Hello again, my adoring morons- it is I, your one true love; Kitsune-Dama.

And let me tell you- not too pleased with the outcome of the votes.

In the end, back when I started to write this new chapter, the poll had a three way tie- of one vote each for three different people.

And no matter how long I waited, it didn't change- so I was forced to do a tie breaker myself, by rolling some dice, and all that good jazz.

So if you didn't get who you wanted to fight in this chapter- boo fucking hoo for you, Cindy Loo Who.

Also, I got in an accident a while back, so I had to go to the ER, and now I'm down a writing hand and my creative flow is chopped up from all the meds I've been having to take.

And I know I wrote some of this Chapter while under those drugs, but for the life of me, I cannot remember which part- doesn't help I write like I'm usually high all the time either, but whatever. Read your new fucking Chapter.

"I wonder what I'm going to have for dinner tonight?" I asked myself, scratching the bandage on my cheek as I waited for the ritual(I was told it wasn't a ritual, and just a precursor to the execution, but I know a fucking ritual sacrifice to summon Satan when I see one-) to start. That damn pussy was extremely aggressive when it came to training, and I was sure she was just getting off every time I lost a pint of blood.

I know I was.

Misogyny aside, the Head Captain was starting to talk about… something, I couldn't tell what it was from my perch directly behind Rukia.

Did I mention Shinigami leave weak ass precautions to ensure the soon to be dead are ensured to be dead soon?

Because they do.

Or maybe they are just inherently terrible at sensing people, as the person I was behind had yet to take notice of my presence too… Even as I talked to myself about what I would have for dinner out loud.

Maybe that was just at thing with people about to be executed?

Don't know- maybe the impending realization that she is actually, for real, about to die had some form of effect on her psyche and in turn made her hollow(HA! Puns!) to the outside world, nothing short of her impending death allowing her to take stock of her surroundings for one last time?

… I really miss when I was psychotic and not philosophical 24/7-

Ah, fuck it! I'll figure out whether to have cream corn or gravy with my mashed potatoes later! Right now, it's saving private Rukia time-

"Release the Sōkyoku!" Release the what now?

Did they seriously name an executioner's blade-

"Holy shit! A Moltres!" This wasn't Victory Road! Why the hell did a random Moltres just appear out of nowhere then?!

Damn you, Pokemon Go and Team Valor(Okay, maybe not the Valor part, as I myself am Valor, but, you know what I mean.). "Oh dear god, we angered Arceus and he sent upon us a plague of fire chickens- IT'S NOT MY FAULT YOU HAVE NO USABILITY OUTSIDE OF THE NEVER USED TIER!" I yelled at it, finally announcing my presence to everyone.

Hey, if it was between appeasing a Legendary Pokemon and gaining the ire of every Shinigami here, well- I didn't used to fight Legendaries constantly as a profession before I came here, let's just leave it at that.

"Ich...go?" Well, seems Ms. Murder over here finally noticed I was right next to her. "Yeah, yeah, close enough to it." I told her as the fire chicken roared at us. Wait, was Moltres Fire Chicken, or Bird Jesus? No, I think that one was Pidgeot- damn it, I don't follow Twitch enough to be in the know for all this, shit!

"I'd stand back and cover your eyes for this next part, kid." I told her as I took out a pair of sunglasses(That totally made me look 17% more badass- it's a fact, I did the research myself.) and put them on. "Because this next scene is rated PG-13."

"OH DEAR GOD- WHY DIDN'T I USE MY SWORD FOR THIS?!" I yelled as I held back a literal construct made almost entirely of flames(The rest was a giant halberd, as my sore and burning hands could attest-) with just my hands.

Good thing I put on the glasses, because this little incident just bumped my badass scale by about 100%.

And considering the fact that it was at about -69% when I first put the glasses on… Well, let's just forget this ever happened.

"I AM SO CUTTING YOU IN HALF NEXT TIME YOU DO THAT!" I told it as it reared back to try and get more leverage this time to try and burn us crispier than KFC's new original recipe- not like I was gonna let it though.

"You asked for it, you overgrown Popeyes mascot! I told them I wanted it spicier, but they obviously didn't deliver enough in that aspect if I'm still standing and not on the ground- or in the crapper, either way, you're dead!" It thought I was kidding when I said I'd chop it in half? Like hell I was, I thought as I brought out my -

It only just occurred to me that the thing probably didn't even speak Americanese, Spanglish, or Japlish(Or whatever god forsaken language I fucking speak-), but I only tell something I was gonna slice it's ass so bad, not even George Bush would recognize it once, before I start slicing some cherries-

I mean asses-

Giving a grunt, I summoned(Don't know how that works, it just does-) my giant deli slicer into my hand, gathered up a bit of Reiatsu, and released a purple(No, not violet, you cultured rich assholes who don't know that purple is an actual color.), crescent shaped blast that bisected the bird in two.

The rest was in slow motion, as everyone's eyes started to widen and jaws made their way to the floor, as one half of the bird started to fall away from the other, before the fire suddenly dissipated and all that was left was a giant halberd- albeit, a giant, broken halberd, but apparently it wasn't just a massive advertisement for… Basically every chicken restaurant ever. And then everything sped up again as the two pieces of the blade fell and landed on the ground, scattering dust and dirt everywhere.

"Y-You, you actually cut the Sōkyoku in half?!" "Yep." Apparently, no one but Soifon took notice that I was now near them enough to hear, and answer her in their shocked state."The Zanpakutō that has been said to hold power equivalent to one million Zanpakutō?!" "Well, to be fair, they were probably the weakest ones in existence- that, or mine is at a level high above a measly one million." I boasted.

I had expected a 'Damn straight!' to resound within my mind at that, but all I got was static(Er, more static than normal, at least-).

Well, my mood was now dampened knowing I'd have to go back to see those assholes as soon as I was done here to see the hell was happening to make them this quiet.

Ah, but on to current matters, it seemed the rest of the present Captains and Lieutenants knew I was now right next to them.

"Gah! Weren't you just up there with the- the prisoner! What did you do with her?!" The fat ass Lieutenant of Squad 2 yelled as he pointed at me. "What I did with her is none of your-" "God damn, Kurosaki! Did you really have to throw her like a fucking football at me?!" And there goes that plan.

Thanks, Renji Fuckerai.

"Just get out of here with her, you damn moron." This was part of my new plan to rescue Rukia- because a certain pussy decided to screw up the last one, so I decided to distract the entirety of the Gōtei 13 while discreetly getting Rukia out of here, via someone who wasn't me(AKA, someone nowhere near as noticeable as my dumb ass- which there was a fairly good shortage of, so the dumb ass had to do… Which, obviously didn't work out as I wanted it to.).

But all good plans had to be able to adapt, I suppose.

"Ōmaeda! You and the other Lieutenants go after the prisoner, while we handle the Ryoka!" Soifon barked as the chosen one of the fat clumsily saluted and went to follow Fruity as two other Lieutenants went to follow after him.

"Yeah, that's not gonna happen." I told them as I blocked their path.

"Grrr, buttsubuse, Gegetsuburi!"

" Hashire, Itegumo!"

"Ugate, Gonryōmaru!"

Ah, geez, it's always the hard way.

"Well, I suppose I only have a few short words for you all." I told them as the Lieutenant of Squad's 1 and 4 bum rushed me, and the buffon of Squad 2 threw an iron spiked ball at my head.

"Move bitch." I backhanded the ball, and instead of immense pain in my hand, the ball broke into many little pieces as the fat ass gaped at me. "Get out, the way-" I continued as I ducked under a slash from the Sai like Shikai, kicked the wielder's hand, causing the weapon to fly into the air as I appeared behind her and kicked her to the ground before grabbing her weapon and shoving it into the ground right next to her hands, causing them to be stuck on both sides of the weapon. "Get out the way, bitch-" The old fart appeared behind me and tried to stab me(More than likely in the ass, as that appears to be every Shinigami's favorite part to target for sharp, pointy objects.), but I twisted around at the last second, avoiding his attack and proceeded to punch him in the face, sending him flying into unconsciousness and a rock.

"Get out the way."

And then there were six.

Each of them a Captain- five being ones that are revered all throughout the Seireitei for either their renowned cruelty or power, four being very old, very experienced Captains, three of them being people who want my head on a platter without a singular doubt in my mind, two of which held twin Zanpakutō(If what the Pussy told me was correct-), and one of which was apparently the oldest, wisest, and by far strongest Shinigami alive.

I could only begin to ponder how I got stuck with clean up duty.

"So, uh, any chance of you all letting these matches be one on one?" I asked skeptically as they each raised their Zanpakutō.

Of course not.

Though the strangest thing happened after that- the two that had dual swords(One of them being Trans-Taicho if I recall-) then walked in front of the Captain of Captains and stood in battle positions.

Towards the old man, at least.

"Kyoraku-Taicho, Ukitake-Taicho, what is the meaning of this?!" The old man questioned them as the sickly looking one gripped his swords tighter and Trans-Taicho lowered his hat to cover his eyes. "Sorry Old Man-Yama, but me and Jūshirō here both agree that you've crossed the boundaries when it comes to listening to the Central 46- I mean, come on, execution on the grounds of giving a human her powers temporarily…? That's just suspect and you know it- but did you take action against it? Of course not, you just went along with everything they said like an obedient dog!" I'll give him this- he's got cohonas for calling the Sou-Taicho a lap dog.

Now if only those balls were used on someone that didn't like crossdressing-

"You- You foolish brats!" He roared out as the temperature around us all increased exponentially(Damn, I didn't bring my sun tan lotion-). "It would appear that the two of you are in need of some discipline- Unohana, Soifon, Byakuya, deal with the Ryoka and re-capture the prisoner! I'll be dealing with these two disobedient brats who are in need of some much deserved spankings!"

Okay, I just felt a little bile come up.

"Hai, Sou-Taicho!" They all saluted(Except for the one called 'Unohana'- she just smiled at him. I shudder at the thought of what inappropriate things that could be very real, and done to me if the smile on her face was what I thought it was-) as he, Trans-Taicho, and Cailou(Gonna call him that, as they are likely cancer patients.) went off somewhere in the forest surrounding the hill.

And then there was 3; 2 of which were inexperienced compared to the rest, the other one being nothing more than a healer-

All of which I could kick the ass of.

Oh, sure, I could have beaten all of them(Including the really old fart-) if I had really needed too, there was no doubt about that. It was the fact that I would have been walking out of there with four limbs, all my internal organs, and enough Reiatsu and Reishi to continue on to beat any other Captains I may have encountered that came into question.

The correct answer probably wouldn't surprise you.

"Okay, so I guess the bitch is up first?" I grinned and shouldered my blade. "So you two ladies just sit back and enjoy the ass kicking I'll be giving to bitch over here and wait your turn to get a piece of me."

Ah, how I do enjoy chipping that kids teeth he grinds them so much.

"No- you're opponent will be me." Huh, didn't expect the girl to be so readily willing to fight me; especially after our little pow wow- and here I thought we had actually bonded.

But that just wouldn't do-

I was supposed to fight… well, basically everyone, EXCEPT for Soifon(I won't lie- got really lucky to have two of the Captains go rogue and fight off the Sou-Taicho.)- that was meant to be done by the Pussy's hands, not mine.

The way she threatened Mini-Mu made it very crystal clear about that.

"Eh, uh, sorry, but you know what they say; bitches, men who dress effeminately, and people with several dozen feet poles up there ass come before anyone else- and he fits all of those categories perfectly, so you'll just have to wait your turn." At this rate, the prick would attack me before she could even attempt to argue-

"I know who trained you."

Ah, fucking damn it- confusion always overpowers anger.

And right now, both the Captains(And even me-) were confused as hell over what she just said.

"Pardon?" I asked her as she stepped up closer to me. "Don't try to act stupid with me- I know what you've been doing these past 3 days, and with who." Oh boy. But that just begs the question of- "I found that fool Abarai on the ground, next to dead, and interrogated him in exchange for me bandaging him enough so he could at least move."

Looks like I was going to have freshly minced pineapple for a snack tonight-

"Alright, I wasn't supposed to tell you this, but your 'Mentor' is coming soon to 'Greet' you, so why don't you just sit back and wait for her to arrive by watching me rip the prick a new one that he could stick another object in?" I whispered to her when she got close enough so that no one could hear me-

It was more so that Yoruichi(Who I knew was around here somewhere-) wouldn't hear me and kick my ass later for spilling that tid bit of information.

"I'm not looking to fight her today."

Say what now?

Was this really the woman the Pussy had told me about- the one with a 'Sensei' complex the size of my dick(As you could probably tell, it's rather big… Either one of the afore mentioned things.) and the one who also resented her just as much for leaving her behind? And neither of those two things I had to be told- because after meeting her once, I could tell both of those things with ease.

"Pardon me, but I thought you had a score to settle with the Wicked Pussy of the North?" She stiffly nodded as she shot a glance to a set of trees in the distance(Where I could feel the Pussy was lying in wait for her 'Prey'- god damn it, now that mental image had me getting a bit uncomfortable with these pants!) and looked back at me. "I still do- but I decided that showing who the best protege of hers was would be enough for now, and I do more than likely have more of a chance to beat you than her." She clenched her fists as she looked down at the ground.

"... Yeah, that's fine and dandy and everything, but, uh- she promised to do some, relatively nasty things to me if I didn't allow her to deal with you, so I think I'd rather go up against Byakuya there over- gah!" I gave a strangled cry as she reached up and grabbed my neck to pull her down to her level.

"I swear to every and any god out there right now, that if you so much as look in his direction again, that I will rip off what makes you a man, shove it in your mouth, then cut off your testicles, rip out your eyeballs, replace them with your testicles, then slowly, agonizingly slowly pull off each of your nails as I stick a fucking pole up your ass!" She threatened as I paled.

"... You realize-" "That you have the biggest boner right now? Yes- it's poking me in my stomach." "... Do you want to-" "No. Now follow me." "Man, no one ever wants to- whatever. Lead the way, tiny asian woman who wants to rip my dick off!" I saluted as she shook her head and Shunpoed into the forestry, with me following behind her.

"So, this a showdown or something? You weren't too clear on the details here." I told her as we stopped in a clearing far away from the other two Captains.

… Huh, it only just occurred to me that Yoruichi might have just followed us and left the other two back there to their own devices.

Fuck.

"This will be a battle to see which of us is clearly the better one." She told me as she threw off her Captain's Haori and settled into a stance. "What- that's it? No rules like 'Only Hakuda' or 'No Zanjutsu'?" I quirked a brow as she brought out her own Zanpakutō. "No. Mostly because you'll need every advantage you can get." She smirked.

"Jinteki Shakusetsu, Suzumebachi."

I had to cover my eyes as dust kicked up from the Captain releasing a hold on her Reiryoku that every Captain attempted to do(Except for Zaraki, at least-), and with her release, it was even bigger. Quickly regaining my bearings, I looked over to her to see the sword was gone, but instead, a gauntlet was in it's place on her right hand, with what resembled a stinger on her middle finger.

Already knew not to get stinged by those buggers-

"Hm, interesting- Shikai's, like it's Bankai equivalent is usually a big show boat- massive pressure and size, but yours is the exact opposite. Your's pressurizes your Reiatsu into a small form, thus giving you a bigger boost in power and speed. Fitting for the current head of the Onmitsukidō." I scratched my chin as I looked at it. "What's even more peculiar, is that it seems so much like mine, and at the same time, seems like complete opposites. Mine gives me no special powers, unlike yours I'm sure, but I do gain a massive boost in Reiatsu and physical attributes- much like yours. And again unlike yours, mine is massive, focusing in strength while yours seems to have a minute appearance in favor of speed, but once again, I'm sure that they are alike in that they hold incredible damage potential, and that receiving any more than one hit against the opponent means a sure downfall for them."

"... You okay?" "Yeah, ever since a little incident, my inner scientist has been making its way back to the surface- utterly insufferable that part of me is, I tell ya." I shook my head as I settled into my own stance, sword foregone.

"No sword?" "No- I don't think I'll get the chance to hit you with it anyway with it's massive size." I smiled wryly as I sped towards her as slammed fists with her own. "Incredible speed for someone new to our speed techniques- truly, Yoruichi can turn even a fool like you into a worthy foe." "I take offense to that, you know-" I told her as I sent out a punch with my other hand, which she ducked under, and tried to sweep me off my feet but I jumped in the air at the last second and tried to drop kick her to avoid getting hit midair, but she rolled away at the last second too and jumped to her feet.

"Let's take this up a notch!" I grinned and appeared behind while throwing out a kick, but she somehow twisted and caught my foot in between her forearm and bicep while slamming her left foot on my right leg, preventing me from moving and giving her perfect access to-

Oh boy.

"This is called Takigoi." She stated as she went in for an uppercut-

"AaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" I screamed in a high pitched voice as her attack struck home and I was sent flying into a tree. I could have sworn I heard The Turtles singing 'Happy Together' in the background too.

"Alright!" I growled as I stood up from my previous ball of death position on the ground. "No more nice guy trying not to chop you into minced meat!" I yelled as I sprinted towards her for a punch. "Pathetic-" She scoffed as she lifted her arm to block- only for me to disappear at the last second and reappear behind her.

"What?!" And she blocked it still?! "I'll admit, your speed is impressive- but it is still not on par with mine, and no doubt Yoruichi's speed. Allow me to demonstrate." She disappeared from my sight, only to reappear directly in front of me, so I threw out a quick punch, only for it to go right threw her. "What what in the butt?!" I yelled again as fourteen more copies of her reappeared from different angles around me.

Ah biscuits.

"You think fourteen of you scares me? HA! That's cute! I've faced dozens of Shinigami back to back before! One real you and thirteen fakes doesn't bother me one bit!" Okay, it bothered me a wee bit because I wasn't anywhere near as strong as I was then, but she didn't need to know that. "Hmph. Let's just test that then, shall we?"

Me and my big mouth.

After that it was basically a slaughter fest, as any time I would counter an attack from any of the Soifon's that popped up near me, they were a fake and then the real one would pop up in my blind spot and attempt stab me with her stinger, that only worked probably one out of every five attempts(Which did give me these sweet tattoo's when they did though-), and any time I didn't fall for the obvious bait and counter the first Soifon to pop up near me, it was either the real Soifon or three more of the speed demons would pop up to attack and distract me.

"It's over!" She appeared behind me again and went to stab in one of the few places she had a marking on my entire body(There were only about six, and she went for the one on my forehead- then there was one on my back, left leg, left arm, stomach, the bottom of my right foot, and then the one on my forehead… I kind of went in for a headbutt against one of them and the one I targetted kind of turned out to be the real one.) while I was distracted again by a few of her constructs. And if from what I had observed(Which was she kept going for the markings already made on my body and didn't try to make new ones-) from her, I didn't want to let that happen.

So I had one of two options to make to save my hide-

Might as well go for the one I was less versed in.

"Bankai…"

Right as her Shikai would have pierced nearly into my brain, the output of Reiatsu I was giving pushed her back so much she slammed into a tree and dust blew everywhere from my new power.

"I-Impossible! Bankai takes decades to achieve, and you haven't shown any use of it before, so you actually gained Bankai in THREE DAYS?!" "I actually apparently always had it- I learned some other things over these last three days." I told her as I walked out of the dust and cracked my neck. "Granted, I didn't want to use it and haven't used it before today, but you kind of forced my hand."

As I observed my own transformation, I could easily tell the gargantuan differences between it and Shikai. Unlike my Shikai, that didn't change my appearance whatsoever, this one actually changed my attire. Gone was the previous Shinigami wardrobe, replaced by a skin tight, black, tattered trench coat that had red innards, as well as red fur on the neck and wrist areas, and my pants were replaced by skin tight black hakama pants, most likely made for aerodynamics like the coats was for too. I had no shirt under it, though the bandages from before from my training with the Pussy were still intact, covered partially by multiple black x's that criss-crossed across my chest and stomach area, acting as buttons for the coat, and my sandals were replaced by blood red geta's as well. It also appeared my hair grew a little in length as I now had bangs covering my face, unlike before.

The most obvious difference from Shikai though would be the MASSIVE influx of Reiatsu though- it was enormous enough to the point where I was finding it difficult to ascertain whether this or my old release had more Reiatsu- probably my old one, but not by nearly as much as I had expected it to be.

And then there was my sword.

Instead of a giant khyber knife, it was now a relatively wide daitō that was entirely white with three massive spikes jutting along its length, making it look like it could be a saw over an actual traditional Japanese sword, and had an extension pointing downwards towards the ground, and yet another massive hole in the middle of the blade(Seriously, it's like the bitch was trying to make fun of my Hollow heritage-), and an equally white handle, guard, and tsuba. Another strange thing was the information flooding my head on how to use the sword- stances, abilities, techniques, all there.

And so was the name of the sword.

"Mugen no Mangetsu."

"So, little bee-" Cue eye twitch. "I suggest you activate whatever power ups you have now, because if you don't-" I appeared next to the real Soifon and leaned my elbow on her head. "You're gonna have a bad time." "Tch-" She scoffed and got out from under me and Shunpoed to the opposite side of the field. "I do not care if you have Bankai- you are still nowhere near my level of skill, I won't even need to activate that to beat you." She sneered as three of her clones clouded my vision of her and attempted to stab me.

Attempted.

"Remember how I said I've faced dozens of Shinigami before and that what you're doing right now is nothing to that?" I asked as the real Soifon appeared behind me and stuck her hand threw my back with her stinger- only to pass right through me.

"Welcome to one of the techniques I used to do so."

Of course, this was only be a bastardized version of the actual thing- even with this Bankai thing, I wasn't fast enough still to recreate the full embodiment of the technique, but it still held enough speed for me to get a proper grasp on its main concept and use a lesser version of it.

"Behold, Estallido Año Luz." I told her as I started to Shunpo fast enough to create over thirty projections of myself, startling the real Soifon enough to cause her own technique to disperse. "W-Wh-What?!" "Oh, I know what you're thinking- 'How was he able to recreate my own technique after only just witnessing it once, and even able to do it better than myself?!', well, don't flatter yourself honey, because this one is all, natural… I probably used that wrong, but screw it-" I dismissed the thought as one of my projections flashed forward faster than she had been anticipated and almost cut her arm off had she not luckily blocked it with her gauntlet.

"It's- It's real?!" "You betcha, hot stuff." I said from behind her as I slashed at her exposed back that splashed blood everywhere. "How?! The one in front of me has to be-" She looked back to see the projection was still there, and indeed the sword was still very real too. "That's for me to know and you to most likely not figure out until you go Bankai." "Like hell I'd go Bankai!" Yeesh, I didn't expect her to be this vehement against using her greatest technique-

"What are you- a fool? I think we've already established you're not going to win unless you do." "Then I'll just have to establish that you are wrong now won't I?" She growled as she pushed off the clone in front of her and tried to swiftly kick it, only to get leg cut along the opening in at her thigh by another of me.

"HOW?! All of you can't be physical, so HOW?!" "Well, I guess one little hint won't hurt, and considering you need every advantage you can get, I'll tell you this- my technique, while different from yours, is not entirely different in its concepts. Each of these me's are indeed, made through my immense speed. But enough on that- it's time for your spankings." I grinned as her eyes widened.

This was always my favorite part any time I fought someone female.

"Let's count them before I have even one, shall we?" One clone appeared behind her and slammed his hand right on her ass, causing her to yelp, turn red, and turn around to give the one that did it a righteous punch in the dick- "This is two a better relationship between us~" I said as the one in front of her disappeared and another took its place, only for her hand to phase through it and yet another clone slammed his hand onto her other, untouched cheek from behind. "Gah?!" "Ooooooooooh, got a nice red tint going there, so though the rest of three is so pale, it's almost a crime!" One of my afterimages uppercutted her into the air, causing her to lose her breath as another jumped above her and slammed her to the ground by slapping her, again, on the ass. "This is almost no fun anymore- but I say almost four a reason." She quickly regained her senses and rolled out of the way before she could be stomped into the ground, and backed away as another punch was sent her way, before jumping over a slash from one more, but finally screamed as she was sent forward by another slap. "You know, this isn't even pun anymore, so I think I'll get on with this."

God I hate myself.

"You know, I can't tell which is redder, your face or your butt- why don't you pull your pants down so I can see?" I told her as I slowly made my way to where she was starting to wobbly get up. "You, ass-" She growled as she sloppily ran at me and punched, but it ran right through me again.

"I wonder if this is how ghosts feel whenever tangible objects touch them… Oh wait, I am a ghost-" That bummed me out a bit. "Fine, I guess it's time to use my totally original, not stolen technique that has beaten many a foe-" "If it has anything to do with my ass, I'll make sure to stick something in YOURS!"

Well there goes the Thousand Years of Pain thing.

Time for plan B-

"Whatever, spoilsport- it's time for the Mu- I mean, Ichigo Kurosaki Rendan!" Meh, the shorter name was probably for the better- this body can't handle the speed it takes to perform the whole thing, plus it's already becoming harder to keep up the speed I was already going at.

So another bastardized technique- joy.

"Sorry, Queen Bee, but it's high time this game I've enjoyed of ours, ends." I snapped my fingers and soon there was a singular line of me's(God, this is getting to be a bitch to write so much about me- excluding, you know, the rest of the entire story.) waiting in front of the wide eyed Captain.

"Let's go." I ordered as everyone ran forward. "Ich-" A few me's went in to punch her, obscuring her vision enough so that a single me could slide along the ground and kick up, hitting her chin and making her airborn. "I-" Another me popped up under her and punched her in the gut, causing her to be sent even further up. "Go!" Two more clones came up from under her, but this time she was able to block the attacks before they hit her, but sadly, another came from in between the two and kicked her even higher. "Kurosaki Rendan!" Ten appeared above her position and reared their legs up in preparation to kick her all at once-

"What?!" Only for all of them(Including the actual me-) to be blasted away as her Reiatsu SKYROCKETED. "Oh come on; NOW you choose to go Bankai?!" I centered myself before I hit a tree and planed my feet against it, nearly causing it to crumple from the force as the rest of the speed technique dropped. "One would think that this is Bankai- but I'm afraid you'd be wrong." Soifon dropped to the ground as the surrounding area started to shake and the wind picked up. "But this is a technique that rivals- if not exceeds, Bankai, and is the ultimate form of Hakuda and Kidō born from mixing the two together. It is also the reason my battle outfit is like it is- Reiatsu is forcefully pumped into both my arms and legs, along with y back, so any clothes on the arms and back would just be destroyed anyway." She stopped talking as she looked to the sky. "Heh, but I didn't expect to have to use it here- against someone like you. Hell, I'm still new to the technique myself, so it's not even complete yet; not even a name to go with along with it. But let me demonstrate it's power to you-" The collective Reiatsu started to gather in a form of wind, and wrapped around her right arm as she lifted it up and pointed at me.

"To be perfectly honest, I'm kind of hoping you don't get entirely annihilated by this, as I'll have nothing to gloat over to Yoruichi except with a dead body otherwise."

I'm not gonna even bother with the obvious 'This is gonna hurt' thing anymore.

"Grah!" She grunted and sent a funnel of super powered tornado power towards me that was literally ripping the ground apart as it came hurtling to me. "Wait a second, is she using-" I didn't have time to do anything other than lift up my sword to try and block the technique as my sword and the blast finally touched, causing a massive explosion to rock the entirety of the forest.

"Guess it really was too much for him to-" "Ah HA! I thought that little thingy of yours looked familiar!" The dust settled as I pointed my finger at her, my sword nowhere in sight and a massive crater in the clearing with me at the epicenter of it. "You were using Shunkō! Albeit, a less efficient version of the one I was taught, but still-" "... Say again?" She narrowed her eyes at me. "Are you trying to say that-" "You're using a technique that has already been created, and poorly at that too? Yes." I cracked my neck and started to walk out of the crater that was created from her attack to get closer to her.

"Allow me to demonstrate."

I snapped my fingers, and as I started to walk towards her, my skin began to shine brighter than before(Which, considering I was pale as shit, basically made it so that I looked like a fresh, new toilet seat that you could see your reflection in-) and, as I'm sure from what the Josie and the Pussy told me it looked like, my image probably blurred to her, making it look like some bad .jpg image gone horribly wrong on photobucket, and soon enough, I burst with power, completely tattering my sleeves and the back of my clothes, causing them to fall off and me to go shirtless.

"What- what is that?!" She seemed shook as I continued to walk towards her. "This- is what your little technique should look like… Or, rather, what it could look like, as even Yoruichi's use of it isn't entirely perfect, as she only has a grasp of most of its power, so I obviously am no master of it, but I am certainly more proficient than you, so it should be looking better than it is now, I guarantee you that." She just shook with rage before giving a cry and rushing forward with much more speed than before and tried to sting me with Suzumebachi, but for probably the dozenth time today, it passed right through me. "Again?! Wait, no-" She narrowed her eyes before backflipping away from me, the area where she had hit before slowly reforming itself out of the shape of her hand

"That wasn't an afterimage like before- my attack hit you, but instead of piercing you, it just looked like you, you- flowed around my attack!" Hm. Smart girl- I could see why Yoruichi took an interest in her. "Indeed, instead of dodging, blocking, or countering you, my body just decided to stay put and literally reform itself around your attack, preventing you from harming me." "That can't be all- you can't obviously attack me either from your description, as your attack would just flow around me as well!" "Hehe, ha ha ha, ha ha- HA, HA HA! Oh, color me impressed! After only witnessing it firsthand once, you already found the flaw in this form! Truly, the Pussy's interest in you has not gone to waste!" "Don't you dare call Yoruichi-Sama such a degrading name, you hellish beast!" She snarled as my grin grew ever wider.

Oh, this was just so interesting!

"Yes, it is true, this form cannot cause others harm, just as they cannot farm me- however, I'll tell you this; everyone who is capable of using this technique- Shunkō- has a different type of power in its form! As I'm sure you already know, Yoruichi is capable of it, and has taught me, so, little BEE, your power is over wind, the Pussy wouldn't tell me hers until I fucking stuck a COCK in her-" It actually wasn't what you would think, as it didn't so much as involve my dick, as it did a rooster, her, a closet, bed, feathers, glue, a plug, and lots of lube. "-But I'll tell you hers, just to fuck with her; hers is the power of lightning! And mine? Well- you'll just have to figure that out, now won't you- better make it quick though, I give you 2 minutes before you blow out!" I don't think my grin could have grown any more psychotic if I went out on a killing spree and murdered my entire clan in a singular night, just to see if I could-

Oh wait, wrong show.

Still- this was gonna be FUN!

"Let's go!" I appeared before her and, changing it up a bit, my once blurry image and shining quality soon grew to be an almost impossible amount of hyperrealism with my form seeming to grow somehow darker as it did, threw a punch, which she countered by throwing out her Shikai empowered wind fist, but to her amazement, it didn't cut into my skin, only putting another marking on my body, and just stopped as if blocked by a wall, and using her distraction, I shot my leg forward and kicked her stomach.

Five seconds!

Following up, I shot a fist into her stomach, hitting where I had just kicked her, and as she gasped trying to get her breath, I transformed into intangibility incarnate, jumped up and landed my legs onto her shoulders, transformed again, then, grabbing her neck with my feet, twisted, which she then had to turn with, lest she break her neck because of it, and then I proceeded to slam her into the ground with the force of the twist.

Twenty-Five seconds!

She recovered as quick as she could, and went in to punch my leg right where she had stabbed it before, so I just went intangible again so her fist went right through my leg as I walked back a step, went hyperrealistic and stomped on her back, causing her to grit her teeth and clench her hands.

Fifty seconds!

"You don't look so good, Soi-Chan!" I taunted as she threw my foot off her back and front flipped into a kick aimed at my neck, but it just hit it and caused a gust of wind to blow that scattered dust everywhere. "What?!" She exclaimed as I took her leg and threw her into the air, and appeared before her, intangible again, before becoming tangible and grabbing her in a bear hug.

Seventy-Five seconds!

"This will hurt you, much more than it will hurt me." If it even hurt, I guess, I thought as we slowly started towards the ground, picking up speed until we were a blur that was about to hit the ground, where I became intangible again before Soifon crashed directly into the ground head first, and I hit too, becoming nothing more than a pile of particles.

Well. Never thought becoming a puddle on the ground could be so uncomfortable- I mean, ahem! Ninety seconds!

"You know, you should be on your knees more- it suits you better." I told her as the particle pile that made me up quickly reformed into something vaguely resembling me and the Captain wobbily got to her hands and knees off the ground. "You- what are you?!" She grit her teeth as I could see a stream of tears fall to the ground. "Aw, shit- way to make me feel like a douche." I became tangible and started to rub the back of my neck awkwardly- I was never good with crying girls.

Especially when the ones that had the power to rip me to shreds were the ones doing it.

One hundred-fifteen seconds!

"But to answer your question-" I quickly shot out my fist, just as she sent her Shikai to sting my leg, again, but this time, instead of just stopping it, it literally broke the stinger off the gauntlet and I stopped my fist from utterly breaking her hand by just giving her a fist bump while leaning down to her level.

One hundred, twenty seconds.

"I'm Mu fucking Setsumei Uxukie."

"Don't you mean Ichigo Kurosaki?" Ah. "Um, yeah- let's go with that." I stood back up and disabled Shunkō as the wind current that had been unconsciously surrounding her dissipated, and I picked her up in my arms and started back to the hill as my coat somehow fixed itself again.

Neat.

"What, no complaining? I thought you'd rather be slumped on the ground over me holding you?" "Honestly, I'm so tired at this point, I couldn't care less what you do with me." I grinned and opened my mouth-

"Keep in mind, I'm not too tired to kick you in the dick should you make any inappropriate comments about the situation." I pouted at her as we passed the greenery. "You're no fun."

And so we descended into silence as I slowly made my way back to the place where it all had gone down(Truthfully, I was glad for the reprieve, as using Bankai for the first time, and Shunkō kind of left me wiped out- at this point, I was sure the fat ass could kick my ass.).

"Your... Shunkō, was it? It gives you control over Reishi, doesn't it?" I looked down at her as she kept looking forward. "That's how you were able to control your body as quickly as you did; able to transform it into materials that allowed you to gain an advantage over the opponent in battle." That actually made me think.

"Truthfully, that might be it." She slowly looked at me. "What do you mean might?" "I'm- not entirely sure what my power is with Shunkō. What you just told me could very likely be it, as when I first started to use it, I had thought it gave me power over Atoms- the objects that make up everything in the hoomahn world- and I had thought it gave me enough control over them to actually alter my own state, making it seem as if the speed of Shunkō is what made me look like I was vibrating, when in actuality, it was the fact I thought I controlled the atoms in my body enough to either close the gap in them, making them as condensed as possible, giving my body the ability to withstand numerous amounts of force or even just impacts with sharp objects, and making it seem like I have diamond skin, or I could make them as loose as possible, and do the exact opposite- flow around objects so no harm could come to me. Hmph. Now that I think about it, it very possibly could be me manipulating the Reishi my entire body is made of currently,into doing those feats- or it could even be as I said before, the pure speed of Shunkō, and that I have yet to even witness what my power is as it stands." I closed my eyes and sighed. "It's too troublesome to think about, really."

She just kept staring at me for a few seconds. "You, are surprisingly intellectual. Not many would come to those conclusions, and yet you have barely had it for maybe three days, and you already have all those possibilities that it could be." "Meh, being smart really isn't my thing- I'm one of those lazy geniuses you read about, but I prefer just acting like a dumb ass, makes things that much more simple for me in the end." She just raised her eyebrows at me. "How?" I just looked down at her and shook my head. "Not everything is as simple to answer like two plus two- which is five by the way, don't let anyone else convince you otherwise." "And we are back." She groaned as I shifted her in my arms and got back on the cliff edge we had fallen off during our fight at some point.

"Yeah, yeah, full circle and all that." I grinned as I looked back down at her for the umpteenth time today. "But you know, even though you were pretty much outmatched the whole time, you put up a good fight, and I'm sure once you master Shunkō, you'll be even better- and if there is anything I love, it's a good battle where I can fully let loose. So why don't you let me help you finish the ultimate Hakuda technique?" My grin grew bigger. "Come on- you know you want to." She just groaned and leaned further into my arms. "If it will get you off my back and let me enjoy some peace now that your bright side seems to have gone away, fine." "Oh, trust me, even if you say yes-" "And maybe if a certain someone shuts up, I won't give away another of his techniques weaknesses to anyone!" She sneered as my grin grew even more.

"So you did figure it out- oh, you are just too much! I knew I made the right choice to make you my new BFWLTFWY!" "... I don't know what that stands for, but it terrifies me anyway." "Smart girl." I smirked as we finally reached- the…

"What, in the-"

"Ah, so glad you could make it, Mu Setsumei Uxukie. How has life been treating you since the awakening my Hogyoku gave you?" A certain Captain asked me as he sipped from some tea and held held the almost corpse of Rukia Kuchiki as Gin Ichimaru and Kaname Tōsen stood behind him and the rest of the Gōtei Thirteen just gawked at him, and Ichigo's friends(Along with Fuckerai and his douchey Captain- though strangely, Yoruichi was missing.) just laid crumpled on the floor, bleeding, defeated, and also seeming to be almost dead.

"Ala, damn it-" I set Soifon down as I slowly made my way to him. "Well, it'd be stupid for me to assume you don't already know as much as I do about what happened when I got here, wouldn't it?" "Hm. You do know-" "Yeah, makes asses of you and me, I know, but, personally-" I grinned as I brandished my Bankai sword, though it now had a black liquid filling up half of the previous empty cavity in the middle.

"I love asses, and it just wouldn't do for you to be one, so I'm afraid this is where you'll have to die so I don't love an ass like you." He actually chuckled at my little jab.

Huh. First for everything I guess.

"I wholeheartedly agree-" Ah, fuck, I could see where this was going. "Which is why you'll agree that you must be destroyed for the same reason." I just sighed as I ran a hand through my longer hair. "Man, you just had to hurt his friends, didn't you- I could have let this go otherwise, but no! You just had to go and break the one rule I settled on while I was here! 'Protect his friends' I said, and in the respect of the departed, I promised I'd do it, and you just HAD to almost kill all of them!" I pointed my sword at him. "That's just not kosher, brah."

"Yes, it just won't do- so why don't I free you from your suffering right now?" I grunted as he speared me with his sword in the stomach(No! Not the place where I put all that delicious food!) and tried to pry it out, but I quickly grabbed it with the arm not holding my sword, stopping him in his tracks as I lowered my head. "You attack my friends." I slowly lifted up my sword above my head, causing him to raise an eyebrow. "You caused me to lose arguably the only thing in any universe that actually understood me." I started to gather what Reiatsu I had left into the blade, causing it to start to glow a deep black color. "And now you take away my ability to eat for who knows how long?!" I snarled as I raised my eyes to meet his. "Fucker needs to die die DIE! LET'S GO!" The black liquid that was inside the cavity drained and somehow, the Reiatsu in my attack went up by leaps and bounds, actually causing his eyes to widen and a bit of sweat to appear on his forehead. "SURVIVE THIS, BITCH! GETSUGA-" I swung my sword down.

"TENSHŌ!"

What had to be the biggest blast of energy I've ever unleashed came out of the sword, in a crescent moon shape(Oh, so that's the name of the damn thing-), pitch black with a dark purple outline that was much taller than some of the skyscrapers I've seen back in Kyoto.

Luckily, it seemed no one was in the direction the blast was heading(Except Dickzen and the merry crew, obviously.), but the giant broken halberd and the execution stand was another matter entirely.

Pretty soon though, the blast left off the cliff and continued into the sky behind it, slowly going forward away from civilization. And after it did, my Bankai(And even my Shikai after Bankai disappeared-) reverted back to it's previous form as I slumped over my sword, barely standing with the help of the blade.

"HOLY SHIT!"

That just about summed up what everyone was thinking- surprised the fat ass who came to see if his Captain was alright summed up what everyone was thinking though.

Didn't think he had the same brain process as everyone else-

Could have sworn it'd be something like 'Food food FOOD!'.

"W-Well, it seems as if I actually…" I couldn't finish before a flash of yellow caught my eye, and I looked upwards. "Oh come on- that's just cheating." I couldn't put in my usual whine like I normally would because I was so tired, but I had to try anyway.

Because using Negación is such a fucking CHEAT MOVE!

Of course, it seemed like he didn't escape unscathed, as his entire right arm was bleeding and looked like it was bent at the wrong angle, and his face seemed like it held a few burn marks- though you couldn't tell with his insufferable smirk still on it.

After that, I think he said something about war to Seireitei or some shit, I couldn't tell because I was slowly losing consciousness and about to fall over.

Luckily, it seemed Yoruichi had come back, as with my blackening vision, I could see those scrumptious tits that only a few could say they had. So I immediately just leaned forward and fell into the person's chest, trying with all my might to stay awake so I could motorboat them, but alas, I was 10 seconds away from passing out.

But in those 10 seconds, I realized a few things.

One- the person's chest was a bit too big.

Second- I smelled cheap perfume(And I know Yoruichi doesn't use any as her natural scent is better than most market perfumes!).

Third- The person's belly jutted out more than it's chest- definitely not a good sign.

Fourth- Under all that cheap perfume, I could smell the sweat that undeniably had to belong to a man.

And fifth, the most important one- This was the fat ass I was attempting to motorboat.

"Wrong… Breasts-"

And then I passed out.