been living at Mark's apartment since they broke up, but sometimes he shows up on her door and it happens.
"I thought you said we were going to be just friends?", she points out once.
"We are. It's just sex, we're not in a relationship".
"I know, it's just… don't you think this proves that we don't know how to be just friends?", she sighs. "I can't keep doing this. I've been trying not to think too much about you since we broke up, because that way I can focus on my career and because that helps me seeing you as friend, but then you show up here and we have sex, and I love you, and it's not helping me focus on my career at all, so we either end this right now or we go back to being a couple because I'm freaking out. Also, third year is almost over. Can we please make up once it's over?", she pours out.
"We can", he smiles and she smiles back, relieved. "And I only show up here because I love you too and I miss you".
New York, 1992
Their second break up happens during internship.
"How is she doing?", Derek asks her about the baby Dr. Webber put her in charge of, the baby she's been monitoring for almost a week.
"She's... not good", Addison admits. "I'm doing my best though. She has to survive. She has gone so far... What about you, what about the man with the brain tumor?"
"Still running exams, but I think we're going to operate soon".
"Good", she smiles. "You really deserve that surgery". She turns to the baby. "Damn it, she's coding again, it's the third time today". She rushes to help her. "Damn it, she's not responding to epi, Derek, page Dr. Webber".
Derek looks anxious but he doesn't move.
"Derek!", she asks urgently. "Page Dr. Webber!"
"He said you're supposed to do this by yourself".
"Derek!", she cries.
"Fine, I'll page him".
Dr. Webber is there seconds later, but it's too late.
"She coded", Addison explains, devastated. "I did everything I could, she didn't respond".
"Dr. Montgomery, that baby was going to die anyway. It wasn't your fault."
"What?"
"There's no way we could have saved her".
She frowns, skeptical. "Then why...?"
"It was a lesson. You have potential to be a great surgeon but to do that you need to learn distance from your patients".
She stares at him in utter disbelief. "Are you kidding me?", she says angrily. She looks at Derek then. "Did you know about this?"
"Yes", he admits, guilty. "He's right, you need to learn distance".
"I can't believe both of you", she walks away from them and Derek follows her into the hallway.
"Addison".
"Leave me alone".
"You know distance is important if you want to become a better surgeon".
"A better surgeon?", she stops and looks at him skeptically, not even bothering to hold back the tears. She shakes her head. "Who are you? I didn't know you could be this cold. And you lied to me. You know what? I'm learning distance. I'm breaking up with you".
It's been six months. In that time, she dated another intern for almost two months and it bothered him. He noticed a resident flirting with her a couple of times and it bothered him. He tried dating too but he couldn't move on from her and it bothered him.
"You're really going to let her go?", Mark asked him once, pointing at Addison and the resident.
"She's mad at me, what can I do?", Derek responds.
"Apologize, maybe?"
"I did what I thought it was right".
"You're willing to let her go because of your stupid pride?"
"I'm not going to apologize just because I saw her with another guy", he ended the discussion.
He really thought it was the right thing to do. Until he found himself attached to a boy who had been his patient for a month. He died, and Derek was terribly sad.
He found her in the on call room. He had heard she also lost a patient that day.
"Are you here to lecture me?", Addison asks sarcastically.
"No", he responds gently. "Can I sit?", he points at the spot next to her in the bed.
She shrugs.
He sits next to her. "I'm here to apologize. I still think learning distance is important, but you were right. That was a cold way to teach you a lesson. I'm really sorry. I thought I was doing the right thing for you to become the amazing surgeon I always knew you would be. I didn't mean to hurt you. And I'm sorry I lied to you".
"Yeah", she sighs. "I'm sorry you lost your patient. Mark told me about it".
"I'm sorry you lost yours".
They sit in silence for a moment.
"I'm exhausted", she breaks the silence.
"Me too".
They are actually so exhausted that they don't mind sleeping in the same bed.
They wake up almost at the same time.
"Are you still mad at me? Because I was afraid you were going to kick me out of this bed any minute".
She laughs slightly. "I thought about doing that a couple of times", she jokes. "But actually no, I was too tired to think about anything. And yes, I'm still a little bit mad at you. For lying to me. But I recognize I was wrong when I thought you were becoming cold. You didn't. You're not cold".
"Thanks", it's all he says for a few seconds. "Can we stay a little longer in this bed or are you rested enough to kick me out now?", he teases again.
She rolls her eyes. "I'm not kicking you out, relax".
"Good", he smiles, and then sighs. "I missed you".
"I missed you too", she admits.
And before they realize, they're kissing.
"You know, we don't have time for make up sex right now", she teases.
"Later, then", he teases back.
New York, 2005
Most of the time, Mark tried not to think about the possibility of Derek finding out about him and Addison. Most of the time, he didn't think about anything at all when he was with her. But he did worry sometimes, and his head would create a few scenarios about how it would be like if he found out. But none of those scenarios included Derek actually walking in on them. And none of those scenarios could describe the look on Derek's face that moment. The look that makes Mark fear that they are never going to be able to fix this, that things between them are ruined forever and that they will never be the same again.
"Get out of my house", Derek says in a low and threatening voice. "Now".
Mark looks at Addison. He doesn't know what to do that won't make things worse. "Go, Mark", she agrees, desperate, and he doesn't want to leave her to handle this on herself, but he figures him being there right now won't help at all.
He can still hear them fighting when he leaves the house. He drives to his apartment, but he comes back before he gets there. He shouldn't just run away, he needs to know if she is okay.
Derek's car is not there anymore. The front door is unlocked, so he comes in. She's seated on one step of the stairs, crying, and she looks disappointed when he opens the door, as if he was not the one she was expecting to come back.
"What are you doing here?", she asks, tired. "You have to go".
"Where is he?"
"I don't know, he just left". She takes a deep breath; she's doing the exact same face she does every time she's in surgery stuck with an impossible situation and trying to figure out what to do next, except for the crying thing this time. "You have to go. I can't have you here right now".
"I'm not leaving you like this".
"Go, Mark!", she raises her voice.
He doesn't want to leave her, but he doesn't want her to feel worse, so he leaves.
"Have you heard from him?", Mark asks her about a week later at the hospital.
"Yes. He didn't answer any of my calls so I asked Amelia to find out where he is". She pauses, shaking her head. "He's in Seattle. He took a job offer. I don't think he's coming back, Mark".
He nods, looking sad.
That was the third time she and Derek broke up. And this time, unlike the others, she doesn't know if they're ever going to get back together.
Addison sighs. "Do you think it was worth it? Me losing my husband, you losing your best friend, so we could do whatever the hell we were doing?"
"I don't know", he admits.
She doesn't know either, but she has to. She has to know whether or not she just threw her life away.