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Chapter Seven

Tolerance

JASPER'S POV

Just as I remembered, Bella's emotions were all over the place.

She was never just one thing. She was never just happy or just sad. It was like being on a rollercoaster for me being around her, whipping from high to low in the space of a second. I almost felt motion sick. I needed some Dramamine and a barf bag.

If dealing with her emotions was not enough to send me spiraling out of control, her sweet aroma swirling around in the air filling my whole being would be. I ceased to breathe hoping to close off all scents, but it was too late. She had permeated through my barriers until she was part of me, affecting all of me.

Amazingly enough it was not singularly her blood attacking my senses. The fruity scent of her shampoo, the exotic fragrance of her lotion, and her unique delicate scent combined into a heady perfume that was radiating off her warm skin. It was mouthwatering in a way her blood never could be. Suddenly there was something that I wanted so much more then her blood.

I struggled to control the emotions that were coming over me, but it was harder than anything before. It did not help that Bella was standing there before me in nothing, but a towel.

It was easy to see that time had been good to Bella. She had grown a good two inches and filled out in all the right places. Her legs were long and shapely. Her arms toned. The amble swell of her breast peeked out from under the top of the towel. And though I could not see through her towel I knew what I would find if I could, a soft flat stomach and the gentle curve of her hips. She was no longer Bella Swan the girl, but Isabella Swan the woman. And I wanted her.

I didn't even try to question it or control it. Bella was a beautiful woman and it had been too long since I had one. I had always thought she was pretty, but she was Edward's and I had Alice. But that was then and this was now and nothing that was remained true.

"Jasper."

"Bella," I answered back noticing the husky tone of my voice.

"What are you doing here?" she asked clutching the towel closer to her body as her heart rate spiked. I was not sure if it was just from just seeing one of us or if it had something to do with me.

"I will explain all that, but first why don't you go and change," I told her watching as her whole body instantly turned a pretty shade of pink. Without saying anything to me she turned and started up the stairs.

I let myself in, closing the door behind me. The house smelled of paint, cleaning chemicals, and cardboard. It was clear that she had been fixing up the house. I wondered if that was because she planned on selling it or if she planned on staying here.

Sadly though it wouldn't matter what she wanted. She was going to have no choice, but to come with me. After that I knew what had to happen whether or not she wanted it anymore. Bella was going to have to become one of us. It was the only way to protect her and all of us.

The sound of her pulling on her clothes, brushing her hair and her teeth bought me out of my thoughts. She was feeling anger, surprise, and concern.

"Are you alone or will there be any more of you showing up on my doorstep?" she asked coming down the stairs taking them slow this time as if not to fall down again.

"It is just me," I told her and watched as she took a breath.

"Interesting choice," she muttered not meeting my eyes though I knew she hadn't really meant anything bad from the comment.

"I was sent because I kept the lowest profile when we lived here and so if anyone happened to see me I wouldn't raise as much suspicion as the others."

"And exactly what is the reason that you are here?" she questioned twirling a strand of hair around her finger. Her hair was much shorter then it had been the last time I saw her. It was shoulder length full of slight layers. It looked modern and mature.

"Would you like to sit down?" I asked her thinking that I needed to sit down.

"No not really. I would just like for you to answer my question," she demanded and it became clear that her looks were not the only thing that had changed over time. She was not the quiet, cooperating…dare I say mousy girl.

"I understand that you are upset. I understand that you are hurt. I know everything you are feeling, but you are upset and mad at the wrong people. We did not abandon you. It's complicated and doesn't make a lot of sense, but that is how our family is some times," I tried to explain to her knowing how it was going to sound. I decided to take a seat after all. "After the wedding when you and Edward went off on your honeymoon we all kind of decided to go off in our own directions. We have been known to do that from time to time and after everything that had happened I think we were all looking for a break," I said. "Alice went to London, only after we decided to end our relationship," I explained to her.

"What? Are you kidding me?"

"No I am not. We broke up and she went to fashion school and met the vampire of her dreams and I went off on my own. Rose and Emmett went on an extended vacation. Esme and Carlisle relocated. I did not speak to any of them until a few days ago when Alice called me explaining what had been going on. Alice spoke to Carlisle and Esme only on the phone and she chose not to tell them that we were not together. It was the same with Edward. He only spoke to Carlisle on the phone and he never said one thing about what happened between you until he came home. We were all very much in the dark about each others life. I know how it sounds."

"So none of you knew that…"

"That Edward lost his mind, no. Even knowing now we still do not know why."

"Welcome to the club, but I don't want to talk about him or it. I try not to think about him at all."

"Are you okay?" I asked her thinking what a stupid question that was. Of course she was not okay. Edward left her on their honeymoon.

"Why are you asking me if I am okay when you know that I'm not," she almost hissed at me as she decided to direct her anger onto me since I was the one here. "I want to hate him for everything he did to me, but mostly for the one thing that he didn't do…stay. The thing is I can't. I can't hate him just because he doesn't love me."

What was I supposed to say to that? You're right. He doesn't love you and I was not sure he ever really did. I of all people knew it was true. There had been no love when he spoke about her just a strong sense of regret.

"This is what I figured out after Alice left…you can't make people love you. You can't make them stay and you can't waste your life wishing you could."

"I have not wasted my life," she shot just a little too quickly at me.

"Really? What have you done?" I challenged.

"I graduated college. I worked."

"That is surviving, going through the motions. I'm talking about living darlin. I'm talking about all the things that make your heart skip a beat. That makes your pulse quicken until you feel lightheaded. The kind of things that excites you until the point you want to throw up," I questioned of her, realizing that I had no room to talk. I was guilty of what I was accusing her of. I had been surviving these past few years, probably even before the split and now I wanted to start living again.

"That stuff is pure fantasy and what fills cheap romance novels. That stuff is not real life. Real life is a string of long days full of struggles. It is about losing people and trying to just get up in the morning and function. I would just be happy not feeling like I want to cry every waking moment of my life," she seemed to deflate right before me.

"It doesn't have to be that way," I told her, thinking that all I wanted was to make her see that life didn't have to be full of pain and hurt. There could be more, for both of us. Maybe there could be more for us together.

"Honestly I don't want to talk about my life with you other then why you have showed up in it?" she demanded crossing her arms around her as if it would help protect her from whatever I was about to say to her.

"I was sent here to take you home."

"I am home."

"I mean to be with the family."

"My father is dead and my mother is in Florida. That is the only family I have."

"You should not blame Carlisle and Esme and the rest of us for what Edward did."

"I don't blame any of you, but that does not mean that I want to be part of your family anymore," she informed me and though there was probably a part of her that believed that, what I was getting from her was hurt and fear. Edward had left her and she was afraid to let any of us back in, in fear of getting hurt all over again. I could not really blame her.

"Whether you want to be a part of the family or not, you are. Carlisle and Esme consider you a daughter. To Emmett and Alice you are a sister. As for Rose, she is a tough nut to crack, but you have managed to put a small splinter in her shell. As for Edward, trust me when I say no one cares what he thinks or wants."

"And what am I to you?" she dared ask me.

It was a question that I did not have an answer to, not just yet.

"I don't think that we ever truly got the chance to become anything. Edward guarded you like the crown jewels especially were I was concerned. He was so worried that I was going to have you for dinner that his fear started to rub off on everyone else."

"You don't seem to have any problem now with me."

"I guess I don't. I don't know how to explain it to you or even to myself, but suddenly being around you again after all this time, I have no desire to taste your blood," I explained to her thinking to myself that there were other things that I would like to taste on her. It was like nothing I had experienced before and I could not begin to explain this new and sudden desire for Bella. Did it matter where it was coming from or why? It was something to be explored and experienced.

"I always knew that I was in no danger being around you, but it was just easier to go along with what Edward wanted. Plus I figured once I was changed we would have all the time in the world to get to know each other. That like so many other things did not materialize."

"That was because we were permitting others to decide what we were and weren't allowed to do. I for one am not going to tolerate anyone dictating my life anymore."

"I agree with you and that is why I have no intention of going back with you just because someone decided that I should. I don't care what Edward said or didn't say to them. After five years you would think they would have taken a little more interest in where I was and why they hadn't heard from me. I know Edward can be convincing, but they also knew me and knew that I would not cut them out of my life."

"That is right, you wouldn't. So don't do it now."

She didn't come right back at me with a snap comment. I didn't know if I should be worried or not.

"I'll go back with you, but not because they want me to, but because I want to. I have a few things I never got to say and I think it is time."