A/N Hey! Sorry it's taken so long to upload this - stupid emails ;D

Anyway, I think this is the longest chapter in the history of my writing anything - even real work :O So woop for me!

Speaking of real work - there's alot of that at the moment becasue of January exams so updating might not be until next month when I am free! But I have nearly finished the next two chapters - just need to find the time to get back on the game and 'research' :D Shouldn't be a particularly long wait though fingers crossed ;D

Thanks to LiGi for betaing!

Anyone who reviews gets a mention in the next update! little insentive 'cos I need to know this is heading in the right direction.

Chapter 7: Castle Doom

Shiarna's POV

"By all that's holy." He gasped, looking up at me and clambering to his feet. All I could do was stare at him as I could feel the raging heat and anger bubble through my veins. "I never thought I'd see you again." He breathed.

"Good, finally I get a chance to kill you." I tried to throw myself at the cage, fingers crackled with the lightening flashing across the tips, but Alistair grabbed my arms from behind. Damn his stupid strength and my… feebleness! Jowan backed away into his cell, obviously not getting far.

"I… understand why you're angry. They told you I poisoned that Arl."

That's why he thought I was angry? Is he that self centred? Is he that mad? I struggled against Alistair's restraint again but to no avail. He just wrapped his arms securely round my waist, locking my arms to my sides. My vision blurred a little.

"That's not it and you know it! Poisoning Arl Eamon is just one of your many contributions to the destruction you've caused!"

"I'm sorry." He muttered, I could barely hear him let alone believe him.

"Sorry? After everything we've been through – everything you've done to us that's all you can say?"

"I have no excuse for my actions." The bastard still didn't look at me.

"Well at least you're not going to lie to me again." I felt Alistair's grip tighten around me and I physically relaxed, if only for his benefit.

"Tell me one thing? What became of Lily?" said Jowan sheepishly. And now he brings up that bitch? Ok well there was nothing actually bad about her… you know, apart from being with him.

"You should have known better, Jowan." I shook my head sadly.

"Please! What happened to her?" he grabbed onto the bars on his cage.

"They sent her away, I don't know where." Well I did know where she was but I wasn't going to tell him that, now was I?

"Oh, my poor Lily." He wailed.

"She was a good woman and you used her. Like you used everyone else. Even me. Were we all just a part of your big plan of escape? Did our friendship… or anything else, mean anything to you? You're a heartless bastard, Jowan!"

"I know, alright!" he screamed. "Of course you meant something to me, Shi, you always will."

We fell into silence.

After a while I placed my hands on the ones that had been gripping my waist, they felt cold under my touch. I tuned back to look at him over my shoulder.

"It's ok, Alistair, I won't kill him here." I whispered, managing a small smile. His eyes were filled with concern but he trusted me enough to let go and step back. "Thank you" I mouthed to him. He nodded.

I interrogated Jowan on the goings on in the castle, taking every answer he gave with a pinch of salt. He worked for Loghain now, after all. He told us that Lady Isolde had hired him initially as a mage to help her son – who had started to show signs – because she didn't want to loose him to the tower. He said that Loghain had found out and made him poison the Arl. Apparently Eamon didn't know that Connor was a mage so he was to be taught in secret.

Toward the end of his explanation I found my head shaking again.

"Why should I believe a single word you say?"

"Because if you don't believe me and ignore what I tell you the lives upstairs could be lost." Ok the idiot had a point there.

"I can never trust you again!"

"I would plead for mercy but… I'm not sure I deserve it." He looked to the floor. "Shi, have I lost you?"

"Yes, Jowan, you have lost me forever."

"You know, I wish I could go back and fix it. I just want everything to be right again."

I so wanted to believe that of him but… I just glared at him, torn.

"Look. If you every felt anything for what ever passed between us, please… help me fix this." I leant against the bars and gripped them tightly.

"I helped you once before in the name of friendship." I think I saw him wince slightly at that word.

"And I betrayed you. I'm sorry, so sorry."

I walked away from him glaring at the ground. What could I do? He left me for dead despite everything and clearly didn't trust me enough to let me in on this little secret. Why should I trust him now? But it was Jowan.

A small hand on my shoulder made me jump.

"No matter what your history, doesn't everyone disserve a second chance? A chance to redeem themselves?" Leliana muttered to me.

I nodded. I could see her point.

What if Jowan was telling the truth? What if he really did see that he had done enough to ruin this country and actually wanted to help? Could more damage be caused if I didn't let him help? His skills could be found useful, after all. Ah! So many questions!

I turned to Alistair. His eyes were almost pleading me not ask his opinion but I desperately needed his approval, or even just his input. I stood right in front of him and we stared at each other as if we were having some telepathic discussion with our psychic connection. Thinking about it, that would be awesome.

After a while he sighed and looked away.

"He's your friend, only you can decide what's best for this." He shrugged. I turned back, taking a deep breath.

"How, exactly, do you propose to help? I'm not going to just let you go."

"I would never expect you to. I would stay here and try to help in any way I can. A part of me knew I had to face any consequences so if that leads me to being arrested and executed… then so be it."

I have to admit that was honourable, even for Jowan. I sighed, reluctantly.

"I'll let you out."

"Really? Shi-"

"And then you're coming with us so you can keep your little promise and I can keep an eye on you."

"Well…" What? He's worming his way out already? The lock's still on. "I'd like to help… but I'm not sure I want to follow you into danger, exactly."

"Then help." said Alistair from behind me, sounding just as frustrated as I felt.

"Just don't make things worse, Jowan." I warned him.

"I won't. Promise." He nodded, looking determined.

I told him to step back and blasted the lock.

"You know, I could have helped you with that. Less mess my way." said Leliana, as she brushed herself down. Jowan walked up to me and ran his finger tips down my arms to my hands, but unlike normal I flinched away form him. It didn't feel the same anymore.

"Thank you. I hope you can find in your heart to forgive me again." He leaned in to kiss me but I turned away and took a step back. "Goodbye, Shi. I know you'll miss me."

The next thing I knew Jowan was lying face down on the ground and my knuckles where burning with pain. I think the asshole's face broke my hand.

"Ow!" I cried, immediately healing my hand with my other one. I looked up to see my companions' dazed expressions. Leliana's jaw hung open. Always the tone of surprise. "Don't ask. Not yet." I said and left the dungeons. Even Mercy took a second before following at my heels.

It didn't take long as we wrecked through the castle before the pain of my actions started to dawn on me.

I shouldn't have done that. Why did I let him go? He can't be trusted. My mind couldn't fathom anything else as we went through one room at a time. It just went round and round and round in my head; the regret, already and I doubt he had regained consciousness yet. I could still go back and kill him before he got out. But I don't think I could find my way back. Is it wrong that that is the only reason I'm not going back to murder him?

I could feel Alistair's concern, it almost radiated off him as he watched in horror as I released all my anxiety on the creatures we found. My fury unlocked spells I never knew I could do. My spirit burned with so much hateful anger that even Alistair and Leliana's blades were coated in it. The flames never left my fingers as we wrenched through the castle room by corpse filled room.

The only time I actually stopped was when we came up to the courtyard. I could feel… something neither human nor darkspawn but it… disturbed me. I grabbed the back of Alistair's armour to stop him form running out.

"I can sense something." I whispered in warning. "We need to open the gate before it realises we're here, I don't know what it is yet but it's strong."

"You don't think we can face it alone? Even with you all wound up like this." He actually had the guts to smirk at me. What's with this guy?

I made a face at him and was about to make some comment when Leliana stopped me.

"Leave it to me." she said and touched my shoulder, warningly, before slinking off into the shadows.

"Won't opening the gates attract its attention? Whatever's out there?" Alistair said in my ear.

"Then we need to be ready." I nodded and turned toward him, only then realising how close he was standing.

"You ready?" he whispered to me, eyes piercing right through mine.

"As I'll ever be." I just stared back at him, but Mercy nuzzling my leg made me reluctantly turn away. We heard shouts as the gate was lifted and the knights ran in.

"Here we go!" Alistair ran out, Mercy, glancing at me before running off at his heels.

I knew it. The second they got out in the open it appeared. My mind felt a tug on a release of magic in the far corner and it reared its armoured head. A Revenant. It looked just like the Arcane Warriors I had seen in text books; standing tall in scarlet robes and with a great sword that was as long as I was tall and a grey iron spiked helm.

It had summoned loads of walking corpses and they were to be dealt with first by the knights and Alistair whilst myself and Leliana tackled the Revenant from afar.

Leliana was stationed near the gate and stayed there, arching arrows over the heads of the knights and hitting her targets directly. Alistair was almost dead centre with the knights, attracting most of the attention, and Mercy between me and them as he tore out throat after throat. I concentrated on the Revenant, knowing that I would most probably be its target, as its greatest threat – theoretically. It lashed out with its great sword in long arcs which wiped out most of the corpses rather than actually getting any of our allies. I cast flash after flash of lightening at it as my frost spells made little difference and the range was too far for anything stronger. Otherwise it was going well.

I suddenly doubled over, gasped for breath, as I felt a force on my stomach. It felt like I had been hit by a boulder but obviously hadn't. My head burned and I felt the strength fade away rapidly and my limbs began to shake under the weight of holding my body up. I fell to my knees and could just about make out corpses running toward me so with the last of my mana I erected my shield around me before my vision fuzzed out of clarity. Every fibre of muscle in me was sore from strain and my mind was throbbing with pain, I had to bite down on my lip to keep from screaming, drawing blood.

"Shi!" I heard Leliana cry. She must have seen me fall. I felt resistance on my shield as she tried to get to me but I couldn't take it down, it just continued to draw energy from me. "Alistair!" she yelled, I looked up too quickly, concerned that he had fallen too, and clicked my neck. Thankfully, he was fine; more than fine as I saw him slit the Revenant's throat and land triumphantly. Vision blurring again, it all went silver. "Alistair! She needs help; I can't get through her shield!" Leliana was screaming at him now.

I started to pant, my breathing becoming difficult, restricted and everything seemed to be shaking. I felt something hit my shield, forcefully, bursting out from around me, I gasped, desperately and the walls fell. I felt skinny arms grab me and hold me tightly. Leliana held me to her shoulder, trying to stop my shaking. Another hand cupped my jaw, it was colder to the touch and the skin was rougher than the ones that were stroking my hair. The thumb of this hand brushed against my lower lip, teasing it open and then something solid touched my mouth. I tried to look at it but my vision was still blank but I could smell the minty spirit of a health poultice.

"Come on, Shi." He whispered to me, and tilted the contents into my mouth. I gulped the syrupy liquid down and felt it instantly warm my throat and stomach. I opened my eyes then and was surprised by how clear it was again as I looked straight up into Alistair's amber shimmering eyes. "Better?" he asked.

I nodded, not moving my gaze and he smiled whilst handing me a second bottle, this time with the silvery shine of lyrium in it. This was such a contrast to the first and the smooth lyrium sent sharp tingles through my body.

"It felt so weird… cold… odd, not like your magic but it came from you. What was it?" he asked. I had forgotten he was a Templar and so could sense magic.

"I'm not really sure but that was a Revenant so it must have cast some entropy spell."

"Like for weakness?" asked Leliana, allowing me to sit up a bit now that I was edging back to normality.

"Most likely." I nodded. "Come on; let's go talk to the knights. They did really well; we need to thank you."

I stood up and almost immediately keeled over again but Alistair caught my arm quickly and supported me with his arm around my waist.

"Are you alright?" he looked so worried.

"Not yet apparently. The shield must have drained both my physical energy and my mana." His grip tightened further as if he feared I would collapse again after that and led me over to where Leliana was now flirting with the Ser Perth.

We decided to go into the Castle together, as a group and face whatever was in there as a unit.

Alistair's POV

She was walking on her own now but I still stole a cautious glance at her when I could. I couldn't forget how fragile she felt in my arms and then there was that incessant… need to protect her … that was new.

When we burst through the great oak doors of the main hall I honestly didn't expected what we saw.

Bann Teagan was crawling around like a little pet puppy, grinning and dancing like a lunatic. The boy I recognised vaguely as Connor stood up by the fireplace with his bitch of a mother and clapped and laughed gleefully as his poor uncle played jester. As we entered the grand hall, the boy looked up and I could see only the whites of his eyes; they were like a ghost's, shells of what they were before. It was inexplicably eerie.

"So these are the visitors? The ones you told me about, mother?" said what I suppose was meant to be Connor's voice. It was croaky and yet slimy at the same time, even more creepy than the eyes.

"Y-yes, Connor." Isolde simply stared at the floor.

"But now it's staring at me! What is it, mother?"

Isolde looked up then, confused at first but then looked at Shi and answered her… son.

"An elf, Connor. You... you've seen elves before."

"Oh, I remember! I had their ears cut off and fed to the dogs! They chewed for hours!"

Mercy growled ferociously at the words from behind Shi's legs.

"C-Connor I beg you, don't hurt anyone!" she pleaded. This seemed to trigger something in the child-thing as the next time he blinked the irises returned to their milky brown colour.

"M-Mother? What… what's happening?" he gripped his head tightly and I saw the child leave again. He was fighting it.

"Connor! Oh thank the Maker. Can you hear me, my boy?"

"Somehow I don't think that's your son anymore." Shi said solemnly, clearly seeing the eyes turn white again as I had.

"Connor?" Isolde placed her hand tentatively on her child's shoulder.

"Get off me! How dare you touch me, mother!" It bellowed at her, spitting out the last word as if it were dirt and drew his hand back to smack her away from him.

Shi walked up to him slowly, carefully. I watched his every move, every twitch, in case he would try to attack her too.

"Where is Eamon?" Shi asked softly. The boy looked up at her. "Connor? Where is your father?"

"Father is alive; just as I wanted."

"Can you take me to him? I am a healer, Connor, I can help him."

The boy seemed to slow down and actually consider what she was saying before it answered her. Connor was still in there somewhere.

"But… father is so very ill… we really mustn't disturb him. Isn't that right, mother?"

"I… I don't… think." Stuttered Isolde, nursing her cheek where she had been struck.

"Of course you don't. But I'm bored now. I crave excitement! Uncle, entertain me!"

Teagan got up form his little crouch on the floor and strode toward Shi theatrically drawing back his own hand in a fist, taking aim.

Whack!

Shi had slung her staff from her back and slammed it against Teagan's head. Oh, Maker, more unexpected madness. Why was she hitting everyone all of a sudden? Connor ran out of the room as his little puppet fell to the floor, blood trickling form a gash across his forehead. Leliana made to follow him but I grabbed her arm and shook my head, signalling her to let him go. She nodded.

"Teagan!" cried Isolde.

Shi crouched at his side and lifted his head.

"Teagan are you alright?" Isolde was almost frantic.

"I am… better." He said, but fell back a bit when feeling the pain his head must be in. "Ah, or maybe not."

"Sorry about that; went with a hunch." Shi said as she gently ran two fingers across the gash and Teagan winced as the skin started to slowly knit itself back together. I'd never seen anything like it. There wasn't even a scar!

"Well it would seem it was the right one. Thank you." He said to her. Shi just half smiled in awkward acknowledgement. I knew she hated the attention.

"Please!" Isolde screeched. "Connor's not responsible for this. There must be some way we can help him."

"Hush now." Shi soothed, as I helped her get to her feet. "I'm not about to kill a child."

"Connor's no longer a child. He's an abomination." Came a voice form behind us. We all turned on our heels to see the pesky little mage from down stairs. I rolled my eyes, I bet the rat just followed us up here and didn't help at all.

"You! You did this to Connor!" cried Isolde, tears threatening.

"I didn't! I didn't summon any demons. Please, let me help-"

"Help? You betrayed me!" said Isolde.

"That makes two of us." I heard Shi mutter, to herself more than anyone. I took her hand and held it, her shoulders relaxed and I smiled. She did still need me.

"Ok, everyone, calm down." I said to try and break the tension.

"You! You let him out didn't you?" the woman turned on Shi, and over her shoulder I saw the mage glance at the clasped hands between me and my mage. I tired to hold back a grin. Ha ha, who's the unlucky bastard now?

"Trust me, he's going to be of some use to us." Offered Shi, the other mage nodded.

"Use? How-" started Isolde.

"Your secrecy made his actions possible, Isolde. He is no more to blame than you are." Said Teagan as the Arlessa made a remarkable impression of a goldfish. "I shan't turn away his help if it's offered."

"So what are our options?" Shi turned to me.

I glanced away but she squeezed my hand, my guess is that she already knew my opinion on this. I sighed and continued anyway.

"I wouldn't normally suggest slaying a child but… he's an abomination. I'm not sure there's any choice."

"We can't kill a young boy, demon or no demon." Interrupted Leliana. "Please don't tell me we're considering this!"

"Connor's my nephew but… he's an abomination. Death would be… merciful." From Teagan's words it was clear that nearly everyone was just about ready to give up on this. I honestly couldn't see a good way round this.

"There is another option." said Jowan in a small voice.

"Oh?" demanded the elf at my side, with a glare. I didn't know what she thought he was going to say but by the sound of it, it wasn't going to be good.

"We can confront the demon in the fade and kill it there without harming Connor." From the look on her face this wasn't what she expected him to say.

"What do you mean? Is the demon not inside Connor?" asked Teagan.

"Well, not physically. The demon approached Connor in the Fade whilst he dreamt. He is controlled from there… but we'd need lots of mages to get someone across the veil." Shi explained.

"The Circle? It's not far from here." I offered.

"Yeah! And we can kill two stones with one bird, so you say." She looked happy.

"Umm… other way round." I whispered into her ear, she blushed.

"But what if something happens here whilst we're gone?" asked Leliana.

"Damn, thought we had an idea then." I mumbled.

"I can use-"

"Never!" Shi interrupted her 'friend'. "You seriously think I'd let you cast a spell like that? Or even a spell at all!"

"Maybe not but I'm just saying I can do this." He bowed his head to her respectfully and said no more.

"Do what? I don't understand." Isolde jumped at the possibility of another solution for the mess she created. They were as bad as each other really. Her and the mage.

"It doesn't matter; it's not happening." Her glare didn't leave Jowan almost daring him to try again.

We all fell into a deep silence. I watched Shi pace the length of the hall, running her hands through her hair, trying to come up with something else. Whatever Jowan was going to suggest was clearly out of the question but if it was our only option I had to admit I was beginning to become curious.

Occasionally she and the other mage who sat in the corner would randomly repeat something someone said earlier and ponder over it but it was never anything more than either of them simply thinking allowed.

"… Chaos only ever occurs when Connor is conscious…" muttered Shi.

"… The demon controls Connor from the Fade…" muttered Jowan.

Shi stopped pacing and stared at him.

"It's probably a desire demon…" she said to him. Jowan stood and walked toward her, the same determination in his eyes.

"So it wouldn't harm Connor itself because-"

"Because that would break their pact."

"So that would mean…?" Jowan waved his hands around at her.

"… Connor's safest when he's asleep."

"We can trap Connor in the Fade and then the Demon can't do anything. Not to him, not to anyone."

Glancing around, I was gad to see I wasn't the only one completely awestruck by what the torrent of babbling words that just poured out of them. I barely followed; it was going by so fast.

"It could buy us some time-"

"What in Ferelden are you two on about?" I exclaimed. Shi took a deep breath and then turned to address the rest of us sane folk.

"If Connor's not conscious then the demon can't control him on this side of the veil. We can assume that it's going to be a desire demon because Connor said that it was keeping Eamon alive so that means they made a pact so that the Demon would help Connor." She explained.

"So it wouldn't hurt Connor in the Fade because of this pact. It just can't be done." said Jowan.

"So if we can get Connor asleep and hold him there we can buy ourselves the time we need to get to the Circle and bring back help to sort this out properly." Shi finished.

We just stared at them.

"I can stay here and keep and eye on Connor whilst you run off to them." Jowan said to her. Shi gave him a knowing look and nodded once at him.

"Very well. I will keep Jowan here and keep a watch on him as a precaution." said Teagan. He gave some order to his knights to go sort out some rooms.

"You're a genius." Jowan whispered to Shi. She smiled up at him but it didn't last long.

"I'm just glad that you could remember that part of who you were."

She walked away from him and I had to hold back another little smile. She wasn't interested in his advances, no matter of the history they clearly had. Isolde was instructed to draw Connor here so that we could try and get him under control before we left in under an artificial sleep. It didn't take long before he arrived. We had hidden behind the door so as not to freak him out but Shi stood in the centre of the hall without her staff.

"You're still here! What do you want? Are you going to try to hurt me? Mother, what have you done?" he was as angry as he was before but now just sounded like the spoilt little brat I'm sure he was before.

"Look," Shi said, showing her hands. "No weapon, nothing that could possibly harm, you."

"Alright. Is it dinner then?" Connor glared at her.

"Well, we were thinking that you could skip dinner and go straight to bed." She said quickly and forced her hand toward him, releasing an orange tinted light toward him. Connor's head lapsed back and his rose an inch off the ground before falling backwards, to the floor.

"Connor!" cried Isolde, tears streaming down her face. Her son was fast asleep in her arms.

"You always were the best at that kind of stuff." said Jowan.

"Is he alright now? Will he be safe?" Teagan asked, torn between honourable appearances and rushing to the side of his nephew. Shi nodded at him. He sighed. "Then we had best retire, I'm sure you are all tired and you have a long day ahead of you tomorrow. Come, rest a bit and then you all can join me for dinner tonight."

Teagan had called us all for dinner and had told me – no, ordered me – to at least try and scrub up. I take it that we're going to pretend that Eamon isn't lying in bed, albeit peacefully, and could die at any day now. At least Connor was under relative control. Thanks to Shi.

I spent some time staring at the costume Teagan had given me for the evening. If I had my way I would simply go down in my undershirt and worn leather breeches but I'm guessing Teagan had predicted that and decided to make my own fashionable input as limited as possible. He had given me a matching set of dark blue trousers and doublet with a smart and simple white linen shirt. I had a bath, which must have been that nicest feeling I have ever experienced – that's what being on the road all day does to you. I tried on the entire costume and couldn't stop giggling at my reflection – I looked like a jester in this silk and cotton get up, all I needed was the fancy hat with bells on which I almost went and asked Teagan for… almost. So I decided to scratch the doublet completely and simply wore the white linen shirt and blue trousers. Much better and this way I get to keep my dignity too.

As I walked down the hall to the stairs, a scattering of hurried feet and a thud into my arm announced Shi's presence. I caught her and righted her on her feet until I noticed her appearance. Maker's Breath she was beautiful! Her jet black hair – which I was so accustomed to seeing being combed back into her ponytail – now sat in slightly damp, loose ringlets that fell to her shoulders and had a silver pin in one side to hold it out of her face. She must have borrowed one of Isolde's dresses for she wore an elaborately embroidered, red and purple dress that was fitted snugly around her tiny waist and over her shoulders. Certainly not her Circle robes.

"Err, wow – I mean evening, Shi." I stammered, mentally beating myself up for staring.

"Maker's Breath, you're handsome." Ok well I didn't expect that and I could feel the blush creeping across my face but no matter how much I was startled she seemed to be even more shocked at her own words – her hands flew to cover her mouth and her eyes were the size of dinner plates. I would have laughed if I wasn't speechless. "I was supposed to say that in my head – I mean… um… ready for dinner?" her cheeks turned scarlet as she continuously stumbled over her words.

"Yeah, let's… go to dinner." I offered her my arm and she took it tentatively as we began the long walk to the dining room. I could hear her mumbling something, but I didn't care; she called me handsome. Shi thinks I'm handsome. That gave me new glee for the evening to come.

"So… is this your way of telling me you think I'm handsome?"

She looked up at me guiltily and that just made my grin spread even further.

"If it is?"

I felt my heart swell; it was going to rise out of my chest. I didn't think her skin could go any redder. Well, I was proved wrong.

"Oh nothing much, I just get to grin a bit and look stupid for a while." Said grin already plastered to my face. "Might I say that you look particularly beautiful this evening, my lady?" I said in my best 'royal bastard' voice. Shi giggled a little.

"You don't have to just say that in return, you know."

I pause on the steps and use my free hand to turn her chin toward me.

"But what if I meant it?" I can feel her grip tighten on my arm and her eyes are locked intently with mine, there's no escape for either of us from this point. "I'll just have to say it again. Spring it on you in surprise, when you least expect it." I continue to walk again, towing her with me and chuckling to myself.

When we got to the main hall I half expected Teagan to scold me for being late as everyone – minus the witch I noticed, rejoicing in this discovery – was already seated. To my surprise, however, he didn't say anything of the sort. Probably noticing who exactly I had on my arm. I relaxed. Tonight was going to be a good one.

Shiarna's POV

When we reached the dining room we found our companions already and waiting for us - well minus Morrigan who said that she couldn't "sit through an insufferable façade of feasting when the Blight was biting at our heels" so had decided to take her dinner in her room, alone. Alistair relax as he obviously noticed the apostate's absence and I couldn't help but smile at him, blushing when he tightened his grip on my arm with a smirk plastered to his face. I wasn't going to be able to look him straight again for a while.

"Ah, here they are." Teagan said as he stood and walked toward us. He bowed to me and shook Alistair's hand. "I'm afraid that Isolde has decided that she can't bring herself to leave Connor as he's in this state. I, however, feel that as Connor is stable – and to your doing – then his being unconscious should give us leave to greet our most honoured guests properly."

"Thank you, Bann Teagan. That is so generous of you, but the dinner wasn't necessary, I assure you. It would make sense that if Connor was only affected by the demon whilst awake then it couldn't wreck havoc whilst he was unconscious. Plus he's easier to monitor that way..." realising that I was rambling, I kind of hushed into an incoherent babble, no need to repeat my earlier arguments.

"I think that what Shi's getting at is that we can seek further help with Connor elsewhere. We now have time to go to the Circle and speak to her mentor." Alistair finished for me, tightening his grip further but more reassuringly. I love that he understands me, even when I don't quite understand myself.

"Precisely, and in this case we are very grateful. So of course we then have even more of an excuse to have a proper meal."

"Is there cheese?" Alistair asked sternly. He was more serious about this than he had been when concerning the blight. I giggled at that thought.

"Of course, Alistair, I made sure that there was a large variety of it as you are one of our guests this evening I made sure that the selection was at least up to your standards." Teagan however was not so sincere with his reply – only mockingly so. "Come sit by me and Shiarna I have placed you on my other side if that pleases you."

"Thank you, Teagan." I dropped Alistair's arm as Teagan led me to the chair on his left – sitting next to Sten – and motioned to Alistair to take the seat on his right, next to Leliana. Sitting opposite me. Teagan had the seat at the head of the table as his brother was… indisposed at the moment.

"So. What took you two so long? Nothing too private, I hope." Leliana grinned openly at me with that tauntingly wicked glint in her eyes.

"I… took too long in the bath. It was too comfortable and I didn't hear the servants knock on my door to ask if they could come in and dress me." This was all true, I promise, but the hesitation at my embarrassment was going to imply something else in Leliana's mind.

"In the bath? What could be so distracting about a bath? Unless you weren't alone…" Oh Maker, she glanced openly at Alistair then and he blushed as red as I felt I had.

"I was alone." We both said probably too quickly, setting off more ferocious blushing. Could we look anymore guilty? Wait, guilty? We weren't together so there's nothing to feel guilty about.

"Both alone together… I understand." said Leliana slyly.

"Wine anyone?" said our host a little hurriedly. Please let the subject go.

"What are you suggesting, human?" Sten actually sounded genuinely confused.

"She's implying that Alistair and Shiarna were together in some romantic activity, Sten." Teagan's summary made my cheeks burn and though I couldn't look at Alistair, Leliana's hysterical giggle made it clear that his cheeks were just as red as mine.

"Why would this Warden want to mate with the male Warden?"

"Because she's beautiful and alluring and Alistair's –" started Leliana, clapping her hands with childish glee.

"I think we had better change the subject before all of Alistair's skin sets aflame." said Teagan. Might be a good idea, not just for Alistair.

"Oh, alright then." Leliana sat back in her chair and crossed her arms across her chest displaying a sweet little pout.

"So… Shiarna, what was it like living in the Circle of Magi?" Oh maker here it comes. I turn to face Teagan better as I start my dinner.

"Well, it's like a big community really, we all know each other relatively well and all respect each other's boundaries." I know what I'm meant to say.

"Would you ever think back to it as your home?" asked Teagan.

Out of the corner of my eye I could see Alistair look up at me waiting for my answer.

"It will always be where I was raised and will always mean a lot to me… but my home is with A- as a Grey Warden." I was stammering now. Oops. Leliana giggled and she was looking between me and Alistair, with clear enjoyment. Though, thank the Maker, she kept her mouth shut. Alistair looked down again, but I was certain I could see the hint of a smile in his face. I smiled too.

"Huh, do you think Connor would be alright there?" I looked at Teagan, then. He looked worried. Worried for his nephew, I could understand that but what was there to say?

"Um… I honestly don't know Connor very well so I don't know, maybe. If he tries to make a life in there then, yes, maybe he would be alright. They would welcome him there. They'd welcome anybody."

"Even if he doesn't want to be there?" Teagan's eyes were stuck on the table.

"Initially, nobody ever wanted to be there." It's probably true. I didn't.

"Did you want to be there?"

"Honestly, no. Mages know that they aren't wanted out in the 'real' world or we wouldn't be locked up in tower, you see."

"Must be harder to be an elf as well. They aren't wanted either." This voice was not Teagan's; it had a thick Orlesian accent. Isolde had returned.

"Isolde, don't be-" Teagan began in my defence.

"Tell me. Were you wild in the forests before you went into the tower? Or were you a pet in one of the Alienages?" There was hatred in her eyes like there had been when I said I wanted to go talk to Connor alone.

Something tapped my foot, gently, under the table. I looked up to see Alistair looking at me intently. His eyes were telling me that I didn't have to answer the woman if I didn't want to and his foot rubbed mine again. I took a deep breath before turning to the woman.

"You don't know much about the elven kind do you, Isolde? The Dalish - who I am assuming you mean by the 'wild in the forests' – they would keep hold of their mages and keep them in their clans, protect them. I was found in an Alienage, yes, but I don't know where." I tried to keep my voice stable and civil despite her glare. I really wanted to laugh in her face. She was like the new Templar's when they arrived fresh from training. Racist and full of empty, abusive threats.

"I don't know which would be worse. Living in the tall stone prison or living in the slums and back allies of the dirty cities." She spat.

"Living in the slums at your own will would be better than living in a castle at the 'mercy' of humans like you." I smiled sweetly at her.

"Come now, girls, this in not a time to be arguing," said Leliana as she stood and held her hands, palm out, in peace. Isolde glared at her, let out a short burst of air before she turned on her heels and headed to the door.

"Oh, and Teagan? That's my husband's chair, not yours." She left and let out a cry of something in Orlesian.

"What did she just say?" I asked Leliana, who had discreetly stuck out her tongue at Isolde's back.

"She said… 'pointy eared scum'." She said in a low voice.

I had to laugh at that and everyone looked at me, perplexed.

"She's just so much like those bastard Templars."

Alistair's face dropped and he bowed his head to look at the plate in front of him. I stopped laughing. Oh no. He thinks I mean like him. Great choice of words, Shi. 'Bastard Templars'. Both apply to him and now he'll think I hate him as much as I hate the lot of them. I touch his foot like he did mine to try and get his attention and apologise… but he moves it away. Though he does look up and start a new conversation with Teagan. Something about the militia in the village.

The rest of our dinner is lost on civilised conversation and I notice Leliana looking between me and Alistair again, giving me quizzical looks. She obviously didn't notice my bad wording but she knew something was up.

Alistair won't look at me.

I needed to talk to him.

Alistair's POV

I couldn't believe she said that. Did she mean it? Probably, since she said it with out faltering. She falters if she lies – I picked that up because, Maker, that girl can be persuasive but she just can't lie effectively. Well that was a blow. Why did it have to be like this? Why was it always me getting hurt? Why was it her?

This was all I could think about towards the end of the dinner and as soon as I could I left the hall, thanking Teagan, of course – I wouldn't forget that. I had to get out of there before her eyes reached mine again, there was something about her that I couldn't avoid but I needed to get away.

The chill in the air outside in the courtyard was refreshing after the heat of the dinning hall. I walked across the courtyard – surprised at the lack of noise as I wasn't wearing my armour – and left through the castle gates. The silver moon was nowhere to be seen in the foggy mist of the night sky and made seeing where I was going very difficult. So I just kept climbing the hill. Eventually, as my eyes had adjusted to the dim light I found a ledge where I could see over the village and there I sat. I knew it wasn't going to be long until the cold wind began to cut through me and I would have to turn back or they sent out a search party. Can't loose an honoured guest now, can we? But I was quite happy sitting in the dark, alone with my thoughts.

"Hey."

Ok, well I thought I was alone. The gentle voice made me look back over my shoulder and I could just about make out the silhouette of my mage. Sorry, not my mage. Never my mage. Especially with the whole… being a mage thing.

"Hey." I mumbled back to her.

She came and sat beside me, silently, not saying anything else. I almost thanked her for that but then realised that that would defeat the object of respecting the silence. I actually couldn't believe that this was the same girl who had had me feel so warm and – well I'm still not too sure what that was but I liked it – no more than two hours ago, and now I couldn't even look at her. Not if she hated me as much as she had said.

"Alist-"

"Hush." I interrupted her.

"No, please, listen to me, I'm really bad with words… you know that – but I was just… um… you don't know what it was like…"

"Oh, yes I see, I would have no idea what it would be like to live with Templars. Not a clue." Ok that came out louder than I thought it would.

She looked away from me then. Was she scared of me? "I'm sorry. You were trying to talk to me."

"No, I'm sorry. My prejudice toward the Chantry has blinded me because of who I am and how I was raised and I shouldn't let that influence my opinions and feelings about anyone else. Least of all you. Because I know that you are nothing like they are. It just came out…"

I looked up at her. She was staring at her hands, clasped in her lap, thumbs twitching. I smiled – couldn't help it – and took one of her hands in mine but left them on her lap.

"We're so similar, you and me. Neither of us had a choice in who we are… or who we have to be."

She looked up in my eyes; hers were beginning to swell with tears though her voice betrayed no break.

"Of course we have a choice. There's always a choice, Alistair."

"Not in everything. I don't want to be Maric's son yet here I sit, you couldn't choose to be a mage yet there you are."

She squeezed my hand gently on her lap.

"You really do understand, don't you?"

"I think I do." I moved our clasped hands towards me and kissed the back of her hand. Her thumb stroked mine, softly. With my other hand I wiped away the single tear that slid down from her lashes and over her prominent cheek bone; I lingered on her jaw. Her skin was just so… soft; so smooth under my calloused hand but that didn't stop her from leaning in to it and closing her eyes. I wished I could see them but by starlight alone that wasn't possible. Without me realising I was moving, I found myself leaning in toward her, slowly but gradually and by the time she had opened her eyes again I was merely an inch away from touching her. She gave a slight smile and that was all the encouragement I needed. Without hesitating I closed my eyes and touched my lips to hers. The second I did a searing heat pulsed through my stomach. I kissed her again and this time I felt her response. My heart rate soared. She had hooked a hand behind my neck and pressed into me, deepening our connection.

I was grinning again but with the hand placed on her shoulder I could feel icy skin, pimpled against the chill. Reluctantly, I broke away.

"Shi, you must be freezing." I breathed, heavily.

"I'm fine." Her eyes were burning in the same way that mine felt but I saw the flames die slightly. "Actually, I should probably get back inside. See you tomorrow, Alistair." She gave me one last kiss and left.

I watched her walk away longingly. Looking up at the sky as I stood I noticed that the moon had broken free of the cloud covering. Chuckling and smiling only to myself I started to walk slowly back.

A/N Too soon? Please tell me :D